Thursday, 6:24 P.M. PST: It wasn’t long before the houseguests turned to that staple of a reality show eviction: picking over the bones. Not that Ashlea left anything behind; in fact, to hear some of the houseguests tell it, she took more than her fair share of cottage cheese and granola. Maybe the petty complaints would have faded into nothing, but it’s not long before the hamsters get the news that they will have to *gasp* ration what food they have until the next food competition. Suddenly, Ashlea is the reason they have nothing left to eat but fish and cereal. It’s almost like she knew she could get a last stab in at those evil evictors, one forkful at a time.
And So It Goes
- Janelle and Michael are on the block.
- The hamsters had a food competition, and won the right to snacks, sweets, meats, breads, cereals, beer and wine. They only missed out on dairy, fruits, and vegetables.
- Eric had one-on-ones with every houseguest before the nomination ceremony, and extracted promises that if kept will keep him safe for weeks.
Questions are swirling through the house, and not just about the missing granola or the combination to the blood-red weight room. (Seriously - if they ever get it open they will feel like they’re doing cardio inside a human heart.) Who voted to evict Kaysar? Everyone knows that Janelle wanted to keep her friend Ashlea, but who was responsible for the second vote? Well, the viewing public knows it was James, because we saw the votes being cast. Live feed watchers know that James’ motivation was to cause confusion, and that Eric was in on the plan. Everyone else is genuinely puzzled by the stray vote. Eric and James have managed to convince the bulk of the house that Michael (the mentally unstable liar if you believe them) must have voted to evict his friend. Ivette comments that she can’t wait until the show is over to find out who the mystery voter is. "Nobody is going to talk to me at the wrap party,” Eric says in response. *ahem* Is anyone paying attention in this house?
It’s no wonder the hamsters are being called “sheep” by Michael and half the Internet. Cappy (Eric’s annoying nickname, derived from Captain - lest we forget for an instant that he’s a LEADER) seems to roam through the house imposing his will only to be met by friendly, genuine smiles. Here’s an example of his leadership: Kaysar was told in the Diary Room that they wouldn’t be getting any more food until after the food competition, so to please ration what food they have left. Kaysar happened to bump into Eric on his way out, and Eric took charge, saying he would make an announcement at dinner.
Eric paced for a couple of minutes in the kitchen, but you could see it was killing him to hold onto any communication from the production staff. (Eric is the hamster who is regularly calling out to BB elves by name to ask if something he said or did is okay. It’s annoying because it causes fishtanks.) After three minutes of pacing, he strode out manfully to the backyard and yelled for attention. His announcement included a stern lecture to ration food wisely, since the competition probably wouldn’t be until Saturday. The backyard crew of smokers were cast down at the thought of eating fish and pork for the next four or five meals.
Satisfied that he had passed along Big Brother’s will, he strode back into the house to lecture any stray hamsters who hadn’t got the news yet. Running into Kaysar, he launched into his speech. Kaysar watched him in silent bemusement until he finished, then reminded Eric that he (Kaysar) was the one who told him in the first place. That’s our scrappy Cappy!
Building the Cappyocracy
Eric informed the house that he would allow everyone to have a one-on-one sitdown with him to discuss their position in the house - “but not tonight (Thursday), because I’m done talking about the game for the night.” Now I have proof that he doesn’t keep his word, as he spent the evening talking game ad nauseam.
Eric held court with the houseguests individually on Friday afternoon. He extracted promises from Howie, Kaysar, Beau, April, Ivette, Sarah, and Michael that if they win HOH, not to put up Eric for that one week. Yes, you read that right - even Kaysar and Michael agreed, and if everyone keeps their word, Eric could be safe for weeks. Maggie and Eric discuss the deals, and decide that Maggie has to win HOH so that she can extract the same promises. Big Brother would be such an easy game if the houseguests that wanted to win HOH were able to wave a magic wand and poof! make it happen.
The only person who wasn’t required to promise a pound of flesh was the bandana-wearing James, who expended a fair amount of energy complimenting Eric on his shining leadership. Enraptured with James’ description of his superb munificence during the food competition (see below), Eric must have forgotten to ask. Score a point for James!
The houseguests were awakened early on Friday by the friendly voice of Big Brother announcing a food competition. Hurrah, there’s no need for a breakfast of tuna after all! Or is there? *evil laugh*
The hamsters are called to the backyard by Eric in a ratty mullet wig and trucker cap. The set designers went for a desert-cum-junkyard feel with the bright words “Snack Shack” painted on a false front of a greasy food stand. Eric welcomes them to the Snack Shack from Hell. I think we can expect a cheesy audio effect in the edited version.
It’s a gross-out food competition, and a pretty standard one as these things go. Instead of an ice cream sundae, Howie and James are served an ice clam sundae. They fail miserably; I’m not sure if James takes more than a bite. No beverages for the group this week. Next, Janelle and Beau eat Pepper-Only Pizza and choke it down in time to win breads and cereals for the week.
