In case you missed Wednesday’s episode or didn’t get a chance to read MsFroggy’s fabulous recap, James was evicted from the Big Brother house. Or so we all thought. The hamsters got to vote to bring a “mystery houseguest” (AKA Alex) back or vote to bring James back. By a vote of 5-3, James was brought back into the house.
At the end of Wednesday’s episode, the houseguests were left hanging in disco hell.
AmericaAll twenty of us watched the hamsters clutch to a dangling chain attached to a tiny platform. Who has the disco inferno burning inside of them? Who is stayin’ alive? Read on to find out the results of the HoH competition!
Matt fills us in on the latest divisions in the house, stating that he, Ryan, Adam, Natalie, and Sheila are on one team and James, Chelsia, Josh, and Sharon are on the other. James wants to win HoH to win back his dignity. Joshua is worried that James might be upset because Joshuah didn’t vote to keep him. Adam feels really bad about his vote as well.
Everyone is still hanging on to their disco balls, and a little bit of trash talking begins. James has words with Matt because Matt told James he’d be staying. James tries to figure out who the 3 votes were against bringing him back. Matt tries to convince James he voted for him to come back.
Fifteen minutes into the competition, Adam drops. He says that he knows his fat ass couldn’t have lasted the whole time. You know, even though he spends a lot of time being a pig and having his eyes bug out of his head, I think I have a soft spot for the ol’ ogre. The houseguests start spinning a little faster and soon after, Josh drops. He also thinks that he has a little bit too much junk in the trunk for this competition. Matt starts to complain that he is getting a bit achy, and about 40 minutes into the competition, he bails. Natalie starts running her mouth, much to the annoyance of the other houseguests. Her voice really is quite annoying. Sheila admits to James that she voted for the mystery houseguest because she thought it might be Alex. An hour passes and Sheila starts to feel sick so she jumps off. James, Sharon, Chelsia, and Natalie are still going strong.
Not the biggest budget this season I presume
Josh tries to offer Natalie a deal, but she says she isn’t going to drop. Ryan yells at Matt to start sweet talking his woman to keep her up there. Matt offers her a massage if she wins. She blabbers on and on and on. We hit the 2 and ½ hour mark, and with that milestone, Sharon falls. Matt and Ryan notice that Adam is talking to James and they think he is going to flip sides on them in a second. Ryan and Matt think Natalie is an idiot for voting James back in the house. Matt keeps taunting her with a massage and she says she deserves one for hanging on there. Matt is such a toolbag. Obviously Natalie is hanging on there for him, not for herself. Everything she does is for him.
And Then There Were Two
We reach 3 hours, and Natalie tells James and Chelsia that they aren’t her targets this week. James says he knows but he wants to win. He needs to win to feel like a man. *scratch scratch burp fart* They all discuss how James was backdoored and he says he is excited to return the favor to some of them. Now we are at 3 hours and 19 minutes. James looks like he is starting to get a bit tired, Natalie looks like she’s going strong, and Chelsia… falls. She is pissed at herself.
James and Natalie are the only two houseguests left. Apparently they are the only two houseguests who have caught disco fever. James is visibly tired but still hanging on. He decides to offer Natalie a deal. If he lets go, Natalie has to put Ryan on the block against whoever she wants. Matt gives her the signal to take the deal, telling Ryan that she will never keep it. James picks up on the signs and decides that he’d rather put Ryan up himself. No deal!
Look what I can do!
Hang time is now 4 hours and 5 minutes. Natalie starts to feel a bit dehydrated and asks James to promise her that both she and Matt will be safe if she lets go. He says he wants Ryan gone and that he is a man of his word. He promises both Natalie and Matt safety from nominations. Matt yells at her not to take the deal and to stay up there. She keeps saying that she feels sick and she starts to gag. Chelsia tells Matt if he ever talks crap about Natalie again, she will kick the crap out of him. Natalie starts to choke and cough and appears to be in really bad shape. She isn’t so much worried about herself; she is worried that James is going to put up Matt. I can’t believe she is putting herself through this torture for such a skeeze. At 4 hours and 26 minutes, Natalie falls. James is the winner! James assures Matt that he will stick to his word unlike everyone else in the game. Meanwhile, Natalie is lying on the ground shaking. She looks terrible. She cries and apologizes. Everyone tells her how amazing she is and Matt tells her that he is proud of her. He hugs her and brings her a blanket. James gives her a hug and AGAIN says he won’t break his word. Hey, did you know James won’t break his word? Oh yeah, and he won’t break his word.
Everyone heads inside, and Natalie is still really upset that she didn’t win. Matt tells her she was like Jesus up there dying for him. He says he feels a little bit bad about the way he has treated her. You should, jerk. He says she definitely earned her massage this time. In the storage room, Josh frets to Sharon about whether or not James would consider putting him up. Sharon assures Josh that James needs the numbers and that Josh will be perfectly fine this week.
