This week on the Dick Show: Jessica won HoH and nominated Dick and Dani. Dick yelled at Jameka, Jameka cursed out Dick's mother, Dani yelled at Jameka and everybody else cowered in the HoH. Dick won the veto, took Daniele off the block, and Dustin offered to go up as a pawn to ensure Dick's eviction. You could practically hear America howl with laughter. America's Tool was supposed to give Jessica the silent treatment, and even though he failed at the task, his odd behavior made Jessica doubt his loyalty. All I can say about that is: thank you North America!
Dustined to be pawned
After the veto ceremony, Dick feels he is going home but still doesn't want to give up hope. Dustin, displaying little common sense and no instinct for self-preservation, declares that he would have liked to have Daniele evicted just so he could witness Dick blowing a gasket. Of course he says all this in the DR, where it's nice and safe. It's all the same to Jen. She could do without either one of them.
Up in the HoH room, Dustin hugs Jessica and lays out the worst case scenario which would be a 3 - 3 vote split. Jessica assures him that if it came to that, she'd have no reason to keep Dick. Dustin thinks Daniele should vote off her father. In the DR he's much braver and confidently declares that since he cut off Danielle's right leg by evicting Nick, he will do the honors and cut off her left leg too, by evicting her father. Unfortunately for our bloodthirsty but cowardly queen, Jessica thinks he's shady and she doesn't trust him.
Next one to face Jessica in the HoH room is Eric, who feels the need to apologize to her for acting so distant. He says he was just really sick before the veto meeting and couldn't talk to her. It doesn't take much to allay her concerns and Jessica is back to trusting America's Fool once again. Maybe she's hypnotized by his hideous shark's fin or maybe weak excuses just work magic on her. It's hard to tell what's under that pile of fried blond hay on her head.
Zach sur l'herbe
As night falls, an al fresco dinner for two is served in the backyard. Zach decided to cook a meal for Jessica because he wanted to work his strategic magic on her. Who knew he had any strategy in him. They discuss votes and talk about a possible tie this week. Jessica says that voting out Dick might be the obvious choice, but maybe not the wisest decision. Speaking of wisdom, Zach declares that all these goings on are keeping him off the radar, so he's happy. Surprisingly he speaks some sense, saying that if Dustin were voted out Amber would be left by herself, Jameka can't compete for HoH and Jessica would still have Zach and Eric as allies. It all sounds so sane! However, just when I start thinking that Zach's got all his ducks in a row, he gives his solemn word to Jessica that he'll vote out Dick if that is her decision. There goes your strategy Zach! He says he will stick by his decision to vote out Dick unless Jessica tells him otherwise.
Meanwhile America's Tool gets his marching orders in the Diary Room. We, the United States and Canada, wish for Eric to target Dustin for eviction. Our Tool is somewhat miffed since, I guess, he wanted us to be dumb and aim for Dick, thereby helping Eric get closer to an easy 10 grand. Sorry, Eric, but when was the last time America cared about you making an easy buck? Think harder... harder. That's it! See? I fully expect Eric to ignore our wishes again, because that's just what he does. However, his first trip out of the DR leads straight to the HoH room to climb into bed with Jessica. Amid some talk about Dustin, and the possibility of kicking him to the curb, these two engage in a bit of flirtation. CBS helpfully scores the interlude with some suggestive music, while Jessica takes her shirt off and asks Eric whether he's hot. Finally she tells him she's tired and he leaves. I breathe a sigh of relief. I'm not sure I'd relish recapping a romantic interlude between the shifty eyed little tool and his bottle blonde cohort with the weird Betty Boop voice.
A raDickal proposition
Kicked out of Jessica's bed, Eric gravitates to the backyard where he is accosted by Dick with a final four offer between himself and Daniele and Eric with Jessica. Dick sweetens the pot by telling Eric that he and Jessica are safe from nomination and from his vote till the end. Eric says he and Jessica are a package deal, while Dick tells him that if Eric can swing this, he will be “blowing up the whole game”. Eric looks pensive and later takes the deal to Jessica. He says they should get rid of Dustin because it would be a big move, because Dustin has shifty plans that don't involve keeping either Eric or Jessica, and because the two of them together with Dick and Daniele could wipe out the competition if they so chose. How long do you think it took Jessica to agree to this plan? It took me longer to type out the question, really.
Talking in turn
Once a week Julie earns her paycheck by chatting up the hamsters, asking them inane questions and giving them a chance to say lots of useless things that nobody cares about. A quick rundown:
Remember Joe? He got evicted second and, I'm sorry, but he's back and he's got something to say. Joe has been following the show and watched Dustin sinking lower and lower as the weeks passed, displaying lots of selfishness and self-involved arrogance. According to Joe, Dustin will react to the pressure in the house by opening his big mouth, talking first and thinking later. The always obliging CBS, offers up a clip of Dustin being nasty to Zach in the backyard. More taped evidence of Dustin's condescension and arrogance is shown, and Joe thinks those will ultimately prove to be Dustin's undoing. Joe feels vindicated. In Zach's immortal words to Dick: “I think we voted out the wrong gay guy!”
- Daniele wouldn't have wanted Dick to use the veto on her in week 2, had he won it. This week, Dick would have saved her regardless.
- Jen is happy that Dick gave her the slop pass.
