As I settle in to watch and recap another episode of Big Brother, I can’t help but secretly hope I will turn on my TV and find out this season has been cancelled. A girl can hope, right? No such luck.
If you missed Wednesday’s episode or you just tried to block it from your mind, the whole house had a blowout with Amanda, Jen and Parker were sent packing, and Chelsia and James were crowned the new HoH couple. Who will they nominate for eviction? We have to sit through 56 minutes of crap to find that out! Woo hoo! Here we go!
A Crazy New HoH
Of course, Big Brother always treats us to the black and white flashback of scenes from the episode before. I don’t mind it too much this time because it reminds me that Jen is no longer in the house. Amanda is shown in the Diary Room crying because she didn’t want Jen and Parker to go. She feels like she is stuck in a house where everyone hates her. Obsessive Alex is happy that Parker is gone because he knew Parker liked Amanda. Allison is a happy little hamster now because she can now put the moves on ol’ Ryan. Matt is a little bummed that the eye candy and his bro are out the door. Eh, I’m over it.
Chelsia and Crazy James are the new HoH couple and they are super pumped about it. Apparently they are “shady” people and now they can do “shady” things. Alex isn’t very happy because he knows that his drama/gossip queen soulmate might get them nominated. Amanda claims that she may have thrown up in her mouth a little bit when James and Chelsia won. No bueno!! Natalie is happy because she feels like she and Mattie will be safe this week. Allison is breathing easy this week as well because Chelsia still thinks she is a lesbian and Allison feels she won’t be nominated because she trusted Chelsia with that secret. What? Josh says something ridiculous that isn’t even worth writing.
We are so crazy that we make crazy look crazy
After the HoH competition, everyone heads inside to find out that their cups are now gone. (They lost cups as part of the HoH competition). They decide to use bowls instead. Exchanging one liquid holding device for an even larger liquid holding device… what a sacrifice! James and Chelsia are talking with Matt, and James promises Matt he won’t be on the block this week. James tells Matt he has his word as well as Chelsia’s word.
KeeperTeller of Secrets
Joshuah, taking a cue from last season’s trainwreck also known as Dustin, is running around with a crown on for some reason. He spills the beans to his new partner, Sharon, that Allison and Sheila are a lesbian couple. She thinks they can use that information to their advantage. These people are idiots. Joshuah thinks it is “exhausting” that everyone tells him their secrets. And by everyone, I’m sure he means just 2 people.
Chelsia and Josh come running out of the DR and announce it’s time to see their HoH room. Everyone cheers and runs upstairs. Chelsia and James both get pictures of their families. Chelsia also got pictures of her giant cat. After everyone leaves, Natalie wastes no time kissing ass and gives both James and Chelsia a big hug. Hey Natalie, Jon Bon Jovi circa 1983 called, he wants his hair back. Chelsia assures Natalie that she won’t be going on the block this week. All of these promises and assurances… is BB setting us up for some blindsiding? Hmm.
Natalie is Livin’ On A Prayer
James heads outside for some meathead time with his bros Adam and Ryan. He tells them that it’s time to take out the top shelf. By top shelf, he is talking about the top row of pictures on the memory wall. Jen and Parker are already gone, now it’s time for Alex and Amanda to go. He names this little mission “Operation Condor” and squeals. They all screech. Who the hell names a strategic plan “Operation Condor”? He is trying to figure out which couple will be the pawns for the week. Ryan doesn’t want to be a pawn since he was on the block last week. Adam, babbling a mile a minute, doesn’t want to be the pawn because the pawn usually goes home. That might be the smartest thing I’ve heard anyone say all season! There is a little brain cell floating around in that head of his somewhere. Adam “caws” like a
condorcrow/slob/tool and Ryan says he’s all about Operation Condor. It’s more like Operation Condorks!
Dirty Little Secrets
Amanda decides that she wants to talk to Josh about the big fight. She takes him into the sauna room and tells him that she forgives him for the things he said. He apologizes and says they will work past it. She thinks it would be a brilliant move if they form a secret alliance since nobody would ever suspect it. She promises she will try her hardest to keep him in the game until the final 3. He believes her and hopes she doesn’t screw him over. They hug. Aww. How quickly we go from shouting and insults to rainbows and butterflies!
big boobsbutterflies, Natalie admits that she has a little crush on her partner Mattie and gets butterflies in her stomach when she’s around him. She uses the word cute about a hundred times and talks about how similar they are. She wants Mattie to take a bubble bath with her, but he just waves her off. She keeps whining and he finally tells her that he knows he could have sex with her if he wanted to, but he isn’t. She thinks they both like each other but won’t admit it. Uh huh, that’s exactly it, Nat.
Allison decides that it might be time tell Joshuah and Chelsia about her and Sheila’s “fauxmance”. She thinks that if others think they are a couple, there might be a target on them. Sheila doesn’t think it’s a good idea to tell the truth because everyone will know they lied. She also thinks Josh will be mad because he’s gay and they played “that card”. They talk it over for a little while and ultimately decide to come clean (or straight) before things get out of control.
