This season, which showcases some of America’s most vile cretins, slogs on and I’m back in business to recap the show so you don’t have to risk destroying brain cells watching for yourself. But first I’d like to give mad props to the hilarious MotherSister for taking one for the team and subbing for me last week. If for some crazy reason you missed her excellent recap, it can be found here, but be forewarned - don’t read at work - you’re sure to get busted from laughing out loud.
Last week Daniele won HoH, promised Kail she wouldn’t be going home, and swore to take Eric down instead. However, when Jess learned of his imminent eviction, she informed Eric giving him the opportunity to work some weasel magic. In the meantime, a major smack down occurred when Amber went off on Eric in a I’m-hanging-on-by-a-thread-because-I’m-an-emotional-crazy-ass-bitch way. You can bet that footage will be shown on The Soup or on a Best of the Worst of Reality Television episode sometime in the near future. Kail ended up going home and Eric, with that one upturned eyebrow that I would love to rip off with some hot wax, remains to live another day in the House of Crap and Depravity. What these people won’t do for money and *cough*fame*cough*.
Being a Dick
Gee, it saddens me to see that Dick is shocked that his fellow houseguests lied and decided to vote out Kail instead of Eric. NOT! What does shock me is that Amber says she forgives Eric for threatening to use against her, a statement she made to him in confidence. Dick is livid and makes sure everyone around him knows it, but I have to admit I enjoy watching Eric’s beady little eyes flit around the room as Dick rants, hee.
This week when Jess wins HoH, Dustin, Jameka, Amber, and Eric make no attempt to hide their celebration. Dick, being a dick, starts spouting “you lied” accusations at Jameka and Amber, and when Dustin tries to defend them, Dick starts the finger wagging which really riles Jameka, who counters with her own finger wagging and ups the ante with several head bobs. In the backyard, Jameka, Dustin, and Dick continue shouting, cursing, and clapping their hands at each other (what the hell is up with that…is that some kind of new smack down…to clap your hands at your enemy…damn, I’m out of the loop). I pray to the BB gods for the sprinklers come on, giving everyone a much-needed cooling off, but no such luck. I am somewhat appeased though when Jameka hurls a “yo momma” Dick’s way, hehheh. I think they’re all a bunch of self-righteous twits and hope the next challenge involves something along the line of blindfolds, gags and duct tape.
Prayers and Pouts
Jameka is spent after her meltdown in the backyard, and is puttering around in her room. Dick isn’t through, though, and approaches her hoping to talk. She wants no part of it, leaves the room and as she begins praying on the floor outside the HoH room, the organ pipes crank up. Good to see BB can try to inject some humor out of this mess.
Daniele and Dick sneak away and Daniele cries as she lists the things she hates about the house.
Things I Hate - by Daniele
1. I can’t talk about anything without crying (none of them can).
2. There are cameras everywhere (was that a surprise to her?).
3. It’s my fault Kail is gone.
4. My goodbye message to Kail was crappy.
5. Being here.
6. All the other houseguests (can’t blame her for that).
Dick tries to comfort her by saying that she took a chance trying to get rid of Eric, and it just didn’t work out; simply put, they got played. He tells her if Jess puts them both up, he’ll make sure he goes home, not her. I suppose this is where we’re supposed to think he’s the “good father,” but I choose to let Daniele decide that for herself.
Jess, Amber and Jameka discuss strategy and Amber would like to see Jen and Dick go up on the block. Later Jess tells us she hesitates putting Dick up because so far, he hasn’t targeted her with his bullying.
In a high-pitched voice that’s just below a dog whistle, Jess announces it’s time to see her HoH room, adding that there’s a new ruler in town. She tears up a little when she sees a particularly great photo of her brother and her at a Marine Corp. dance, and says he’s currently stationed in Iraq. Other than that, there’s no news to report about her room because it’s the same old bedding and room we’ve seen week, after week, after week.
Let the Insults Fly
Dick, Jameka and Amber gather in the kitchen and fling insults at each other. Between Dick and Jameka the subject revolves around religion and hypocrites, and between Dick and Amber it’s who’s the worst parent (seems like a tie to me). He certainly knows how to push buttons, getting Jameka so riled she screams, “your mother’s a bitch!” Hey, hey, hey, now. *buzzzzzzzz* Time out. Doesn’t she know mothers are off limits? Say what you will about a person, but leave Momma out of it. *Roses wags finger* Dustin hides around the corner eavesdropping with a smile on his face, and Amber slinks off to join him. It is rather funny to watch Jameka repeating to Dick, “I’m done with you, I’m done with you, I’m done with you” because clearly she’s not or she wouldn’t continue engaging him in ‘conversation.’
