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Thread: Recap 11/23: The Bonds of Bondage

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    eternal optimist Shazzer's Avatar
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    Recap 11/23: The Bonds of Bondage

    It is Thanksgiving. And a merry dia-del-poultry to all. So this recap will be fast, and okay, and maybe humorous in some parts, and for the rest of it: I fully expect to be patronized. So get crackin’, peeps. I’ve got potatoes to peel.

    The show starts with about 20 seconds of semi-new footage (not semi-nude…dang) of some of the ousted contestants. This week they’re focusing in on Aaron, the yummy baby candy most recently eliminated, and that blonde girl who got kicked off first. What? The blonde girl’s name? Ha! Did you know I actually had to look it up? It’s Dana. It’s just that, when it comes to reality TV, I think we all have a touch of the ADD as soon as people head home. For example….quick quiz! Go! Who was the first person eliminated from Survivor this year? Annnnd..TIME! Who was the first person eliminated from the Apprentice? Annnd…TIME!. You don’t stinkin’ know. Or maybe you do, and I just have a bad memory. I do have that metal plate from Nam……..*eeeee* <-----high frequency squeal from picking up nearby radio tower signals.

    Anyhow. New footage. Dana. Blonde girl. Young. She loves shopping now, she feels she has new direction in her life, and she’s putting all the things she’s learned on the show to good practice. Her starting weight was 175, and now she’s down to 155 and looks super-zesty.

    And now onto Aaron. Nothing else matters but the fact that……….he has a girlfriend! Noooooooo!!!! They did NOT advertise this. Pffft. Weight loss, schmeight loss. He has a girlfriend. *wimpers* She’s probably very delightful and lovely and enjoys making flavorful fat free pies and talks of Nobel-prize worthy topics and can MacGuyver anything into a fabulous household appliance. And actually, she seems nice and supportive (well, she never spoke, but her haircut said, “nice and supportive”. If you listened closely, anyway.) Anyhow, Aaron states the obvious (ha! A flaw. I feel less bad.) and says that losing weight is hard. But if he can go from 261 to 198, it makes him think he can put his mind to it and do anything. He says the lovely Sara is a huge motivational force, and that she hooked up with him when he was heavy, too. Little hearts arch across the sky behind his head, and we’re all happy.

    My thoughts on the 20 seconds of update footage: Wow. What a waste of time.

    Okay, no. I mean, yay they lost weight. Good deal. I’m happy for them, genuinely. But NBC barely offered us anything new. I felt sucker-punched with the promise of golden goodness in the form of some kind of breathtaking new footage, like someone had implants (addition of bat wings) or something. Instead, it was the same episode-ending footage, basically, as shown on the episodes they were ousted on.

    NOW the show starts, post-footage. They’re all in the kitchen and everybody’s freaking out that there are only 8 of them left. They correctly do the math and say that with four people gone from a group of twelve, that means 1/3 have headed home. We are impressed. Mo tells us that the blue team is more unified than the red team, *flash to footage of the broken-bottle-yard-fight with Dave and Jillian, and more footage of Lisa acting all Lisa-ish, i.e. Meltdown Ciudad*

    Lisa intros the next bit of footage unintentionally, by getting her, “the game is going to get nasty now” edited in before the Ryan/Dave conflict. Ryan and Dave are in the kitchen talking about integrity. Neither of them has it, both know it, and both are ticked that the other won’t admit to what a turdish slime ball they both are. (Turdish slime ball = what they think of each other. I assert.) Ryan confronts Dave and tells him that he’s lied to the girls about things Ryan has said. Dave is all like, step off, dude. This is a game, and homie’s gonna play it. More pish posh over integrity, while Dave tells us he has the girls in the bag. Not in that way.

