7/31/04 Recap - In Diane We Trust

BravoFan · 08-01-2004, 11:58 AM

As I sit here, my laptop out and ready, the impending sense of dread nears. It's the feeling I've had in the pit of my stomach as this date (July 31) loomed closer. This date, where I would be forced not only to watch the Big Brother show, but to actually pay attention to it...enough attention to recap it for our fine FORT members.

First I'd like to send my own congratulations to CBS for gathering the most repulsive cast ever of any reality TV show. Oh wait, I completely forgot about Fox's atrocity last year, Paradise WhoreTel. So scrap that accolade.

But I do have things to be thankful for on this day. Thankful that my recap falls post-Holly, and I won't be subjected to seeing (or worse, hearing) her for the next hour. And thankful that I will never meet any of these people in my life.

And I guess that's a good place to insert my disclaimer/warning. If you are a friend or family member of any of the contestants, or just can't handle contestant bashing, this is not the recap for you. You'd be better served checking out Fansofpeoplewhohavenothinggoin gonintheirlivesandnothingbette rtodothanwillinglyspend3months sittinginacagewithoutanyintell ectualstimulationwhat-so-ever.com.

And with that, we're off.

SHUT YOUR PIEHOLE

We start out the show in the familiar backyard setting that we left the houserats in at the conclusion of Thursday's live show.

Scott has immediately started in with excuses as to why he won't win the HoH competition. Apparently, there is "no way" he'll win because each of his arms weighs "like 80 pounds." Hmmm, your ego, perhaps. Your arrogance, I can see that. Your @$$#*)% level, absolutely. But your arm? I don't think so.

Diane warns everyone that they might as well quit now, as this competition is made for her because the pose is equivalent to her waitressing job of carrying 20 beers on a tray. I'm mostly intrigued by her attire as she's got a really cute figure, but has chosen an outfit that looks like maternity-wear gone bad.

Michael starts screaming something about saddling up a horse and staying on it. Honestly, I Tivoed back 3 times and still couldn't figure out what the hell he was talking about, so your guess is as good as mine.

Jase announces there is no way he is going to lose the competition which prompts Marvin to chime in about Holly. And now my hopefulness of not having to endure anything Holly in this episode has come to an abrupt end as images of Holly-past adorn our screen, and Jase shows the first display of anger at the verdict as he thanks everyone for "evicting my girlfriend." Now, frankly, I would be thrilled if these 2 hooked up post-show, saving 2 other poor souls from having to deal with them (as long as an ironclad contract was put into place stating they could not procreate). But I must have missed the part where Jase gave Holly his class ring.

I realize now I'm only 5 minutes into the show, so I'll speed up a little.
Nakomis is the first out, and Karen drops soon after as Drew shows up with pizza and beer to tempt the participants. Out of nowhere, Diane suggests they all step off and let Cowboy win. And for some reason, everyone agrees except Marvin. Drew then makes the announcement that the houseguests are no longer able to switch hands. 12 minutes later, Cowboy falls and bursts into tears. Drew and Nakomis try to console Cowboy while the rest of the HGs fight it out.

Scott then makes an illegal move by resting his second hand on his picture. Diane calls him out, as "Big Brother" must have been just as bored with all this as we are and missed it. BB announces that Scott is out, and in typical Scott fashion, he blames his shortcomings on Diane and calls her a "b&$^%."

Marvin drops in dramatic fashion, almost causing Adria to fall with him. Adria falls next, and after making a deal that neither Diane nor Jase would put him up for eviction, Will voluntarily leaves. Jase tries to convince Diane that she would be amazed at who he wants to put on the block. Fortunately, Diane doesn't fall for it.

Apparently, at 7 hours and 22 minutes, the BB in charge of watching this needs a Burger King break, so they announce the participants are no longer able to lift or move their feet in an attempt to end the agony (ours, not theirs).

At 9 1/2 hours in, Jase starts squawking like a chicken. I truly believe that he has lost his mind and BB will appear at any second with a straight-jacket in hand -- either that, or he was auditioning for a bit part in One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, Part II.

Thankfully, Jase's foot slips and Diane is the new HoH!