- Julie invites Amber to make a speech to her 5 year old daughter Lexi. Amber speaks tearfully to her daughter and wishes her good luck in 3rd grade. Kids today seem to start school earlier and earlier, don't they? Like when they're still in diapers...
In the DR, Amber talks about wanting to get rid of angry, moody Dick. Daniele talks about wanting to keep him because she trusts him. Zach calls Dick an instigator who picks people apart in an “unsanitary” manner. Well, we do know that Big Brother doesn't provide a sterile surgical room the hamsters can use to dismember each other in a sanitary manner. How thoughtless of them! Jen still says it's a win-win. She's excited to vote someone out who she actually wants to see leave. Eric initially wanted Dick out, but he claims that America spurred him into action to make a big move and he is now all for Dustin biting the dust. Jameka wants big evil mean spirited ED leaving out the front door. Surprisingly there's no church music in the background while she speaks. I feel cheated.
Before the live vote can commence, Julie talks to Jessica about her difficult decision to nominate Dustin. She cried in the DR before the veto ceremony, when she found out from Jen that Dustin had a secret thing going with Dick and Daniele, and that Dustin changed his mind about wanting to be on the block, saying Jen should be put up instead. Because of this her decision was very last minute, she says. Hee. I think we owe a big thanks to Jen. Asked who she trusts most in the Late Night Crew, Jessica points to Eric and Jameka whom she trusts 100% because, get this, they were always honest with her. Not always, Jess, not always. We also find out that Jessica is eying Eric for a possible romantic llittle somethin' somethin' outside of the house, but that she wants to keep her head in the game for now. Yeah, but are there any independent thoughts inside that head worth keeping?
Dustin yourself off
Dustin is the first to make a last ditch speech in front of the hamsters. He confidently dishes up an anemic line about the first six weeks having been fun and how he'd like to make the remaining six weeks just as much fun. Dick says that he did what he had to do, and now it's their turn. His only regret is that Carol is not there to give him “a long, big, wet kiss on [his] way out the door”. For those of you with short attention spans, Carol was the first person evicted, many moons ago. Don't worry, I had to go look up her picture too. Hey, it's been a while. The hamsters chuckle, and with that we're on to the live vote.
Amber wants to get rid of Dick. Eric says America chose well and for once he decided to follow our orders and actually work to evict Dustin. Notice the paucity of “little beady eyed furry rat” comments in my recap in connection with Eric this week. There's always next week. Jameka was going to consult with Zeus, but she only got his machine. She looks a bit angry as she's evicting ED. Daniele kicks Dustin to the curb. So far it's a tie. Zach and Jen both decide Dustin needs to go out and buy some new shirts for himself. Thus, by a vote of 4 to 2, Dustin will be going on a one-way trip to the sequester house.
He hugs some of them, ignores the rest and quickly heads out the door. Amber weeps. Dustin is stunned to be sitting beside Julie and blames Eric for the fourth vote. Asked whether he regrets volunteering to
be voted outgo up as a pawn, Dustin waxes philosophical and quotes himself “it is what it is and everything happens for a reason”. I'd like to add that it is good and the reason is obvious.
The goodbye messages range from a giddy “see ya!” from Dick, to a dishonest “dude, something went terribly wrong” from Eric – at which Dustin shakes his head – to a weepy “I'm thankful, blah, blah, blah” from Amber.
A quote above the rest
Now that Dustin is history, Julie is more than happy to move on and talk about some “strange visitors” who passed through the BB house the day before the live vote, and who “hold the key to the live HoH competition”. While the hamsters slept, a little person dressed as a Mad Hatter crept into the house. Zach was the first to awaken and he was greeted by the little man saying “What a tangled web we weave, when we first practice to deceive” followed by other quotes. In the backyard there's a barbershop quartet singing songs and a pirate on stilts repeating more quotes. On the dining room table there was a cage with three white rabbits, with playing cards tied around their necks. A man, in a long white robe, face and hands painted white, stood on a pedestal by the front door making various gestures and poses, such as an archer, a worried face and even mimicking “The Thinker”.
The hamsters move to the backyard to play the “Strange Visitors” HoH competition. Julie will ask true or false questions about the visitors and if they answer correctly they move on. A wrong answer, and they're eliminated. The last person standing wins Head of Household. Jen messes up the first question and is out; Dick and Zach both get it wrong and are eliminated next. Eric falls out on the next question, leaving Amber and Daniele to battle it out. The last question is about the number of cards on the mini Mad Hatter's hat and Daniele correctly answers 6, thereby becoming the new Head of Household.
Some hamsters are celebrating, while others look ready to crawl away somewhere and weep (Amber) or pray to find out why their magic ping pong ball didn't work this week (Jameka). I'm pretty sure there'll be plenty of both going on later. Julie checks in one last time with the house guests congratulating Daniele and letting Amber speak about Dustin for 5 seconds before cutting her off mid-sentence just as she finishes saying “everything happens for a reason”. Somebody forgot to tell Amber that lame phrases like that were evicted with Dustin.
Coming up next week on the Dick Show: Amber cries some more. Jameka says mmmhhmm. Julie messes up her lines again. The backyard topiaries slowly die of boredom. Jury selection continues.
Who should Dick yell at this week? PM me.
Thanks to MsFB for the screencap I stole.