If you’ve been a Big Brother watcher for a few seasons, you know that CBS twists are not always, shall we say, electrifying. If you sniff around the Internet, you know that savvy folks have been predicting that a houseguest will get the chance to re-enter the house. But Big Brother keeps the keyboard in the HOH locked down, and the hamsters were genuinely stirred up when the Chenbot announced they will be welcoming back a recently booted hamster. But hey, Howie is HOH, which means we’re in for a week of boobie talk. Yippee!
- There’s two camps of hamsters: those who hope Cappy to rise from the dead, and those who are waiting for Michael to waltz in. Both camps think Kaysar doesn’t stand a chance to win America’s Choice.
- April is out of cigarettes, and she’s snapping at everyone around her.
- Howie shook on an agreement with Maggie to take out James or Sarah. Maggie agreed to take off whichever one was left if their team got HOH next week.
- Rachel and Janelle heard the plan, and nixed it.
Howie Howie Joy Joy
The feeds hadn’t been back from the live show fishtank blockout for more than a few seconds before Howie was calling for his light saber. The self-proclaimed Jedi is jazzed to get a stint in the HOH room, complete with pictures from home and other goodies. Now, he just has to work on that celibacy requirement and he could be using The Force to win the game. Evict you, I can.
Jedis don’t get to marry, either, so why are some of the houseguests wondering if Howie is hiding a wedding ring somewhere? Earlier in the day, Sarah, James and Janelle were chatting with Rachel and became convinced she was hiding a secret engagement to Howie. Rachel coyly refused to say yay or nay, but Janelle sneaks the question in at Howie during the post-show chatter. Howie seems genuinely surprised the question, and tells her that Rachel never gave him any play. A Jedi must not be distracted by the petty pleasures of the flesh. *squirming* I can’t keep a straight face. It cracks me up that Howie is such a Star Wars nerd.
The talk of the night is America’s Choice: whose zombie fingers will be on the doorknob next eviction night? On the one hand, you’ve got Eric. His adoring alliance think he’s got the advantage of being a hero, and that America will go for the dad, thinking he needs the money most. Maggie’s not so sure, saying it depends on how “he’s portrayed.” Maybe she’s remembering all those late night conversations consisting of lie lie lie deny deny deny coupled with endless speeches about integrity and sportsmanship. If he had just chosen one or the other, he might have lasted a bit longer in the game.
And then there is Michael, who suddenly is being hailed as the houseguest who got a bad rap and deserves a second chance. It just goes to show how fickle these people are that they now acknowledge that Michael wasn’t the boiling pot of rage everyone made him out to be. I still shake my head at the memory of April telling the Cappy crowd that Michael had told her he had been thrown in a Turkish prison for hurting a man. If he wins America’s Choice, what a surprise for Michael to be greeted with sympathy. Janelle’s crew is convinced Michael will be voted back in.
Kaysar, whose fans are legion on this world-wide interweb thingie we call a virtual home, is dismissed as a longshot by both sides of the house, since he’s Iraqi. I guess that was the elephant in the room never mentioned by the houseguests, because even his alliance partners think he doesn’t stand a chance. Who knows, maybe America will surprise them? *texting furiously*
The Reeking Mess That Is April
April thinks that her lack of smoking is making her body go nuts with flatulence. Maybe so; or maybe she regained enough olfactory nerve use that she can now smell what she’s always masked with cigarette smoke. Either way, she’s full of gas, and she’s damn pissed about it. She’s snapping at her friends, wearing the patch on her ass, and finding it so itchy that she’s constantly got a hand back there. My advice to the hamsters living with April: don’t pinky swear with this hamster any time soon; but if you must, make sure she washes her hands first.
Frankly, I don’t care if she smokes. But I’m out of sympathy for this self-described non-smoker going through nicotine withdrawal. I’ve heard too many whiny conversations late at night where she waxes nostalgic about living in her sorority house and smoking on the balcony with the gals. “It was so enJOYable,” she wails. She rationalizes that she’s ruined her lungs already, so why go through the horrors of quitting? And forget the game for a moment, she thinks that if she wins HOH, Big Brother will pony up the cigs. And that would be *inhaling deeply* just heaven. Too bad she voted off the only player with a hookah.
The Angry Man
James knew what it meant that Ivette elimated him in the HOH competition. He’s having trouble getting Sarah to reach his level of anger and paranoia, though. “Were you paying attention?” he snaps at her. Ivette knocked him out the of the game before Janelle even. He knows (as does Sarah, after enough haranguing from James) that he was the Maggie alliance’s primary target. Well, so much for all those intense hours spent with Ivette trying to convince her she could trust him. He doesn’t even realize that he blew it when he said he would put up Maggie after swearing on the Bible that he wouldn’t.
