4/7 Biggest Loser Recap: The Not-So-Golden Ticket
Welcome back for another week of The Biggest Loser! This marks the
3495th14th week on the ranch. In my opinion, that's about 13 weeks too long! I thought the season might get spiced up a bit last week when an eliminated contestant got the chance to come back. But sadly, Nicole got booted out as quickly as she walked in. Now we're back to the same old bunch. Hooray. I feel like I watch the same episode every week, don't you? Let's see what the Losers are up to this week, shall we?
The show begins with Mikey and Ron complaining that they feel betrayed by Filipe, Sione, and Helen. Ron actually tells the people who didn't vote for him to stay that he hopes they “get struck down and die”. He's really a class act and a good example for his son, isn't he folks? God forbid that Filipe and Sione leave the protection of the Cult of Bob. Filipe minds his manners because he's afraid if he speaks out against his “elder” Ron, he may get violent. There's another class act. With the way these people are behaving, I almost expect Vicki to pop out from around the corner. Sheesh. *insert 5 minutes of Ron up on a soapbox preaching about following the 'rules'* Where are these so called “rules” Ron is speaking of? Oh, that's right Ron. THEY DON'T EXIST. Moving on...
The contestants enter the gym to find a whole bunch of covered silver trays all over the place. Apparently, the winner of this temptation is going to win the biggest prize ever given away to the winner of a temptation. Interesting. The biggest prize ever? Hmm... I hope it's Tara's ego! There are a total of 100 trays in the gym. Under the lid of most of the trays is a high calorie snack, but a few have some delicious packs of gum. There's also going to be cash on the trays with the packs of gum. Nice. When a player chooses a tray, that player must eat what's on the tray. So anyway, what's this big prize? One of the trays contains a golden ticket. Whoever finds the golden ticket will get to cast the one and only vote in this week's elimination. Not bad, NBC.
The temptation gets off to a slow start, but eventually everyone starts grabbing trays. Helen and Tara eat some cupcakes. Laura gets a soda and Mike gets some gum. Ron picks a tray with some gum and $500. Filipe and Sione both find doughnuts while Kristin munches on a pretzel. Ron finds another pack of gum with $1,000. Laura finds $5,000. The contestants pick trays, eat the treat underneath the lid, and pitch the tray onto the floor. While everyone is pigging out, Kristin kind of hangs back and watches. Her thinking is that she won't have to worry about being voted out in the first place if she doesn't fall below the yellow line. If she eats all the crap on the trays, she could easily fall below the yellow line. At the end of the mad feeding frenzy, Laura comes out
with icing on her face alive with the golden ticket in hand. The contestants chowed down on more than 17,000 calories.
Laura is already drunk with power. She thinks people will be bringing her breakfast in bed and basically kissing her ass. She claims she can vote off whoever she wants. That's true to an extent, but really she can only choose between the 2 people who fall below the yellow line. Laura tells Tara to fall below the yellow line on purpose so that Laura would only have to beat one other person to stay above the yellow line. And if Tara would fall below the yellow line, obviously she's safe. Catch all of that? What does that help? I don't get the logic in that one. How about both of them try to stay above the yellow line and just call it a day? At first Tara doesn't like the idea, but she thinks it might help Laura since Laura would then only have to beat one person. On the other hand, she realizes the show is about getting skinny and she doesn't feel right trying to fall below the yellow line.
Back in the gym, the contestants clean up their big silver tray mess. Bob and Jillian walk in and have no clue what happened, but Kristin fills them in. Jillian is disappointed that people are putting the game above their own weight loss. Mike admits to eating 1,500 calories, Sione lost count, Helen ate 1,600 calories, and Tara ate 4,600 calories. Bob says he's glad that Tara and Filipe both look and feel horrible.
Next, Bob asks how the votes went at the elimination. Ron tells him that Filipe, Sione, and Helen have strayed from the herd. Bob's jaw hits the floor in disbelief. Off with their heads! Ron laughs because he is the contestant who just won't leave. He says he's been below the yellow line 6 times and is still there.
Bob and Jillian join forces to really put an ass-whoopin' on the players this week. They all ate together, so they are all going to train together. Brutal. I love it.
Kristin decides to bring Laura breakfast in bed. Wow. She also adjusts Laura's sleep number for her. I can't believe she really did that. Someone buy this girl some dignity!
Jillian takes her team to Subway, and out walks Coleen and Jerry from last season! Coleen offers advice on how to create a delicious and nutritious Subway sandwich. She likes to get lots of veggies on hers with a little bit of mustard. Jillian says never to order oil and mayo. Coleen and Jerry pimp Subway sandwiches and make some delicious subs for the contestants. They all eat together like a big, happy family.
Later, the contestants head to the Rose Bowl. Hey! I was just at the Rose Bowl stadium in the beginning of January to watch Penn State play. That place is a little bit shady and not all that nice. Anywho. The contestants walk across the field to meet Ali for what appears to be this week's challenge. The contestants are going to get the chance to play a game. Unfortunately, it's not a football game. Each person is going to run up and down sets of stairs (2,156 steps to be exact) in the stadium until they get to the opposite end of the stadium. The teams are split boys vs. girls. The men vs. the machines. When each player gets to the opposite side of the stadium, they will grab their colored flag and bring it down to the field. The first 2 people to finish the challenge will do it again. Hmm... that sounds like cruel and unusual punishment to me. I walked the whole way to the top of the stadium and thought I was going to pass out. The winner of that head-to-head race will win a 2 week vacation for 4 to the Fitness Ridge Resort and Spa in Utah. Sione and Tara are the first 2 to plant their flags. They will now race each other. Who wins? I bet you can't guess! Sione! Not. Tara, the Green Machine herself, wins the challenge. Why do I even watch this show when I know how things will turn out every stinkin' week?
