Keep your friends close and your enemies closer...so you can fart on them. - Howie
Have you seen those promos with Julie Chen asking perkily, “Do you like to watch?” Sure, it makes me flinch to here it from the Chenbot’s lips, but I have to admit that she’s got me. Once you’ve watched someone pop a zit at close range because their mirror is your window into their world, it hits you that you’ve become a voyeur. But take heart, even the hamsters are obsessed with spying on each other. Some are so desperate for information from the other side they are willing to lie down on the ground or fold themselves into the lazy Susan to hear the other side talk. Everyone is watching everyone, guilt free.
- Beau hid April’s cigarettes, saying she’ll thank him eventually.
- After several hours’ delay, the Power of Veto competition was played.
- Sarah won the veto in a competition that involved throwing projectiles at a television.
- Before the competition, Sarah and James worked on trying to get back into Maggie’s alliance.
- Maggie baked a cake to celebrate her boyfriend’s birthday.
- Maggie’s alliance sent Ivette out on the balcony flat on her belly to listen in on Howie, Kaysar and Janelle.
- Janelle is considering telling Maggie to nominate her and vote her out.
On Friday, by all accounts Maggie seemed pretty determined to make James suffer. She targeted him directly, figuring that if he won the veto and took himself off the block, she could put up his partner Sarah and still upset him. She even covered the unlikely eventuality that Sarah would win the veto, which would save both James and Sarah, by extracting a promise from the both of them that if they won the veto, they wouldn’t use it- no matter what. They swore they wouldn’t.
But the tension in the house has a way of working over plans that seem set in stone. Big Brother contributed to the house paranoia by telling the hamsters the taping would begin at 11:00, then delaying the group for hours. A few minutes before the competition is supposed to start, Maggie pulls Beau aside and tells him she’s hearing from her group that James shouldn’t necessarily be the target. Beau disagrees, saying he doesn’t deserve any consideration since he betrayed their trust the week before. Maggie is worried that Ivette is getting too close to James, but Beau assures her they will vote with the group. Done and done.
The dragging clock continues to work on everyone’s nerves. Janelle, Kaysar and Howie sit in the subway room feeling the effects of having nothing but several cups of coffee for breakfast. Janelle and Kaysar are grimly determined to win the veto. The night before, amidst talk of how much Janelle hates Ivette’s “ghetto” creations in the house simply because she calls them “ghetto”, Kaysar was struck by a thought: what if all the talk about hating James was designed to provoke him (James) into an act of desperation? After all, Kaysar had used James’ slippery ethics the prior week to evict Eric, and no one expects James to be loyal to anyone but Sarah at this point. Now convinced that he’s the real target of Maggie’s nominations, Kaysar and Janelle know the only way they will be safe is if Janelle wins the veto. They can’t trust James not to switch sides again because he has already turned once. “Just like Anakin,” Howie points out. Kaysar already looks defeated; he has run out of morale-boosting speeches. Howie does his best to keep their spirits up, but even when Michael was on the verge of eviction Janelle and Kaysar weren’t this glum.
Sarah spends the morning moping about the possibility of losing James. Meanwhile, James is playing it cool with Maggie’s group, while telling Sarah she needs to interact with them (and she obeys immediately). While hanging out with Janelle, Kaysar and Howie, James warns them that people listen around corners in the house. Little does he know that April has spied his chumminess and is already reporting back to Maggie that James has something planned with the Kaysar alliance. It’s clear that April wants Kaysar to go instead of James. She’s convinced that Kaysar is telling everyone what to do in his alliance, controlling their every thought. She’s not using racial epithets anymore or nattering on about people who fake their prayers for more camera time, so it’s an improvement, I guess. She tells the others they can use Sarah to get information.
Sarah, ordered by James to work the group camped out in the HOH room, has been lurking on the fringes, hoping for entrance. She tells them that mean old Kaysar really wanted her to be evicted over James if they were put up together on the block. Frankly, I don’t find this very surprising but the Ex-Cappy crew act like it’s the dirtiest thing they’ve heard all day. After Sarah leaves, the talk flies fast and furious about Kaysar telling Sarah to sacrifice herself. Ivette reaches a new level of paranoia coupled with ignorance when she compares Kaysar to - wait for it - Osama Bin Laden, since he also trained his followers to sacrifice themselves. I have to keep reminding myself that this is fluffy summer fare. Not global politics.
Reporting back to James, Sarah finds that he disapproves. He is upset that Sarah took it upon herself to make more bargains for the team, and calls Maggie’s crew a “bunch of f***** idiots.” When he calms down, he reassesses their situation. They can wait to take out Maggie, he figures; they will target Kaysar and Janelle first. But he tells Sarah that she has to win the veto, or one of them will be toast.
After the Vetoin’
Big Brother gets off his lazy ass and starts the veto competition four hours late. By then, everyone is cranky and sick of being on lockdown. From the descriptions overheard on the feeds, Beau played with Maggie, Sarah for James, and Janelle for Kaysar. The challenge involved squeezing a bag (?) to propel something at televisions. Maggie mentions that the couches were “neat.” Oh, that wacky Big Brother.
The feeds come back and soon it becomes apparent that *gasp* Sarah has won the veto! We also hear that she was helped in her win by Maggie and James. Talking about the competition later, Kaysar and Howie are amazed at how good James is at these Big Brother challenges. Even though he didn’t win the veto, he used his projectiles on Sarah’s television, allowing her to win the challenge so that her position in the house would be safe.
After the competition, emotions runs wild, from glee in the HOH, to bitterness in the Subway room. Kaysar, now facing certain eviction, loses some of his prized emotional control and vents about Ivette, calling her so stupid that every time she walks by he loses a brain cell. She’s the epitome of stupidity, a “waste of life.”
