Wednesday night, we said farewell to the very first Big Brother couple evicted from the house this season. So long, Jacob and Sharon, we barely knew ya!
Weasel BoyEric and Jess from Big Brother 8 came back to host the very first HoH competition. Alex and Amanda emerged victorious. Who will they nominate? Will Adam and his lack of tact offend America once again? Read on to find out, Big Brother fans!
You Cheeky Monkey!
Alex isn’t exactly thrilled with winning Head of Household this week. He was hoping to stay in the background for a little while longer and not be faced with the responsibility of nominating another couple. Chelsia was excited for Alex and Amanda until she realized that Amanda will be parading around the house like a princess with the HoH key around her neck and her ass hanging out of her shorts. Showing too much cheek does not a princess make! Matt is also excited for the new HoH couple, stating that normally Boston and New York don’t get along, but in the house they are making an exception. Matt is always saying something ridiculously stupid. Ryan is worried that he and Allison aren’t safe. He’s also worried that his “secret lover” Jen isn’t safe either. Parker thinks that he and Jen went from Brad and Angelina (I’m over the Brangelina reference) to Kathy Griffin and Pauly Shore. I don’t think I really get the reference unless he is saying that Jen is a super annoying, self absorbed, D-List celeb and he is one of the most ridiculous and intolerable people on the planet. Ahh… I get it now. Moving on.
After the HoH competition, the hamsters all rush inside and discover that the memory wall is now up and running! All of their lovely mugs are showcased for everyone to see. Jen immediately thinks her picture is weird. Must be a common theme amongst people named Jen in the BB house. Amanda, shouting louder than everyone, says her face looks fat. She would rather have a picture of her booty on the screen than her face. You can think of your own joke to insert here because, man, this one is just too easy. Matt thinks the best looking picture on the wall is his. Jen points out to everyone that her picture is the first one on the wall because she’s going to win. Way to not piss people off, Jen. James thinks she is the cockiest person in the house. Parker starts flipping out to James that he is going to be a target just because Jen says stupid things. Parker tells Jen to chill out and quit being cocky. She apologizes and gives Parker a hug.
Allison tells Josh that she thinks Jen is a bitch. In the DR, she says she doesn’t like being partnered with someone else’s boyfriend and that Jen is the last person she would have aligned with. Jealous much? Allison whines to Parker that she doesn’t want to play with the lovebugs, blah blah whine whine. She says that Jen isn’t going to control her. Like ever. Like totally. Like okay! Jen gets word that Parker and Allison are having a pow wow in the sauna room, so she and Ryan bust in to try to figure out what is going on. Allison asks Jen if she has any idea of the position she has put Allison in, whine whine. Allison tells Jen if she talks to her at all disrespectfully, she’s screwed. She says if she feels like things are starting to fall apart, she’s going to blab to the rest of the house. Who is the one on the power trip now, Allison?
You mean there are other people on this show?
Allison takes Ryan into the bedroom and asks him how she can expect him to choose her over Jen when it comes to an alliance. Ryan’s well thought out and very detailed answer: “Because”. Well there you go, folks. Mystery solved. Allison continues that she understands that Ryan has a girlfriend in the house, which she isn’t happy with, but she is so loyal that it’s sickening. She is starting to sicken me. I’m about sick of listening to her talk. Ryan is in a bit of a predicament because he wants to stay loyal to both Allison and Jen. Hey idiots, here’s an idea. How about you all just form a strong and secret 4 person alliance? Oh wait, that would be too easy. Ryan promises Allison that she’s his girl and that he won’t put Jen before her. Uh oh. Let’s hope Jenny Poo doesn’t get wind of that.
In the sauna room, Amanda tells Josh, Neil, James, and Chelsia that she gets stereotyped as a dumb girl because of her high pitched voice. I’m betting she gets stereotyped as a dumb girl because she is indeed a dumb girl. She tells them that her father hung himself and if she can make it through that tough time, she can make it through anything in her life. Oh jeez, now I almost feel bad for calling her dumb. Almost. Neil asks Amanda why her dad committed suicide. Hello Neil. I’m appropriateness. Have we met? She tells them that he had post traumatic stress disorder and he was also bipolar. She says that while she was in class, he left her a voicemail saying that she is never there when he needs her and that he was going to kill himself. She thinks if she would have been able to answer the phone that she might have been able to stop him. I feel bad for the girl, but I’m not sure why she is telling 4 strangers and all of America this story. Chelsia thinks that maybe Amanda has a softer side to her.
