1/19 Biggest Loser Recap: Getting Schooled
Welcome back, Loser fans! If you're anything
not like me, this season still has the “new car smell” going on and you don't completely loathe everything yet. For the rest of you, this season might already have that “gym socks and back sweat” smell that screams I'm watching Idol instead! PLEASE STOP! Either way, the show must go on. Don't feel like subjecting yourself to the whole two hours? You are in the right place!
Remember the Blue Team and Yellow Team that got “sent home”? We check in with them since they are halfway through their 30 day time period. Both teams appear motivated and are working to get back onto the ranch. O'Neal (Yellow Team dad) gets in the “zone” when he works. He actually looks like he's in some sort of exercise trance. It's amusing. Good luck to both teams.
The ranch contestants meet Ali immediately and she informs them that it's student/teacher week. On each team, one person will be a teacher and the other a student. The teacher's job is to take everything they've learned from their trainers and teach it to the student. Why? Because the next time the student will see Bob or Jillian is at the weigh-in. The student is also the only one who will represent the team on the scale this week. What is the point of being on the show if they play these stupid games where people don't get to use the trainers? I mean really, they are there to learn from the trainers. Since Stephanie and John are singles, they will be put together to make a team. Bow chicka wow wow. Oh wait, I think John is married. Darn.
The winner of this week's temptation receives the power to choose who will be the teacher and student from each team. To win the temptation, you have to eat the most candy. Psst.. they are M&Ms, but Ali can't say that since they aren't a sponsor. Each round, the players must eat 1 piece of candy. Each candy is 5 calories. If you don't eat, you're out. The person who stays in the longest, wins. Only one person from each team will play. Lance and Melissa argue over who is going to play to which Lance responds, “it don't matter”. Hmm, I guess they don't teach proper grammar in Hillbilly High School.
Round 1: White (Michael) and Pink (Sherri) eat
Round 2: Pink eats
Pink wins by only eating 10 calories. They get to determine the teachers/students this week. They immediately regret their decision to get the power. Ashley wants to be fair and doesn't want to play dirty. Students, pay attention because the assignments are as follows:
Black: Andrea/Teacher, Darrell/Student
Purple/Brown: Stephanie/Teacher, John/Student
Gray: Sam/Teacher, Koli/Student
Red: Melissa/Teacher, Lance/Student
Orange: Cheryl/Teacher, Daris/Student
Green: Migdalia/Teacher, Miggy/Student
White: Michael/Teacher, Maria/Student
Pink: Sherri/Teacher, Ashley/Student
The teachers meet with Bob and Jillian and as they are giving Bob and Jillian the scoop, Bob comments that Migdalia looks pissed. She sassily says no and Bob keeps insisting that she's pissed. He is progressively getting more mad because he thinks Migdalia thinks he's stupid. He asks her about 3042343 times if she thinks he is stupid and she says no. Bob takes Jillian aside and says they need to get the chip off Migdalia's shoulder before she alienates herself.
The trainers are going to work one-on-one with each teacher so that they have the information needed to correctly teach the student. The teachers diligently take notes so they can relay accurate information to their teammates. Migdalia has a super pissed look on her face as she walks on the treadmill. Jillian hops up on the treadmill like a little monkey and tries to play psychologist. She tries to get Migdalia to squat against the wall but Migdalia has to pee. Jillian lets her go pee and Jillian goes up to Bob and starts whining about Migdalia being closed off and making excuses to stop. Bob asks Jillian when she got so soft and let people stop and Jillian is afraid if she screams at Migdalia, Migdalia will walk out. Bob tells her to get mean and Jillian bets him that Migdalia will walk out. Jillian starts to yell at her and she looks even more pissed. She says that tears make you weak and Jillian tells her she's wrong. Jillian is all up in her face and it looks like Migdalia is going to cut a bitch! Jillian keeps hounding her about expressing feelings and Migdalia mumbles something about she's just herself. Hmm, I don't think I like her that much. Jillian asks if she's happy and Migdalia says no. Jillian asks why and Migdalia responds several times, “cuz I'm not.” This is like pulling teeth. Migdalia gets pissed and walks out of the gym. Jillian tells her to turn around and be brave but Migdalia just keeps storming along. Jillian stops Migdalia and Migdalia starts screaming MOVE MOVE MOVE at Jillian. This can't be good. Jillian seriously better watch out or she is going to get bitch slapped. Migdalia finally stops as Jillian goes into full motivational speaker mode. Migdalia whines that she wants to go home. Jillian runs into Miggy and tells her not to let Migdalia go home. Miggy has an attitude too.
