Big Brother 6 Endurance Competition Recap: “I’m the Luckiest Bitch Alive!”
It’s an evil fact of Big Brother that the business of the week is almost always resolved by Saturday’s veto competition. Sure, they don’t vote until Wednesday and of course they know to expect the unexpected (yawn), but this season, it’s rare that anyone is making last minute deals to eject the pawn. This ain’t no X-Factor, people. The hamsters have chattered so long and so loud about their “word” and “playing a “clean game” that the hamsters who would normally jump ship without a glance back are terrified of damaging their reputation. That’s why when Thursday arrives, it’s like going from zero to sixty at an exhilarating speed.
What If They Had an Endurance Competition, and Nobody Could See It?
- Beau. Prize: Martini bar
- Janelle. Prize: Plasma t.v.
- April. Prize: $3,000 cash
- Ivette. Non-prize: an airhorn
- James. Prize: (cold) pizza
- Maggie. Non-prize: Rotten eggs
- Rachel. No boxes left.
- Jen and Kaysar - still competing!
The feeds came back to life a few minutes after the live show, but there was a problem: so many people were lined up to watch the hamsters stand in a box that they broke the Internet. At least, they broke my Internet. I couldn’t connect until hour five, and I actually paid for my Premium Real Player Superpass, unlike all you savvy folks who are coasting through on free trials. Alright, I’ll stop whining now.
From what I hear from others, for the first five hours nothing happened. They all stood with their buttons pushed; no one broke for the boxes to see what deviltry Big Brother had hidden inside. Left to their own devices, they played Telephone and engaged in a lot of nasty talk. These hamsters know way too much about each other, and they have pretty much gotten past every taboo and social inhibition that holds civil society together. Leaving aside the literal flies that BB let loose at the end of the live show for a moment, isn’t it funny how this game is a lot closer to The Lord of the Flies than it is to 1984?
After five hours in the box, and several pleas to the producers to do something to advance the game, Howie is called to the Diary Room. When he returns, he announces an incentive to leave: one of the boxes contains a martini bar (for the house, I assume) and another contains a 42" plasma television (for their real homes, I assume). But the hamsters have to get cracking, because in thirty minutes Howie will be buzzed into the box to open the green box. Instead of prompting people to jump over to the boxes, the announcement results in everyone deciding to wait until Howie’s box is opened. After five plus hours, why not?
When Howie does open the box, it’s a doozie - a dead fish. “That’s a mudcat!” cries April hysterically. Anything is appetizing after a week of PB&J, but the smell is overwhelming. The hamsters cry out their pain; Kaysar sounds especially tortured by the smell. But no one lets go of their button. It’s not long before the smell has passed entirely, and someone comments that the flies are bothering the fish now.
At midnight, the game gets a little more serious when Howie emerges to announce that the PB&J restriction has been lifted, and the storage room is filled with food. April begs Howie to bring the cucumbers close enough to view, which might not be a good idea in the light of earlier, smuttier conversations. Howie emerges with a huge bucket full of food, instructed to eat in front of the starving houseguests stuck in Greenhouse O’Torture. Howie pulls out individual treats (“mac and cheese for you, Ray-ray!”) then tosses them across the yard, making the hamsters squeal in indignation. Howie, finishing his third or fourth beer, just cackles evilly and continues to tease and toss. Come on, let loose of that button already, houseguests!
Whenever Howie comes out with a message from the producers, the houseguests quiz him on the fine points until he inevitably heads inside for clarification. They send him in to find out if the PB&J restriction being lifted is for the week or for the hour? When he comes out, all he can say is that the food will be available until the next food competition. No one knows if that will be tomorrow morning or a week from tomorrow. If it’s tomorrow, and the people who have been on PB&J this week lose again tomorrow, they will be jonesin’ bad for a cucumber (apparently. Why not chocolate?)
Around 12:20 A.M., while the trapped hamsters were yelling at drunk Howie for throwing food around in the yard, a buzzer sounds. Could it be, at last? Yes! Beau’s knee touched the floor. Finally, one of them is disqualified!