It’s time for Amanda and Alex to check out their HoH room. Everyone screams and heads upstairs. Amanda checks out her pictures and compliments her own butt in the pictures. Alex shows everyone a cross made out of steel from the World Trade Centers. He lost his dad in the 9/11 attacks and the cross is something to remember his father by. Amanda got an Al Green CD (her dad’s favorite). Jeez, BB. Nothing like being a downer this episode.
Since apparently tonight is the Allison show, BB checks in on what Miss Self Absorbed is up to. She says she isn’t playing the game. She is finished with everything and she’s done playing. I get confused for a minute, thinking she is talking about the food competition or next week’s veto competition. Nope. She keeps going on about how she is done with this game, she’s done playing. I’m lost. Are we done playing Monopoly, checkers, what? TELL ME! By the way, what the heck is up with Parker’s mandanna? It looks ridiculous.
A Cut (Or Not) Above the Rest
Just when I thought BB was becoming a bit more serious, with all the talk of Amanda’s and Alex’s fathers, the real BB comes shining through once again. James informs Jen that Adam’s nickname is “The Hooded Warrior”. Jen asks Adam why he is called that, and he informs her that he isn’t circumcised. Okay, first of all, I don’t like Adam. He has buggy eyes and is super skeevy. Second of all, I don’t like where this conversation is making my mind wander. And thirdly, EWWWWWW. Sheila hates the world because of course, she gets the shaft (ha ha no pun intended… ok pun intended) and gets stuck with the uncircumcised guy. Who cares? Will he win less HoH competitions because he didn’t have a little snip snip when he was a baby? I wasn’t aware that male organs won vetos, either. Jen has never seen an uncircumcised male part and she wants to see it. Adam gives them a little (and I’m probably right when I say a “little”) information about what it’s like. Ugh, these hamsters are foul.
Adam gives everyone nightmares for weeks to come
Back to Allison… Again
Allison takes Sheila into the storage room because she feels like she is going to turn into a robot or something if she doesn’t talk to someone about herself some more. She tells Sheila that she knows she is a huge target and she can’t explain the details but she will tell Sheila more when she can. Well, that divulged a lot of info. Not. I’m not sure the point of that conversation at all. Oh well.
Parker and Jen get to talking, and Jen now wishes she would have told everyone from the very beginning that she and Ryan are a couple. They are afraid that Allison is going to crack. Parker says that if “Miss Thing” (aka Allison) wants to play, then they will play. Okay seriously guys. What the hell is this game you are all playing? Parker and Jen decide to tell everyone about the secret before Allison runs her mouth off to everyone. Okay, I think I have it. We are playing Don’t Break the Sugar Bowl? Crazy Eights?
She said… He said… Then She Said Again
Parker gathers his “bros” Matt and Alex and drops the bomb that Jen and Ryan are dating. Matt thinks that “Pahhka” is extremely hypocritical and Alex thinks Parker has already made his bed. Jen grabs Amanda and Natalie. Amanda says that Jen makes her want to poop because she is nervous. Classy. Parker tells them that Jen and Ryan are dating. They are completely shocked. Matt runs straight to Allison and tells her that he knows. She thinks it sucks that Ryan didn’t tell her that he was going to tell other people. She tells Matt that she is playing for herself and not for Jen and Ryan. She asks bodyguard Matt to go with her to like talk to like some like people. She confronts Jen which leads to a shouting match with a bunch of clapping. Yes, clapping. Apparently Jen thinks she sounds smarter when she is clapping along with every word. Jen tells Allison that the game doesn’t revolve around her and Allison tells Jen that she is disrespectful. Wouldn’t that be funny if the guys started chanting “Jerry, Jerry, Jerry!”? Sheila comes in to see what all the fuss is about and Allison fills her in. Sheila starts yelling out a bunch of random adjectives. These people exhaust me.
Could You Please Pass the Bible?
