How to summarize an entire week's worth of Dick rule? With Kail disarmed and reduced to a quivering mass of BB-player-jelly, Dick, brand new supreme ruler of the HoH room, finally had his chance to oust her. To this end he nominated Kail and Jen for eviction, but Jen proved that she can balance a glass on top of her head better than Dick and won the veto. Dick, instantly focused on a new target, sent Kail's only semi-ally, Mike, to share the chopping block with her. Will Kail be going back to her village to resume her role as
village idiotowner of everything for as far as eye can see, or will Mike bite the dust instead? Get a stiff drink, sit back, relax and let me tell you a story about lobbyists, voters and the electoral process...
Getting the lay of the land
For those of you who secretly read recaps only to find out how Julie Chen's wardrobe people take revenge on her week after week, you'll be happy to know that tonight she's all decked out in some shiny white pants and an orange sweater set, looking a tad Halloween-ish. Score another one for the wardrobe people. Hair today at a dismal 7 points on the 1-to-10 HPS (Hair Poofiness Scale). She says Dick's been on a week-long power trip and the house has been in turmoil. Again. Sort of like last week, in that regard. Her scripts are remarkably consistent. Score another one for the writers.
In DR confessions, Kail is not so happy to be on the chopping block and she's definitely going to be packing her bags. Probably all three of them, which contain at least 25 matronly T-shirts and just as many frumpy, matronly, embroidered skirts and mom-jeans. Mike just thinks Kail is too mentally weak to be in this game. Zach plans on axing Kail and thinks Mike's got nothing to worry about. Because, apparently Zach thinks that it's all up to Zach.
Up in the HoH room, Dick and Nick are trading manly handshakes and having a little talk. Dick thinks putting Mike up with Kail will break up their alliance (ya, think?) and both agree that Mike should go because, in the words of Dick, “Kail is such a disastrous mess”. One more manly handshake and they're done. Now that his road is clear, Dick is shifting into high gear telling Dustin and Jameka downstairs that Mike should go because he's more of a threat than messed-up Kail. Jameka could do without both of them but she hasn't clicked with Mike and feels that he'll target her if he ever wins HoH. Dustin agrees and dark clouds start to gather above Mike's head. Guess you shouldn't have opened your big mouth at the veto competition, Mikey!
Schomoozing with the electorate
Outside in the hammock, Kail is trying to find out from Jen whether she's going home. Jen says nobody is talking about it and opines that neither Kail nor Mike should do any campaigning lest the lucky vote winner should later look bad. I guess Jen is trying to buy a few days of peace and quiet for herself and her fellow inmates, free from bothersome pleas for mercy from desperate, doomed hamsters. Kail hopes people would want to get rid of a strong player, meaning Mike, and keep her weak, pitiful self in the game. Vote for the weakest! She could run for Mayor in her town with that slogan.
Elsewhere in the house, at another time, Mike lobbies with a different tactic. He claims that he didn't want to campaign against Kail, and Jen says Kail just assumes Jen's vote will be for her. However, Kail never told Jen about he four-way alliance for 19 days, but she found out within hours of Dick becoming HoH, the implication being of course that Kail spilled the beans to Dick, in an effort to save herself. Jen feels too much campaigning is too much campaigning, and will lead to Joe-like results. Mike, on the campaign trail himself, can do nothing but stare straight ahead, with a dumbfounded expression on his face that can be best described as “Oh, hell”.
The pundits weigh in
Nick, Jameka and Jessica are swinging in the hammock and attempting to assess the playing field. Nick predicts Kail will have a meltdown, therefore she won't be a threat. Jameka draws the correct conclusion and says that Mike should go. Jessica just grunts in approval. Or it could be disapproval but I'm not too good at grunt-analysis. The backyard hammock caucus thus votes unanimously to support the candidate that shows the least amount of promise. Kind of like real life in that regard...