After a while, Kaysar calms down, swallows his pride, and finds April. He tells her that he’s trying to determine who he can talk to at the wrap party. He wants to know if Maggie’s nominations were based on a personal grudge or a strategic move. April sputters a bit, but eventually tells him that it was a “50/50" decision. Kaysar asks her point blank to tell him if they are trash-talking about him in the HOH room. April (lying) swears on her life that their talk is 100% strategy, and never about personal attacks. Really, what’s the difference at this point anyway? Kaysar must not be satisfied with her answer, because he goes to Maggie and asks her to tell him she didn’t put him up as a personal grudge. Maggie replies that she can’t say that. He tells her that he never had a problem with her personally, and that he’s not a bad guy. “Very well,” replies Maggie stoically. There’s no fake sympathy in Maggie’s world.
I’ll let Freud figure this one out: Ivette, lesbian, shows her devotion to Cappy, heterosexual breeder, by sticking her key in his slot on the wall of houseguests. Okay, that’s just weird. Janelle decides to have a little fun with it. She removes Ivette’s key and puts it in Kaysar’s spot. She takes her own key and puts it in Ashlea’s spot.
When Ivette discovers it hours later, she is furious. “Do you think I give a s**** if she gets feisty I can get feistier!” she roars. She calls out to producers that Janelle should be punished for messing with the keys. After a brief fishtank, Ivette and April are muttering sourly together (I guess that was a “no” from the producers). They wonder if they can provoke Janelle to hit Ivette so that she can be ousted on a penalty nomination. Good luck with that strategy, girls.
Howie is done with Jen, boobies or not. Apparently, he’s tired of her rubbing up on him one moment and flinching away from him the next; he tells Kaysar and Janelle that he’s going to avoid her from now on. Jen notices his coldness at dinner, and is puzzled and sad at the sudden distance between them. She finds him in the bathroom, and asks if they are still friends or what. Howie tells her he got sick of her saying, “Ewwww” all the time. Somehow, with an exchange of lewd comments they are friends again. It’s back to boobie talk!
Speaking of Jen, in the evening she found herself having a frank conversation with Kaysar that went on for about an hour. They shared their similar experience of being labeled and hated from the moment they went in the house. Jen confesses that she has credit card debt; she thinks if she can get to the sequester house, she can make enough money to pay it off. She also tells Kaysar that in “TVland” people respect him. Kaysar says he wanted to go out with a bang, and she says he “did it.”
Meanwhile, up in the HOH room, Maggie, Ivette and April are getting ticked off as Jen is whiling away the evening with their sworn enemy. Maggie heads down to break it up. When Jen sees Maggie, she realizes that she’s been observed talking to the wrong person. She flies up to the HOH room with a story of how she was cornered by Kaysar and couldn’t break away for the longest time. I’m sure April will be scolding Jen for speaking with the “bad” side and risking their collective behinds. Oh, but they barely know each other, right?
Attack of the Reality Show Floozies
It’s late evening in the Big Brother house, and Howie, Janelle and Kaysar are chatting over ice cream and M&M’s. Howie tells an anecdote about being hit on heavily by a very drunk Ruthie from Real World: Hawaii. Janelle brings up a time she was at a party for Leonardo diCaprio, and observing the Real World’s most famous floozy, Trishelle, make a move on Leo. Before we can hear any details, though, the fishtanks slam into place. What, no fish for the Ruthie story but Trashelle gets a little privacy?
Meanwhile, the HOH crew is upstairs in their pajamas, watching the spy cam and seething that they can’t hear the conversation. Soon, they hit upon a solution: Ivette goes into commando mode, and using Beau as a cover (he heads downstairs for water), she slithers like a snake onto the balcony to listen. Maggie keeps the HOH door open a crack and also listens.
The three downstairs continue to talk about life in general while the upstairs crew are avidly spying. Soon the talk turns to the mechanics of the POV competition. They talk about how James seems to dominate these competitions so easily, and call him a well-rounded master player who is both physically gifted and mentally adept. They praise James for a while, then move on to something else.
Ivette has heard enough, and it takes Beau going down for another water bottle to get her back in the HOH room (they are paranoid someone will notice if she just stands up and walks in the room; hence the fiction that Beau needs water bottles every ten minutes). Maggie, Ivette and April (Jen is asleep on the bed) gather to talk about what they learned. Ivette tells them that the other side wants James out SO BAD! She has taken what she partially overheard and interpreted it as a long rant against James, when they were just praising James in general. Ivette is floored by this “information”, and she’s determined to use it to their advantage. They try to plan a way for Ivette to tell James what she heard without revealing that she had been spying on the balcony. Maggie and Ivette excitedly plan for her to hide in the lazy Susan the next evening.
Don’t Cry For Me, Miami
After midnight, Janelle comes to the realization that she just wants to leave the house to meet up with Michael. Kaysar perks up a little when she says she will go to Maggie and ask to be voted out instead of Kaysar. He warns her that Michael was seeing someone before he went in the game (if she was smart, though, she would have dropped him like a hot potato when he got all kissy with Janelle). Janelle says she knows, but she thinks Howie and Kaysar have a much better chance of getting to the end than she does. She knows that Ivette is gunning for her, and that the other women would put her up in a heartbeat.
The conversation is cut short by Howie telling a joke so funny that Janelle ends up choking with laughter, then upchucking in the kitchen sink. That pretty much puts an end to game talk for the night. And what was that joke, you might ask? Howie wants to mock all the birthday celebrations (Maggie made a cake for her boyfriend at home today and asked everyone to wish him happy birthday) by having a party to celebrate his one month of celibacy in the house. Um, let’s just say that it was a lot funnier the way he told it.
I’m off to see Brother Love's Traveling Salvation Show - firstname.lastname@example.org