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Thread: 1/5/10 Biggest Loser Recap: The Bigger They Are, The More They Puke

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    Mullet/Summer Enthusiast AshleyPSU's Avatar
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    1/5/10 Biggest Loser Recap: The Bigger They Are, The More They Puke

    Welcome back for another season of The Biggest Loser! How much time has passed since the last season? Well, blink and you missed it. I know it seems like just a week or two ago that you were reading my Season 8 finale recap... oh wait it was! I'm not sure why NBC insists on shoving this show down our throats, but here we find ourselves again. This season promises to be bigger (literally) and better than the rest. If the contestants continue to get larger and larger, I'm afraid soon this show is just going to have to be a year long for the contestants to lose enough weight for people to be satisfied. I know I am guilty of expecting stunning transformations each and every season. Let's meet the new batch of Bob and Jillian's bitches overweight and unhappy contestants!

    We get a little season preview and contestant preview, and it appears that many of the people this year are young and looking for the love they've been missing because of their weight. I can already see a Pink Team Helen and Shanon version 2.0 and a Filipe and Sione version 2.0. Bob and Jillian call each couple to surprise them with the news that they are going to be on the show and to reveal their team color. We also find out that each duo is going to have to weigh in in public in front of all of their friends and family. That's not embarrassing or anything. Let's take people who already have low self-esteem and body issues and humiliate them some more right off the bat, shall we?

    The Orange Team
    Daris, 25 and Cheryl, 50
    Son and Mother
    Ardmore, OK

    Daris: Starting weight 346lbs
    Cheryl: Starting weight 227lbs


    The Brown Team
    John, 30 and James, 30
    Twin Brothers
    Orlando, FL

    John: Starting weight 484lbs
    James: Starting weight 485lbs

    The Purple Team
    Stephanie, 29 and Patti, 55
    Daughter and Mother
    Lafayette, CA

    Patti: Starting weight 243lbs
    Stephanie: Starting weight 264lbs

    The Pink Team
    Ashley, 27 and Sherry 51
    Daughter and Mother
    Knoxville, TN

    Ashley: Starting weight 347lbs
    Sherry: Starting weight 218lbs

    The Black Team
    Darrell, 46 and Andrea, 24
    Father and Daughter
    Ann Arbor, MI

    Andrea: Starting weight 298lbs
    Darrell: Starting weight 413lbs

    The Blue Team
    Victoria, 22 and Cherita, 50
    Daughter and Mother
    Houston, TX

    Cherita: Starting weight: 277lbs
    Victoria: Starting weight 358lbs

    The Green Team
    Miggy, 47 and Migdalia, 28
    Mother and Daughter
    Pemberton, NJ

    Miggy: Starting weight 240lbs
    Migdalia: Starting weight 265lbs

    The Red Team
    Melissa, 39 and Lance, 37
    Wife and Husband
    Aspermont, TX

    Melissa: Starting weight 233lbs
    Lance: Starting weight 365lbs

    The Gray Team
    Koli, 28 and Sam, 23
    Cousins
    Tongan like Sione and Filipe
    Rohnert Park, CA

    Koli: Starting weight 403lbs
    Sam: Starting weight 372lbs

    The Yellow Team
    Sunshine, 24 and O'Neal, 51
    Daughter and Father
    Minneapolis, MN

    Sunshine: Starting weight 275lbs
    O'Neal: Starting weight 389lbs

    The White Team
    Mike, 30 and Maria, 51
    Son and Mother
    Chicago, IL

    Mike: Starting weight 526lbs
    Maria: Starting weight 281lbs

    Mike is the biggest contestant to ever be on the show.

    The contestants arrive at the ranch in limos to find Alison standing and waiting for them. They are all excited to see her and be at the ranch. Alison looks really good. Lance refers to her as “smokin' hot” as his wife chuckles next to him.

