Some houseguests are fond of making profound-sounding statements, such as, “This game changes on a dime.” Others try to rationalize their existence in the game in relationship to the Cosmos, such as April saying that “nothing happens without a reason” and that “God holds all the cards in this game.” Son of a biscuit! He’s the one behind these wacked-out HOH competitions that glorify the hamsters’ self-obsession by testing their trivia knowledge on themselves? I’m praying fervently for an HOH challenge that is truly a challenge, then. I don’t even care if it’s an intellectual, physical, or spiritual challenge - just get rid of these silly “Who would you say thinks they are the most beautiful hamster in the house” questions! (Answer: every single one of them thinks they are the most beautiful, but they will all answer “Janelle.” Except for Janelle and Howie, who will answer “Howie.”)
If You Haven’t Heard It Yet...
- April nominated Janelle and Howie, but told them they had a “free week” because her plan is to backdoor James.
- Yet another Friday has passed without a food competition. That PB&J pass sure was a prize - Janelle has used it exactly once.
- The Power of Veto competition was played; April won a competition involving mud and keys.
- Janelle won the right to open a safe in the competition. The safe contained a trip to the Bahamas!
- Ivette continues to campaign for James, while insisting she’s not campaigning.
- April’s plan is to take Janelle off the block and replace her with James.
There’s a dearth of reportable material at the moment. What with Howie and Janelle sticking to themselves (and sleeping half the day), James playing both sides (also sleeping half the day), and the remaining hamsters hiding up in the HOH room whenever possible, the conversations in the house are like an endless loop of rehashing who hates whom and who leaves dirty towels where. Petty grievances are relived, the talk turns to sex, and April or Maggie breaks into a pep talk. I have long passed the point where I have the energy to recreate it. The most exciting moment in days was when Big Brother called Ivette to the diary room and she was flat on her stomach eavesdropping on Howie and Janelle.
In one of the house’s “friendly” conversations, Janelle told everyone that she hated doing promos for the show. She said they had her pose holding a credit card while saying, “I’m gorgeous, and I’m so manipulative.” She said the whole thing disgusted her, and that she would never say something like that about herself. Later, alone in the HOH room, the Cappy crew reviled Janelle for admitting that, saying that if the producers made her say it they were only highlighting her true personality. April repeats several times that hearing Janelle say that cemented her opinion of Janelle as manipulative...and gorgeous, I guess.
The usual HOH Maggie crew are having fun trashing Janelle in many ways, but one of the most frequent trash talking points is Janelle’s weight gain. The buxom blonde openly admits that she has gained about ten pounds since entering the house. Ivette especially seems to love ragging on Janelle for her weight, while April usually says that she (April) is getting fat as well (when she’s really giving Skeletor impersonators a run for their money). While Janelle is visibly bigger, I think she looks amazing. It’s like this: she gains weight, but it all goes to the right places. Now she looks healthy, strong, and a little more buxom. I’m ready to sign up for the Janelle Diet plan, myself. Let’s hear it for the hourglass figure!
Another Week, Another Veto Comp
The feeds were blocked for the veto competition, but it was shorter than most, barely over an hour. It sounds like keys or tiny POV medals were involved, and everyone who played got wet and muddy. Ivette, apparently, balked at getting dirty - a fact that April pointed out later and called her “OCD” for. Ivette made no apologies for not wanting to get her hair wet, but April kept pushing that button, telling her to “take a chill pill” (Ack! not another uncool trying-to-be-hip expression) and have fun instead of worrying about her hair all the time. Ivette clenched her teeth and said she does chill and she does have fun. So neener neener neener.
Have I mentioned that April and Ivette are snarling at each other these days? April is a little more empowered to criticize Ivette lately (HOHitis) and Ivette has been down in the mouth all week...probably mourning the near-certain loss of James. It doesn’t help that James knows exactly how to push Ivette’s buttons, talking up how she must miss her girlfriend, and it isn’t fair that she doesn’t have any pictures like her teammates to comfort herself with, saying she is better than them because she comes from such a loving family; in short, working her into an emotionally volatile state. When Ivette goes in the HOH room after talking to James, she’s moody and sullen, starting up rants on how much Rachel irritated her and that Janelle drives her nuts. After one of these outbursts, April tells her flat-out that she’s always a big crab after talking to James. Ivette is infuriated, and fires back that “James does NOT control her, April” - saying her name like she’s sticking her tongue out at her like a grubby third grader on the playground.
Howie came out of the competition with a “PPOV” - a purple power of veto, as he calls it. Obviously swiped from the set, it’s large, purple, and oh-so-Howie.
But it can’t beat what Janelle got out of the competition: the combination to another safe! We didn’t get to watch her open the safe on the feeds (thanks for nothing, Big Brother), but we learned that she won a trip to the Bahamas. Janellousy popped up all over the house as it sunk in that Janelle had won yet another big prize in the house. Ivette whined about everyone else getting pictures from home and prizes galore; even James complained that the prize was perfect for him and Sarah. Janelle said she planned to take her mom, since she lives in the frozen Midwest. Still, no amount of filial devotion can deflect the obvious jealousy on the part of the “friendship” members. They are so ticked that she has had so much luck in the house; really, it’s just killing them.
My God Can Beat Up Your God
This brings up a touchy matter. Frankly, I hate when a houseguest brings religion into this game because it’s seems so obvious to me that God/Allah/Buddha or whoever has much better things to do than to micro-manage a pack of greedy individuals competing for money. We are all aware of houseguests in the past who would use their faith to rationalize their actions. That’s all fine and good, but I cringe whenever it happens.
Something different is happening this season. The Bible is read nightly by various people; one hamster even prayed multiple times per day without it becoming an issue in the house. Yet the emergence of Almighty has finally made it into hamster conversations - namely, April declaring over and over that “everything happens for a reason” and that “God is watching us, and He holds all the cards in this game.” Say, what?
Now, I’m not going to get into a protracted discussion of the optimistic view that everything that happens in life is for some unseen, greater good orchestrated by a power I can’t understand. This isn’t a literature class meeting to discuss Voltaire’s Candide - but that’s my point, really. This is a cheesy reality show! When Big Brother: Papal Edition makes it to the small screen, I will freely admit that it would be wise to factor a higher power into the equation. For now, I’ll spell it out for you, April: God has better things to do!
It’s funny to watch admitted atheist/apathetic Maggie swallow her comments whenever April waxes on about the Almighty being in control. Maggie does throw April for a loop momentarily when she asks her why God is giving Janelle all the prizes if it’s up to him. April thinks for a moment, then says that God is rewarding bad people in this game. *guffaw* Who won $3,000, April? If Janelle won a plasma TV for the grand sin of sticking by her own friends in the game, what would I get for knocking over a liquor store?
If God is in control of the game, can we pray for him to stop putting a heavy dose of delusional thinking in the bottled water?