I’ve spent the entire last week in anticipation of the tremendous ass-whooping certain people would be getting from Bob in the wake of last week’s water-logged weigh-in when several teams threw the weigh-in in an effort to get the Black Team out. I imagined the kinds of colorful things that would get bleeped: the yelling, the stomping, the promises to wash his hands of all of them. I really got worked up over the whole thing (<----not the least bit pathetic). Finally, the moment arrived and, yeah, he didn’t say a word. Seriously. After all those thinly-veiled threats at the weigh-in last week, not a word.
Fortunately for those of you who love a hissy fit (and who doesn’t, really?), this week’s episode does begin with some conflict, although it doesn’t involve Bob swearing, so it’s not nearly as satisfying for me, personally. At last week’s elimination, Kelly addressed the Purple, Black and Pink Teams, lecturing them about working harder and putting up better numbers at the weigh-ins. Jenn was incensed over the suggestion that she wasn’t working as hard as the rest of them. She confronts Kelly and Paul and really doesn’t let them get a word in sideways. She rants on and on about how she and Maggie work just as hard as the other teams. Now Jenn doesn’t trust the Yellow Team and Maggie says she won’t trust any alliances they’ve made. It’s all very dramatic and unsatisfying for its lack of Bob.
The morning after the weigh-in Paul and Kelly continue to mope in their room until Jillian comes to see what’s up. Kelly admits they had a bad night and that they didn’t think the Pink Team deserved to go home. Jill tells us she was surprised at the elimination. Paul and Kelly then break the news to Jillian that they will be eliminating one person instead of a team. Bob arrives to find that the Pink Team has been eliminated. Dan thinks the house has definitely changed as a result of the elimination. Jenn then begins whining about what the Yellow Team said at elimination about wanting to see bigger numbers and better effort from the Purple Team. If memory serves, she wasn’t just talking to Jenn. Maybe Jenn was the one who needed to hear it. Bob asks Jenn why she’s letting that get to her: she doesn’t need anyone else to tell her how hard she’s working. Jenn needs to find some inner strength and focus on herself, Bob tells us.
According to Jillian, there’s a reason why each of the players is obese. She meets with Brittany to find out her reason. I kept waiting for Jillian to ask Brit about her big but. Alas, it doesn't happen, but I giggle to myself because I am 9. Brit finally opens up to Jill and millions (<--- optimism) of TV viewers about her past. Brittany’s fought an emotional battle with food her whole life. She didn’t have an easy childhood: she talks about her parents’ abusive relationship, her father’s death when she was 4, followed by her weight gain, which began around age 8. Brit’s always felt that, the more she held her pain in and kept smiling, the less she could be hurt by people. Jill opines that the only stable thing in Brittany’s life was food. They get teary and hug it out. It’s like Jillian has gone all smurfy this season. I don’t know how to deal with this.
No Slackey Slackey
It’s time for another nighttime challenge. It’s also time for some recycling. Isn’t NBC all about being green this season? Now they’re even recycling challenges from seasons past. This time, they meet Alison at a shopping center with two escalators. Ali is very “top ‘o the mornin’” in pigtails and a bright green leather jacket. I can’t find too much fault: she actually does look cute.
This challenge is so important, Ali tells everyone, that the trainers need to be there with them. Bob and Jillian sprint down the escalators. The rules of the challenge are simple: the first person to run up the escalator ten times wins. However, only two people will be competing in this challenge and the person who wins will get the power to change the course of the entire game. The winner will be able to choose the teams they’ll be training with. Yep, that’s right – it’s Black vs. Blue again! Jill is already getting emotional over the thought of being pitted against players she’s grown to love.
So, who are the two players, you might ask? Bob and Jillian! They both look shocked. Jillian ekes out a little “crap.” Jill admits she doesn’t want to be in the position to pick teams. The trainers take their places at the bottom of the escalators and the challenge begins. Bob slowly pulls out to a lead and Jill just never catches up. Good news for the rest of us lazy bums – they’re both actually wiped out by the challenge. They’re not robots! Hooray! Bob admits his legs were burning and looks terribly relieved as he escalates back down after his tenth trip up the escalator. Jillian finishes the challenge panting, bent in half. Bob’s legs may have been burning, but he doesn’t look very tired to me. Of course, I’d be purple and hyper-ventilating at that point.
Bob can now choose his team. He picks the Orange Team first, saying he felt connected to Jackie and Dan from day one. His next choice is the Black Team. They were Jill’s first team, so Mark admits it’s sad to break with her. Jill cries as Bob chooses his teams and while Bob looks guilty about it (just a little bit), he still picks Roger and Trent as his final pair. Bob says he picked the Grey Team because he never feels homesick, but when he’s around Roger, he feels homesick. He had to pick them.
