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Thread: Live Feed Recap, 9/2/05: Enter the Blonde

  1. #1
    Retired! hepcat's Avatar
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    Jun 2003
    in a good place

    Live Feed Recap, 9/2/05: Enter the Blonde

    Dear CBS -

    You seem to be unclear on the concept of the live feeds. People shell out their hard-earned cash to watch events unfold before they are edited into the bland safe-for-the-network snippets that are shown a few times per week. Live feed watchers aren’t just spoiled, they are experiencing the twists and turns along with the hapless houseguests. You can’t tell me that anyone staying up until the wee hours of the night to hear every last bit of trash talking isn’t participating in the experience.

    We only saw five minutes of Janelle’s reign as HOH, and now we seem destined to miss Howie’s Jedi-like triumph. He only gets one day in power, so instead of blocking the feeds, you should be letting us watch! Blocking the feeds is not a twist; it’s the most infuriating circumstance you could have engineered. Whoever made this decision, you are spitting in the face of live feed watchers, and we don’t appreciate it.

    A Disgruntled Feed Watcher

    P.S.: I fart in your general direction.

    Since the Eviction
    • The “friendship” continues to fracture; the POV competition will expose hidden loyalties unless Howie or Janelle win.
    • Howie got high-quality light sabers as part of his HOH package!
    • The houseguests were given an unusually early wake up call of 7:30 A.M.
    • Former houseguest Holly from BB5 was spotted in the backyard getting instructions on hosting the POV competition. She was holding oversized poker chips with pictures of the houseguests on them.
    • CBS saw fit to block the feeds. Again. May fleas infest the underwear drawer of whoever made this decision.

    Return of the Jedi...For a Day

    Howie made his nominations on the spot during the live show, and the aftermath is immediately apparent when the feeds come back on. Ivette is in the bathroom crying bitterly. She is upset that she didn’t win HOH and now faces eviction without having won a competition. April comforts her in her passive-aggressive knife-to-the-heart way, telling Ivette the reason she didn’t win was that it wasn’t her Time. Ivette winning just wasn’t Meant to Be. *sputtering* These people always talk about the game as if the fate of the world was at stake. April can barely contain her glee at Howie’s nominations, since he’s doing what April secretly wants - scuttling the last pair.

    April and Maggie ask Beau privately who he wants to see stay in the game - Ivette or himself? He says that they both want Beau to stay. Meanwhile, Ivette has told Maggie separately that she hopes Howie replaces one of them with April if they win the veto, because they will have the votes to get her out over one of the pair. Maggie doesn’t respond, but Ivette seems oblivious. She seems to take comfort in the fact that Janelle’s one vote can be cancelled out by the “friendship”’s two, so they will be deciding their own fate.

    The “friendship” plot to get Howie to turn on Janelle. They think Beau can convince him that if he takes Janelle to the final two, he won’t win against her. Ivette and Maggie seem to think this will actually work, but April thinks only Beau should approach Howie with this argument. They realize Howie won’t put her up this week if the veto is used, but could he be persuaded to vote against her next week? Since they will still outnumber Howie and Janelle, and it’s not like Howie can win HOH next week, it seems like a moot point to me.

    Receive Goodies, You Will

    Howie gets the signal that his HOH room has been readied for his enjoyment. He knows he can’t get too comfortable, since the last time there was a double eviction Janelle got the use of the HOH room for one stinkin’ night. But as Howie is the first hamster to win HOH twice in this season, his prize is a little more substantial than a bag of Oreos or a rock from home: he gets light sabers from Master Replicas! The whole house crowds in the room to get a close up look at a Jedi Master’s tool of destruction. “Does this means Master Replicas loves you?” April quips lamely. Unlike April, Howie doesn’t seem to believe a corporation can have feelings; or at least, he knows who to thank. “Thanks, BB!” he says several times.

    As light sabers go, these puppies are slick. When the switch is flicked on, the light fills up from the base just as if the blade is springing into existence. They sound just like the movie, making a crash when they hit each other and a whooosh when they’re waved around. Howie playfully battles Janelle and Beau, then turns off the light for an even more impressive display. Whoever procured these for Howie really did their homework - he is one happy hamster.

    Sure, Howie also got pictures and goodies and the use of the bed for a night. Knowing that the likes of Ivette and April will have to give up the room they consider the “friendship”’s sweetens the deal considerably.

    After battling with light sabers until the others grow bored and leave the room, Janelle and Howie have a chance to talk privately. Janelle says that if she wins HOH next week Friday night, she won’t be able to put April on the block because she struck a deal with her. Janelle wonders casually if “they” have been asking Howie to put Janelle up, and he denies it. She scoffs that they couldn’t be so stupid. In actuality, Howie has been approached with a hard sell from Beau to get rid of Janelle while he has the chance. Beau told Howie he wouldn’t win if he went up against Janelle. So...he’d win against any of the “friendship?” Not with their majority on the jury. It’s crystal clear to outside observers, but we all know how confused Howie gets.