Kristin, Filipe, Sione, and Helen take a walk outside. Sione and Filipe try to get a feel for where Kristin's head is at, but she doesn't give up much. They whine about how Ron is controlling the game. Kristin just feels glad that he isn't gunning for her. They act like they are the nerd herd scared of big bad bully Ron. Filipe feels betrayed by Kristin. Yada yada, whine whine. Helen tells Laura that having Tara purposely falling below the yellow line is the stupidest thing she's ever heard. Then she asks Laura if she'd change her mind and vote her partner Tara off. Laura can't believe Helen even suggested the thought. Laura is starting to doubt Helen's loyalty and thinks Helen might be playing both sides.
Bob visits his team at the house and can feel the tension in the air. Ron, again, bitches about the breakdown of the Cult of Bob. Bob wants his team to reconcile and continue the alliances they used to have. Where are all the rainbows and puppies and kittens that used to surround the Bobians? Jillian visits her team and Helen expresses her concerns about Tara throwing the weigh-in. Jillian pleads with Tara not to do it. She wants her team to focus on themselves and not on the game. I feel like this is all foreshadowing.
Bob invites his team to watch a movie. Really? *insert promo for Marley and Me here* It's probably killing Bob to let his team sit around and watch a movie, but hey, if he's getting paid to endorse a movie then why not?
Jillian has her team in the gym for last chance workouts. Tara knows that she can relax and not work as hard. Jillian fights with her. You know, same ol. Laura whines that she is hurting. Mike works extra hard because he wants either Sione or Filipe gone. Bob's team is finally done lounging and it's time for their last chance workouts. Sione is still holding a grudge about losing the challenge. His best is only second best compared to RoboTara. Apparently he had to change his shirt twice because he was sweating so hard. Mmm. After he gets done on the workout ball, there is a large pool of sweat on the floor beneath him. Double mmm.
It's time for the weigh-in and the contestants take the usual walk of shame into the gym. Laura has the one and only vote at the elimination unless she falls below the yellow line. Ali informs us that Mike is 9lbs away from the all time weight loss record on the ranch of 144lbs. Let's see who sucked this week!
Mike: Last week 253/This week 248 (-5) -1.98%
Ron: Last week 317/This week 308 (-9) -2.84%
The Godfather lives to see another day.
Tara: Last week 189/This week 186 (-3) -1.59%
Kristin: Last week 251/This week 245 (-6) -2.39%
Helen: Last week 171/This week 169 (-2) -1.17%
Filipe: Last week 259/This week 252 (-7) -2.70%
Sione: Last week 260/This week 256 (-4) -1.54%
Laura: Last week 213/This week 205 (-8) -3.76%
I might have to start calling Laura the Green Machine. She keeps losing a lot of weight and flying under the radar, big time.
Sione and Helen are below the yellow line. Laura has the only vote this week.
Laura talks to Sione and he lets her know that she can count on him to help her stay on the ranch week after week. Laura then talks to Helen and Helen tells her that she's not ready to leave. Helen tells Laura she thinks of her like a daughter. Laura tells Helen she is a big threat because she's the smallest one left. She can't seriously be thinking of voting off Helen and not Sione, could she? I mean, I don't think Tara is the sharpest crayon in the box, but I don't think she's the dullest either.
Sione and Filipe have a private talk in the Blue Room and they shed some man tears. Where's Bobby Boy? He's probably off
building his shrine to Sione sulking somewhere already because he knows what's going to happen. Filipe tells Sione that he loves him and then they start singing/chanting.
It's time for Laura to make her choice. She says that she originally wanted that golden ticket so badly, but now that she has it, she doesn't want to be in the position she's in. She decides to vote off... Sione. Bye Sione! Don't let the door hit you on the way out!
A day after leaving the ranch, Sione returns home to his family. His kids don't seem to recognize him at first. His wife is glad Sione was on the show and hopes that it will make them better parents.
When he started the show, Sione weighed 372lbs. Today, he is at 235. He got a haircut and looks very good. He wants to change careers and become a trainer. He takes his family to the gym to work them out. Uh oh, watch out Bob! When Bob finds out Sione is following in his footsteps, he might pookey in his pants. For real.
Next week is MAKEOVER WEEK!!!!!!!!!!! Yay!! Tim Gunn gives these contestants a lesson in style. I love makeover week! I'm actually excited for next week's episode for once! I can't deny I'm also a little excited to see how Bob reacts to his bromance breakup. His heart will go on.
Join me again next week, same time, same place. Did I mention that it's MAKEOVER WEEK!!??
Re: 4/7 Biggest Loser Recap: The Not-So-Golden Ticket
GREAT recap! Poor old Godfather Gumba Ron...I wonder if he'll get rid of the revenge feelings?!
Re: 4/7 Biggest Loser Recap: The Not-So-Golden Ticket
Bobbians .. LOL! .. I about fell over when Sione said he was going to be a trainer .. yep .. 8 weeks on the Ranch will give you a new career! (At least he didn't say he wanted to act!)