Allison now takes it upon herself to inform everyone else in the house that Jen and Ryan are a couple. Does this mean she is officially done playing “the game”? She tells Neil and Josh. They ask why she didn’t tell them from the start, and she starts bawling around that Jen and Ryan threatened her, yada yada. Josh gets the idea in his head that other people in the house must know each other too. He thinks they should call a house meeting and pass the Bible around so people can swear on it that they don’t know anyone. Are you kidding me? Josh says that anyone who swears on the Bible in front of America and lies is instantly going to Hell. Amanda, with her oh-so-pleasant voice, yells a million times for everyone to go to the living room for a meeting. Josh, Parker, Adam, Sheila, Natalie, Matt, Chelsia, Amanda, Alex, and Allison swear that they know nobody in the house. James holds the Bible and says he doesn’t think any of this is going to make anyone stop lying. Matt thinks that little exercise was worthless because a lot of the people aren’t even religious.
I swear on this Bible that my tan didn’t come out of a bottle
Matt and Alex… The New Bromance
Matt and Alex meet up in the sauna room and talk about how much “weak” is in the house. They both swear on their fathers that they will take each other to the end. Why in the world would Alex swear on his father? Does anyone recall Waahmber and the swearing on her daughter fiasco last year? I hate these people. Natalie and Amanda are told about the plan to make it to the end and they agree it is a good alliance. They talk about who should be nominated this week and Matt thinks that both Parker/Jen and Ryan/Allison should be put up because they are two strong teams.
Allison and Sheila get together to have a bitch fest about their partners. Sheila whines about Adam and Allison whines about Ryan and Jen. They decide that they should just spend every waking minute together. Spending every waking minute with Allison would probably make me not ever want to be awake. Sheila thinks it would be funny if they told everyone that they are lesbians and that is the big twist. Josh is their first victim. They tell him and he stares in disbelief and says about how weird it is. He says he had no idea and didn’t pick up on any signs. Josh runs to tell Neil that Sheila and Allison are life partners. Josh thinks that explains why Allison wears those riding boots all the time. Wow. That actually made me chuckle. Allison and Sheila tell Chelsia that they are together and that they have an adopted son. Allison thinks they made a power move. Uh huh.
Pimpin’ Aint Easy
Sheila gripes to Parker about how disgusting and hard to get along with Adam is. She says that all Adam talks about is ballin’ and rollin’ and pimpin’ out chicks. Meanwhile, Adam is sitting on the couch smoking and shouting things. She thinks that Adam doesn’t really help out autistic children. As they are talking, Alex gets in the hammock in the background and falls right back out. She goes on and on about how he says he has a big car and a big house. Alex tells her that Adam isn’t going around saying things about her. She says she isn’t saying mean things about him either (umm what did I just watch for the last 2 minutes?) and that he doesn’t understand because he is a guy. Alex tells Adam he better come over and “check his woman”. He comes over and starts yelling at Sheila to tell him what he has done wrong to make her treat him like crap. She freaks out and runs into the house crying. Ryan thinks that Sheila and Adam are definitely going to get nominated after their little fight.
Jenny From The Block
It’s finally time for nominations! Alex and Amanda have to stare at everyone’s pictures on the memory wall and actually pretend they have a coherent thought between the two of them. Allison is worried that she and Ryan might be nominated because of the secret coming out. Jen is also worried. She would rather have Ryan and Allison nominated than Parker and herself. Adam thinks if he and Sheila get nominated, it’s totally Sheila’s fault. Amanda lets us know that if she and Adam couldn’t agree on the two nominations, they would automatically go up on the block and the couple who finished in second place in the HoH competition would become the new HoH. Alex reminds everyone that they are playing as couples, so they will also be nominated as couples.
Amanda and Alex pull the first safe couple’s keys: Sheila and Adam. James and Chelsia, Matt and Natalie, and Neil and Joshua are also safe. This week’s nominees: Parker and Jen and Ryan and Allison. Alex explains that Jen and Ryan have an advantage over everyone else and it is in the best interest of the house if they are nominated. Allison thinks Jen should have kept her mouth shut a little longer. Jen says that she wants that $500,000 and if it means Ryan goes home, then what are you going to do? Parker thinks they have the numbers to stay another week.
I will hurt anyone who comes between me and that $500,000. Seriously, I’ll cut a bitch.
Who will win the Power of Veto? Will they use it to save one of the nominated couples? Will Allison and Sheila still be lesbians? Tune in Tuesday to find out! Can’t stomach another episode of these clowns? Skip the episode on Tuesday and check out lildago’s recap!
Thanks to lildago for her title suggestion!
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