Hello Biggest Loser: Couples fans. I'll be your new resident recapper for this show as the illustrious Critical is
being suckered intowriting for America's Next Top Model. She went from the really overweight to the 'turn sideways and you won't see them'. So give her a big hand!! I hope I can live up to her standards and she....makes me feeeeeeel proud! I'll be sure to do the obligatory Bob gushing, although that won't be too hard - he makes me gush too.
We're reminded that Paul was voted out last week. Kelly looks over at his yellow bed and tells us how vulnerable she feels. She also tells us there are only 2 full teams left from the original couples - the original black and the original blue. I see that as a sign, but apparently Kelly doesn't. Brittany hopes their team will be stronger now that Paul is gone, but Kelly knows there is a big bullseye on her back.
Did you know they've saved 17,136 plastic bottles so far? Just in case you're keeping score.
Jillian came in to explain Biggest Loser Math to her remaining losers. If the blue team loses 24 pounds, they have to lose 21 - there will not even be a 1 pound leeway. They need to focus and make it happen.
Jay joined the Loser of the Week Club so he had to hike up the mountain for his reward. He and the whole team are hoping for gameplay. Apparently the powers that be think differently. There are 3 cards with question marks - Jay chooses the 3rd one (because apparently only 3 people love him or other some such crap). It says "Vegas Baby, Vegas". On the way back down the mountain, Allison just happens to be there waiting for him. She informs him that he won a trip to Vegas for him and the entire Blue team. The team is ecstatic and Mark being, well...Mark, is excited to break Dan's cherry (his words, not mine), as Dan is a Vegas Virgin. They are pumped but are a bit hesitant to tell Bob. They are afraid of his reaction (well, DUH). As if on cue, Bob comes in, makes me gush and is not thrilled with this prize. At all. He reminds the 4 Horsemen that the teams are on equal footing now and this weigh in is absolutely crucial. His idea of Vegas is no buffets, no drinking and just working out. Everyone sing along with me...."Every party has a pooper, that's why we invited Bob, party pooper. Party Pooper."
Captain Foreshadowing arrives in the form of Dan to say that they just went home, they know how to handle the pressure and distractions and they can keep focus. Let's hope so, Dan. Nobody likes an angry Bob. (Well, I bet I would, but let's just say nobody at the Ranch).
The blue team goes to the gym and Bob has turned into a total drill sargeant and they aren't happy. Meanwhile, the black team also had a rough workout with Jillian. She knows she has to get her girls to lose as much as the guys on Blue. She is torturing Brittany and I believe Jillian's actually enjoying it. I half expect her to start breaking out into some sort of demonic Sweeney-Todd-like song. Bernie's scared for what's next, although he totally gets why Jillian is the demon trainer of the ranch.
The blue team decides to tell the black team about their trip.
Mr. CockyDan said they looked jealous and they should because they don't lose annnnnny weight. Hey Dan, have you seen Bernie? He's already lost a 9 year old, not to mention you guys have a football player on your team who goes to the bathroom and loses double digits. Brittany hopes they will just have fun in Vegas and have way too many calories. Atta girl.
Apparently NBC can't afford a flight so they appear to be on a bus to Vegas and Dan's writing the next #1 bluegrass song "We're Going to Vegas". In the infamous words of Simon Cowell, "what in bloody hell was that?"
Dan decides to DanCam the trip. Mark decides to try out his new catchphrase...WWBD? What would Bob do? The first they they did was work out. They channel Bob on the machines and do a strong workout. Then Roger ropes them all into getting a tattoo that says "Pride". I hope they know that tattoos are per-man-ENT.
They check out their suite which was eerily reminiscent of Real World:Vegas complete with a
Trishellestripper pole in the shower. Visions of Dan on it make me gag and I'm thankful they move on to show us the beautiful suits that Bob sends them for their night out on the town. I'm hoping they actually fit in them at the end of all of this.
Meanwhile....back at the ranch (that never gets old, does it?? well, maybe), the black team turns into prank playing seniors. They decide to order room service to the blue team's room, complete with bottled beer (because according to Bernie, it's apparently gourmet if it comes in a bottle!) Oooookay. The 4 Horsemen are getting ready when room service arrives. Love ya, Mean It, The Black Team the card so lovingly says. They don't even bat an eye or grab a fry and they leave it in the hall. I certainly hope they fed someone with all that food!
They head to the stratosphere which is like a carnival ride on crack. You lock in and it sends you at warp speed up over Vegas, through the Wonkavator and back to earth. Pretty crazy stuff. Jay, in his pimped out cap doesn't want to go and Dan thinks he's a puss (yup, his words). Roger is thrilled, sort of, because last time he was in Vegas he didn't fit on the ride. I think he was hoping they would tell him that again, just so he doesn't have to ride. They screamed. They giggled like girls. It was over.
Jillian is still torturing her team - she doesn't see the blue team's Vegas trip as an advantage and she's proving that by the whip.