    The Bonding in Bondage

    It’s time for obligatory workout footage and the feel-good feelings surrounding it. Bob wants his peeps to keep their heads in the game, and we listen to a delighted Gary tell us that he’s been asthmatic since he was 13, but is finally eliminating one of his three meds from his pill popping routine. This is fantastic news. Also fantastic is Andrea’s joyous commentary about how she’s changing herself mentally and physically. Mo’s happy at being the biggest loser last week, and Kelly Mac is jazzed she can do things she’s never done before, and now feels all warm and squishy enough about herself to take her own breath away. They feel good. I feel good. You feel good. The goodness is multiplied, and there’s a feeling of yellow stars, green clovers, and blue diamonds in the air. It’s magically delicious.

    Jillian pep-talks her red team peeps by a babbling brook, telling them she hates losing people. I.e. “It sucks.” <---her eloquent phrasing. She then proceeds to rightfully kick that candy-ass Dave by telling him he needs to trust her more, because he was so sure he was going to beat Gary’s weight loss, but nuh uh, he did not. She wants people to be responsible for themselves. Dave says he’ll work hard as long as he doesn’t have to work really hard. Collective inward groans are unheard, but they are there.

    Next up, Jillian ties everyone together for a hilly, bumpy, awkward run. Everyone feels unified, in the way only a good-rope-tying can make you feel, and appropriately, the unifying rope is red, dazzling us even more. She wants to create a group mentality, and succeeds until Dave unties himself from the rope because of his ankle. The rest of the team ambles up the pointy peak again, giggling and laughing near some grapes, because grapes are hilarious. They feel all goofy and jumpy, and are invigorated not only by the fresh air pumping into their hard-working lungs, but by the delight in achieving a goal (making it to the hilltop) and in sharing the experience with others. Kelly is irritated by Dave’s namby-pamby-ness and says he felt like a negative force. The girls tell Ryan he has more points than Dave, as far as being kept around, while Ryan tells us that Dave’s absence was a blessing. He starts to actually weep touchingly while telling us he felt so united with his team, and that he’s lost 50 pounds and it’s something he never thought he’d do in his life. He thought he’d be “a big tub of goo” until the day he died.

    The Cutting Room Floor Put Right Back into the Episode

    They’re stretching this show out to 90 minutes every week, people. So this entire segment here is probably the spliced together additional footage that beefs up the show. It’s time to watch Bob work out his people now. So there. Nyeah. He tells us his peeps are at the midway point, and need to workout more than ever.

    Bob “weighs in” on his peeps (ha! *laughing to self at unfunniness of puns*)
    Bob says Andrea is tough, anything he asks her to do she will do.
    Bob says training Kelly Mac is pushing her to do something she's never done, breaking down her intimidation of the gym situation.
    Bob says that when Gary says he can't to him, he sees red and goes crazy and wants to chew through styrofoam (Styrofoam comment assumed, rather than stated).
    Bob says that Mo is the baby, saying it was difficult for Mo to even walk at first. He says that now that Mo is steppin’ up to the plate, it’s a double edged sword, because he can see what the boy can do, and he’s going to push him. He tells us that Mo’s the reason he says if you give me 100 percent, I’ll give you back the mathematically impossible 110 percent. We end Mo footage by seeing Bob take Mo on a hike, pushing him to the longest consecutive workout of his life, where Mo sweats and freaks out on the pointy peak. Bob asks, “are you a nature boy?” <----typed alone like that, does it not sound creepy? And after tossin’ out a Tarzan cry (fictitious), Mo pants, “No.” (I actually really wanted that Tarzan cry.)

    Lisa tells us that she and Kelly are queens. They’re tired of Dave not working out, and they do not owe him a can of Probst beans. <--included as foreshadow. That is all.

