It was a turbulent week in the BB house, what with Nick's ouster, Daniele's win in the HoH competition and a little thing called the banner plane which pretty much pointed the finger at America's Moron and his weepy on again, off again gal pal Amber, for being lying snakes. Daniele correctly figured out that Eric cast the second vote for Kail and set out to backdoor America's Tool. Dick apologized to Jen. Jessica started to doubt Eric, while the rest of her alliance chose not to believe
their own eyesin rumors. Jameka and Kail lost the right to play in the next five HoH competitions. Jen lost 250K but won the veto and Eric went up on the block. America gained four furry, white bunnies for a whole week.
The calm before the storm
It's day 41 in the house and there are bigger things going on than Julie's hair, so no report today about what she's wearing, how tall her hair is, and all that. I'm sure you're all devastated by my shocking omission. With Eric on the block, things in the house are strained, America's Tool, however, thinks that being up against Kail is not so bad. She is not only powerless in the house but the vote is really up to four people who are all part of Eric's
revolting holy rolleralliance: Jameka, Amber, Jessica and Dustin. Thus, our Tool feels quite secure. Kail, on the other hand, sees her chances of survival this week as being less than stellar since, in her words, “everybody likes Eric”. Everybody? I guess, she missed the banner plane then. Daniele just plain wants the little weasel out of the house, because he's a threat. Dick knows they have his, Jen's and Zach's votes but that they need another one to send Eric back to his mommy this week.
Clouds roll in
What's America's Weasel to do now? Why, slither around campaigning for votes, that's what. He gets assurances from Amber, that she, Jameka, Jessica and Dustin are voting to keep him. Not only that, but Amber goes so far as to swear to Eric on her “little girl's life” that she won't vote him out. CBS helpfully supplies a quick shot of said little girl, whose life seems to be as important to Amber as a vote in the Big Brother house. Good to know that Amber has her priorities straight.
Meanwhile, Jen Bunny and Kail Bunny are swinging in the hammock. Dick stops by to tell them he doesn't trust them, however, that's beside the point. He wants Kail to stay in the house this week and the bunnies have no objections to that. Point made, he moves on to work on Amber, who is working out on the treadmill. He tells her that Eric's too comfortable, he plays all sides and then lets drop the bombshell: Eric told Dick about a top secret that Amber relayed to him in confidence about her boyfriend. He says Eric told him he was planning to use this explosive confidential information against Amber at an opportune moment in the game. Eric's exact words to Dick were “I will sink her dead and it will be the end of her, and her god loving friends will send her right out”.
What is this big secret, that will cause everyone in the house to hate Amber forever? Amber justs keeps walking on the treadmill, clearly shaken and we get some dirt from two weeks ago: Amber and Eric are in the pool and for some reason Amber confides in him, in the presence of a dozen backyard cameras streaming live to the Internet, telling him that she twice lied to her boyfriend about being pregnant which led to their breakup. Dick tells her that he never lied to her and he wants to seal the deal to get Eric out. Amber keeps walking. Mission accomplished, Dick leaves Amber in the workout room to stew.
Something is rotten in the BB house
Incensed that her trust was violated, Amber turns to Dustin and tells him that Eric betrayed her and that he has something big that he plans use against her, something that was supposed to stay between them. Dustin says Eric won't be a threat to them. In other words, what's a little dirty secret when they're fighting the numbers game?
As night falls, Dick and Danile tag team Amber on the backyard patio, and lay out sound arguments for voting out Eric. Amber says she already promised on her daughter's life to keep him, but that Eric will be gone anyway either by way of Dustin's vote or hers. Dick offers up a deal that would keep Amber and Dustin, himself and Dani safe for a week, if
the manureEric is shoveled out the back door this week. If Dustin promises to vote against Eric, Amber asks them to let her still vote for Eric, in order to keep her promise. Dick tells her that her god would understand if she broke a promise made under false pretenses.
