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Thread: Live Feed Recap, 7/26: “I'm Janet Reno, Bitches”

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    Retired! hepcat's Avatar
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    Live Feed Recap, 7/26: “I'm Janet Reno, Bitches”

    It sounds so harsh: peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Your average PB&J-loving third grader gets to wash it down with a juice box and a banana, at least. Not in the Big Brother house...except, when it comes to this game, even PB&J is not what it seems. It’s never mentioned on the show, but the “PB&J diet” includes a few extras; namely, protein shakes and the unlimited use of condiments. It may not sound like much, but the houseguests are able to whip up creative concoctions involving fried bread and various dips. For dessert, there’s bread pudding. I’m pretty sure no one is eating a literal peanut butter and jelly sandwich, but they all complain about the effects of PB&J upon their digestive systems.

    Case in point: Janelle is convinced that "eleven sandwiches a day" (really a variety of bread/condiment snacks) are fattening her up. Kaysar agrees, saying he and Howie saw her in the kitchen one night, and wondered if it was Shamu. Janelle takes it well, agreeing that in her robe she’s a blue whale. Howie consoles her in true Howie fashion: “You're okay for a fat chick, Janie. Hell, for a plus size model you're skinny.” Janelle scurries off to the treadmill.

    What’s Been Happening?
    • Sunday was Sarah’s birthday. Big Brother provided pizza, soda, birthday cake, and a card from Sarah’s nieces.
    • Maggie and Eric sat sourly glaring at everyone having fun during the party. Their precocious belief system allowed them to grab pizza and soda for themselves, but they refused to eat cake or crack a smile. Eric left to work out his anger in the weight room, and Maggie stayed, staring resentfully at the other partygoers.
    • The hamsters may have had a luxury competition today, as the feeds were blocked for hours and we heard a snippet of Eric talking about winning something together as a team. After more fish tanks, we didn’t hear anything else about it.
    • Is someone trying to sabotage Kaysar? The meat that he won in his HOH prize package was mysteriously left on the counter all night. Kaysar asked BB to review the tapes, then said later that they haven’t gotten back to him. It’s possible he left it out himself on accident, but that doesn’t sound like the ultra precise Kaysar we’ve come to know.
    • The houseguests have nothing, but nothing to do and are incredibly bored. Some of them were still asleep at 1:00 P.M. Can’t they make a deck of cards out of cereal boxes?
    First Impressions

    Since the houseguests have done nothing but sleep in and hide behind fish tanks for most of the day, I found myself wondering how my first impressions of the hamsters could have changed so fast. Let’s talk individual players for a moment:

    Janelle had me fooled with her dumb blonde act at the chessboard the first night. It turns out she was sizing up her opponents by testing their chess skills. Janelle has been mellow for the past few days, obeying Kaysar’s edict not to trash talk the hapless hamsters facing ruin in the house. Well...she tries not to make fun of them, but they just make it so easy! Every time Eric or Maggie run to the corner of the yard to whine together, she can’t resist gloating just a little bit. I give her a little slack, considering the bumps in the road she encountered the first two weeks. Janelle has been weak and bloated from the PB&J diet, though; she slept in past noon today.

    Kaysar was obviously paired with Michael, even from the first night. He stood out in that kept to himself and Michael, mostly. To hear him tell it, he was observing the people in the house. Perhaps it is true, because he is certainly a different person in the house now. He socializes with almost everyone, speaking openly about strategy with allies and enemies alike. Too openly, if you ask me. He rambles on about strategy to the point that Janelle and Howie have had to kick him under the table so that he keeps some of their plans to himself.

    Since all the decisions are finished for the week, Kaysar has focused on making April doubt her position in the house, and planning how to increase their chances of winning the HOH competition. His current plan, formed with the rest of the Sovereign Six (a name so lame it hasn’t made it to the show yet), is to turn to Maggie and her crowd after Eric walks out of the house on Thursday, and tell her that she will be going up if they win the HOH. Can he be that vicious? Undoubtedly.

    April is nothing like my first impression of her (a nurturing mother-type). She has turned out to be a shaky bundle of nerves, moaning and whining her way through the day, never far from her cigarettes. Despite everyone knowing all the pairs, she is clinging to the fiction that she doesn’t really know Jennifer - they’re just two sorority sisters who graduated the same year and live five minutes apart from each other that only talked on the phone a few times. It’s not the same as the other pairs with their long, deep, telepathic relationships. Give it a rest, April - a pair is a pair when it comes to the million dollar prize, and this “strategy” is not going to take her anywhere in the game.