That leaves the Yellow, Blue and Purple Teams for Jillian. Bernie, in particular, is bummed about not being chosen by Bob. After all, he and Brittany were the original Blue Team for Bob this season. Bernie quickly removes his blue hoodie. Bob reasons that Jillian and Brittany have bonded and he knew Jill would want to work with Brit. Losing Bernie was a tough decision. An obviously hurt Jenn says Bob is all about the big men in the house. Hello? How many women has he bonded with over the years on this show? Jill tells us Bob clearly has blood in his mouth over the past 4 seasons. Man, it’s bag on Bob day today. As if Jillian wouldn’t choose the same teams if she had the opportunity. Jillian vows to work her team hard since Bob has thrown down the gauntlet.
The Feeling that All of This Has Happened Before
Now that the teams have been together for all of 30 seconds, it’s time for a challenge! Jenn actually acts surprised – she thought they’d already done the challenge. No honey, Bob and Jillian did the challenge. Now it’s your turn. If you watched season three of the show, you know the drill. Each team gets on the escalator and starting walking. The team with the last player on the escalator wins. Since this is their first challenge with the new teams, Ali says, the reward will be for the whole team. They will be playing for $10,000, which will be split between the six members of the team. Better luck next time for the trainers.
Practically before the challenge even begins, Trent and Paul ride down the escalator and get off: they both have bad knees. The challenge starts and, soon enough, Kelly, Jenn, Jackie, Roger, Maggie and Bernie are out. Brittany battles it out against Mark, Dan and Jay at the top of the escalator, walking lockstep like soldiers. Brit really fights it out, resting for a few seconds and coasting down the escalator and then sprinting up again. In the end, she gives up, sobbing, and the Blue Team wins. Jillian tries to comfort her as she cries. She says Brittany won her heart, even if she didn’t win the challenge. The other players all give Brit props and Bob congratulates her as well. Jackie is amazed at Dan’s performance. It’s a side of him that she knew was in there, but that she has never been able to bring out of him.
The new Blue Team meets for the first time and talk about how the competition has definitely stepped up. The Black Team also has their first meeting and Jillian, again playing the part of the smurfy trainer, acknowledges the feelings of rejection some are having over not being chosen by Bob. She tells them that everything happens for a reason.
While Jillian heads to the gym for some boxing with her team, Bob takes his team outside for some yoga. The guys all giggle like it’s going to be easy. While Jillian’s team is hitting one another, Bob’s group is outside centering their chakras….or whatever. Trent proves himself to be a natural at yoga, much to Bob’s surprise and delight. He tells us that, usually, when he gets a big guy in yoga, they’re not into it. Trent definitely was. As Trent does some majorly impressive stretches, Bob compliments him: that just shows the athlete inside Trent.
Meanwhile, Jill and the Black Team are still hitting each other.
Like Medieval Torture…With Screaming
It’s time for another temptation challenge, otherwise known as the part of the show where the players are made to feel really disgusted by their eating habits. Ali welcomes them all into a room just loaded with bottles of soda. There’s also a long group of tables with lots of cups full of the stuff. Most of them admit they miss soda. Dan misses soda a lot. Before coming on the show, all of his meals involved at least a 32 ounce soda. Ali informs them that a regular can of soda contains 40 grams of sugar and that the average American drinks 577 cans of soda per year. That’s about 50 pounds of sugar per year. As if that number isn’t horrifying enough, Ali needs to show them how much sugar they drank in a year. She dumps down a mountain of sugar into a large, metal bin. The sugar overflows and covers the floor. This is 240 cups of sugar. Yum!
Now that everyone’s appetite has been whetted, it’s time for the challenge! There are many cups of soda on the tables in front of them. One of the cups has a star on the bottom of it. If they find the cup with the star on the bottom their team will be able to choose a player from the opposing team whose weight loss won’t count at the next weigh-in. If they don’t find a star, they will find the number of calories in the cup of soda they just drank. The teams have quick, whispered meetings to decide on strategy. The Blue Team decides to just sit back and see what the Black Team does. If the Black Team starts drinking, the Blue Team will swoop down and go for it to win the challenge.
Just like a Western stand-off, both teams just stand there and no one drinks any soda. Ali even tells them the star is not to be found in any of the cups of orange soda or in the grape soda just to tempt them with better odds. Maggie and Dan waver, but there are no takers.
Because everyone was tested by the temptation challenge and is now craving a sugary treat, Jill meets with her people in the kitchen for the latest nutrition lecture / impromptu product pimping session. Wrigley’s must be paying massive amounts of money for this kind of advertising. Honestly, there is NO gum that would make me forget cheesecake and if Jill thinks Extra gum is that good, then she’s insane.