JASE PLEADS HIS CASE

While the Santa Monica Van guys sit around guessing who is going up, Jase sucks up to Diane in the hopes she'll forget that he's treated her like his own personal punching bag for the past 2 weeks. The rest of them sit tight, but Drew reveals in the DR, "If you're a guy not sleeping in Diane's bed you might be worried. Luckily I'm a guy sleeping in Diane's bed." (something I really wasn't that aware of)

WILL THE FUN NEVER END?

In a horribly failed attempt to show how much fun is also going on, BB forces us to endure clips of the hilarious (not) antics in the house. These are about as funny and entertaining as the "gotta go, gotta go, gotta go right now" incontinence commercials that air regularly.

- First is a pre-pilot for Pimp my Jase which entails Jase in multiple nauseating shirtless poses in the bathroom mirror. When all of the horseman jump in on the fun, I reach for the remote, but fortunately it's over quickly, and they move on.

- Larry. A man named Larry is Karen's husband, and she talks about him quite a bit in the house. Apparently, we are supposed to find this humorous. Gee, a married woman, trapped in a house of freaks decides to talk about something in her life that actually matters. Yeah, that's comedy. :rolleyes

- We are then treated to our very own Bull-riding Cowboy show with Michael trying to teach others how to rope an idol punching bag. I'm serious. This is all the producers of this show could come up with to entertain us? This show should be titled "When Humans Go Wrong" and air on Animal Planet, not CBS.

SHORT AND SWEET
(probably like sex with Scott or Jase - minus the "sweet" part or course)

Diane finally gets some action going in the house by nominating who she believes are the 2 strongest players in the game.

To the surprise of no one really, Scott and Jase are nominated.

Who will win POV? Will they save Scott or Jase? What will happen when Adria and Natalie BOTH enter the game? Find out on Tuesday!
Oh, the suspense, it's killing me. Or maybe that's just the numbing feeling of the brain cells I've lost so far on this show.

If you have something nice to say, please feel free to contact the author via email at bravofan@fansofrealitytv.com. If you don't have anything nice to say, follow that golden rule and say nothing at all.

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dfleming2 · 08-01-2004, 12:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BravoFan

This show should be titled "When Humans Go Wrong" and air on Animal Planet, not CBS.

SHORT AND SWEET
(probably like sex with Scott or Jase - minus the "sweet" part or course)

Oh, the suspense, it's killing me. Or maybe that's just the numbing feeling of the brain cells I've lost so far on this show.

Great recap Bravo! Congratulations on getting through another episode of BB!

Fanatic277 · 08-01-2004, 12:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BravoFan

First I'd like to send my own congratulations to CBS for gathering the most repulsive cast ever of any reality TV show. Oh wait, I completely forgot about Fox's atrocity last year, Paradise WhoreTel. So scrap that accolade.

Scott has immediately started in with excuses as to why he won't win the HoH competition. Apparently, there is "no way" he'll win because each of his arms weighs "like 80 pounds." Hmmm, your ego, perhaps. Your arrogance, I can see that. Your @$$#*)% level, absolutely. But your arm? I don't think so.

At 9 1/2 hours in, Jase starts squawking like a chicken. I truly believe that he has lost his mind and BB will appear at any second with a straight-jacket in hand -- either that, or he was auditioning for a bit part in One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, Part II.

Oh, the suspense, it's killing me. Or maybe that's just the numbing feeling of the brain cells I've lost so far on this show.

Excellent recap BravoFan, thanks for sitting through it for us

**fluff** · 08-01-2004, 01:04 PM

Quote:

First I'd like to send my own congratulations to CBS for gathering the most repulsive cast ever of any reality TV show. Oh wait, I completely forgot about Fox's atrocity last year, Paradise WhoreTel. So scrap that accolade.

I'm mostly intrigued by her attire as she's got a really cute figure, but has chosen an outfit that looks like maternity-wear gone bad.

These are about as funny and entertaining as the "gotta go, gotta go, gotta go right now" incontinence commercials that air regularly.

Well done BF, it's over now.
Great job

Stargazer · 08-01-2004, 01:13 PM

Wonderful job, Bravofan!

I loved the "gotta go right now" reference.

Thanks for the recap.

scarlett530 · 08-01-2004, 01:58 PM

Quote:

Oh, the suspense, it's killing me. Or maybe that's just the numbing feeling of the brain cells I've lost so far on this show.

Great recap!!