    They all walk into the gym and there is no equipment. There are colored mats with each team's colors. They find out that they will already be competing in their very first challenge. A curtain opens and stationary bikes appear. At the end of the past 2 seasons, the final contestants have been running a marathon. The Biggest Loser is taking this concept and moving it to the beginning of this season. Each team is going to ride 26.2 miles on a stationary bike. Ah yes, that sounds safe for people who probably haven't exercised in 20 years. Ali does make a point to announce that there are doctors in the house. I see they learned their lesson from the Tracey debacle last season.

    The first 9 teams to finish 26.2 miles will make it into the house. The 2 teams who finish last will be asked to leave immediately. What?! I didn't see that coming. Bravo, NBC. Build 'em up and knock 'em down in the first half hour of the show. I love this season already! The winning team gets immunity at this week's weigh-in.

    This challenge looks downright painful for everyone. People are grunting, sweating like mad, groaning, and screaming. I bet it smells hella good in that gym. Just kidding. I haven't seen this many overweight people determined to win something since McDonald's debuted the Monopoly game. Anyway, the Green Team finishes first so they win immunity. Gray finishes second, followed by Black. Orange finishes next. Yellow and Blue are in last place. Cherita from the Blue Team is in excruciating pain and starts to slow down. She starts screaming and Dr. H runs over. She says she's never felt this much pain in her life. She has a huge cramp in her stomach and screams and falls over in pain. Dr. H tells her to stop and she says she can't stop. Dr. H and another doctor have to pull her off of the bike because she doesn't want to give up. Pink finishes, followed by Red, White, Brown, and Purple. The Yellow Team and Blue Team have been eliminated already. That's too bad. Both of those teams needed this experience. Man, I'm bummed. Sunshine and O'Neal seemed like awesome people.

    Wait! Stop! The limos are driving down the road when Jillian and Bob jump out and stop them. I should have known. Bob and Jillian tell the “eliminated” teams that they are going to go home for 30 days. After the 30 days, they will be coming back to the ranch to weigh in against each other. The team with the higher % of weight loss will get to come back on the show. Bob and Jillian are going to be available to help them too. For a minute there I was pretty pumped at the thought of this feel good show being so nasty. Oh well. Awww, I love a good second chance.

    Back at the ranch, it's early in the morning and Bob and Jillian pull the fire alarm. Everyone gets up and waddles out of the building to find the trainers outside waiting for them. Bob and Jillian say they feel a bit overwhelmed at the size of the contestants this year and it seems like they keep getting bigger and bigger. Well, that's because they do. Bob and Jillian are going to be training together again. A huge “yay!” to that one. I love it when they train together.

    This season is no different than the rest. People are puking everywhere before they really even start working hard. People are screaming, crying, and puking some more. Remember this footage, because we will see it about 400 times more throughout the season. Jillian works one-on-one with Cheryl and has her scream to get her feelings out. Cheryl starts screaming like some kind of crazy rabid animal.

    In the house, it's powwow time. This season's players sit around the living room and get to know one another. They cry about how they've never been in love, they've never been kissed, they've never had girlfriends/boyfriends. Hmmm, I hope we get some hookups in the house! There are a lot of parent/child teams in the house so lots of young people that are single and ready to mingle.

    Everyone has a story. Miggy's husband is going to Afghanistan. Maria doesn't want to turn into her mom, who is severely overweight and can't care for herself. The Gray Team channels Filipe and Sione again. There isn't a dry eye in the house as Koli cries about how he wants love so bad.

    It's the first last chance workout of Season 9 and Jillian has the ladies outside smacking tires with some kind of ax? Hmm... okay. The guys inside can barely do a pushup and Bob and Jillian just continuously yell and yell and yell. These people are leaving puddles of sweat and desperation wherever they go. Ick. Ashley falls off of the treadmill. I was waiting for that. There's usually someone doing that sometime during the first episode. James has a bad knee from an old football injury, and he can't do much as far as using equipment. Bob puts the twins in the pool to do laps and they feel disadvantaged. Moving on to the weigh-in...