Hello God? *sniffle* It’s Me, Amber Again
Dick has been figuratively stirring the pot, and now as he’s cooking in the kitchen, he begins literally stirring the pot, and everyone is still reeling from his personal attacks. It’s now Amber’s turn to sit alone praying, asking God’s forgiveness for using drugs to get through her day. I assume she’s not talking about currently in the house, but at some previous time in her life. She prays aloud making sure God (and us) know that she only did drugs to give her energy to work hard. Gee, and to think I drink a Red Bull when I need that extra lift. She asks God to make her a better person, then giving it a little more thought, decides what she really needs from God right now is to make her a better competitor…so she can win the jackpot…so she won’t have to work so hard…you know, so she won’t be tempted to take drugs to get through the day. I wait for it, but am disappointed that while she's at it she doesn’t begin belting Janis Joplin's song, “Oh Lord, won’t you buy me a Mercedes Benz, my friends all drive Porches, I must make amends…”
Maybe I Do Need My Dad, If Only In the Game
It's suddenly occurred to Daniele that if her Dad gets evicted, she’s going to end up without an ally in the house. Therefore, she decides it’s time to rope in Jen to form an alliance. She promises to be loyal to Jen and says she thinks Zach can be relied upon too. Jen agrees they could make a good team, and they decide to put aside their differences…for now anyway.
A Smashing Good Time
This week’s Food Comp has a concert theme to it and the HG’s are split into two groups. In the backyard there are 200 guitars, and each player will take a turn smashing a guitar to reveal dollar signs until they raise $20. First team to get to $20 eats real food for the week. Although the losing team gets the thrill of being on slop, there is a one-week slop pass that one lucky team member will be able to use. I scan the backyard for a glimpse of gags and duct tape, but no luck. Damn!
The games begin with Dick, Daniele, Dustin and Jen on one team and Zach, Amber, Jameka and Eric on another. Dick gets the Slop Pass, but God was telling Amber which guitars to choose, so she found the majority of the dollar signs for her team, helping them to the win. When Dick is given the option of keeping the Slop Pass for himself, or giving it to another player, he tries to give it Daniele, but she encourages him to pass it along to Jen in order to gain her favor. In the DR, Eric says it doesn’t really matter, Dick will be going home in six days anyway. I pray that everyone goes home in six days.
He’s a Hunk, a Hunk of Burning Bunny
Zach has decided he’s quite comfortable wearing the bunny suit and is making the best of his ‘punishment.’ He entertains the other HG’s by dancing, and eating carrots while running on the treadmill. He’s been a major misfit in this house of misfits, but seems to have come into his own as a rabbit, and rather likes wearing the outfit.
America has voted for Eric to nominate Dustin, and Eric is not a happy man. That doesn’t mean his one eyebrow can’t remain arched, but he’s upset he’s being asked to sell out one of the only guys who went to bat for him, which pleases me to no end because I’m wicked like that.
More Backyard Hijinks
Dustin, Dick, Amber, Jameka and Eric are in the backyard, and as Dick walks into the house, Dustin calls outs, “washed up deadbeat, white-trash dad!” I can’t help but notice he waited until Dick shut the door (coward) but he continues ranting to Eric and Amber about Dick, and smugly says Jessica should put him up against Dick because he knows Dick would be evicted on a 5-1 vote. Watching Eric’s reaction reminds me of Astro from The Jetson’s when he’d utter, “er? rut roh” and his ears would go up, but of course in Eric’s case, his one eyebrow goes up, and I hate him for it.
With Dustin dropping this little gem of a thought (damn him), Eric makes a bee-line to Jessica’s HoH room to plant the seed of putting Dustin up against Dick. For added oomph, he says that Kail told him Dustin has been lying a lot during the game, and Jess seems to be falling for it.
Eric’s Assignment this week: To which houseguest should Eric give the silent treatment?
It’s That Time Again
Jess says she has followed her heart and beginning with Jameka, keys are revealed for Jen, Eric, Amber, Zach, and Dustin which leaves Dick and Daniele on the block. Jess privately tells us she’s actually gunning to get Daniele out of the house because she thinks she’s a better player than Dick. I also believe people will want to keep Dick in the game because you're sure to win if you're up against Dick at the end. Eric says he’ll keep working on getting Dustin nominated and Dick promises to make life in the BB house a living hell for the houseguests. I don’t doubt that for a minute and expect to be hearing a lot more organ music during the week. Do you hear organ music when you pray? If so, let me know via a pm here.