    Janelle tells Howie that if everything stays as it is, Ivette will be voted off because both April and Maggie are ready to evict her. If the veto is used, they can put Maggie in Ivette’s place, and convince April to vote out Beau with Janelle. Both of them are sick of Ivette’s personality, but recognize that Beau is probably a stronger competitor. Their plan is to target Beau over Ivette if they win the veto.

    Like most conversations between Janelle and Howie, they lapse into their ritual babytalk. Janelle likes to remind Howie he’s “a big beefcake” and he tells her she’s a “Janie doll.” The humor has long gone out of their banter; it’s like sad comfort talk now.

    With Friends Like These

    April surprises her friends by saying she wishes Janelle had won HOH. She explains that it would mean they would be competing with Howie for the next HOH, not Janelle. Whew! For a moment we all thought April had defected openly. But April continues to put her foot in her mouth by waxing on about how the other side thinks she’s a weak player and probably want to take her to the final three. She even goes so far as to say that if she won the final HOH competition she would get to pick between Janelle and Howie who would deserve the $50,000 second-place prize. Not that she would want to be up against Janelle and Howie, that’s icky! You can read her mind here, though; she knows she would win big against either Sovereign. Ivette and Maggie aren’t stupid; they can definitely read between the lines, and they aren’t amused.

    Beau asks to speak to Howie alone, and Howie agrees; but he cautions Beau that he won’t strike any deals after his last disastrous term as HOH. He will meet with Beau alone but won’t make promises until he’s discussed it with Janie. Beau agrees, then proceeds to hit Howie hard with the idea that it’s every man for himself from this point forward.

    Howie tells Beau that he finds him a greater physical competitor than April or Ivette, and that he’s well aware that Beau has a pair left in the house. Beau tries to convince Howie he should be thinking as an individual, not really addressing the issue of Beau’s relative strength compared to the others. Howie ends the conversation by telling Beau that he trusts him because he hasn’t been deceitful in the game. Since Howie isn’t amenable to making deals, Beau leaves and finds Ivette to tell her about the meeting. He recounts the conversation accurately; no need to exaggerate with his partner, after all. But he also tells Ivette that he’s come to a decision: if he wins the veto, he will use it to save her because she brought him to the game. Ivette is uncomfortable with this kind of talk and tells him to leave it until after the veto competition is played.

    But Ivette also complains bitterly to Beau that she’s misunderstood by the other side. She says they have a certain picture of her and they unfairly include her in Kaysar’s ousting, when she was working to calm everyone down that week. She paints herself as a noble player in the game, saying that she “doesn’t want to leave this game with continuously not being selfish. Do you understand what I'm saying?” Her point is that if she wins the veto, she wants to take herself off without feeling guilty. If she can rationalize her place in the game so thoroughly that she thinks Janelle and Howie should be thanking her for the week Kaysar was evicted, her powers of self-delusion are invincible. I’m sure she’ll get over the guilt of saving herself with the veto, if she ever wins it.

    Beau tells the rest of the group that he wants them to use the veto on Ivette if they win it. Maggie and April remind him that if they do, the other will be put in her place. Beau seems to have given up the fiction that he barely knows Ivette - now he says he loves her to death, and wants her to stay in the game over him. Maggie and April tell him they won’t use the veto if either of them wins it, and advise Ivette and Beau to fight hard for themselves.

    Mixed into any of the “friendship”’s conversations is near constant whining about Janelle. Ivette has reached her highest level of hatred, tearing Janelle down for her looks, her voice, her actions, her hair, her luck. She says Janelle has an “evil soul” and she can’t stand to breathe the same air as her. When Ivette gets on a roll, the others nod in agreement and laugh along. Ivette fantasizes about saying to Janelle’s face, “How does it feel to know you’ll never win the $500,000?” Maggie laughs uproariously (seriously, you’d think it was a dirty joke at least) but when Ivette is gone, later, she makes fun of Ivette’s joke. “It’s more money than you’ll win, Ivette,” she tells April she wanted to retort.

    April, who has been trying the most to build a relationship with Janelle with her eye on the next few weeks, must feel compelled to convince her “friends” that she hates her, and goes on a rant about Janelle being a slob who doesn’t do her dishes. It’s a good effort, but she can’t hold a candle to Ivette’s evaluation of Janelle’s “bad” aura, though.

    The circle of talking is hard to follow. As soon as April is out of the room, Ivette and Maggie fume that April doesn’t know what it’s like to be on the block. “Oh, she will,” swears Ivette bitterly. As soon as April and Maggie are alone, they tear Ivette to bits. When Beau is with Maggie and Ivette, he says he would cry if he had to vote for Maggie but booting out April wouldn’t bother him. When they’re all together, they focus on Janelle as their target. Yeah, I’m ready for a double eviction this week - heck, I’m ready for James’s proposal that the next competition be a hand grenade toss that “disqualifies” four houseguests!