Beau is allowed to choose a box, and he wins the martini bar! Well, not so much “bar” as a few stainless steel implements needed to craft the perfect martini, along with an assortment of alcohol. Beau requests cranberry juice and ice; Howie fetches it cheerfully and passes it in (since Beau must wait until two others let go of their buttons before he can leave). I’m not sure if it’s a good idea on Beau’s part to indulge in liquids, but anything that gets one of those hamsters to need the bathroom is fine by me.
Time passes. The seven hour mark is reached. Howie drinks a little more, and Beau is on his second drink after a week of being on PB&J. “See, I get lovely when I get drunk,” he tells the others. He postulates that he was eliminated because he’s black. (Everyone laughs.) “No, it’s because you’re black and gay,” April adds. “No, just because I’m black.” (Everyone laughs even harder.)
A quick look around reveals Rachel looking ragged. As the resident morning person, this competition has lasted way past her bedtime. James is not saying much, but seems grimly determined. Maggie and Ivette are both on the giggly end of the scale. Kaysar looks miserable, April is begging for Beau to rub his hips, and Beau is getting loudly drunk. At least he’s a happy drunk.
A health concern emerges, and it’s not for the squeamish: April reveals that she’s been wearing a tampon throughout this entire competition. Maggie (the nurse) goes into medical mode and explains what she knows about Toxic Shock Syndrome, but she doesn’t think April is showing any symptoms. Would Maggie desert her button to save Skeletor - oops, I mean, April? She doesn’t seem tooworried about April at the moment.
Who Needs HOH, Anyhow?
Not long past the seven hour mark, Janelle’s green bulb goes out, signalling she has let go of the button. She had been turned around towards April, and her hand hadn’t left its position, but it must have lost pressure. Janelle protests that she didn’t let go of anything, prompting Beau to snap back, “Welcome to my world!”
After a brief bout of fish, Janelle is picking the color of the box she wants to open. She goes against my natural instinct to avoid the bright happy color and picks the red one. Inside, she finds an envelope with news so happy that Janelle bounces around the green house screaming, “I’m the luckiest bitch alive!”
Ivette calls Beau over and tries to trash talk someone, but Beau is drunk and has lost all sense of discretion. She whispers to him, he yells back in her ear, “Who?” Ivette is visibly embarrassed, and tells him never mind. That was probably for the best, since she was standing no more than eight feet from everyone. Not the best time to start making snotty comments about your fellow houseguests.
With fishtanks and general gabbery, it takes a good ten minutes to piece together what happened: Janelle’s prize read that she had won a membership to Netflix. She said (disappointed) that she already had a membership...then she started screaming like crazy. It turns out she will be watching those free movies on a 42" plasma-screen television. Everyone crabs at her good-naturedly for having all the luck in the house, and Janelle invites them all over to watch a movie on her *giggle* new television.
The chatter continues at high volume. Ivette, Janelle, Beau, and Howie keep up a lively conversation. Noticeably quiet are Jennifer, Rachel, James, Maggie, April and Kaysar. In contrast, Beau is a loud, sloppy drunk. Ivette, although she’s not drinking and is still holding her button, is laughing it up as if she’s light-headed and punch drunk herself. “Where’s Howie?” Maggie asks. “Passed out,” quips Kaysar.
Hour Eight. Beau is roaring drunk, whining that it’s hell “for him”. Most of the hamsters look desperate; April offers to let go of her button if Janelle will give up her plasma TV. Um, no.
Beau really needs to go to the bathroom, and Big Brother has given some thought evening the playing field this year. Instead of a cage with an open floor, or a platform with grass all around, they are in a box. He barks at the other hamsters to let go so he can get out. He picks on the weak links, April, Jen, telling them they are safe. He quizzes everyone around the room if they will put up April or Jen next week. Some people say yes, but not everyone, and Beau is really losing his cool. Howie jokes that he wants assurances that he’s safe. “Shut the [bleep] up, dork!” snaps Beau.
