There they stood, proud and perky, with blushing cheeks and vacuous smiles. No, Big Brother didn't pull a duplicate Holly out of the storage room just to shake us up...not yet, anyway. I'm talking about this season's doomed craft project, a collection of sweetly beaming pig statues. They were painted and loved and cherished for a few hours, but from the moment we met them, we knew they never stood a chance.
If you ask me, it's no coincidence that Big Brother pulled out the excruciatingly adorable piggy banks on the same week the underdogs won Head of Household. America's ready to see something get smashed, and if it can't be the vile Scott or Jase, it might as well be something so cute it's irritating. But of course it can be Scott or Jase, because Diane beat their over-exposed behinds to win HOH -- and she didn't have to pee on her clothing to do it. It's hard to type while doing a happy dance, so let me just direct you to my previous recap for a rundown of the competition. YeeHAW! *twirling*
Poor Piggies, We Hardly Knew Ye
The pigs are obviously for the upcoming Power of Veto competition, but the hamsters are starved for any activity other than gossip, so they enjoy decorating the little buggers beyond the point of sanity. Well, that last one only applies to Scott, who chose to treat his pig as a therapy session. Since they existed for less than twenty-four hours, here's my homage to the piggy banks. Hint: if you're ready to read about strategy, you won't find it here. Just a lot of talk about pigs, and the houseguests who paint them.
Diane, perhaps in deference to her position as Head of Household, is given a massive piggy striking a submissive pose for her painting pleasure. She goes with a hot pink base coat, then gives her piggy a tropical feel by painting white flowers on his head. Drew's piggy is from the Standing With Sardonic Expression mold, on which he paints a boring tuxedo. Or a tasteful tuxedo, depending on whether you are willing to cut Drew some slack for being eye candy. Nakomis shows her artistic sensibilities by painting hers in realistic colors, then adding such accoutrements as six nipples and a tattoo reading "EAT ME" around its bellybutton. I'm really starting to groove on Nakomis. I'm glad she's always the pawn, never the player in this game so far.
Piggy banks always make me think of football. Not really, but two hamsters succumb to the temptation to gussy up their pigs in the colors of opposing football teams, and neither of them is Scott. Nope, Scott has very special plans for expressing his inner pigdom and hasn't the time for superficial rivalries between professional teams. It's Marvin and Jase, and since I know next to nothing about the game all I can say is Marvin's is blue and silver, and Jase's is blood red and yellow. Jase's looks a pig with a sunburn, and about now I'm remembering the little-known fact that humans can get successful skin grafts from pigs. I'm also not feeling very hungry.
Will's pig wears a lavender bow and blue eye shadow; Adria's pig is sporting whiskers…that’s right, whiskers, because pigs look a lot like cats, I guess. More likely, the stress of being a switching twin is affecting A’s visual cortex. Karen's pig has a stylized cuteness only attainable by a professional with his rosy cheeks and sparkling blue eyes. He looks like a kitschy cookie jar you might find overpriced in Nordstrom's. Cowboy favors a high-voltage neon yellow for his pig, and once again showing his tendency to whine, he's upset when Big Brother cuts the fun short. He hasn't finished painting a cowboy hat on his, and perhaps we will be in danger of forgetting his "hickitude" for one blasted second. Hold on to your hat, Cowboy, it's not a conspiracy. The paint just has to dry.
Scott chooses to use his pig to express his inner turmoil. Not content to merely splatter the pig's face to simulate dripping blood, he fashions a bandana for the little guy, paints a bloody, ripped-out heart on the pig's chest, and names his pig "Cowboy." Personally, I'd be flattered if someone named their pig after me, then painted the word "boob" across the face, along with "120," "loser," "all out," and "freak." That would mean they really, truly like me. Big Brother is not so sure, and Scott is forced to paint over "boob," which he replaces with "hardcore." I suspect someone's still mad about the endurance competition, and he's not letting it go anytime soon.
Down to Business
After flubbing up the HOH competition with his sweaty feet, Jase leaps on the opportunity to make inroads with his new best buddy, Diane. He lauds her performance, then tells her he feels a special bond with her since no one but the two of them can understand what they went through. Diane is polite, but you can almost see the ugly fight where Jase accused Diane of using the “A” word churning in her eyes. She’s not ready to forgive and forget; she wants blood. In a related thought, Drew tells Diane he heard her make an evil laugh in her sleep the night before. Oh, she’s worked up all right, and ready to kick some Horsedude ass clear over to the sequester house.