Greenmustard · 08-01-2004, 02:10 PM

I Loved all of it!! Bravo

Bravo

(Yay, today's my birthday, too)

Tigrazhia · 08-01-2004, 02:11 PM

Thanks for the great recap Bravo, good job

**hepcat** · 08-01-2004, 03:07 PM

Quote:

And with that, we're off.

SHUT YOUR PIEHOLE

That transition cracked me up. I'm singing "gotta go" to myself now. You rock, BF!!!

Lil_Cutie · 08-02-2004, 01:45 AM

Woo good recap! You're a good recapper, although I knew it from when you did those things for TAR where you were a "cast member". That was fun.

I'm so lazy, I just never feel like quoting anything I like anymore. Oh well.

And I'm SO glad Jase and Scott are up on the block! GO DIANE!

08-01-2004, 11:58 AM	#1
BravoFan COMBAT MISSIONS junkie! Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: At the FORT Posts: 12,971	7/31/04 Recap - In Diane We Trust As I sit here, my laptop out and ready, the impending sense of dread nears. It's the feeling I've had in the pit of my stomach as this date (July 31) loomed closer. This date, where I would be forced not only to watch the Big Brother show, but to actually pay attention to it...enough attention to recap it for our fine FORT members. First I'd like to send my own congratulations to CBS for gathering the most repulsive cast ever of any reality TV show. Oh wait, I completely forgot about Fox's atrocity last year, Paradise WhoreTel. So scrap that accolade. But I do have things to be thankful for on this day. Thankful that my recap falls post-Holly, and I won't be subjected to seeing (or worse, hearing) her for the next hour. And thankful that I will never meet any of these people in my life. And I guess that's a good place to insert my disclaimer/warning. If you are a friend or family member of any of the contestants, or just can't handle contestant bashing, this is not the recap for you. You'd be better served checking out Fansofpeoplewhohavenothinggoin gonintheirlivesandnothingbette rtodothanwillinglyspend3months sittinginacagewithoutanyintell ectualstimulationwhat-so-ever.com. And with that, we're off. SHUT YOUR PIEHOLE We start out the show in the familiar backyard setting that we left the houserats in at the conclusion of Thursday's live show. Scott has immediately started in with excuses as to why he won't win the HoH competition. Apparently, there is "no way" he'll win because each of his arms weighs "like 80 pounds." Hmmm, your ego, perhaps. Your arrogance, I can see that. Your @$$#)% level, absolutely. But your arm? I don't think so. Diane warns everyone that they might as well quit now, as this competition is made for her because the pose is equivalent to her waitressing job of carrying 20 beers on a tray. I'm mostly intrigued by her attire as she's got a really cute figure, but has chosen an outfit that looks like maternity-wear gone bad. Michael starts screaming something about saddling up a horse and staying on it. Honestly, I Tivoed back 3 times and still couldn't figure out what the hell he was talking about, so your guess is as good as mine. Jase announces there is no way he is going to lose the competition which prompts Marvin to chime in about Holly. And now my hopefulness of not having to endure anything Holly in this episode has come to an abrupt end as images of Holly-past adorn our screen, and Jase shows the first display of anger at the verdict as he thanks everyone for "evicting my girlfriend." Now, frankly, I would be thrilled if these 2 hooked up post-show, saving 2 other poor souls from having to deal with them (as long as an ironclad contract was put into place stating they could not procreate). But I must have missed the part where Jase gave Holly his class ring. I realize now I'm only 5 minutes into the show, so I'll speed up a little. Nakomis is the first out, and Karen drops soon after as Drew shows up with pizza and beer to tempt the participants. Out of nowhere, Diane suggests they all step off and let Cowboy win. And for some reason, everyone agrees except Marvin. Drew then makes the announcement that the houseguests are no longer able to switch hands. 