Jillian runs out to Bob, who is watching some people do water aerobics, and tells him he needs to go make things right. He runs (literally runs) to the Green Team's room to find out what's going on. Migdalia is pissed and says Jillian called her a bad mother and said she doesn't need anyone telling her she's f***ed up. Bob reminds her that she needs to be in the house and that she's just angry. She says she isn't going to quit. Miggy scolds Bob and says they are there to change their ways, not their personalities. Bob asks Migdalia to hug it out. She actually cracks a smile. That Bob is like a snake charmer, isn't he folks? He could sell a cherry popsicle to a woman wearing white gloves.
For some reason, we are going to check in with the at-home teams once again. Apparently we couldn't cover all of this in the first few minutes of the show. The Blue Team is working out at the gym and Cherita is proud of herself for taking a spin class after her experience on the bike the first day of the show. O'Neal and his wife take a moment to talk about his mother's death and how he could be on the same path if he doesn't lose weight.
Back at the ranch, Koli knows he needs his partner Sam to push him so they get to stay. Stephanie and John do water aerobics in the water and she relays the message that Bob wants John to turn into a fish with scales. The teachers all work with their students and offer positive feedback and encouragement. Awww.
In the trainer's room (yes, apparently there is a trainer's room), the contestants are receiving some medical care from Sandy, the dude who wraps their body parts. He has Ashley's ankle wrapped, Melissa's knee wrapped, and various other parts of other people wrapped up like a mummy. He is icing and massaging John's knee. *Insert Walgreens promo here*. Walgreens? Wasn't CVS mentioned a few times in the first episode? I can't keep the blatant product plugs straight.
The teachers get to go on a little trip to the California Health and Longevity Institute where Chef Curtis Stone is waiting for them. Meooooooooooow. Hellllooooo Curtis! Have you been hitting the gym my finely chiseled friend? Curtis is wearing a tight tshirt and he looks hottie hot hot. *drool*
Curtis talks about portion size and shows them some common restaurant dishes that are oversized and have a ridiculous amount of calories in them. Michael admits he would eat all of the food that Curtis showed them... in 1 meal. That's a whopping 8,894 calories. Ick. That makes me want to go eat some tofu or something just thinking of all that food in one meal. Curtis shows them how to make a 300 calorie per serving Chicken Cacciatore dish.
Back at the house, the teams are taking a break from working out to get a bite to eat. The Green Team talks and Migdalia tells her mom she isn't sure why she is so angry and her mom thinks it is because she can't express herself. Migdalia sheds a tear and the camera zooms in on it. It looks like the tear is illuminated on her face. I'm over these two.
In true school-like fashion, the players arrive to this week's challenge on a yellow school bus. They are in a field area and there are contraptions that appear to be some sort of spool on a base. In this challenge, the teacher from each team will be unwinding 1,000 feet of ribbon through a playground full of equipment. Students will then draw for which ribbon they are going to untangle. The first team to get their ribbon untangled and back to the start will win. Ah, I get it. They want to make it hard to untangle their ribbon so another team will have trouble with it. The team that wins the competition wins immunity at the weigh-in and the power to switch one team's teacher and student.
This challenge is rather amusing. The teachers of each team are running, ducking, jumping, and climbing all around the playground to twist their ribbons. The White Team's ribbon looks like it might be difficult to unravel. Now, the real fun begins. Ali is ready to let the teams pick colors for what ribbon they will be untangling when she decides to change things up. The students will be untangling their own team's ribbon... blindfolded! This is even better! The teacher has to direct the student on how to move with the blindfold on. The student has to use the spool to roll up the ribbon. They can't touch their partner. The teams all work very hard, but in the end, the winner is... GRAY! The Gray Team wins immunity this week and the chance to switch the roles of one of the teams. We'll find out if they use this advantage at the weigh-in.