Oh yeah, before we get to the weigh-in, I’ll mention that both trainers abused the heck out of their teams at the last chance workouts. If you want more details, read any other recap: same screaming and sweating, different week.
You’re Just Paranoid Because Someone’s Out to Get You
Since only one person is going home tonight, the pairs are in it alone at the weigh-in. The Double Scale of Doom is gone and we’re back to the regular old, comparatively non-threatening Single Scale of Doom. Before the weigh-in starts, Brittany gets emotional over the fact that Bob didn’t chose her and Bernie to work with. Bob tries to look stoic (unsuccessfully) as she cries, saying she wants to show Bob he made a mistake in not picking them.
Jay: was 258 lbs / now is 253 lbs (-5 lbs) 40 lbs total
Mark: was 235 lbs / now is 230 lbs (-5 lbs) 55 lbs total
Trent: was 375 lbs / now is 366 lbs (-9 lbs) 61 lbs total
Roger: was 319 lbs / now is 309 lbs (-10 lbs ) 54 lbs total
Jackie: was 214 lbs / now is 206 lbs (-8 lbs) 40 lbs total
Dan: was 264 lbs / now is 251 lbs (-13 lbs) 59 lbs total
Team totals: 50 lbs / 3.00% of body weight
In order to beat the Blue Team, the Black Team must lose more than 41 pounds.
Jenn: was 229 lbs / now is 223 lbs (-6 lbs) 31 lbs total
Maggie: was 218 lbs / now is 211 lbs (-7 lbs) 28 lbs total
Bernie: was 241 lbs / now is 236 lbs (-5 lbs) 47 lbs total
Brittany: was 201 lbs / now is 199 lbs (-2 lbs) 22 lbs total
Kelly: was 240 lbs / now is 240 lbs (0 lbs) 31 lbs total
Paul: was 260 lbs / now is 263 lbs (+3 lbs) 40 lbs total
Team totals: 17 lbs / 1.22% of body weight
The Black Team is heading to the elimination room this week. On the Blue Team, Dan is the Biggest Loser Player of the Week. I’m sure he’ll have to climb Mt. Everest to get his prize. As the player with the highest percentage of weight loss on the Blue Team, Maggie is safe from elimination this week.
Back at the dorms, the Black Team sits around and stares at each other. No one wants to go home and none of them wants to send anyone else home. Kelly just cries. She’s like the Ricky of The Biggest Loser. At least she doesn’t wear those funny little hats.
Brittany and Bernie discuss what’s best for their team. Jenn whines some more and wonders if she’s the one going home. In a fit of paranoia, she lashes out at Maggie: does Maggie know that Jenn is going home and she just isn’t saying? Jeez, take another bong hit. Kelly makes a plea to the rest of the Black Team. She knows she and Paul can put up better numbers but, if one of them has to go, she asks them to eliminate her instead of Paul: he needs to stay more than she does.
Elimination Sucks. Losing Sucks
This is the first single team elimination ceremony. It’s not any easier.
Kelly found this vote just as difficult as every other elimination because every one of the team members put in the time and the effort. Still, since she has to vote, Jenn gets a nod.
Paul is not happy about eliminating someone. He also really wants the Black Team to win this competition. He thinks they have a better shot at that without Jenn.
Maggie is obviously not voting for Jenn. She voted for Kelly instead.
Jenn thinks this whole thing sucks. She looks down table and says she doesn’t see anyone who should be going home. Still, she throws another vote Kelly’s way.
Maggie and Jenn hold hands under the table in preparation for the next two votes.
Brittany rambles on about teams and really, I wasn’t paying attention. She votes for Jenn.
Bernie just hates being placed in this situation and doesn’t want go through another elimination ever again. He votes for Jenn.
Jenn sits and cries. Again. Hey, you know what? Wouldn’t it be funny if somebody just refused to leave? Would they have to get security? I’d pay to see that. Alas, it doesn’t happen this week. Maggie says she’s never seen Jenn work so hard and is amazed at what she’s been able to do. She hopes Jenn knows how proud she is of her. Maggie tells Jenn she loves her. Paul chimes in, saying they all love her. There are hugs all around and then Jenn is gone.
In a super-short follow-up, we learn that Jenn is all about weight loss. It’s like her full-time job, which is, like, totally realistic. Her life now revolves around exercise, food and sleep. Since arriving at the ranch, Jenn has lost 53 pounds and says she feels more like herself again.
Next Week: What happens at the weigh in leads to The. Most. Shocking. Elimination. ……EVER. Plus, for Paul and Kelly, videos from home reveal hidden feelings. Let me translate: they see videos from each others new luvahs and get wicked jealous.