    Up next, Jillian tries to get her team to face challenges in the real world, by giving them all menus from various restaurants, and asking them what they’d order to be diet friendly. Dave gets a Mexican menu, and orders the taco salad with no cheese, no guacamole, no sour cream, and might I add….no flavor. But he’ll be skinny. His tastebuds will just be lonely. Lisa looks at a bbq menu and orders a plain burger with no bun etc.. Jillian allows her some mayo and ketchup, while Lisa says the cool thing about the eat less diet is that you can eat whatever you want, as long as you stay within your targeted calories. Kelly has a brunch menu and orders the chicken piccata without rice or bread. We don’t see what Ryan orders, but one assumes it’s also flavor-free. Jillian closes the exercise by telling them all to check out vegetarian choices on any menu.

    There are four girls left on the show now, and all of them are gathered together to talk about the power of estrogen. The conclusion: it is powerful. Kelly Mac wants a four girl finale, and all of them discuss how much this weight loss has changed their lives. It’s actually quite a touching scene, as Kelly of the red team says that she never thought she’d get this far, but now believes she can actually make it to 150 pounds, her goal weight. Not only that, but her self-esteem is boosted so much she could see herself even asking for a raise. Others echo her good vibes, and Andrea says she’s gained self-confidence and self-esteem, and now she is important to herself. You go, girl. She’s learned a lot about herself, and her esteem has sky-rocketed. Kelly Mac tells us that going to the gym used to be so intimidating, because whenever she saw girls that looked like Jillian, she always thought they were looking at her like, “don’t break the treadmill, honey”. She doesn’t feel intimidated anymore. Everyone feels great, everyone’s happy, and the world is a better, more cuddly place.

    The Temptation Tower

    It’s challenge time, my babies, and Caroline greets them on a stage, God knows where, as we never see footage of the trip there. Caroline is standing in front of a curtain, and says something about how the challenges wouldn’t be challenging without challenging their challenges. Or something. But we get that this is going to suck rocks on some kind of level. And with that, the curtain pulls away to reveal a smorgasbord of every kind of tasty indulgence the world has to offer the lips, the tongue, the tastebuds, the body. What we see: variety. Tons of variety. Table after table is piled with delectable, mouth-watering, pleasurable treats: twinkies and breads and cheeses and full pizzas. The goal: each team will have to create the largest tower of food they can within a 30 minute time period using only………………..their mouths. Buwahahahahaha!! *lightning* The winning team receives a 5,000 per person shopping spree at…..Compusa!! Woo hoo!! The techno-geeky hunger shining in their eyes, they all commence to run amok building their towers.

    People run around, freaking out over the temptation, grabbing cheeses and buns and a whole lot of French baguettes. They’re swimming in baguette city, as everyone passes them back and forth to create the base of each tower. Dave of team red commands his foces with his expert knowledge in construction, because he assumes that if he can build a house out of brick and mortar, he can certainly create a tower of ho hos worthy of Jack and the Beanstalk. All the reds must agree, as they listen attentively to his convo about a strong foundation.

    They teams run about with Lisa proving herself to be quite the cuddle-bunny by barking at anyone and everyone in her way. “Move it!” It must be the angst she felt over carrying around one of the largest rice krispie bars EVER in her mouth. It was an uber-krispy. The King of the land of Krispies: i.e. a gooey-drippy, tempting-to-Lisa bar the size of a volleyball.

    Kelly Mac of the blue team is irritated by her team’s lack of listening skills. While the red team works together, the blue team often stands around puzzled, each person not listening to the next, until Kelly instructs Gary like a kindergartner to use a lot of sticky buns, telling us, in summary, that she wants everyone to shut their pie hole. (And/or Rice Krispy hole, without really using any of these words).

    The teams are neck and neck right up to the finish when Gary attempts to put a giant lollipop in a block of cheese and pile that on top of his tower. The red team sees it and freaks, knowing that if Gary gets the cheese block on top, the red team is toast. In the end, the block of cheese falls, being wayyy too heavy, and the red team wins!