Bob and Jillian give the teachers their last chance workouts and the teachers then give a last chance workout to the students. Sherry telling Ashley to “pull pull come on” just doesn't have the same ring to it as Jillian screaming at someone to get their ass moving and quit being a lazy idiot. Michael doesn't appear to be doing much working out and instead is just goofing around and walking around. Maria doesn't really motivate him to do anything. Even though Sam and Koli have immunity, they are working just as hard as ever.
It's time for the weigh-in and we immediately find out that Sam and Koli would like to switch the roles of the White Team. Instead of Maria weighing in, Michael will be weighing in. The Grey Team explains that they chose this because Michael doesn't take advantage of everything they have been given. He is so lucky to be on the show, yet he doesn't fully take advantage of the trainers or the opportunities he's been given. They think going below the yellow line might be an eye opener. Here are the results:
(The ones who count have a little * by them)
Grey Team (immunity):
Sam: Previous 345/Current 334 (-11)
*Koli: Previous 366/Current 353 (-13)
Migdalia: Previous 245/Current 237 (-8)
*Miggy: Previous 219/Current 212 (-7) -3.20%
Andrea: Previous 279/Current 272 (-7)
*Darrell: Previous 373/Current 361 (-12) -3.22%
Cheryl: Previous 210/Current 203 (-7)
*Daris: Previous 310/Current 301 (-9) -2.90%
Stephanie: Previous 243/Current 236 (-7)
*John: Previous 451/Current 437 (-14) -3.10%
Melissa: Previous 215/Current 214 (-1)
*Lance: Previous 336/Current 324 (-12) -3.57%
Uh oh, me thinks the doo doo is going to hit the fan. Melissa threw her weigh-in again this week. She knew she wouldn't be the one who counts. She blabs on about how she is frustrated that she isn't losing weight, and Jillian tells her that's a bunch of poo poo. Jillian knows she threw it last week and threw it again this week too. Jillian is offended that Melissa thinks that Jillian and Bob are stupid. Melissa is offended that Jillian thinks she's lying. I'm offended by having to see half of these people with no shirts on, but you don't hear me whining about it! Jillian yells about calorie burn and Bob is yelling on top of Jillian's yelling. Melissa yells back on top of both of their yelling. Instant headache. Sheesh. Jillian looks like she is about to pop and Lance looks like he is about ready to run down there and tackle the trainers. My my, that pesky Red Team.
Maria: Previous 258/Current 254 (-4)
*Michael: Previous 481/Current 471 (-10) -2.08%
Sherry: Previous 196/Current 190 (-6)
*Ashley: Previous 345/Current 333 (-12) -3.48%
The White Team has fallen below the yellow line. Hmm...are the other teams going to vote with their hearts or their heads? Michael would be the bigger threat of the two, but he also needs the extra help at the ranch. In the house, Maria cries that Michael needs to stay. Dr. H said it would only be 5 years or so before Michael has a stroke or heart attack and she is begging everyone to keep him so he can get the help and support he needs. Michael says he is always in pain and he isn't as limber as the others so he needs time to hit his stride. John wants Michael to go home because he's tired of his whining and excuses.
The votes are in!
Orange votes for Maria
Brown/Purple votes for Michael... Maria feels this is a slap in the face because she did what both John and Stephanie wanted when it came to voting off their teammates.
Black votes for Maria
Gray votes for Maria
Red votes for Maria
With 4 votes, Maria is eliminated. Phew. Bob would have sulked for days if his Italian Stallion got the boot.
When Maria started the show, she weighed 281lbs. Today, she weighs 230lbs. She was also very, very terrified of water. She hired a swim instructor and is ready to impress her family and friends with the fact that she can now swim. She swims across the pool the way a kindergarten child would and her family and friends cheer. She plans on swimming in the ocean for the first time on her family's summer vacation.
Next week, the focus is once again on Melissa and her extreme game playing. It appears that she and Luke have words with Jillian and something major happens at the weigh-in to cause Jillian to freak again. Although we are led to believe she loses 28lbs, I bet something different happens. I guess we'll just have to “weight” and see!
Re: 1/19 Biggest Loser Recap: Getting Schooled
Wonderfully snarky recap! Keep 'em coming!
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