In a move that surprises no one -- at least, no one who's seen Diane's impulsive, emotional gameplay on the feeds -- she nominates the two men who have called her such loving endearments as "trailer trash" and "whore". Scott and Jase are on the block, and know the veto competition will be crucial to their survival in the house. But they're not losing sleep with worry; in fact, Big Brother has to give them a double wake-up call Saturday morning, eventually getting some movement when it's announced the competition will begin in fifteen minutes. So much for the steady demoralization of the Horsedudes, they only have a quarter of an hour before their fate is decided.
Big Brother blocks the feeds while they battle it out, but when the hamsters return we learn that despite the fact that he didn't upchuck his breakfast in anticipation of the competition, Jase has won the power of veto. Again. I am stubbornly clinging to my dislike of Jase, but I bow to his skill with a flat iron, and his ability to master these cheesy Big Brother contests. He probably smashes plaster of Paris statues for fun at home, giving him a leg up this time.
Actually, the descriptions of the competition indicate the challenge involved putting tokens into other houseguests' piggy banks. Diane freely admits she didn't understand the directions, and her actions inadvertently boosted Jase. Will played also, and would have won if Diane hadn't made whatever mysterious move she did. Drew was another participant, and Nakomis thinks he played in a way that showed he wanted Diane to win. At this point, I throw it up to you readers to decipher. It's all pig pieces to me.
Hang ‘Em By Their Jockstraps Already!
I confess, I’m rooting for the underdogs, so I'm having a great week. Scott and Jase are on the block, meaning no matter what one of them will be checking out soon. But now Jase has earned a reprieve, and no one doubts he will use it on himself. Oddly, Scott made the rounds after being nominated and admitted to A that if he won he would use the veto to save Jase, not himself. Even more oddly, I believe him. He's just that mindless when it comes to Jase-worship.
Scott has already treated A, Nakomis and Diane to his thoughts on Marvin, emphasizing his touchy-feeliness with the womenfolk, his love of dirty talk, and his general antipathy toward females. But the three women laugh off Scott’s argument privately, because Marvin hasn’t actually done anything to bother them. They all agree he’s a pain but he would never physically threaten them. Scott is forgetting that argument would play with Holly, but not with the more image-secure women in the house. Between the three of them, the girls agree that Diane should put up Cowboy in Jase’s place, revel in Cowboy’s squirming for a few days, but ultimately vote out Scott.
But wait – is it possible that Diane’s jock nominees will escape eviction after all? After today's campaigning, I am starting to believe it will happen. Diane is showing her malleability by consulting with all the players not on the Horsedude side of the house, and some interesting relationships are emerging. Diane would like to nominate Cowboy to make him sweat buckets, but wants the crew to vote out Scott. However, Karen and Will have an alliance the other women aren't aware of, and are operating in tandem to convince Diane that Marvin is a greater threat to her than Scott or Cowboy. Will points out to Diane that Marvin is “smart, very smart"; he is likely to win the next HOH and put two members of their alliance up. His reasoning is this: they have to make it a live contest, since the previous week wasn't, which means one of the trivia question competitions. Will is all aquiver about the way Marvin was able to add numbers in his head for the tie-breaker question that earned him HOH two weeks ago. When A, Nakomis and Diane don’t seem to be swayed, Will explains his position with a hint of desperation. What is going on here?
Layers Upon Layers
A brief whispered conversation in the kitchen gives us a glimpse into Will’s thinking. Karen and Will are playing along with Diane’s alliance, but ultimately, they think she will sell them out to align with Drew. They also don’t trust A, who avoided Karen when she was in the hot seat, but who turned into a begging, crying mess during her few days on the chopping block. Will and Karen are using the situation to convince the Horsedudes they are playing along with their wishes by urging Diane to evict Marvin, who the Horsedudes would rather see go than Scott. Meanwhile, despite what they are telling Diane, they fully expect one of the men to win HOH next week, and put Diane up along with a pawn.
What about our switching twin, an amalgam of sisterhood the house conveniently calls "A"? She is in possession of knowledge she can’t share with the others; namely, that next week she can increase their alliance by one vote. You can see it in her face that she’s itching to spill the news as the girls (and Will) count their votes on their fingers. She only has to make it through the week, and she can split herself from A into Adria and Natalie. I’m thinking she could leave little hints, like representing herself with a double-stacked lifesaver accompanied by a broad wink, but Diane’s group hasn’t discovered the advantage of snack strategizing. The gummi bears are waiting for you to pick them up, Diane, if only you are willing to give them a chance.
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