    The contestants file into the gym in their unsupportive sports bras and not-so-flattering spandex ensembles. *insert closeups of flabby midriffs here* Only one team will fall below the yellow line. Everyone else will vote which player from that team will be eliminated.

    Let's check the scales!

    Green goes first because they have immunity.

    Green:
    Migdalia: Previous 265/Current 249 (-16)
    Miggy: Previous 240/Current 227 (-13)
    Total: (-29) -5.74%

    Gray:
    Sam: Previous 372/Current 354 (-18)
    Koli: Previous 403/Current 374 (-29)
    Total: (-47) -6.06%

    Orange:
    Cheryl: Previous 227/Current 213 (-14)
    Daris: Previous 346/Current 317 (-29)
    Total: (-43) -7.50%

    Black:
    Andrea: Previous 298/Current 284 (-14)
    Darrell: Previous 413/Current 383 (-30)
    Total: (-44) -6.19%

    Brown:
    James: Previous 485/Current 462 (-23)
    John: Previous 484/Current 461 (-23)
    Total: (-46) -4.75%

    Red:
    Luke has a lovely fur coat... on his back.
    Melissa: Previous 233/Current 214 (-19)
    Lance: Previous 365/Current 344 (-21)
    Total: (-40) -6.69%

    Purple:
    Patti: Previous 243/Current 220 (-23)
    Patti has lost the highest amount of weight in one week of any female competitor on the show.
    Stephanie: Previous 264/Current 246 (-18)
    Total: (-41) -8.09%

    Pink:
    Ashley: Previous 374/Current 353 (-21)
    Sherry: Previous 218/Current 201 (-17)
    Total: (-38) -6.42%

    White:
    Maria: Previous 281/Current 268 (-13)
    Michael: Previous 526/Current 492 (-34)
    Michael has lost more weight in one week than any other player in BL history.
    Total: (-47) -5.82%

    The Brown Team falls below the yellow line. It's pretty sad with the extreme nature of this show nowadays that losing a combined total of 46lbs isn't enough to stay at the ranch. How in the world will everyone decide who to vote off? Back in the house, John sacrifices himself for his brother. He says that James has a horrible knee and needs to stay at the ranch to get the special weight loss treatment he needs like usage of the pool. James says he has a pool at home and that John can go farther and he knows it. They are both trying to sacrifice themselves to save the other. Melissa plays house queen (I don't think I like her much yet) and announces that the house needs some time to talk. Sam and Koli have a particularly tough time deciding which twin should go home.

    The votes are in and one of the twins is going to be heading home. Let's see who it is.

    Green votes for John
    Black votes for James
    Red votes for James
    Pink votes for James
    Purple votes for James
    White votes for James

    Most of the teams said that James has the support at home to make it. James says he is going to go home and work out and come back and win the at-home prize. He also says that when we see him again, we will be able to tell them apart because he will be the more handsome, skinnier twin. Phew, I hope that happens because that would make my recapping life a lot easier. I can't tell them apart!

    When James came to the ranch, he weighed 485lbs. In 2 months time, he has lost 100lbs. He currently weighs 385lbs. Wow!! That's great! James's wife is gorgeous and says the show is the best thing that's happened to him. It has motivated him. She has lost 24lbs since James has come home. James hopes to lose 240lbs by the finale, breaking a record set by Danny last season.

    Next week, it's the dreaded Week 2 curse! Jillian vows to beat the hell out of the contestants. We get a little preview that someone has gained a pound. Hmm. NBC isn't too smart. All we have to do is look to see who weighed a pound less this week than they showed in the preview for next week. I won't spoil it for you, but me thinks NBC made a boo boo!
    Wake up and be awesome

  2. #2
    FORT Fogey famita's Avatar
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    Re: 1/5/10 Biggest Loser Recap: The Bigger They Are, The More They Puke

    Great recap-thanks!

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