It’s Friday evening, the end of another stress-filled day in the Big Brother household. What better way to relax than with a friendly game of poker, narrated as always by the Samuel Jackson sound-a-like Marvin? But tonight’s game is special, because they have scored real playing cards (from Nakomis’ basket of HOH goodies) and a whopping five beers per player - all of which must be consumed before the house is put on food restriction in two hours. Sometimes Big Brother’s manipulations are so transparent it’s laughable, but it doesn’t stop the hamsters from guzzling the surprise booty before it’s yanked from their tipsy fingers.
After the late-night food competition, the houseguests are allowed to sleep in until mid-morning. Once they are up and running, they are put on lockdown in the backyard, where they talk about anything but the game - superstitions, the resident backyard spider. When lockdown ends, they discover the storage room has been stocked with enough food to feed three Big Brother households. It takes a few minutes for them to figure out that they’ve lived in the house long enough to reach a Big Brother milestone. The smaller table has arrived, a silent reminder of the houseguests that have departed before them, never to return. (Got that Big Brother? Never to return. Especially Holly.)
Before the nomination ceremony, Adria decides to take the direct approach and goes to Nakomis in the HOH room. She tells Nakomis that she knows she’s the target, but asks that Nakomis doesn’t “Jase” her out of the house. Nakomis tells her that she knew Jase - she ate meals with Jase, she had her towels peed on by Jase, and Adria is no Jase. Oh, Nakomis is perfectly willing to kick Adria out the front door. But first, she would like to hear Adria’s reasoning for “honoring” Will with the deciding vote.
Adria says that she didn’t mean for Will to be evicted when she nominated him, but that from the information she gathered, Will would not have supported her posterior. Marvin on the other hand, may possibly support her posterior in the event of an underworld deep freeze, and earned his spot in Adria’s house. At least she doesn’t pull out the tired argument that Will didn’t ask her nicely. Adria tells Nakomis that if she spares the twins, she will promise not to put her up next week. She mentions “information” she holds, and that Nakomis should be looking at her options, implying that someone in the house wants to get her out. But Adria is quick to assure her that she herself doesn’t have any “commitments” that would harm Nakomis. She ends the conversation by wishing her luck, and she won’t take any decision of Nakomis’ personally.
A few minutes later, she pops her head again to tell her that despite rumors to the contrary, she did not cut any deals with Marvin. Unspoken, the word “yet” reverberates between them.
Elsewhere in the house, Cowboy is busy earning my disgust by telling Natalie that he tells the sisters apart by their “booties.” How sweet that they wear little knitted slippers…oh, I get it. Cowboy, unless you’re looking for someone to punish you for being a naughty cowpoke, I suggest you cool it on the gratuitous comments about Natalie’s rear.
It’s Pinky Payback Time
When the feeds return from the nomination ceremony, we quickly learn Nakomis has completed the first portion of her “avenge the pinky” plan. Adria and Natalie have both been nominated for eviction. Even Cowboy isn’t surprised to have escaped the noose.
Diane and Natalie are seen having an intense conversation perched on the side of the bathtub soon after. Is Diane telling Natalie straight up all the shady actions that made her distrust the twins? No, she’s continuing her policy of kissing up to all parties, so as to avoid pissing anyone off. Naturally, she fails, and Natalie cannot keep up the sweet hey-there-girlfriend tone of voice when Diane confesses that surprising Natalie with Marvin in the middle of the night made her suspicious the twins were cutting a deal. Natalie makes a few jabs at Diane for trusting Marvin, letting her voice get sarcastic and cutting, but then you see her take a deep breath, regroup, and continue the alliance building. Oh, excuse me, that word isn’t acceptable, so it must be commitment building.
Nakomis, that little tease, who had me all worked up at the thought of her giving a hardcore speech about dismemberment, is upset that she got rattled and forgot what she was going to say during the nomination ceremony. Look for the twins to laugh at her while she’s speaking; apparently, she was winging it after that point. Talking it over with Diane, they mock the twins’ sportsmanship for laughing during the ceremony. Diane tells Nakomis that she always knew that softball players aren’t nice.