Ahoy mates! It’s time for the first food competition of the season! The houseguests are asked to break into 2 teams named “Sea duction” and “Dev ocean”. Clever BB. Team “Sea duction” consists of Allison and Ryan, Natalie and Matt, and Josh and Sharon. Team “Dev ocean” is made up of Amanda and Alex, James and Chelsia, and Sheila and Adam. James and Chelsia are playing, but can’t be put on slop because they are the HoHs this week. Everyone enters the backyard to find a scene of boats, nets, and fake seagulls. After taking a few more steps into the backyard, they all realize that it reeks of dead fish. There are dead fish lying around everywhere. Yuck. The premise of the game is that each team will choose players to be deckhands and players to be divers. The deckhands will hold onto ropes attached to nets while the divers have to catch fish to put into the nets. The “catch” is that they will be putting their fish into the other team’s nets in order to make them heavier and harder for the deckhands to hold up. The first team who has all 3 of their nets fall into the water gets put on slop for the week.
Team Sea duction (dressed in yellow) decides that they want the 3 stronger guys to hold the nets and the 3 girls to be the divers. This means that Ryan, Josh, and Matt are the deckhands and Allison, Sharon, and Natalie are the divers. Team Dev ocean (dressed in green) chooses Adam, Amanda, and James to be the deckhands and Alex, Chelsia, and Sheila to be the divers. The competition begins and both teams start slinging fish into the other team’s nets. The green team’s strategy is to throw the biggest fish into the nets, while the yellow team’s strategy is to knock out Amanda’s and James’s nets first, then focus on Adam’s. The nets are pretty high up in the air, so if the fish is big, it’s quite a toss. Chelsia is having trouble throwing the big fish up into the net. Ryan comments that the girls looked sexy all covered in blood and fish guts. He loves a dirty girl. Hmm. Fish gut fetish isn’t one I’ve heard of, but whatever “floats his boat”. Look at me with my clever aquatic reference. Take that, BB! Ryan (yellow) drops his net first, followed by James (green). Amanda (green) and Matt (yellow) are next. It comes down to Josh (yellow) and Adam (green). Adam drops his net. Yellow team wins! Adam and Sheila as well as Amanda and Alex will be on slop for the week. They all go inside to find buckets of slop awaiting them. Alex and Sheila think it is disgusting and make a big scene of it. Amanda says something about herself. Go figure. I stopped listening.
Ladies and Gentlemen, the Village People!
I don’t even know why I’m including this little clip series in the recap, but BB treats us to a montage of Amanda chirping out “Bueno!” in that high-pitched voice of hers. It kind of makes me chuckle. Does she have any idea what bueno even means? Natalie thinks that Amanda says “bueno” at least 30 times a day and that Amanda thinks it means “hello”. Mattie shouts that it really means “good”. They all make fun of her in the DR. Okay, montage over. Back to the game.
James admits to Chelsia that he really likes her a lot because she is a “rad” chick. Any guy that isn’t afraid to say “rad” on national TV is okay with me! Chelsia and James get into bed but she won’t let him turn out the lights. He asks her in a crazy voice if he can snuggle with her, and eventually they start to make out. Chelsia says that James is growing on her and she’ll just have to see where things go.
Bow Chicka Wow Wow
Coming OutGoing Back In The Closet
The time has finally come for Sheila and Allison to admit to Chelsia that they aren’t lesbian lovers. Allison emphasizes that this confession has nothing to do with the fact that Chelsia is HoH. Yeah, right. Sheila admits that they made it up. Chelsia admits that she told James. James walks in and they tell him. Allison takes Josh into the storage room and tells him. I can’t keep up with these people anymore! Allison claims she thought she was going home last week and wanted to go out with a bang. Josh is confused about why she even made up the lie in the first place. He wonders if he’s even gay now. He lost his gay partner and now has a woman partner. Chelsia and Josh get together and decide that both Allison and Chelsia are pathological liars.
James really wants to get Amanda and Alex out of the house this week, so he’s decided that he needs a strong pawn to go up against them. He talks with Matt in the HoH room and Matt reminds James that he said Matt was safe, but if James decides to put Matt up, he’ll understand why. James tells Matt he isn’t gunning for him and not to worry.
Nomination time rolls around and the big question on my mind is
is this show over yetwho will be the pawn? James tells everyone that he and Chelsia aren’t going to do anything too intense this week and what you see is what you get. They pull the first keys: Adam and Sheila are safe. Joshuah and Sharon and Allison and Ryan are also safe. This week’s nominations: Amanda and Alex and Natalie and Matt. James explains that he put Matt and Natalie on the block because he needs them to win POV this week and that it was the most strategic way to get “a certain couple” out. Ooo I wonder who he is talking about? *rolling eyes* He says he knows he gave his word that they wouldn’t be nominated, but they are the strongest team and he needs them to win the POV. Chelsia tells Amanda that she says things behind people’s backs and she isn’t truthful. Alex is pretty pissed because he knows he is on the block because of his partner. Amanda isn’t giving up without a fight. Natalie says she has the biggest set of guns for the girls; in fact she has “two sets of guns”. What a class act. Matt is pissed that he was lied to and he knows now never to trust a guy with pink hair.
Which way to the gun show?
Who will win the veto? Will that couple use it to save one of the nominated couples? Tune in Tuesday (or save yourself the torture and just read an awesome FORT recap) to find out!
If you want to be part of a secret operation, PM me.