    Plasma TVs and Home Sweet Home

    The red team hops into a limo and heads on down to Compusa, where they are greeted by the Ceo, known to us as, “that guy with the tie.” He guides them into a cushy TV-laden room with couches and comfyness, and tells them that not only do they get the 5k worth of goodies, but………they get home videos! All begin to weep.

    Dave’s video: his family tells him he’s mentally tough, Dave thinks the words are very powerful, and he cries.
    Kelly: her nieces taunt her, her mom and dad say they love and support her and hope she’s happy and healthy. Kelly’s pregnant sister talks right at her, and Kelly said she felt connected to her. She cries.
    Ryan: some video footage of a cat is followed by a man/friend/brother/relation who grunts at him in a pro-wrestler way, and says that he’s down 14 pounds, too, inspired by Ryan’s example. His wife appears on camera to support him, telling him she wants him to be happy, but that no matter what size he is, she’ll love him anyway. Ryan cries.
    Lisa: more happy family footage. She cries.

    All cry, we are sad and yet merry at the same time. It is a very salted-nut-roll experience: i.e. opposing sensations of sweet and salty, mixing up to make a tasty treat. <----pulled from thin air.

    Lisa tells us that the home videos give her team an edge over the blue team, and as they all travel back to the ranch, they know that the blues will be completely upset when they hear that the reds got to see home videos. Ready to upset them all, is Ryan. After the blues find out about the videos and are appropriately crushed, Ryan spends time in the kitchen telling everyone he keeps wondering how he could do things better. This apparently ticks off every other person in the universe, as Kelly states what all feel, that wondering how you could have done better, when you’ve already won, is like saying you wished you could have won more. All are ticked, and Andrea tells us she wants Ryan to shut up already. Does he? No. And all conclude: Ryan’s an ass. The assiest. <----new word. Add it to your Microsoft spellcheck.

    I’m all out of clever headings for the weigh in

    Up next is the weigh in, and Andrea expects huge numbers from Mo. Mo says everyone has busted their butt and that everyone’s motivation is gettin’ healthy. More hoopla happens around the Ryan/Dave battle to win the red girls’ hearts and minds. Ryan is shown spending mucho time courting the girls, and Dave just hopes they see through it. Will they? Buwahahahahaha. <--more foreshadow.

    Caroline greets them all again, and nobody is optimistic that the weight loss will be huge this week. It’s time to find out what happened to their bodacious bodies.

    Dave red: 6 pounds, he says this is the Superbowl of the weigh in
    Gary blue: 5 pounds, definitely not happy that Dave beat him, says they have a rivalry
    Lisa red: 2 pounds, can't believe she lost two pounds, starts crying, it’s all so frustrating
    Kelly blue: 4 pounds, she jokes that wow, diet and exercise really works, she’ll have to tell everyone about it
    Ryan red: 3 pounds, red team looks unhappy, he was disappointed
    Mo blue: 1 pound, and I gasp, how is that possible? he was disappointed
    Kelly red: 0 pounds, she said she couldn't believe she worked so hard and did worse than everyone there, she’s majorly bummed
    Andrea blue: in order to win it, Andrea needs to lose at least 2 pounds. She panics a bit that this could be the week her body decides not to plateau. Its all very hush hush and nerve wracking as we go from commercial to the scale again to find out………..she’s lost 7 pounds!! The blue team wins! And, for the first time ever, a woman is the biggest loser. I cheer…until I read that sentence over again. Curse the title of this show. *mutter*

    Mish Mash and the MoFather

    It is pre-elimination time, and the reds are working like busy beavers in the house, chewing through walls and building small, structurally sound, waterproof homes. Their strategery is intense, and Dave is worried about anything that could be said to change the minds of the girls. He’s got plans forged with them, and wants to keep it that way. Lisa says she feels so exhausted and Kelly tells us she doesn’t want to go home. Pfft. Like she has anything to worry about. It’s as unnecessary as if she’d said, “let’s make sure Caroline stays.” And wouldn’t that be a twist? Voting off the host? Ohh…the collective Survivor contestants all read this (fictitiously) and rub their hands together, gleefully fantasizing about snuffing Jeff’s torch. *whoosh* <----satisfying singe.