They Don’t Make Players Like That Anymore
The twins retreat to the security of a snug hammock to work out their anger and plot their next move. It’s a tense conversation that runs the gamut from frustration and contempt to encouraging and supporting each other. If someone in cyberspace managed to transcribe a third of it, I will fall out of my chair in shock because the twins on a normal day are difficult to follow; stirred up and agitated they can communicate faster than cheetahs hunting prey on the open savannah. Any notion that the twins do not stoop to speaking ill of their opponents is crushed like a bug as they proceed to trash everyone in turn. Drew’s problem is that he’s a whiny baby who is always afraid of something. Diane is a lying little backstabber. Nakomis’ hair looks awful and she needs more hair dye. So far, it’s hard to find fault in their criticisms.
Mostly, though, Nakomis is topic for the afternoon. Adria can’t stand that Nakomis said that “it wasn’t fair” for Will to be put up for eviction. Natalie is more cheesed about the food competition, which has me scratching my head. Nakomis didn’t even participate in the competition, but it turns out that Natalie suspects Nakomis was trying to make her “choke and fail” last night by not adding enough water to the blender. She’s convinced that Nakomis deliberately withheld water from Marvin’s blender out of spite, and *gasp* Marvin didn’t finish his noxious fried seafood smoothie. Remembering her anger after the last food competition, I’m starting to suspect Natalie just plain has food issues. She rails against Nakomis and her dry smoothie ways for several more minutes.
Natalie wants to know where the players are that are like them, using a phrase I’ve never liked hearing from a woman’s mouth, but that essentially means, “going all out.” Adria says that she misses Jase - the only player that was just like them, competing on their level. I guess Adria doesn’t remember the endurance competition for HOH, where Diane beat Jase - and her - physically, turning the tide of the game. I guess it doesn’t count, because they were busy following their strategy of avoiding notice and throwing competitions in order to earn a back door into the house. Sorry to go nuts with the italics, but Sophocles himself couldn’t have concocted better irony. Although that Oedipus thing was pretty good.
Diane and Drew
Let’s just skip the twisted romance, shall we? Suffice to say, any time I turned on the feeds today, Drew was prostate on his bed, being taunted and babied by Diane, depending on her hair-trigger mood. In one of their more cuddy moments, Nakomis walks in, walks to one of the mirrors, and bursts out laughing. She tells the couple that she could hear the cameraman on the other side of the wall making fun of them, saying, “I love you more! No, I love you more! NO, I love YOU more!” They all laugh, and Drew tells the person behind the wall, “I’d be doing the same thing.”
The Cowardly Drewbeast
Adria and Natalie’s assessment of Drew is spot on tonight, since he tells Diane, Cowboy and Adria at separate times today that he’s scared. Adria tells him he’s strong; Cowboy bursts out laughing and says it’s not the first time (way to go, Cowboy!); and Diane calls him a name. Drew is worried he will be asked to play for the veto, and might end up having to make a choice. If he wins and uses it, Cowboy might be put up in a twin’s place. If he wins and doesn’t use it, he loses the trust of the twins and Cowboy both. If he doesn’t win it, but it is used, he could be put on the block. There are no easy answers, my recent college graduate.
More interesting than Drew’s consistent but dull inner agonies is when he asks Adria what she meant by saying she flipped a mental coin on the live show. Adria laughs and explains that she was “bluffing.” She doesn’t really keep spare change in her braincase. Her imaginary mental coin has two sides with one face - Will’s. Such mental gymnastics allow her to continue along her merry way, secure in the belief that she never lies. If only she could pry herself away from Natalie’s side one of these nights, she might join the poker game and learn the dictionary definition of bluff.
Use ‘Em Or Lose ‘Em
After dinner, the houseguests are thrilled to find a bottle of wine and fourteen cans of beer in the storage room. Now this is reality: watching the boozers of the house tensely negotiate with the teetotalers for as much alcohol as possible. Natalie and Adria are happy to share the wine by themselves, and their beers are added to the pot. Karen doesn’t drink, and Marvin hollers to Cowboy in the shower, hoping he’s foregoing tonight. The answer is yes, and Drew, Diane and Marvin will split the fourteen beers. At midnight, the houseguests are ordered to stop drinking and move the food from the kitchen back into the storage room. By then the three drinkers are so wasted they can’t pass the sobriety tests they are drunkenly administering to each other.
Booze, it really satisfies. This recap was brought to you by the Booze Council. Send your comments to email@example.com.