The boys go out gambling, but Mark and Jay are killjoys and go to bed so they can get up and go to the gym. However, Roger and "Party Animal Dan" (yup, his words - again), party as best they can without buffets and alcohol. They stroll in at 6:00 a.m. and slept their way through Mark & Jay's workout. Mark decides not to say anything at 9:50 when Dan and Roger are still sleeping, but he knows that will play into who will be eliminated if necessary.
Roger awoke full of obscenities because they didn't wake him up. Dan's still trying to sleep. Mark didn't really think it was his responsibility to be Roger's alarm clock. However, Roger did head to the gym, cursing and shaking his head and he got a good workout in.
Dan rolls out of bed at 11:45 a.m. He just wants to go get their tattoos. They head to Studio21Tattoo and come up with an idea for each of their tats. Dan gets a HUGE tattoo on his entire forearm of a guardian angel holding a guitar. Each blue team member got the word "pride" worked into their tattoo (I think Dan's had it on there - I was blinded by the guardian angel and I couldn't see anything else!).
Quick flash to the black team (because yes, they still are a part of this show) and *gasp* they are still being tortured. Then we are being tortured with Dan's goodbye to Vegas song.
Blue returns and show off their Pride tattoos, to which the black team basically just roll their eyes.
It's time for a challenge. Today's challenge is an obstacle course filled with huge tires, sandbags, crawling and a footrace. All 4 need to finish in order to win. The reward is that each winner gets an all expenses paid trip for 2 to Puerto Rico. Bernie wants it bad. And they're off.......
Part 1 - Tire Flip - Flip a 200 pound tractor tire 10 times
Part 2 - Sandbags - Move 1 ton of sandbags
Part 3 - Ball Crawl - Move 12 medicine balls under a rope while crawling on your belly
Part 4 - Final Run - 1/2 mile run to the finish
The Blue team beats the black team hands down. Kelly was definitely the weakest link on the black team, but they did encourage her to the end and crossed the finish line holding hands. Awwwww.
The blue team is continuing their cockiness reminding us how great they are.
Time for a trainer tip!
Bob tells us to army crawl with 5 pound dumbells. Okay Bob, only if you're the grass.
We're headed to weigh in and Bob is concerned. He confronts Mark about what happened but you know.....what happens in Vegas, well, you know the rest. They tell him instead about how they won the challenge.
Brittany is worried about pulling 8 pounds this week. Jillian is beyond frustrated with her and hoping Brittany comes through. Last chance
tortureworkout is in full swing. Kelly feels the pressure but knows she'll go home if she's not the biggest loser this week. Brittany is on the treadmill and Jillian ups the speed to 14. I'm thinking Brittany should just jump on a moped and get the hell out of there. However, she breaks down, saying how tired she is. Jillian turns into her mother and says when you fail, it's when you learn and grow the most. PsychoBabble 101. But Brittany seems to have a breakthrough and realizes that she has let herself fail too many times before.
Jillian tells us that beating a punching bag for 30 minutes burns 450 calories. I would have to put a picture on that punching bag. I can't tell you who is on it.
We FINALLY head to weigh in - I swear this show feels like it's 4 hours long.
Jillian needs everyone to lose 8 pounds while Dan feels unstoppable.
Kelly started at 271/was 218/is now 212 (-6)
Maggie started at 239/was 198/is now 190 (-8)
Brittany started at 221/was 185/is now 179 (-6)
Bernie started at 283/was 211/is now 201 (-10)
Total lost 30 pounds for a 3.69% total
Dan started at 310/was 226/is now 219 (-7)
Roger started at 363/was 276/is now 268 (-8)
Jay started at 293/was 228/is now 221 (-7)
Mark started at 285/was 202/is now 201 (-1)
Total lost 23 pounds for a 2.47% total
The black team wins and Bernie is the Biggest Loser player of the week. Dan lost the most on the blue team giving him immunity (crap!)
The guys begin discussing who will be going home. They flash back to Mark saying he would leave when the time came. Mark whines for awhile and Roger wants Mark to be a man of his word, but is convinced he's going to be the one going home and leaves the room mumbling some obscenities. Mark then tries to play the "I'm worried about YOU" card with his brother because he doesn't want to leave. Blubberfest 2008 begins and Mark doesn't want to leave Jay. Methinks Mark just doesn't want to leave! He then tells Roger that if he goes home, Roger must take care of Jay. Am I the only one who thinks Jay can stand on his own 2 feet?
Mark then makes his "It's okay, I'll go for the good of the team" speech. My GOD you would think he was headed to his death instead of home! After a few more buckets of tears, the decision is made and Mark is going home.
When starting at the Ranch, Mark weighed 285 pounds and now weighs 195 pounds for a total of 90 pounds lost. He'd still like to lose 10 more pounds to meet his goal. I think he should lose the beard.
Next week, the show's name changes to Biggest Loser: Used to be Couples and someone hits the 100 pound mark.