    The houseguests huddle and go over HOH trivia all night, testing each other’s knowledge. Janelle tries to spy on the group in the Gold Room, but they notice her by the fishtank. It’s not like anyone has any surprises to pull out at this late date. Both groups review house trivia late into the night.

    Th-th-th-that’s All, Folks!

    The hamsters were woken at the ungodly hour of 7:30 A.M., a time of day not witnessed by many of the houseguests the entire summer. Big Brother had a little fun with the theme music, we learn, having played “Another One Bites the Dust” and the Looney Tunes theme. You gotta love that wacky omniscient voyeur, BB.

    The houseguests were all grumpy. Not only were they woken up early, the producers told them to dress casually for a competition starting in thirty minutes. They blearily complied, only to find themselves waiting for an agonizingly long time to be called into action.

    Howie and Janelle spend their last moments in the HOH room, playing with the light sabers. Howie is clearly finding strength in his new toys, cracking Star Wars-related quips and finding parallels to their current situation. He warns Janie that “the Nerd Herd is coming after us”, but that “the Veto is strong with her.” He vows to strike down every houseguest with his mighty Jedi powers. It’s hokey, but entertaining.

    Downstairs, Maggie is reliving the moment when Julie Chen read a fan’s letter saying she looked great. She wanted to reply that she found someone to give her 15 pounds to, making it clear she means Janelle. Do you think that sly little jab will make it to the edited show?

    The houseguests are told to stay near the glass door, so the conversation turns to general talk suitable for mixed (Sov/Friendship) company. They wonder who will host the POV competition since they will all be participating. As they talk a vapid blonde pops onto one of the camera feeds. Could it be? The squeaky-voiced caked-on makeup wearer herself of Big Brother 5? Yes, you guessed it - Holly has appeared! She is shown being instructed by a producer how to host a game involving oversized poker chips with houseguest pictures on them.

    In a few minutes, a voice can be heard asking the group inside if they are ready, and Maggie jokes that she “thought they went home.” And with that, the fish tanks slam into place, along with a notice that they will be blocked until Saturday evening. Look at it this way - do you really want any more exposure to Holly than is necessary? We’ve got a buxom blonde and a busted blonde in the house - is there room for one more bleach-bottle user vying center stage? Nah.
    You've gotta hustle if you want to earn a dollar. - Boston Rob

  2. #2
    Hepcat thank-you. You really capture what's going on. Actually, I like your writing better than what's going on. It brings it to life.

    The humor has long gone out of their banter; it’s like sad comfort talk now.
    Although this depresses me, I really like how you described this. Makes me want to root for them even more. C'mon Howie and Janelle!

  3. #3
    Salty waywyrd's Avatar
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    Jul 2003
    South Carolina
    Your 'Dear CBS' letter is perfect, we should all send it those morons.

    Good Lord, Holly's back....I have to make sure my mute button is working tonight. That's woman's voice sends my cat running out of the room.
    It was me. I let the dogs out.

  4. #4
    Helplessly Hoping AsIs's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2003
    Quote Originally Posted by hepcat
    [i]he gets light sabers from Master Replicas! The whole house crowds in the room to get a close up look at a Jedi Master’s tool of destruction. “Does this means Master Replicas loves you?” April quips lamely.
    Why, yes, yes they do! Talk about product placement. "Raise your hand if you have heard of K-Mart, now keep your hand up if you have heard of Master Replicas!"

    They make kick-@$$ reproductions of many movie things. All high quality. And speaking of kick-@$$, that describes your recap as well, Hepcat! Once again you make the unwatchable, readable!

    And I think I will donate the money I could use on the blocked feeds to the Red Cross!
    "How do you know the chosen ones? No greater love hath a man than he lay down his life for his friend. Not for millions, not for glory, not for fame... for one person. In the dark. Where no one will ever know or see." - Sebastion, Babylon 5

  5. #5
    Who Dat lildago's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2004
    Awesome recap, as usual! Almost as entertaining as watching it unfold!
    Getting lost will help you find yourself.

  6. #6
    Premium Member Dinahann's Avatar
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    Apr 2004
    Small Town USA
    Ah, Hep, how do you do it? I love reading your live recaps! Since I don't get the feeds it's the next best thing.

  7. #7
    FORT Fogey Vonna's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Central California
    I would love to hear the Fiendships' thoughts after listening and watching Holly for a short duration. I'll bet they are thinking...."Janey isn't so bad afterall"...but of course we will never hear them admit that Maybe it will show on their faces

    Wonderful recap and letter--thanks a lot!
    I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw something back.
    Maya Angelou

  8. #8
    TAR fan girl in green's Avatar
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    Aug 2004
    Rochester, NY
    Hep, you are the best! I've said it before, I'll say it again: Your recaps are better than watching the show.

    Of course, the way the show's been this year, that may not be saying much...

    All the more reason your recaps ROCK!

  9. #9
    FORT Fanatic Violetgirl's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Hepcat, will you marry me?

  10. #10
    Thanks Hep, Did you actually send the letter to the Network (minus the fart reference I assume?)

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