As a new day dawns, Eric, America's BoyToy, goes to the DR to pick up his marching orders. America says he should kick Kail to the curb and Eric seems a bit frustrated. Seems that Mike is on the outs but Eric says that if America wants Kail gone, he will “send her packing”. Not only is Eric America's valiant inside man he is an excellent yes-man too. Whatever you say America! No sooner does Eric get his orders, he goes out and starts planting seeds. His first victims are Justin and Amber in the kitchen and he tells them that Kail is harboring secret fountains of strength in the game and maybe, just maybe she should be evicted. Justin and Amber look unconvinced, possibly wondering where Kail might find the brainpower to think up nefarious hidden plans. Eric still advocates a discussion, because how else is he going to earn that paycheck?
They take the argument upstairs to Dick. Eric argues that if Mike leaves, they may be stuck with Kail for a long time, apparently an unappealing side effect. While Eric talks in circles trying to numb Dustin and Jameka's brains, Dick decides it's time for a fart break and proceeds to the bathroom. We are treated to an extended and noisy display of Dick's gaseous emissions which make glad that smell-o-vision is still a thing of the future. Undaunted, Eric tries to make the other hamsters believe that Kail is this super strong, super clever, super aggressive player. I'm not sure he can even convince himself, let alone the others. America's Puppet confesses in the DR that he's trying hard to sway the voters but only time will tell whether he is going to be successful.
The Diary Room is the scene for more confessions from the voting body. Zach feels Kail has played her hand, Dustin just knows that Mike eats too much therefore he should be booted, possibly so that Dustin and the others won't be deprived because of him, Jessica thinks Mike is very smart but can't be sure since Mike doesn't talk and Amber sees Mike as a hard-to-read wildcard.
Polling: always accurate to within five votes, give or take
Time has come for Julie to take the pulse of the BB house live. Instead of probing questions about the state of the elections, she decides to soften up the field with a lighthearted segment of Zach's adventures in streaking from a few days before. Zach, wearing his birthday suit, is shown running across the backyard and cannonballing into the pool while the hamsters cheer him on. Later they steal his towel and have some fun watching him rising from the pool, like some hirsute Botticelli man-Venus. Zach's explanation for this ill-advised display? He “needed [his] high back”. And he couldn't have had a few beers instead and spared our eyeballs?
Jen is quizzed about the mustard-on-the-pillow incident and whether she's still looking for the culprit. She says she won't be investigating till she gets home, thereby proving the old adage that says “Do not do today, what thou can do tomorrow”. Or maybe that's just something I made up.
Tristan and Isolde, but hopefully less blood in the end
The chit-chat is followed by a segment about the continuing love-saga between Nick and Daniele. They stare at each other, they whisper sweet nothings while Dick is shown talking to Amber about Daniele's live-in boyfriend. He thinks Nick is this young, strong, all-American type while Dani's boyfriend back home is just meh. The boyfriend in question, Kris, is then featured. His shoulders half as wide as Nick's, his smile half as confident and his talk half as smooth, he is supposedly not bothered by his girlfriend's in-house shenanigans because he is secure in their love and so forth. The poor guy was somehow even talked into saying that he wants to marry Daniele and that she is his soulmate. That should teach him about signing release forms for reality shows in the future...
Daniele cries and rants about the frustrations of life inside the BB house with her boyfriend so far away. She knows not what to do, so she cuddles with Nick, pulls the covers over their heads and we get an audio show consisting of loud kissing noises. Meanwhile the boyfriend is still not worried because he trusts Daniele and she's justs confused. Do you want to hear more of this? Sorry, but I've had just about as much as I can take, so I'm moving on.
Divide, reveal and... conquer?
Up in the HoH room Dick sits down for his interview and right away Julie starts talking about the emotional week he's had in the house. He talks about his relationship with Daniele, the first hug he's had from her in years and how their interaction is moving back and forth at times. He is concerned about Nick playing Daniele like Boogie played Erica and he'd evict Nick if he could just to spare her. Dick claims his taunts to Kail are part of his game and he's a firm believer in the lay-it-all-on-the-table approach, where there's no sneaking around, gleaning half-truths out of whispered conversations and beating around the bush.
