Big Brother 11 9/6 recap: The Reign of Beyotch

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Hello dear readers! Tis I, iguanachocolate, here to bring you all the hamster happenings. Frankly, not a whole lot of happenings this late in the season, not with this crew. It just hasn’t been the same since the Bananaman was evicted before his time. But we are stuck with this lot, so let’s make the best of it.

Natalie, predictably, is taking all the credit for Jeff’s eviction letting us know - again – that it was payback for Jessie’s Coup d’Etat victimization. Jordan, predictably, is devastated, telling us through her silicone driven tears that she is all alone in the house. Hmmm, what about your best friend, Natalie? Kevin tells the houseguests that if Jeff had only approached him, he might have voted for him. To stay. Yeah, and Natalie bathes more than once a decade. Michele says she knows everyone will be gunning for her since she is the strongest houseguest left, so she had better win HoH. We all know how that pans out for her as the Queen of Mean actually pulls out a win. According to Kevin she was “celebrating as if she won an eight hour competition”. He thinks she only won by luck, but he doesn’t really care as long as he is safe this week.

Michele says she lost to an eighteen year old. I wonder if it will matter that she actually lost to a twenty four year old? She knows the target is on her back this week – probably the big tip off came last week when Natalie told her so. Jordan is upset she will not be able to avenge Jeff’s eviction saying she just screwed herself. No, my dear, you did that the moment you started listening to Natalie’s lies. Meanwhile, in the red room, Natalie is explaining to Kevin, allegedly her last remaining alliance member in the house, why she has to put him up this week. “Did I just her that correctly, biz-snatch?” Kevin says to the camera, “You said you were going to put me on the block?” Natalie of course has some kind of explanation that somehow benefits her, but I don’t really see how it benefits Kevin. He doesn’t see how it benefits him either and accuse her of suffering from HoH-itis. Somehow Nasty Nat thinks Jordan is a Veto threat so she wants to make sure she knows that Nat and Kevin aren’t together. Honey, even Jordan can remember back far enough. Like to last week when you two were joined at the hip.

We have to suffer through Nat’s HoH room reveal. Though it was almost worth it to see ant in dork heaven with huge oversized glasses on. Jordan remarks that Jason, Nat’s boyfriend, looks a lot older than Nat. Errrrrr, why yes he does – now, can you put two and two together and not get 18?

Later on, whilst Jordan drowns her sorrows with white wine, Natalie begins to spin her big Kevin lie saying what a strong player he is and how she is going to put him up. She says that they had a deal until the final four and heck, the final four is up so it is girl power all the way now. Michele and Jordan, desperate for any hope, buy what she is saying hook, line and sinker.

To break up the boredom, Big Brother gives them a luxury comp. They group in pairs and will be on opposite sides of the wall. They will have to match items of clothing and then pose. After they match the required items, any time left on the clock will be used as a shopping spree for new clothes. Kevin pairs with Natalie – though he is not too happily because, as he says, she only knows two types of clothing, basketball shorts and sweats. When all is said and done, they end up with 3 minutes and change for their shopping spree. Catch is that they have to actually put the clothing items on that they want. The girls flip through the racks looking for items, but Kevin covets the outfit a mannequin is wearing. He proceeds to dismantle that beyotch faster than Natalie can spin a lie and leave scattered mannequin pieces in his wake. He got the outfit, though, so he’s happy. Warning to shop owners, guard your mannequins when he is around, lest they are molested.

Kevin and Michele steal some time in the HoH room where Kevin feels her out about a final two deal. He thinks they should pair up because he doesn’t think he would win the jury vote over Natalie. He tells us that he would totally sell Natalie out for a trip to the final two. Those two are just made for each other, aren’t they? Michele remains non-committal, but does like the idea. Meanwhile, Natalie is working Jordan out in the back yard telling her she doesn’t care who goes first between Michele and Kevin. Natalie assures Jordan that she has never lied to her – mmm hmmmm. You lying little freak.

We’re subjected to Pandora’s Box again. Natalie goes into her HoH room to see a familiar door with a question mark on it. The clue says that she will have a chance to spend some time with a loved one and the monitor reveals her boyfriend. But, if she takes this chance, she will not be allowed to play in the upcoming Veto competition. She doesn’t think twice about leaving Kevin to fight for the Veto on his own, she chooses her boyfriend. The producers make Jason, errrr, he proposes on his own to Natalie telling her he came there for that reason only. Yeah, he came there to propose with a twist tie. Probably off he loaf of Wonder bread on the Kraft table. Natalie accepts with all the excitement of a moldy banana. Whoo hooo, Jason, what a catch. You lucky dawg. Natalie quickly pushes a button for 15 minutes more with Jason at the expense of something annoying her housemates. Well, as long as it isn’t her, then the hamsters are on the winning side. Big Brother unleashes a giant bearded baby, a Copy Cat and some kind of bug spray wielding bug. Much hilarity ensues, but the hamsters got right back to their mind numbing boredom soon enough.

For some reason, Natalie felt that actually telling the truth to the houseguests would make too much effort and oh, say, honesty, so she concocts a huge lie about how if she is in the final two the winning vote will be reversed and she can’t play in the Veto and she is going to be shot to the moon after the show is over. Kevin isn’t buying it one bit and even Michele and Jordan are suspicious. Kevin corners her and tries to get her to tell the truth but Nat keeps on with her ridiculous story. Nat goes upstairs, but her Spidey sense tells her that not all is right in Natland, so she decides to come clean to her housemates. She decides to make it seem like one big practical joke, but no one else is laughing. She finally comes clean about it, but Kevin is still suspicious. Jordan and Natalie don’t know what to believe either.

Finally, we have Noms. Natalie is dressed in an absolutely ridiculous outfit of Kevin’s blow up crown, the HoH robe and a pool cue thingy ( technical term). She quickly pulls Jordan’s key and tells her she safe. She tells Kevin she nominated him because it’s a chess game and she is three moves ahead of him. She tells Michele that she nominated her for personal reasons saying she won’t make a deal with the Devil. Good lord, but you’ll let your boyfriend sleep with one?
Kevin tells us Nat’s a liar and Michele says this devil won’t be taking her to the final two. Stay tuned to find out who wins the final Veto.

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