Ryan takes Natalie aside and asks why in the world she would vote to bring James back in. She says she was scared that the mystery houseguest was going to be Allison. She wanted Ryan or Matt to tell her what she was supposed to do. God forbid she think for herself!
Bible Buddies and a Big Ass Dude
In one of the funniest Big Brother segments yet, Matt and Adam read and discuss the Bible. Adam decides that Goliath was one “big ass dude”. Matt thinks Jacob was a pimp because he married two girls in one week, plus had relations with a bunch of maids. Adam responds with, “Jacob gets busy, dude.” Wow. I’m actually cracking up pretty hard. Ryan comes in, gets the details about that smooth talking Jacob, and declares that Jacob is the man. Adam tells Ryan about Goliath being 6 cubits and a span, which comes out to be about, oh, one big ass dude. They all decide that Goliath was indeed one big ass dude.
Changing the world, one verse at a time.
Ryan lies down in bed with Matt and the all discuss the Bible a little bit more. Ryan tells Adam that Adam should start a Bible college. Adam says he is about halfway through reading the Bible and he understands the whole thing. Ryan thinks the Bible is a good thing to know because of the references made to it, like David and Goliath. Or, as Matt chimes in, Easter. I’m still cracking up. Thanks for actually making something not suck in an episode, BB!
It’s time to see James’ HoH room, and it’s the same ol’, same ol’. He has pictures from home and pictures with his friends. Chelsia is really excited for him and he thinks it’s wild that he went from evicted to HoH just like that.
Down in the spa room or whatever you’d like to call it, Natalie cashes in her massage card with Mattie. He tells her he loves her but makes sure she knows it isn’t in “that” way. She takes her shirt off and he tells her that he isn’t touching any boobies so she better put them away. He has his hands on her for about 5 seconds before he decides to just use the roller. She thinks he is really good at giving massages. Uh, okay. She thinks that Matt needs to convince James that he voted for James to come back, even though he didn’t.
Josh, Sharon, and Matt are sitting in the bedroom talking about the votes against James coming back. They know that Ryan and Sheila were two of them, and Matt suggests that Baller was the third. Matt lies and says that he thought it would be Allison coming back in and he didn’t want her to come back in, so he voted for James. Liar liar pants on fire. Josh goes into the kitchen and tells Adam that Matt is saying that Adam was the third vote. Josh tells them that one of them didn’t vote for James. They stare at each other. Adam gets upset, his eyes bulge, and he decides that he needs to set the record straight. He runs to find James, and gets a little bit fired up about the situation. He tells Josh and James over and over that he wasn’t the third vote.
Big Brother must be scraping the bottom of the barrel for footage this season, because now it’s time for us to watch Josh pretend he is a maid. Riveting. He dusts the bedroom while Adam is trying to sleep, all the while shouting “housekeeping” in his best girly voice. He declares himself to be a gay French maid. He goes around the house with his feather duster, just dusting whatever he comes near. He throws some dust on people’s beds. What a classy guy.
In last week’s Veto competition, Josh won a letter from home. He reads it aloud to everyone while in the hot tub. He sobs while reading it and then everyone claps. Chelsia gives him a hug. He thinks his family will be so proud of him when he goes home.
The Phoenix is Back
Ryan heads up to the HoH room to talk to James. Ryan assures James that there will be no ass kissing. So, let the ass kissing begin! Ryan knows that he did backdoor James and he knows James will be coming after him, but… James interrupts. He tells Ryan that he was evicted and he sat down with Julie. He reminds Ryan that Ryan lied straight to his face on several occasions. James wants to know why Ryan put him up last week. Ryan stammers around and says that it was kind of a house decision but ultimately he made the decision. James knows for sure that Ryan will be nominated, but he doesn’t know who the other nominee should be, since he was screwed over by so many people.
It’s finally time for nominations and mostly everyone is a bit worried that they could be on the block this week. Matt feels pretty confident that he will be safe due to Natalie’s deal with James during the HoH competition. James declares that since he is back, it’s time for the return of the phoenix. Everyone gathers at the table and James explains that your word is all you have in the game, and his nominations reflect that. The first key he pulls belongs to Natalie. Matt, Sharon, Chelsia, Joshuah, and Adam are all also safe. The nominees this week: Sheila and Ryan. James tells Sheila she is nominated this week because she looked him straight in the eyes and lied to him. James tells Ryan he is nominated because he successfully backdoored James. Does anyone else chuckle when James says that people backdoored him? I digress. He says it isn’t a strategic move at all, rather it is quite personal. Ryan claims to be the king of the block, and he knows that he can get off because he’s done it twice before. Sheila is pissed off and wants to go kick some butt.
I'm pissed off. Oh yeah, and I'm a single mom too. Hey did you know I'm a single mom?
Who will win the power of veto? Will the nominations stay the same? Was Jacob really a pimp? Tune in Tuesday night to find out! Busy watching paint dry that night? Then check out a snarkalicious recap by our own lildago!
If you think Goliath was a big ass dude, PM me.