Amber takes the deal to Dustin, who is wearing a king's robe. Some delicious little irony in his choice of attire, wouldn't you say? She lays out the particulars, but talking to King Dustin is like talking to the toilet bowl, what goes in, goes right down and out. He prattles on about how he wants Dick out because he doesn't like the way Dick plays the game. He wants Amber to stop being a “psycho” - his word not mine – calm down and focus on the game, but she keeps pressuring him to get rid of Eric. He finally promises her to vote out Eric and tells her not to break her vow. Can you smell the stench?
The house assembles in the Living Room, and Eric sits center stage, shirtless and showing off his nipple rings, worriedly staring straight ahead out of his beady little weasel eyes. He can probably sense that something's in the air. Amber walks in and launches into a long, tear soaked, accusatory speech, laying out the entire dirty business of Eric's betrayal, including the particulars of the big secret she entrusted to him in the first place. I guess, it's not really a secret anymore when a few million people heard it live on both the Internet and national TV. The hamsters just sit there stone faced, not daring to utter a word. Amber finishes off her tirade claiming that she has not lied to anybody ever in the house, not even once. I think we all know otherwise though. She also says, he's lucky that she already promised on her daughter's life that she won't vote him out. Her parting words before making her dramatic exit are that Eric got Nick out of the house, when Nick should be back with them in the “good person's group” and not Eric. All the while, the “Good Persons” are just sitting there, probably counting votes in their heads.
Julie comes back from commercial to take the house's temperature. She calls on Jameka to state her opinions on the shake-up. Jameka offers little of substance, saying that it was a stressful and awkward but that “once it was all said and done, [they] still came back together and everything's fine”. Are you wondering how the situation went from “Eric you're a pice of $*%$” the day before to “everything's fine”? Keep wondering. This time there is no helpful B&W CBS rewind to explain that one. Jameka also says she's upset she decided to give up the right to play in five HoHs. Jen, on the other hand, is not sorry she gave up half the money because she's not here for the that, but rather to play the game. Okay, then.
America has some questions and apparently some chick in New Jersey wanted to know why Dustin keeps wearing the same ratty gray T-shirt all the time while somebody in Kanas was curious whether he owns any other shirts at all. Dustin is delighted that somebody
has nothing better to doasked about his smellywardrobe, and he confesses that he's got a grand total of three of said T-shirts that he's been rotating, because he's a consistent person. It's a statement he's making about how consistent he is in the house. A T-shirt statement... Small mind, small gestures.
You don't know Dick
It's time to find out some more about Dick. All this time he's been regaling the house guests with tales of his exploits in the rarefied world of the LA rock scene, but has he just been telling tall tales? It turns out that not only has Dick not misrepresented his connections but he might even have been quite modest when describing them. We get loving testimonials from a slew of big names who are willing to stand up and vouch for Dick. Everyone from the keyboardist for Guns 'n Roses - even though they haven't been together since the Clinton administration - who says Dick is the real deal, to Dilana from Rockstar: Supernova, to Alice Cooper's guitarist. His many, many big chested, bottle blonde fans are shown wearing “I heart Dick” tank tops, staging big club parties supporting him, and his friend Julian professes that Dick is a very loyal person and they just generally love him to pieces. The segment is short and I'm left wanting more. After all those long faces and lying, backstabbing “Good People”, I'd rather they show more of Dick's parties.
Daniele's HoH interview with Julie deals with Dick as well. Julie wants to know how her relationship with Dick is progressing, and Dani says it's a slow process between them but that things are getting better. She doesn't always agree with her father's tactics, but they both agree that Eric is the biggest threat in the house and that she's making a good decision trying to get him out.
Do you want to know Kail? Neither do I.
