Welcome to the Thursday live show recap. Now, here's the fun part: I missed the first 20 minutes of the show. I thought about having a guest recapper do the first 20 minutes, but frankly, there wasn't much going on. So, I'll just give a brief outline of what I've missed, and move on to more important events. Sorry, everyone!
The Stuff I Didn't See
Julie is wearing a horrible outfit, as usual. We find out that NatalAdria knew all along that if one of them were evicted, the other would take their place in the house. We are also told that if NatalAdria survive one more eviction, they will both be allowed to live in the house together. I'm curious how that will work, because how will any of the houseguests know which twin they confessed their myriad sins to? They won't be able to trust either twin, and there will be an obvious tight alliance going on, so I expect that if they DO survive through next week, both will be gone almost immediately after that.
Drew uses the HOH lamecam more than any previous HOH's (to be fair, Jase stopped watching when he discovered he couldn't get WWE wrestling on it, and Marvin was looking for episodes of Six Feet Under that he'd missed), and catches a deep and tender kiss between Jase and Holly. After cleaning up all the vomit on the HOH bedspread, his little pre-pubescent balls finally drop and he gets the nerve to confront the other Horsedudes. This is where I come in...
When Horsedudes Attack
Like the lion on the Wizard of Oz, Drew finally gets his courage, and confronts the Tin Man and the Scarecrow, who have been pushing him around all week, and forcing him to do their bidding. Drew looks like he's on the verge of tears the entire time, but makes his point that he's mad as hell, and isn't going to take it any more. Jase looks a little stunned, and asks Marvin who he wants to go now. Marvin replies what we're all thinking: "I want both of 'em gone, really." Scott isn't saying much, but I'm sure that's because he's wondering if it would be inappropriate to get naked during Drew's rant.
Cut to Julie interviewing Drew in the HOH room, thankfully before Scott gives into temptation. Long story short, Drew still wants to be a Horsedude, and he reveals that he's glad he's on Rogaine for his hair loss, because he sure has lost some this week. Isn't he a little young to be a Rogainer? He should just use the bandanna method of hair loss prevention, as advertised by Doctor Jase.
Recommended By Dr. Mom
In one of my favorite segments so far this season, Julie wonders what Scott and Jase's moms might have to say about their sons' behavior. I have to admit at this point feeling a little curious about the women who raised such morons. Would they have obvious lobotomy scars? Would we be granted "special prison access" in order to do these interviews? But to my chagrin, Liz (Jase's mom) looks and acts normal. She even proves intelligent when she says "Holly, Jase's little cuddle monster, is going to cost him the game big-time, and I can't see him bringing her home to mom." Ouch. When your mom says it, you KNOW it's bad. Donna (Scott's mom) seems more oblivious, claiming that the Scott we're seeing is not the "real Scott", and that he's a gentleman, and she can't believe all of his lies. I'm not about to believe that Scott's not an ass in real life, though.
The Bobblehead Says Goodbye
We now get the opportunity to hear from Holly and Adria, their "last words". I turn the TV down, because my dog likes to howl at high-pitched noises. Holly claims that she loves everyone, but especially Jase because he's an inspiration to her (and to bandanna wearing morons all over the world). She gives him some gifts in case she leaves. Her lucky cat, her pink hat, and a burning itch that will need a good long course of Penecillin to get rid of.
Adria's turn. I know it's Adria, because I can understand her when she speaks. She says this whole week has been the biggest challenge of her life. She almost slips, I think when she says "and not only a big challenge for myself, but also for..." - Darn it, she didn't say "my twin sister Natalie" like I thought she might. She blabbers on about her friends in the house, and how they're a family, and really, I tune her out about halfway through her run-on sentence. Sorry, but there's only so much ass-kissing I can take.
Everybody With A Brain, Say Yeah!
It's the moment of truth: will Holly or Adria be evicted? By a vote of 7-1, Holly is evicted. Hmmm, I wonder who that 1 vote was? Doesn't his bandanna get at least a half a vote? I mean, it's got a higher IQ, and more personality. As they say goodbye, Cowboy says "stay real", and I have to laugh. Holly hasn't been "real" in all the time I've seen her, she's more plastic than Madame, her mannequin, and would lose to her in a battle of wits every time.
Holly enters the eviction room with Julie Chen, and the TV blanks out for a minute as the collective IQ calculator hits a "divide by zero" error. Just in time, we cut back live to the house, and watch Jase be uncomfortable for a few minutes, and then leave the room to ponder his fate Holly-less. Or to make sure his hair's perfect. I have no idea, really.
Holly claims that she got roped into a "joke gone bad" early on with Jase, and that as a result, people thought she was a good liar. Now, I'm trying to make a joke about the "joke gone bad", but so many things come to mind that I'll just leave that one to you. She also says that there were a lot of jealous women in the house, and people who thought that she was more than what she was portraying. These jokes just write themselves. Holly's about as deep as Cowboy's gene pool.
Dogs Don't Know It's Not Bacon!
We see goodbyes from the houseguests, including Diane, who says "I have to phrases - good riddance and goodbye!" Karen, of course, bawls. Then we see Natalie and Adria together saying goodbye to Holly. Holly is really working on figuring out what she's seeing the whole time they're talking, but I just know in my heart that Julie's going to have to explain it to her like a 5-year-old. She exclaims that "they're identical!", and I admit that if she were sitting here right now, I'd have to smack her upside the head. I'm beginning to think that Big Brother is trying to garner the "under 80 IQ" segment of the viewing audience.
Julie asks Holly what Scott will think of the NatalAdria twist, because he voted to keep her this week. Holly responds that Adria used the Bible quite a bit in her efforts to sway houseguests to keep her, and she doesn't think that's right. What exactly that has to do with the question, I have no idea. But I'm sure in Hollyland, it's perfect.
Cardboard Cutouts of Cardboard People
It's time to head out back for the HOH competition. The hamsters step out and encounter lifelike cardboard cutouts of themselves. I examine Jase's cutout, and discover that it's tattoo reads "smarter than the real thing".
The game works like this: They have to stand on a lighted box, pressing a button on their cutout's mouth. If they let off the button, the light goes out and they're eliminated. No bathroom breaks, no food, no beverages, and there will be twists along the way. I'll make a special note here to mention that Julie specifically states that they may change position and shift their weight if necessary, and makes no mention of having to have both feet on the box at all times, or having any part of their feet off the box.
Drew can't compete, lucky guy. There's a black bar on the box, and they can't step over the bar. Scott stares trance-like at his gorgeous cut-out, but the rest of them debate rules into a commercial break.
As we come back from the commercial, it looks as if the hamsters have adopted a pose of standing sideways, one hand on the button, one hand on their hip, and it looks like this thing could go until Saturday's show.
Julie does her little teasers for next week, and I thank my Golden Power of Veto that I got through the whole recap without having to say the phrase "Golden Power of Veto." Oh, wait. Dammit!
That's it for this week, folks. Tune in Saturday, when the lovely BravoFan gets a crack at the show. Until next time, John OUT!
Don't like my kind of humor? Want to complain that I missed the first 20 minutes? Have something you won't be able to live with yourself if you don't get off your chest? Send it to me at firstname.lastname@example.org because I can't wait to read it!