I'll spare you a little segment about Jen and how her mom and friend think she's actually a smart girl and all that. Really, what else were they going to say? Anyways, on to the live vote.
The only vote you don't want to win
It's time for the two condemned hamsters to make a final plea to their fellow inmates to try to sway their black unyielding hearts, to try to appeal to their conscience and generally to abandon all dignity and beg for votes. Mike launches into a protracted monologue about the meaning of life and friendships, sacrifice, the position of Jupiters's moons during the Fall Equinox, the size of the hole in the ozone layer over Greenland and his fervent desire to be part of BB life for another week at least. Sorry, that's probably not exactly what he said but I just had to mute my TV. Not that Mike ever talked a lot, and now I can see why. When he does talk, he makes my brain shut down and I fear lapsing into a coma. He rambles on and on, and Julie finally has to tell him to shut up because advertisers are calling in threatening to pull their ads if they don't get rid of him. That's not what she said either but she was just babbling, I thought I'd make up something. Finally he's done and it's Kail's turn to be maudlin. She says she appreciates their friendship and bonds and she's looking forward to strengthening those bonds of friendship if she is allowed to stay. I can see how the houseguests would be torn after these two speeches. I'd send both of them home if it were up to me. Less people in the house make for shorter recaps after all.
Zach evicts Kail, while Jameka, Jen and Dustin want to get rid of Mike. America's Shill, having no choice according to Julie, votes to evict Kail and says he'd romance anybody in the house, no matter who America picks. He's an equal opportunity man-whore. Or he'd like the opportunity to be one. Amber, Nick, Daniele and Jessica all opt to kick Mike to the curb and just like that Mike will be having Chinese food for dinner and sipping tall decaf non-fat lattes while watching the tapes. He gives the girls flowers and hugs and after some handshakes, he's out of the house.
Immediately, the accusations start flying in the house, with Dick saying that Jen must have cast the second vote for Kail and Jen denying it vehemently. I guess Eric is good for something after all! Creating strife might be the best way to use our Inside Man. So far we're doing good on that front... without really meaning to. Mike is interviewed about his dumb move during the veto competition, but he's not told about America's Player. Even outside the house, Mike is kept out of the loop. After some nice good-bye messages, we're finally on to the new HoH competition.
Out with the old, in with the new
The HoH competition is called “Eliminator”. Julie will ask the assembled houseguests a number of questions about hamsters who have already been evicted. The answer to each question is the name of an evicted houseguest: Carol, Joe, Mike or non of the above. Buzz in first, answer correctly and you can eliminate another houseguest from the competition. You miss and you're eliminated. The last one standing wins the key to the HoH room.
Eric buzzes in first and eliminates Jen. Dustin gets the next question right and bumps Zach. Nick eliminates Kail. Jameka takes out Nick. Dustin gets rid of Jessica. Eric eliminates Amber. Eric wins again and eliminates Daniele. Eric buzzes in again and misses, he is thus eliminated. Dustin and Jameka are left and on the last question Dustin buzzes in first, answers correctly and becomes the new Head of Household.
Dustin is ecstatic to be the new HoH and Julie finds time to ask him about his feelings. Dustin thinks he has relaxed since Joe got the boot and he feels great. Dick advises him to keep a low profile. Listen to that one Dustin! Kail is thankful that her fellow houseguests kept her in the game and, well, she's just grateful. As long as you don't read too much into that, Kail...
And with that, we're done for today. See me here next week to witness one more hamster being trampled to death in the Habitrail, and maybe, just maybe, we'll get to see a 9 or even a 10 on that HP Scale.
Do you think BB is a monarchy, a liberal democracy, a plutocracy or a totalitarian state? Drop me a note.