Ding dong the witch is dead! I’m still smiling after Wednesday night brought about the eviction of my least favorite hamster, Allison. Ryan caught a lucky break by being able to remain in the house. His lucky streak continued when he was crowned the first single person HoH. What will the reign of Ryan entail? Just how much ass will Matt kiss this week? Let’s sort through this train wreck of a show together, friends!
Why is it that Big Brother always throws in a good 10 minutes of black and white recap with a little bit of diary room commentary that isn’t really that important? Allison and Ryan thought they were both evicted, the magical siren sounded, everyone found out that they will now be playing as singles, Allison went loco because she thought she was staying, and then she ended up getting evicted… again. Everyone was scared that she was going to stay, and then happy they had the chance to kick her out again. Adam and Matt are both ecstatic to be “divorced”. There you go, 10 minutes of lameness into one nice paragraph! Moving along.
Ryan is excited that he went from zero to hero. Matt is excited that his bro is the new HoH. He claims he only voted for Ryan and Allison to be evicted because of Allison. Natalie is super excited that Ryan won as well. Joshuah and Sharon are instantly scared of Ryan’s payback.
Meanwhile, back in burp/fart/grunt land, Matt and Adam claim one of the rooms as their “Bachelor Pad”. Natalie comes in and Matt tells her that she is no longer allowed to sleep with him. She thinks he is just playing hard to get because she knows that he really loves her in his bed. She hugs him and gives him a kiss on the cheek, and he yells at her to get off of him. He’s afraid he might have to “play dead” to get Natalie away from him. Well, Matt is a dog so I’m sure he’d be pretty good at playing dead. Natalie rambles on and on about how Mattie is going to miss her and how they are partners in crime. Mattie never really looks her in the eye, just shakes his head. She thinks he is using little kid reverse psychology on her. Uh huh. This girl can’t take a hint!
Get this thing off of me!
James and Chelsia are a little thrown by the singles twist, and really don’t know what to say about it. Sharon walks in on their conversation (or lack thereof) and says that everyone is still the same; they will all just have different strategies now. James asks Chelsia if she is going to target him now and she says no. Ryan asks Chelsia if she will come visit him in the HoH room because he might get lonely. Hmmm. James thinks Chelsia is going to change now that she isn’t tied to him. Matt hugs Chelsia and they giggle and play around. James really likes Chelsia and he’s really worried that she was just using him for gameplay.
Bible Totin’ Bikini Barista and a Deal Makin’ Diva
Natalie sits alone on the large couch in the living room reading the Bible. Adam walks in, and after an “Oh, snap!” she reads a verse that reminds her of Joshuah from the book of Joshua. It goes, “What goes into a man’s mouth does not make him unclean, but what comes out of his mouth, that is what makes him unclean.” She thinks that Josh has been running his mouth too much and it’s going to come back and bite him. She says his tongue is like fire and he’s pitting people against each other. Meanwhile, Joshuah is in the hot tub praying that God will forgive him for everything he has said and done to other people in the house. He also asks God to help him with… his diet. Yep, his diet. Apparently it’s not going so great. He isn’t asking for a six pack, just a flatter stomach. Wow. Just when I thought I had heard it all! He also asks God to help him win the game. If God does help him win the game, he will tithe 10% to the church. I don’t think God takes bribes, Joshuah.
It’s time to see Ryan’s HoH room, and he is hoping for pictures of Jen. He gets his wish. I don’t miss her at all! Josh doesn’t think there’s anything too remarkable about Ryan or his family. He has such a positive and sparkling personality, doesn’t he folks? Matt thinks Ryan’s sister is a “smoke show” and she should call him. Ryan got a bunch of Ohio State Buckeyes stuff in his HoH basket, but Chelsia doesn’t take well to that because she is an Iowa Hawkeyes fan. She takes his OSU t-shirt and throws it on the ground. Wooo!!! Chelsia is my new favorite houseguest! *cough*GoPennState*cough*
Ogre v 2.0
Sheila is crying around to Adam that Allison was the only person in the house she trusted and now Allison is gone. She thinks things are going to get ugly. Adam picks his nose and acts like he’s listening. She says she has nothing in common with the other girls in the house and she’s scared. She thinks that everyone is going to go after her and Adam. Adam’s eyes bug out and he picks his nose again. Not a lot going on with that one. Sheila thinks Adam has what it takes to make it to the end, and she hopes Adam has her back. He bites his fingers. He reminds of last season’s lovable ogre, Zach, reincarnated. He thinks that Sheila is going to realize what a strong partner he was to her. Uh, have they ever won anything besides their designated food item in a food competition?
Josh and Chelsia are in the spa room chatting about their feelings for one another. He says that he didn’t think he was going to fall for someone on national TV and he hopes they can still stick together. He wants to keep cuddling with her at night because she’s the only thing that makes him go to sleep at night. Chelsia doesn’t think they should sleep together for awhile so that they can play it safe. Ohh the easy out! James says he is going to look out for her even if it hurts him and he hopes that she will do the same. She doesn’t agree, just says that they are in a weird situation. She says if she can’t win then she wants him to. She doesn’t want him to hang himself for her.