    More mish-mashy footage, as we flash to Andrea trying on pants that now fit! Oh how I know her joyous joy. She shows this to Kelly Mac and they both kiss and hug and feel incredible delight.

    Delight is not felt by Lisa, who rarely seems to fly high or giggle often. Except over those hilarious grapes. She’s shown crying again when Jillian talks to them in the kitchen and finds out her team is sending someone home. Lisa’s freaking out because she doesn’t know how much else she can do, while Jillian tells us that as a trainer, she sometimes faces self-doubts and doesn’t want to lose another person. Jillian feels closer to them than ever before, and really doesn’t want another person to go home, except for probably Dave, who thinks Jillian can stick it. Dave says she was proven wrong this week and has proven that his strategy of do less and lose more means they need him and his bum ankle to stick around.

    Lastly, we’re shown the next soon-to-be-eliminated person visiting Mo. Dave turns to him and tells him that Ryan’s getting on his nerves, while Mo listens and I wonder why it is that Mo has become the Godfather of this game. Why is everyone turning to him in times of crisis? What about him says he’s the MoFather? Besides his complete non-resemblance to Brando. First Matt goes to him, and *poof* he’s eliminated. Now Dave is turning to him. Will he be next? He he…all bets say…….yes.

    Candy-man Heads into the Sunset

    It’s time to find out who’s fridge light will be snapped off in a brilliant spectacle of humiliation. We waste no time, and Caroline immediately launches into her Probst questions.

    Dave: have you lied? The only thing that hasn’t lied in this game is that scale out there.
    Ryan: are the pressures of the game affecting your emotions? Yep. He’s cried like a girlie-man, and says his emotions, whether they’re angry or fearful or snuggly soft, are all kicked up a notch.

    And it’s time…for the vote:
    Ryan: He started out selfish, wanting wins only for himself, but now that he’s been tied to other people, the team concept has suddenly become more important to him. His vote is for: Dave
    Dave: He defends himself again and complains of his ankle injury and how it prevented him from participating in the rope climb, while Kelly rolls her eyes so far back in her head we see whites. Dave says he’s made a commitment to two people, and because of that, he picks Ryan.
    Kelly: She once read that the truth is the reality behind the appearance and she wants to decipher the truth. She wants to stay to the end, and wants to surround herself with the strongest team possible. Her vote is for Dave.
    Lisa: This has been the hardest vote so far, she’s gotten to know these three people more than anyone else, but the bottom line is that this is a game, and she has to look out for Lisa. She votes off Dave.

    Ryan (and much of the viewing audience) smiles. Dave looks ticked and says he bet on the wrong horse and says he shouldn’t have put his faith in someone and/or all his eggs in one basket. He’s very disappointed in Lisa, but Lisa says she has to play the game for herself, and can’t let the blue team pull ahead anymore. Dave wishes she would have talked to him because he always talked to her. She thanks him for that and says she appreciates it, when Dave comes back with the stingy stinger of all stingers: “I'm sure you do appreciate it, because you're staying and I'm leaving." Owie.

    Dave's final words: His departure is totally going to hurt their challenges, he asserts, not self-inflatingly at all. (Self-inflatingly? Yes. It stays.) He's going to miss the place, and goes on to talk about how he was the sugar daddy in the camp, the father figure, the head of the household. Self-appointed, I might add. He loves helping people and dusting them off after chewing them out and cuttin' them with a Michelob bottle. The next time america sees him, he'll be 185 and ripped, and if he's not, he'll match the money the audience bets on it. Post show, he's lost an additional 19 pounds and needs 15 more to make good on his bet.