April and Rachel eat as much as they can of creme pie with sauerkraut, but let’s just say the hamsters will be skipping dairy this week. For snacks and sweets, Michael and Kaysar power down tuna malt shakes with apparent ease. Maybe they’ll open their own tuna smoothie shop after this experience.
Maggie and Jennifer are playing for meats, which is bad luck for the house’s vegetarian. Luckily for the meat eaters, Jennifer scarfs down all the chocolate snake by herself. Now that’s a girl who wants to stay in the Big Brother house! In contrast, Ivette and Sarah play for fruit and vegetables, and are unable to gag down their turkey pot poi. Yeah, I wouldn’t shovel that carp for the right to eat a carrot, either.
Eric announces a wildcard round, saying that if two volunteers were willing, they can also play for beer and wine. Michael and Janelle step forward, but somehow, Eric exerts his leadership skills and bumps off Janelle. Eric, who throughout the competition had been making comments that his participation as the host was involuntary and not to blame him, now explains that he felt he needed to show leadership by joining the gross food eating gang. He and Michael chowed down egg salad sardine sandwiches, and Ivette was deafening in her support of her beloved Cappy. Several people commented on Eric generously stepping into the game, which rankles Michael to no end. Calling them “sheep,” he wonders why everyone follows Eric just because he asks them to. Without even using the threat of poisoned Kool-Aid.
He Said, She Said
It’s still too early in the season to catch every conversation, and believe me - this is a group of talkers. Here’s an attempt to piece together the convoluted friendships and alliances:
- Ivette detests Kaysar; at least, on Thursday, she did. She made several derogatory comments about his praying, then described him as a “Muslim one day and not a Muslim the next.” Then she flat-out says he is faking his religious beliefs, and that she asked God to keep him from winning the game. Friday, Ivette was all about hating Michael and Janelle. Eric did happen to mention to her that Janelle was “gunning for her”, and it has the desired result of sending Ivette into a tizzy about big scary Janelle being “after her”. She may talk tough about players who keep their word, but from where I sit she looks as easy to influence as a dog having a snausage waved in his face.
- Beau spent time hanging out with the doomed duo, Michael and Janelle. Perhaps they were only trying to shake him, but Janelle and Michael got mighty cozy all of a sudden, ducking under comforters to giggle and kiss. Beau got sickened like the rest of us and went back to join the crowd, which was a good thing for him because...
- Eric was very nervous to see Beau spending time with his nominees. Even if Beau were defecting, Eric controls so many votes in the house he could stand to lose one, so why the heavy-handedness? Oh, that’s right. Because he’s a
- Janelle was told by Eric that although she was put up, she would be safe. He also said that if anyone else heard that plan, he would know it was leaked from her as he only told her the plan was to evict Michael. Eric then proceeded to tell everyone in the house the same plan except Kaysar and Michael.
- Michael confronted Jennifer about telling others he made her feel uncomfortable. She said she wouldn’t talk to him about it, and he continued to ponder it for hours (talking with Janelle, mainly).
- James said the HOH room isn’t shown on the Internet, so they could talk all they want about Michael’s psycho problems, even though the DR told them to keep quiet. Strangely, I could see and hear him fine. Meanwhile, Eric felt empowered to say that he’s scared of Michael knowing his kids’ names, what town he is from, etc. Sheesh Eric, he’s just going to draw an unflattering caricature of you, not hunt you down.
- Sarah explained to the others that she works in a lingerie shop, and knows a lot about how bras function. Sadly, her expert knowledge of lingerie is wasted, as she seems to prefer being braless most of the time.
- Howie had conversations with both Eric and Kaysar about his future, implying to both that he was solidly behind him. Strangely, during both these conversations, the laid-back jokester Howie spoke in a focused, intense voice.
- Kaysar expounded on strategy with Janelle and Michael snuggling in the hammock. He said that when you have an emperor like Eric, the people don’t like him - but they clap. I thought the saying was that the people bow to the king as he passes him in parade, and they fart silently to express their true feelings. More metaphors: they must cut the serpent off at the head in one strike, then get out of there. The serpent head for Kaysar appears to be Ivette. He also gently told Janelle and Michael that one of the two of them will be leaving the house no matter who wins the veto; it’s inevitable.
- April has worked hard to disseminate gossip today, spending time with Janelle to convince her not to use the POV, then reporting back to Ivette every word Janelle said. April really, really wants Michael to get the boot, convinced he’s a “walking weapon” psychopath.
- Jennifer reported Michael to Big Brother for frightening her with his pervy ways.
- Rachel, and Maggie just weren’t a blip on my radar today.
Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof. Hepcat@fansofrealitytv.com