Here’s To You, Mrs. Robinson
As BB plays a little bit of Mrs. Robinson guitar music in the background, Sheila says she is so happy that she has her own bed because she hated sleeping with Adam. Ryan jokes that she is going to crawl into bed with “Baller” later that night. Matt says she’ll miss him and she agrees. She says she won’t be crawling in anyone’s bed but someone might be crawling in hers. What planet does this lady live on? Ryan and Mattie both chuckle.
Matt apologizes to Ryan for voting him out, saying that he didn’t want to make it a tie and give Josh the satisfaction of breaking it. Ryan accepts Matt’s apology, figuring it’s better to have the meathead on his side. Matt thinks they need to set up a crew. The core alliance is Matt and Ryan, but they want it to be the four “bros”. Matt wants to start weeding the garbage out of the house. Apparently by “garbage” he means “women and Josh”. James isn’t sure he wants to form an alliance with anyone at this point in the game. They all scratch themselves and pound their chests in the backyard. Not really, but that would have been entertaining.
Natalie, walking around with the ever constant edit blur over her behind, tells the guys that she figured something out about the guinea pig cage. She tells them to look at the little block thing in the cage and notice there are 3 colors. Matt tells her there are 4 colors and she insists there are 3. I’m counting blue, red, yellow, green which makes 4. She’s a quick one, that Natalie. She then says there are 27 blocks for 27 letters in the alphabet. Ryan informs this airhead that there are only 26 letters.
Surusly guyz. I no howe meny letterz r in tha elfabit.
She argues and counts them all on her fingers. This is amusing. She counts the word “and” before z. Is she serious?
We are halfway through the show and that means it’s time for the food competition! The houseguests get to pick blue or red bandanas that stand for which team they’ll be on. Matt grabs the stack of blue bandanas for himself and his bros, but somehow Natalie weaseled her way onto his team. The team sporting red bandanas (Fon-tastics) consists of Josh, Sharon, Sheila, and Chelsia. The blue team (Won-due-fuls) is made up of James, Adam, Matt, and Natalie. The houseguests head out to the backyard where the scene looks like something out of Willie Wonka and the Chocolate factory. There are chocolate fountains and slides. One by one, the houseguests will slide down their team’s slide into a giant pot of chocolate. They will have to grab letters out of the chocolate and spell out food items as quickly as they can. After the food word is spelled out on the team’s game board, they must go over to their team’s chalkboard menu and write the food name down. This is how they will create their food items for the week. The only foods they win for the week are the foods they spell correctly. The team with the most foods after 10 minutes wins. The losing team will be on slop.
The diva takes a mud bath
Natalie tells the guys on her team she is great at spelling. They laugh and say she thought there were 27 letters in the alphabet. She then showcases her skills by spelling “cereal”. C-E-R-E-L. Man, the jokes just write themselves for this girl. The competition begins and both teams start off strong. Natalie spells “sushi”, Chelsia spells “beef”, James spells “meats”, and Josh spells “meat”. Chelsia is getting frustrated with Sheila’s slowness and starts screaming at her. The blue team is winning the entire time until they lose the chalk for their chalkboard menu. This gives the red team a chance to catch up. At the end of the competition, we learn that the red team spelled 11 food items correctly and the blue team spelled 12 food items correctly. Blue team wins! The red team gets slop for the week.
It’s almost time for nominations, so let the ass-kissing begin! Joshuah tells Ryan that the only thing he can promise him is that if Josh ever gets HoH, he wouldn’t put Ryan up or backdoor him. Ryan tells Josh he won’t put him up or backdoor him. They shake hands. Josh tells Ryan he will be his bitch for the week and vote however Ryan wants him to.
Dancing With Myself
In a ridiculous off-topic montage of video, my retinas are permanently damaged from Joshua’s little disco dance party with himself. He is dancing all around the house and in front of the mirror. He jumps around and moves his arms crazily. Matt walks through and mocks him for a minute, and then Joshuah continues. That was disturbing.
James heads up to the HoH room to figure out what Ryan is thinking about nominations. Ryan says he has 2 women in mind and James automatically guesses correctly: Sharon and Sheila. James thinks Sharon is smart and Ryan might have to worry about her coming off of the block. James also thinks if Sharon is on the block next to Sheila, Sharon will be staying. Matt wonders who they could put up with Sharon that will guarantee Sharon going home. They think maybe Joshuah but decide against it. James suggests that maybe Chelsia should go up on the block against Sharon. He says he isn’t against anything. Nothing like throwing your cuddle buddy under the bus! They talk strategy a little bit more, but nothing is really resolved.
Ryan stares at the memory wall for a little while and all of the houseguests express their anxiety about possibly being nominated. It’s finally time for the ceremony and Ryan gives his little speech about how this is a game and it’s not personal, etc etc. The first safe houseguest is Adam. The other keys belong to Natalie, James, Matt, Sheila, and Joshuah. The nominees are Chelsia and Sharon. Ryan tells them they are both intelligent and strong competitors. He knows they will have an epic battle of the females for the POV.
This leads us to my favorite part of the show: the end! Tune in Tuesday to find out who wins the veto and if it’s used to save either Chelsia or Sharon. Can’t fit Big Brother into your busy Tuesday evening TV schedule? Read all about our naughty little hamsters in a fantabulous recap from our own lildago!
Do you secretly like to dance in front of the mirror? PM me.