Unable to convince anyone to leave, Beau resorts to peeing in a bottle. “It’s overflowing!” shrieks Ivette. I think we all need a shower after that interlude.
At 2:24 A.M. BB time, the buzzer sounds: it’s April! She babbles that she didn’t do it on purpose but she was thinking of doing it on purpose but oh she didn’t do it on purpose when - Beau cuts her off and tells her to pick a box already. He’s gone from giggly drunk to rabid hamster, and he wants out of his cage. NOW.
April wins three thousand dollars. The screaming is epic, and everyone celebrates. “It smells delicious!” gushes Janelle. April continues to whimper that she didn’t mean to do it. Just whisk that girl into a bathroom, please.
Scorecard: Janelle, April and Beau have been eliminated. The night is only half over.
Maggie comments that it’s a shame they don’t trust each other, but no one will take the bait. The box is blessedly silent without Beau; the three eliminated hamsters are busy stuffing their faces in the kitchen.
2:45 A.M. Howie finally brings some news from the DR: the remaining houseguests must choose one hand to use for the remainder of the competition.
Kaysar jokes around with Jen, saying he’s not giving up - he’s been empowered by the people. “This is for you, America. This is for those who clicked...and double-clicked.” Jen accompanies him with a stirring rendition of “God Bless America.” James says he should thank his friends who hacked into the computer system.
Inside, Howie and Beau are invading each other’s personal space. For weeks, Howie has been teasing Beau at night; now, shored up with alcohol, it’s like he’s making up for lost time. Howie has to plead for Beau to let go of him for a few minutes. From inside the box, the trapped houseguests gawk at the spectacle Beau’s hand down Howie’s pants. “They’ll never let us have alcohol again,” James predicts mournfully.
4:17The fishtanks come up abruptly, and when they leave Howie announces that Ivette touched a box. Huh? I missed that restriction, but it’s clear Ivette is out of the game. She’s devastated, and weeps openly. Howie tells her to pick a box, and she snaps back she doesn’t WANT to pick a box! When she calms down, she agrees to take the black box. I’m sure we’ll hear all about her reasons why she deserved to win in the diary room.
Ivette’s box does not contain a prize. It contains an airhorn - we never hear it, we’re just told that it’s there with no explanation. Not ten minutes later, James voluntarily gives up his button. Maggie, who has been looking near dead, also drops her button, completing the threesome needed to leave the box.
James and Maggie get to open the last two boxes. James will be dining on cold pizza from his box. Maggie’s contains rotten eggs, so it seems the prizes were all used up.
And Then There Were
Jen, Kaysar and Rachel are the only three left. Some quick conversations take place as April stands next to Kaysar and debates him in a furious whisper. She promises him that Jen will not make him a target. Jen, fighting off tears, says she’s the only one of the three who hasn’t been HOH and she’ll do whatever they want if they will just give it to her. When Rachel sees how hard April and Jen are fighting, she lets go of her button, conveniently taking the heat off herself. Meanwhile, Kaysar is not responding positively to Jen, April and Maggie, who are pleading with him to let go. He says that it’s not about being the winner, but that he has a person to take care of in the house and he won’t delegate it to anyone else.
April stands in the yard and complains loudly to Beau that she doesn’t know why the competition is still taking place. Beau agrees, but before he can continue, Kaysar tells someone near him to tell Beau to stop talking.
Maggie is putting pressure on Kaysar to let go. She tells him that her understanding was that if James let go of the button, she was safe, so she let go. So why can’t Kaysar let go? He asks them to explain to him what happened in the house the previous week.
Jen asks Kaysar, what can she give him to make him give up the button? He says she will have to put up people from her team if he wants him to give up. Jen doesn't seem to be willing to do this, so we're stuck with a battle of wills.
Who Will Win?
Jen wins after coming to a deal with Kaysar to nominate Ivette and Beau and backdoor James.
She swore on her life several times, but whether she will keep to that deal with Magggie already exclaiming "I'll tell you who to put up, and it won't be one of us" we shall have to see.
edited by fluff to update HoH winner.