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Thread: Biggest Loser 11/15 Recap: Laser Beam Bob and the Stationary Bike of Doom

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    Bitten Critical's Avatar
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    Biggest Loser 11/15 Recap: Laser Beam Bob and the Stationary Bike of Doom

    This week's episode of The Biggest Loser picks up right where we left it: Caroline has just told the contestants that they are now all competing on their own. Marty is looking forward to not being weighed down by Wylie and says he’ll do whatever it takes to win. Erik laments Bobby’s departure. When Bob learns that Bobby is gone, he takes the remaining two Blue Boys upstairs for a pow-wow. Bob reasserts his commitment to Marty and Erik and then they hit the gym so he can abuse them some more. He says that he’s a laser beam – he’s going to put all of his energy into training these guys. At one point, Marty is doing push ups and Bob climbs onto his back. I am jealous…..of both of them.

    While Bob’s Boys are in the gym, Kim is still trying to figure out what the deal is with Adrian and Jaron. She tells us that Adrian’s issues are more emotional. Kim puts her team through a work out on the lawn. Adrian is doing squat jumps and whining the whole way about looking stupid. She then explains to Kim that the work out gear she’s wearing is much more form fitting than she is used to and she feels self-conscious about her body. A slightly bemused Jaron tells us that he hopes that Adrian gets this whole thing figured out….. before she goes home.

    ”I Feel Pretty! Oh So Pretty!”
    It’s time for the moment we’ve waited for all season: makeovers! Here comes Amy O’Connor from Prevention Magazine. She informs the contestants that they’ll be heading over to the Warren Tricomi Salon for makeovers and to photo shoot for Prevention Magazine. You know, for as much as they focused on this in the commercials, this segment is surprisingly short. The big disappointment is that the makeovers are only cosmetic, i.e. no personality makeovers this week.

    The show turns into a little music video and we get a montage of makeover madness. There’s Marty getting a blonde, Bob-esque fauxhawk, a stylist going all Edward Scissorhands on Heather, Kai’s hair being lightened to honey blonde and Wylie…..yeah well, they didn’t really do anything to Wylie. This section is one of those blink and you’ll miss it kind of things and then we’re on to the clothing and the photo shoot. The girls change in to various kind of cocktail dresses, while the guys stick to dress shirts and slacks – Marty even has a suit jacket. They all look sexay and happy. Some more than others, of course.


    Hissy Fit on High
    It’s time for this week’s challenge. The real challenge is whether I can get through it without dozing off. Hold the phone, it looks like this might be a little more entertaining, folks! It seems that the challenge involves heights and Kai is afraid of heights. Fabulous! I’ve been jonesing for a meltdown! The challenge is this: each player will ride a stationary bike that is on a platform hanging 30 feet above the ground. Each time a player cycles 2 miles, that player can chose another player to be lowered 10 feet. The last player suspended wins.

    Caroline is hardly finished describing the challenge when Adrian starts in with a meltdown of her own. She’s sure that the others will work to get her and Jaron out first and again, she’s worried about looking stupid. She whines and cries and you know, she’s not doing so well with that not looking stupid thing. Honey, get on the stupid bike. Caroline is clearly flummoxed by Adrian’s outburst and, even as the others climb onto their bikes, Adrian’s having none of it. Heather (yes, Heather) tries to give Adrian a pep talk. They might try to get her out, but it’s only because she and Jaron are threats, not because of the pre-existing team loyalties. Yeah, I’m sure that’s comforting.

    Eventually, Adrian decides to get on the bike, reasoning that she’ll at least burn some calories. The platforms are raised up – Kai freaking out the entire time – and the challenge begins. I could give you a blow-by-blow of this one but, really, how boring is this?: Kylie lowers Jaron. Then Erik lowers Jaron. Then Adrian lowers Wylie… you get the point. In the end, it comes down to Erik and Kai, with Kai winning mainly because when she was first lowered (by Marty), she threw such a hissy fit that the other players got scared to lower her again. Once again, Kai wins immunity from elimination.

    I Blame it on Water Weight
    At the last chance work out, Kim is whining about the numbers: she’s training 5 people, while Bob is only training 2. Bob, on the other hand, is focusing on his team. He says that Marty is ready – he’s a laser beam. Bob’s very into laser beams this week. He must have just watched Real Genius. Next week, he’ll unveil his plan to zap Kim off of the treadmill from space.

    Even after all that working out, Adrian still has enough strength to carry that chip on her shoulder in to the weigh-in. Kai has also found some spare time to dye her hair. Now it’s burgundy, which really is not an improvement. Caroline makes no mention of Kai’s hair color because, you know, glass houses. Here are the results:

    Kai: 198 (3 lbs / 64 lbs total)
    Jaron: 231 (7 lbs / 92 lbs total) – 2.94%
    Heather: 179 (7 lbs / 44 lbs total ) - 3.76%
    Marty: 274 (8 lbs / 91 lbs total) - 2.84%
    Adrian: 170 is: 163 (7 lbs / 64 lbs total) – 4.12%
    Wylie: 236 (0 – nada, zero, zip)
    Erik: 307 (11 lbs / 100 lbs total) - 3.46%
    Marty and Wylie are below the Yellow Line. Caroline informs Marty that if he’d lost just one more pound, Jaron would have been below the Yellow Line instead. Gee, that’s helpful.