With his tentative connection to Ivette blown to pieces, James does what he does best -flips to the other side and gets to work. He tells Janelle that he wants Michael back in the house. She’s surprised he doesn’t name Kaysar, and he tells her Kaysar was a smart, but evil, player. She doesn’t nod along, so he switches once again, saying he wants Michael back so that he can apologize to him. That goes over a little better, and soon Janelle is hoping Michael will come back to her, if only for a day.
James picks up on her mood and starts playing on her feelings, saying they could have two couples in the house for a change, they could take over the gold room, etc. It's a nice thought, I guess. But there are others in the room (Rachel, Sarah) and they have more on their minds. Someone mentions that they don’t know who the one vote to save Kaysar was, and the group agrees that it must have been Howie...but then, James speaks up and says it was him. He didn’t want Kaysar to go out without a vote. See, America? He’s just a fluffy teddy bear inside.
James asks Big Brother to be let in the Diary Room, saying he has a lot of crap to get off his chest. Later, he tells Janelle he flat-out told America to vote Eric in so he could tell him off to his face. “Don’t antagonize America!” protests Janelle. James is still sore about the HOH competition, saying Ivette got a freebie from Julie Chen when she continued to read the question after Ivette rung her buzzer. Sure, Ivette told him afterwards that she planned to answer “Cappy” no matter what the question, but James is still holding a grudge. He tells feed viewers that Julie Chen owes him one. Let’s see if he reminds her of her slipup when he’s sitting on the couch next to her. Next week.
James and Sarah camp out in the HOH for a while, where he waxes paranoid about Ivette taking him out first (again). He tells Howie to do him a favor - to make sure he puts James’ key in first in the Houseguest Wheel O’Non-Nominees. (What an awkward device that is.) Howie mutters non-commitally, like someone caught off-guard in a fib. We get it already, James, you like to say outrageous things to get a reaction out of everyone around you.
The Real Ghost
Howie and Janelle speak to April in the privacy of the HOH room. The tenuous thread of connection between these three is, surprisingly, Kaysar. April emphasizes that Kaysar and she became close before he left, and that he shared with her his vision of evicting James. They all agree that James can’t be trusted by anyone in the house, and April continues to mention her fondest dream will be to fulfill Kaysar’s plan. Kaysar. There, she said it again.
The mood in the room has turned confidential, and Howie asks Janelle if he can speak frankly with April. She agrees, and Howie turns to April with sympathetic words: he is all about getting rid of James. They want to get rid of him, but he’s just so darn good at winning these ridiculous Big Brother challenges, and Howie doesn’t want to be a target in a week. April says she will talk with Maggie and confirm they will go after James if he saves himself this week.
The question is, can they backdoor James if they don’t know the veto can be won this week? Howie doesn’t want James to get suspicious of their plans. Janelle even offers to be a pawn (huh?) so that James’ feels safe - a move even April can see would be counter-productive. I feel compelled to point out that Rachel is not present for this conversation, because she doesn’t want to appear like she’s controlling the HOH. She expends a lot of useless energy trying to not appear close to Howie, which is a silly strategy since the pairs have been openly acknowledged for the past two weeks.
April sends up Maggie to seal the deal. What follows is a long, heartfelt bitchfest against James between Howie and Maggie huddled in the HOH bathroom for security. Maybe it’s her puppy dog eyes, or maybe it’s her nurturing manner, but Maggie and Howie are soon sharing feelings and thoughts as if they are bosom buddies. Although, come to think of it, Howie doesn’t comment on Maggie’s boobies the way he does every other woman in the house.
Howie warms to Maggie, and soon he is agreeing to put up James and Sarah, “as of right now.” That’s not enough assurance for Maggie, so he tells her that it’s decided. They are in agreement, and the house will get along sunnily for the next two weeks. Maggie would make a fortune as an Amway salesperson.
Rachel and Janelle come back in the room after Maggie leaves, and Howie greets them a little smugly. He explains his deal, and the girls react with horror. “Howie, noooo!” Rachel explains that if James wins the veto, he will be gunning for Howie now, instead of Maggie. Furthermore, they really can’t afford to take out James now that Eric might be coming back in the house. It will be back to an alliance of three with everyone in the house poised to finish them off. Howie thinks about it, sees the logic, and stomps around the HOH letting loose some choice expletives. Becoming HOH has taken the fun, boobie-loving Howie away for the week, I’m afraid.
I hate anyone who had a pony growing up, don't you? firstname.lastname@example.org *ducking tomatoes*