Big Brother can be heavy-handed, but even the eye in the sky is getting fed up with these feckless hamsters. Can’t they see all the pairs in the house? There’s a double shower in the bathroom, double beds in the gold room, and a (gasp) two-player chessboard! Okay, so maybe the last one isn’t a clue, but tonight the hamsters discovered they have two silverware drawers, and not one of them thought it was odd. Come on, hamsters, who has two drawers for knives and forks? It’s an obvious clue ... who’s with me on this one?
News of the Day
- There appears to be a 10-person alliance in the house, although they agree it only counts from week to week. Howie is seen as wildcard who has agreed to join the group for the moment.
- The houseguests voted Wednesday. By all accounts Ashlea is evicted, the only question is the exact vote count.
- Before voting, a couple of folks talked about throwing their vote to Kaysar to keep the alliance confused, and afterwards, James told the others that he messed up his vote and “accidentally” voted to evict Kaysar. Considering they tape the hamsters saying, “I vote to evict Pepe”, I’m not sure how he managed this.
- The 10-person alliance will try to throw the HOH competition towards Ivette so she can put up Janelle.
Time drags on in the Big Brother house. After Tuesday night’s paranoia about Michael’s stability, (he’s a walking WEAPON, April is convinced, able to take you out with one ninja chop to the throat or somesuch) the morning crew strolls out to find dishes in the sink and towels strewn around the backyard. Rachel, April, James, Sarah and Eric are not amused, and work themselves into a state about cleanliness. If Rachel had her druthers, she would be vacuuming “every other day.” Well, she said every other day, but you just know she would be running for the vacuum anytime a foot stepped on a carpet. Lucky for the live feed viewers, the Diary Room staff turned down her request for 24-hour access to the vacuum cleaner. Busy little clean freak hamsters don’t cozy up with the other hamsters to talk strategy, you know.
Eric seems especially incensed at the mess. He wants to call a house meeting to address the issue, saying that he won’t name names, just lay down some rules of conduct. When Maggie realizes Eric has gone from being mildly irritated like the other hamsters to a full-on ‘roid rage tantrum, she pulls him aside and asks him to cool it. He doesn’t want to give it up, but is able to see reason and back down when she reminds him that he just might just be lecturing to the next HOH. For someone who less than 24 hours ago was telling Big Brother producers that a fellow houseguest has potential for angry violence, he’s looking mighty touchy about a few dirty dishes.
So who left the mess? Well, Michael, Kaysar, Janelle and Ashlea were the last ones to bed the night before, and the whole house knows it. James tells the group that the people he hates in the house are all slobs, and a few moments later, April quietly gets up to empty her ashtray, even though she's still working on a cancer stick. I guess cleanliness really is a strategy in the Big Brother house this season, or maybe the producers cast a few neatniks with the hopes of keeping the brand-spankin’ new house in tip top shape.
Speaking of the late-night revelers, Michael cut out earlier than the other three after an odd conversation with Kaysar in which he seemed to be trying to get Kaysar to bond with him. He told Kaysar that he’s his brother, but the moment felt like he was trying to get Kaysar to acknowledge their closeness. Oddly, it wasn’t long after Michael went to bed that Kaysar got into a deep and involved conversation with the two girls; maybe the problem wasn’t that Kaysar didn’t feel like talking, but that he didn’t feel like talking to his buddy.
Closed Space Oddities
I had hoped this was a quirk of the early days of being in front of the cameras, but it appears to be a regular habit of Michael’s to cover himself modestly with a towel in the bathroom. And by that, I’m saying not only when he’s taking a shower. I can hear the readers: “Hepcat, you’re not making sense.” Alright, dammit, he covers himself with a towel when he urinates. When he’s peeing, people! He’s that worried about the cameras catching a glimpse of the goods - which implies they’re not so good, I guess. I’m not quite sure how he manages this maneuver, but what bothers me is that according to Ivette, he grabs whatever towel is around. *shudder* What’s a few unsanitary habits among fellow hamsters, eh?