    Marty is shocked that even after losing 8 pounds, he still came in below the Yellow Line. Still, he’s happy with the 8 pounds. Wylie on the other hand is venting outside. He rants and raves, but I’m not sure who it’s directed at. The makers of the Giant Scale? Kim? Krispy Kreme? Your guess is as good as mine. Heather notes that Wylie is a pill and that she’d rather keep Marty. Bob is shocked that Marty is up for elimination after losing 8 pounds. Everyone applauds Erik for having reached the 100 pound mark and Bob tells Erik that New York will be so proud of him. Bob and Erik go for a run and talk about the elimination.

    The Part Where My Soul Weeps….Just a Little
    Everyone files into the elimination to behold Caroline, who is in her favored Kermit the Frog green. Without much chit chat, they get to the votes.
    Adrian admits that this was a hard decision for her because Marty and Wylie were two of the most welcoming when she and Jaron arrived at the ranch. She feels like she’s able to compete more effectively against Wylie. That’s one vote for Marty.
    Jaron is voting for the guy who consistently gets ridiculously big numbers: Marty. Kai professes her love for both of the boys and says that she made her choice based on what will happen next week. Wylie has consistently had a bad week followed by a great week. She votes for Wylie.
    Heather also claims to love both Marty and Wylie. She votes for Wylie, who she says is a fierce competitor.
    Erik calls Marty and Wylie “great guys” and says that it sucks that one of them has to go home. He explains that he is voting for the person who could win this whole thing because he wants to win the show himself. Heather’s jaw drops (and so does mine) when Erik reveals that he has voted for Marty. Erik then talks about friendship and loyalty, which sounds like so much b.s. in light of his vote.
    Marty, who is nicer than I am, says that he doesn’t blame Erik. He tells the others that he has nothing but respect for them. Marty tells us that he has changed in so many ways since coming to the ranch. He feels like he’s found purpose in his life. They all say goodbye and I actually tear up because I am a wuss.

    Marty says that he came to the ranch to lose weight and found a new person. Twenty four hours later, Marty arrives at the high school where he teaches. A group of his students waits for him. They all missed him at graduation. As Marty emerges and they begin to recognize him, the students all scream and gather around him. Marty sits down with the kids for a little rap session (just usin’ the lingo there). He tells his students that they helped him so much throughout the process. When he wanted to quit, they inspired him.

    So, how has Marty done with the weight loss since leaving the ranch? His weight loss tally is now at 140 pounds and he is hot. We see footage of a now even blonder Marty working out, playing football and shirtless. Yowza! He says that The Biggest Loser has given him back his life. I will now begin the countdown to the final show where we get to see him again at the final weigh-in.

    The Biggest Loser is off next week, but I’ll see you back here in two weeks!
    Anti-intellectualism has been a constant thread winding its way through our political and cultural life, nurtured by the false notion that democracy means that 'my ignorance is just as good as your knowledge.' - Isaac Asimov

    I was thinking of the immortal words of Socrates, who said, "... I drank what?"

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    A pirate's life for me suncat7's Avatar
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    The big disappointment is that the makeovers are only cosmetic, i.e. no personality makeovers this week.

    Fabulous! I’ve been jonesing for a meltdown!

    Bob’s very into laser beams this week. He must have just watched Real Genius. Next week, he’ll unveil his plan to zap Kim off of the treadmill from space.

    Kai has also found some spare time to dye her hair. Now it’s burgundy, which really is not an improvement.
    Great job, Critical!
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    Shark Week! dagwood's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Critical;2146449;
    The big disappointment is that the makeovers are only cosmetic, i.e. no personality makeovers this week.

    Next week, he’ll unveil his plan to zap Kim off of the treadmill from space.


    Great recap, Critical!
    He who laughs last thinks slowest

    Maybe we should chug on over to namby pamby land where we can find some self confidence for you, you jackwagon!

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    Terrific recap, Critical--I agree, Bob clearly has "issues" with the new folks. I mean what if everyone realized they could really do this at home w/o personal trainers? heh heh... Of course they'd have no one to tell them they need to eat something besides turkey or to work on their upper body instead of just running, but still....

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    FORT Fogey Add It Up Champion famita's Avatar
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    Thanks for great "recap", Critical!! You make it so enjoyable!!

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    Yoffy lifts a finger... fluff's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Critical;2146449;
    At one point, Marty is doing push ups and Bob climbs onto his back. I am jealous…..of both of them.

    She’s sure that the others will work to get her and Jaron out first and again, she’s worried about looking stupid. She whines and cries and you know, she’s not doing so well with that not looking stupid thing.


    Kai has also found some spare time to dye her hair. Now it’s burgundy, which really is not an improvement. Caroline makes no mention of Kai’s hair color because, you know, glass houses.
    Excellent recap as always, Crit
    Adrian was something else this week!
    Completely embarassing.

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    Just Forting Around roseskid's Avatar
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    You know I adore your writing style, Crit, but this line in particular was fabulous! Great job.

    At one point, Marty is doing push ups and Bob climbs onto his back. I am jealous…..of both of them.
    Love The Bachelor? Catch the recap for this season's sacrificial lamb lucky guy here in Episode 1, Episode 2, Episode 3, Episode 4, Episode 5, Episode 6 and Episode 7.

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