    Next week: Wow. This could possibly be the lamest coming-up-next-footage I've ever seen. Apparently next week, people will think the lessons they've learned are invaluable, while they all cry and have that can-do attitude. It's very touching. Apparently. Tune in to be touched!

    Yes. This is a first draft. shazzer@fansofrealitytv.com
    "If you're like me, you have a 'been there, done that' attitude when it comes to paleolithic paleontology." - Jon Stewart

    "I swear, you are the ho-ho ho." - OTS

  2. #2
    Resident Single Gal erin_dye's Avatar
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    Jillian pep-talks her red team peeps by a babbling brook, telling them she hates losing people. I.e. “It sucks.” <---her eloquent phrasing.
    Thanks for another great recap Shazzer!

  3. #3
    Plotting spegs's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shazzer
    And a merry dia-del-poultry to all. So this recap will be fast, and okay, and maybe humorous in some parts, and for the rest of it: I fully expect to be patronized.

    The show starts with about 20 seconds of semi-new footage (not semi-nude…dang)

    I do have that metal plate from Nam……..*eeeee* <-----high frequency squeal from picking up nearby radio tower signals.

    He has a girlfriend. *wimpers* She’s probably very delightful and lovely and enjoys making flavorful fat free pies and talks of Nobel-prize worthy topics and can MacGuyver anything into a fabulous household appliance. And actually, she seems nice and supportive (well, she never spoke, but her haircut said, “nice and supportive”. If you listened closely, anyway.)

    Meltdown Ciudad

    The Bonding in Bondage

    The goodness is multiplied, and there’s a feeling of yellow stars, green clovers, and blue diamonds in the air. It’s magically delicious.

    She then proceeds to rightfully kick that candy-ass Dave

    Everyone feels unified, in the way only a good-rope-tying can make you feel,

    The rest of the team ambles up the pointy peak again, giggling and laughing near some grapes, because grapes are hilarious.

    Bob “weighs in” on his peeps (ha! *laughing to self at unfunniness of puns*)

    Bob says that when Gary says he can't to him, he sees red and goes crazy and wants to chew through styrofoam (Styrofoam comment assumed, rather than stated).

    Bob asks, “are you a nature boy?” <----typed alone like that, does it not sound creepy?

    There are four girls left on the show now, and all of them are gathered together to talk about the power of estrogen. The conclusion: it is powerful.

    Caroline is standing in front of a curtain, and says something about how the challenges wouldn’t be challenging without challenging their challenges. Or something.

    It was an uber-krispy. The King of the land of Krispies: i.e. a gooey-drippy, tempting-to-Lisa bar the size of a volleyball.

    where they are greeted by the Ceo, known to us as, “that guy with the tie.”

    All cry, we are sad and yet merry at the same time. It is a very salted-nut-roll experience: i.e. opposing sensations of sweet and salty, mixing up to make a tasty treat. <----pulled from thin air.

    The assiest. <----new word. Add it to your Microsoft spellcheck.

    And, for the first time ever, a woman is the biggest loser. I cheer…until I read that sentence over again. Curse the title of this show. *mutter*

    Ohh…the collective Survivor contestants all read this (fictitiously) and rub their hands together, gleefully fantasizing about snuffing Jeff’s torch. *whoosh* <----satisfying singe.

    What about him says he’s the MoFather? Besides his complete non-resemblance to Brando.

    It’s time to find out who’s fridge light will be snapped off in a brilliant spectacle of humiliation.

    (Self-inflatingly? Yes. It stays.)

    It's very touching. Apparently. Tune in to be touched!

    Yes. This is a first draft.


    So wonderful, Shaz!! A Thanksgiving feast of laughter. And...I am thankful. You rock, funny girl.
    "Look, you love me, and I love you. Maybe in a different time, a different place, this would work out. But we both know that only one of us is leaving this room alive, and I'm the one holding the flame thrower." - Film Fakers

  4. #4
    Endlessly ShrinkingViolet's Avatar
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    There is no need to patronize the Shazzmaster. Excellent recap . . . and you posted it on Thanksgiving, no less! I hope you got your potatoes done. I can never quote all that needs to be quoted, as that would be the whole recap, but these were too funny not to:


    Ryan’s an ass. The assiest. This from the green beaniest.