Another item for the oddities list: I find it strange that no one dislikes Eric for making cutting, insulting comments in his booming firefighter voice. He always smiles or says he’s kidding, but at the same time, he flips a lid over nothing. He routinely calls the women in the house "bitch" in that I'm-just-kidding-or-am-I? manner. Once he was loading laundry when one of the girls commented on his technique, and he replied for her to "get her fat ass over and do it herself" if she didn't like it. Then the strained smile, it's just a joke. She probably deserved it, so why backpedal and pretend you didn't mean to call her a fat bitch? Another time, Sarah asked if he wanted some coffee, and maybe she forgot his answer or didn’t hear, so she asked him a second time. “What did I just say? What did I JUST. SAY.” he roared in reply. I would have told him to make his own damn coffee at that point, but Sarah mousily explained that she didn’t hear him say yes. I’m can’t help but wonder if secretly the Sarahs of the house are hoping Janelle wins HOH and puts up the house screamer.
I can see his biography now: Howie - Behind the Horndog. Did you know Howie had to have a skin graft on his hand when he was 13? Me neither. Did you know he burned himself making a pipe bomb? See, now that’s interesting, because although we don’t know his exact age, he had to have been 13 before the Internet made pipe bomb recipes as accessible as Saturday morning cartoons. He’s also had his lips tattooed, and I don’t think he was born with that nose. But he’s not the only one - Jennifer admits to chin implants, Michael had his nose sculpted, and I’ve lost track of all the boob jobs. Each year Big Brother looks more and more like a plastic surgery convention, led by the Chenbot, who’s had a few bouts under the knife herself.
Surprise! The houseguests were treated to the use of a digital camera for one hour today, so they dutifully posed as a group and took joke shots of each other. Someone speculated that CBS wanted pictures for their website. What’s it going to take to get it through the hamsters’ heads that they are on camera every minute of the day? CBS has enough closeups of these goofs to pave the streets of Hollywood with their ugly mugs. Rumors have been swirling about an HOH blog, so maybe they are giving Rachel the wherewithal to put up her own Livejournal. It’s all in lighthearted fun, and the hamsters were thrilled to have something to do.
Articulate Political Debate? I Must Be Dreaming!
Kaysar, Eric and James spent several minutes in a discussion of the U.S/Iraqi war that got quite heated. I’m not savvy enough to get all the nuances of their opinions, but I was surprised to find that James and Eric seem to be diametrically opposed politically. Will this erode their alliance somewhere down the line?
Kaysar’s position in the debate is based on his family’s experiences under the reign of Saddam Hussein. His uncle was killed by the dictator on his own front porch; the soldiers pinned a bill for the bullet that killed him to his body. Meanwhile, James says that 9/11 was Bill Clinton’s fault, and something about the U.N...I’m sorry, folks. I just can’t go into the debate without inflammatory phrases like “crackpot theory” and “parroting O’Reilly” coming out in frustration.
I’m not the only frustrated one; Kaysar gets up to leave the room at one point, telling James that he “thought he was an intellectual” and that he’s very disappointed in him. Later, Kaysar told James that while he disagrees with his opinions, he respects him for being so passionate about his beliefs. James comments that it’s easy when he’s in his own comfort zone, and that it’s exciting to interact with people who have different beliefs. There there, we’re all better now.
Maybe Kaysar's newfound understanding with James shored his confidence, because Kaysar asked both Sarah and James separately if they are a couple. Sarah gave him a vague answer, and James replied cryptically that, “I can’t do anything for three weeks. It’s strategic.” I couldn’t help but notice that during the photo taking, James exasperatedly called his gal pal “Sarah Beth,” and that no one else thought it was odd he knew her full name. Is it just me, or does everyone know the pairs and are just playing it too cool for school?
Odds and Ends
- Michael brought up looking for more items in the house, but when he removed the map from the wall in the Gold Room, he got called in to the Diary Room. Later, Janelle started to take it down, and he warned her not to touch it, as it got him in trouble.
- April reported that she was told in the Diary Room that CBS is not running a porn site, so the hamsters have to make sure they don’t get so comfortable with each other that they start running around naked. Hopefully, Howie got the same lecture - he’s already forgetting to close the door when he pees.
- Howie had been calling Jennifer “Chunk” and “Gold Digger”, but she eventually told him she hated it, and he apologized.
- April says that the late-night partiers smoked a lot of her cigarettes, but she doesn’t mind, because she wants to quit.
- April talked about being on NBC (instead of CBS). Do you think that footage will make the show?
- Michael shaved off his goatee.
- April and Maggie shared how they voted with each other, which is supposed to be a Big Brother no-no. They both told the Diary Room that Michael is weird and unstable.
- Eric is finding numerical similarities in the house, namely, items in groups of 3, 6, and 9.
Here’s a question to ponder: why are the feeds stuck on this picture this morning?
See you after the eviction! - firstname.lastname@example.org.