12 minutes later, Cowboy falls and bursts into tears. Drew and Nakomis try to console Cowboy while the rest of the HGs fight it out. Scott then makes an illegal move by resting his second hand on his picture. Diane calls him out, as "Big Brother" must have been just as bored with all this as we are and missed it. BB announces that Scott is out, and in typical Scott fashion, he blames his shortcomings on Diane and calls her a "b&$^%." Marvin drops in dramatic fashion, almost causing Adria to fall with him. Adria falls next, and after making a deal that neither Diane nor Jase would put him up for eviction, Will voluntarily leaves. Jase tries to convince Diane that she would be amazed at who he wants to put on the block. Fortunately, Diane doesn't fall for it. Apparently, at 7 hours and 22 minutes, the BB in charge of watching this needs a Burger King break, so they announce the participants are no longer able to lift or move their feet in an attempt to end the agony (ours, not theirs). At 9 1/2 hours in, Jase starts squawking like a chicken. I truly believe that he has lost his mind and BB will appear at any second with a straight-jacket in hand -- either that, or he was auditioning for a bit part in One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, Part II. Thankfully, Jase's foot slips and Diane is the new HoH! JASE PLEADS HIS CASE* While the Santa Monica Van guys sit around guessing who is going up, Jase sucks up to Diane in the hopes she'll forget that he's treated her like his own personal punching bag for the past 2 weeks. The rest of them sit tight, but Drew reveals in the DR, "If you're a guy not sleeping in Diane's bed you might be worried. Luckily I'm a guy sleeping in Diane's bed." (something I really wasn't that aware of) WILL THE FUN NEVER END? In a horribly failed attempt to show how much fun is also going on, BB forces us to endure clips of the hilarious (not) antics in the house. These are about as funny and entertaining as the "gotta go, gotta go, gotta go right now" incontinence commercials that air regularly. - First is a pre-pilot for Pimp my Jase which entails Jase in multiple nauseating shirtless poses in the bathroom mirror. When all of the horseman jump in on the fun, I reach for the remote, but fortunately it's over quickly, and they move on. - Larry. A man named Larry is Karen's husband, and she talks about him quite a bit in the house. Apparently, we are supposed to find this humorous. Gee, a married woman, trapped in a house of freaks decides to talk about something in her life that actually matters. Yeah, that's comedy. :rolleyes - We are then treated to our very own Bull-riding Cowboy show with Michael trying to teach others how to rope an idol punching bag. I'm serious. This is all the producers of this show could come up with to entertain us? This show should be titled "When Humans Go Wrong" and air on Animal Planet, not CBS. SHORT AND SWEET (probably like sex with Scott or Jase - minus the "sweet" part or course) Diane finally gets some action going in the house by nominating who she believes are the 2 strongest players in the game. To the surprise of no one really, Scott and Jase are nominated. Who will win POV? Will they save Scott or Jase? What will happen when Adria and Natalie BOTH enter the game? Find out on Tuesday! Oh, the suspense, it's killing me. Or maybe that's just the numbing feeling of the brain cells I've lost so far on this show. If you have something nice to say, please feel free to contact the author via email at bravofan@fansofrealitytv.com. If you don't have anything nice to say, follow that golden rule and say nothing at all. __________________ "They can only edit what you give them. They cannot manufacture a fictional character out of thin air." (Bill Rancic - 4/04) Regarding editing reality TV: "You can't edit IN a bad personality." ("Cali"-11/02) BB8 - A "conveyor belt of human garbage." ("Pono" - 9/07) Last edited by BravoFan; 08-01-2004 at 03:28 PM.

08-01-2004, 01:13 PM	#5
Stargazer RESIDENT JEDI MASTER Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: On a Rocky Mountain High Age: 34 Posts: 11,859	Wonderful job, Bravofan! I loved the "gotta go right now" reference. Thanks for the recap. __________________ "Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter."- Yoda "I'll just see where Providence takes me and try to look like I got there confidently." - Craig Ferguson

08-01-2004, 02:11 PM	#8
Tigrazhia Glad 4 Vlad! :) Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Good ole I.E, Southern California. Age: 36 Posts: 1,521	Thanks for the great recap Bravo, good job __________________ "He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how."

08-01-2004, 02:10 PM	#7
Greenmustard X & Y Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: In Front of a T.V. Age: 20 Posts: 277	I Loved all of it!! Bravo Bravo (Yay, today's my birthday, too)

08-02-2004, 01:45 AM	#10
Lil_Cutie FORT Fogey Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: Fantasy Land Age: 25 Posts: 4,395	Woo good recap! You're a good recapper, although I knew it from when you did those things for TAR where you were a "cast member". That was fun. I'm so lazy, I just never feel like quoting anything I like anymore. Oh well. And I'm SO glad Jase and Scott are up on the block! GO DIANE!