    And, for the first time ever, a woman is the biggest loser. I cheer…until I read that sentence over again. Curse the title of this show. *mutter*

    What about him says he’s the MoFather?
    And this one had me giggling on and off all day:


    Dave of team red commands his foces with his expert knowledge in construction, because he assumes that if he can build a house out of brick and mortar, he can certainly create a tower of ho hos worthy of Jack and the Beanstalk.

  5. #5
    FORT Biscuit VeronicaBelle27's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shazzer

    All cry, we are sad and yet merry at the same time. It is a very salted-nut-roll experience: i.e. opposing sensations of sweet and salty, mixing up to make a tasty treat. <----pulled from thin air.


    Lastly, we’re shown the next soon-to-be-eliminated person visiting Mo. Dave turns to him and tells him that Ryan’s getting on his nerves, while Mo listens and I wonder why it is that Mo has become the Godfather of this game. Why is everyone turning to him in times of crisis? What about him says he’s the MoFather? Besides his complete non-resemblance to Brando. First Matt goes to him, and *poof* he’s eliminated. Now Dave is turning to him. Will he be next? He he…all bets say…….yes.


    [I]Yes. This is a first draft.

    Wonderful recap as always Shazzer! I hope your dinner turned out as good as your recap did....

    Could does not mean should

  6. #6
    Retired! hepcat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shazzerizhawt
    It is Thanksgiving. And a merry dia-del-poultry to all.

    Little hearts arch across the sky behind his head, and we’re all happy.

    My thoughts on the 20 seconds of update footage: Wow. What a waste of time.

    Dave of team red commands his foces with his expert knowledge in construction, because he assumes that if he can build a house out of brick and mortar, he can certainly create a tower of ho hos worthy of Jack and the Beanstalk.
    What a feast of funny, Shazzer! I loved it, every succulent morsel of prose!
    You've gotta hustle if you want to earn a dollar. - Boston Rob

  7. #7
    Wonky snarkmistress Lucy's Avatar
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    It is Thanksgiving. And a merry dia-del-poultry to all. So this recap will be fast, and okay, and maybe humorous in some parts, and for the rest of it: I fully expect to be patronized. So get crackin’, peeps. I’ve got potatoes to peel.

    I think we all have a touch of the ADD as soon as people head home. For example….quick quiz! Go! Who was the first person eliminated from Survivor this year? Annnnd..TIME! Who was the first person eliminated from the Apprentice? Annnd…TIME!. You don’t stinkin’ know. Or maybe you do, and I just have a bad memory. I do have that metal plate from Nam……..*eeeee* <-----high frequency squeal from picking up nearby radio tower signals.

    she never spoke, but her haircut said, “nice and supportive”. If you listened closely, anyway.

    It is a very salted-nut-roll experience: i.e. opposing sensations of sweet and salty, mixing up to make a tasty treat. <----pulled from thin air.

    And wouldn’t that be a twist? Voting off the host? Ohh…the collective Survivor contestants all read this (fictitiously) and rub their hands together, gleefully fantasizing about snuffing Jeff’s torch. *whoosh* <----satisfying singe.

    Yes. This is a first draft. shazzer@fansofrealitytv.com

    I would never have to patronize you, Shazz, not even on Thanksgiving. You slay me every time.
    It's such a fine line between stupid, and clever. -- David St. Hubbins

  8. #8
    Staying Afloat speedbump's Avatar
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    Bravissamo Shazzy-baby. Tasty from start to finish and mucho pepsi through the nose moments.
    You got to cry without weeping. Talk without speaking. Scream without raising your voice.- U2

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