Now it's Kail's turn to be profiled and shown in a new light. What? Did CBS run out of footage of Eric scurrying around the house like rat, trying to drum up support for his furry little self? Oh, well. If you didn't know already, Kail owns four different businesses, one of them being “an fine dining restaurant” with a lounge, no less. Now I'm impressed! A lounge, is always impressive. Next up is Kail's hubby, who is there to talk about... something. I can't concentrate because I keep staring at his haircut with strange super short bangs, which is weirder than Eric's pathetic lopsided faux-hawk do. Helpful church music is playing in the background as hubby talks about how Kail is downplaying her beliefs in the house. More footage of Kail reading the bible follows. Do you feel you know Kail now? Do you care? Neither do I.
All in all, you're just another brick in the wall
Time's up for somebody in the house, and neither Eric nor Kail want to be that somebody. Kail makes her customary last ditch effort, thanking the hamsters for keeping her two weeks in a row and asking for another week in the house. America's
DelusionalCasanova babbles something about how bonds he formed in the house mean so much to him and so forth.
Dick and Jen want to send America's Tool back to the shed, Jessica wants to keep him, Zach evicts Eric, Jameka dumps Kail. Dustin kicks Kail out the door, and the vote is tied. Amber decides, and despite everything, she evicts Kail. With that, the Bunny Alliance loses a furry member and America's Bitch is safe for another week. Aren't we all just ecstatic about that? We'll be able to continue giving orders to Eric, which he will probably ignore again. Whatever happened to that task we gave him about flattering one of the house guests? I guess, he just couldn't find the time this week, what with all the excitement.
The drama starts in the house almost immediately after Kail leaves, with Dick asking Dustin who he voted out. Dustin takes a page from America's Bitch and lies that he voted out Eric, as per their deal. I guess Dustin missed Dr. Will's class, Manipulation 101: Plausible Lies. Oh, well. They can't all be smart.
Kail is out the door and she gets some pretty lame goodbye messages. Dustin calls her a bitch and makes some big speech about how Kail needs to grow up and reconsider her narrow views about gay people. Dick and Jen are sorry she's gone. Nothing is mentioned about America's Player and Kail hobbles away in her bunny suit, back to her Oregon town.
Power to the people. The so-called “Good People”.
The fight is on for the next HoH, and the competition is called “Let's Make a Duel”. Two at a time, hamsters will step up to the podium and answer questions about what their evicted house mates have said in the Diary Room. The answer will always be the name of an evicted house guest.
The person who gets it right goes on and earns the right to call the next pair to the podium. An incorrect answer and you're out. Jameka is not playing and neither is Daniele, but she selects the first pair. She picks Dustin and Eric. Eric gets the first question right, and Dustin is out. He picks Dick and Zach and Zach buzzes in first but gets it wrong, and he's out. Dick moves on. He picks Eric and Jessica. Jessica buzzes, gets it right in and Eric is eliminated. She picks Jen and Dick next. Dick gets it wrong and Jen moves on. She picks the last pair, Jessica and Amber. Amber buzzes in but guesses wrong and is out. The last two left are Jen and Jessica. Jessica buzzes in even before Julie can complete the question and guesses the correct answer, thereby winning the HoH competition.
No dark sarcasm in this backyard
Members of the “Good People” alliance immediately go about celebrating, jumping up and down in the backyard, hugging each other. Dustin is pumping his fist in the air. They're all cheering while Dick, Jen, Dani and Zach just watch quietly. Maybe Dustin also skipped Dr. Will's Manipulation 201: How Not to Get Caught Lying About Your Vote.
The show ends with Jameka loudly defending her hypocrisy according to Dick, Dick telling her to shut up already, Dustin smirking and Eric - who seems to have found his annoying weasel voice again since Amber's rant - declaring that he's taking applications for the veto competition.
Want more slime like this? Come back next week to see our rodents as they continue to cannibalize each other, slowly but surely, till only one rat is left in the cage. Don't you wish they'd just fumigate the place instead?
Drop me a note if you want to replace America's Bitch with the backyard bunny topiary.