    Jennifer continues to be led by April as far as gameplay is concerned. She has not made much of a splash in the house since the departure of Michael, who was fast forwarded out of the house by Jenny’s creative tales. Eric’s group does not trust her, thinking she could be a spy for the other side. April has implied more than once that she and Jennifer don’t really like each other, and is trying to make it seem like Jennifer is with Kaysar’s group, while she is with Eric’s.

    Sarah and James are enjoying a few perks as the only couple in the house. The others gave up the gold room for their use - well, what really happened is that Maggie let her disgust for James override her desire for sleep on a comfortable bed. Anyway, James has tried to justify his actions to both Ivette and April. He made a few inroads with Ivette, and even gave her a good night kiss on Monday. He loves to gloat about their success this week, and despite his protests that it’s not personal, really loathes Eric.

    Janelle: He’s like...David Koresh. And this is Waco.
    James (without missing a beat): And I'm Janet Reno, bitches.


    Both Sarah and James proclaim their loyalty to Kaysar’s group, but are very aware they are a target as long as they remain a couple. But hey, what if they weren’t a couple anymore? Their latest plan is to stage a breakup, sending Sarah fleeing to the sheep side in tears.

    Howie and Rachel have perfected their wallflower strategy. Rachel seems to have Maggie convinced that she’s being pulled along against her will by Howie, and Howie still manages to float into the general vicinity of people talking strategy without alarming them (until his flatulence gives him away - then, he’s toast). They are both sucking up information, and hoping that someone in their preferred alliance (Kaysar & Co.) wins HOH this week. Howie agrees they must make the other alliance feel as much pressure as possible; he positively gloats when he considers April’s extreme stress. “If she wins HOH, she’ll put herself up.” Meanwhile, Howie still cracks up both sides of the house. Kaysar likens him to Will Ferrell’s character in the movie Old School. Please, no streaking!

    Ivette is not as talkative as she used to be, now that she can’t gloat openly about Janelle’s hair extensions...not since Janelle has gotten herself some friends. The woman who proudly yapped at Kaysar that he didn’t “belong” in the BB house because he is Muslim has been replaced by a quieter woman who is alternately mellow and bitter. Sure, she complains a lot that she didn’t come to Big Brother to have a stressful summer, and seems to expect the prize to be handed to her on a platter. That much hasn’t changed. But now she enjoys being able to talk about her girlfriend back home, sharing so much information about their intimate moments that it’s like taking a crash course on the mechanics of lesbian relationships. Meanwhile, she insists that Big Brother paired her up with Beau, that she doesn’t really know him, so she’s got an ounce of game left in her.

    In her dark mood, Ivette is visibly struggling to take in the departure of Cappy. Frankly, hanging out with the Sour Twins isn’t helping turn her frown upside down. She is especially incensed at James, although when he tried to explain his position to her, she had a few moments of doubt about her beloved Cappy. Whenever James pointed to a moment when Eric had lied or gone against his “word”, Ivette would stare at the ground and mutter that she had nothing to say. I think she’s just mad that she didn’t figure out that everyone else was a pair - why should she? All she thinks about is the three feet surrounding her at any given time.

    I saved the worst for last. Oddly, the two houseguests I didn’t like from the get-go were Maggie and Eric, mostly because they were so whiny about how tired they were and heading to bed early in a surly huff. It was so obvious they were a pair; I actually thought they were blood relatives. Now they are stuck in a repeating cycle of messy emotions that are annoying and painful to watch. One minute, they are wallowing in bitter resentment against James. That bleeds into hatred for all the people around Kaysar. Pretty soon, the tired cliches emerge: Kaysar will “have to meet his Maker;” “you should judge people by the company they keep,” etc., signalling that we have landed firmly in Why Eric and Maggie are Morally Superior territory. Let’s just say they can stay in that mode for marathon stretches. Eventually, they slide into maudlin reminiscing, as if Eric will be in front of a firing squad on Thursday instead of just being a failure at a cheesy reality show. The thought of Eric leaving fires them up once again, and we’re back to resentful anger. The circle is complete.

    Eric and Maggie have retreated so far into their insulated little bubble that they fail to see how their actions are affecting the few scraps of an alliance they have left. Ivette, who was baffling in her complete and utter devotion to Cappy, but unquestionably loyal, was hurt when she found out Eric had a partner in the house and didn’t tell her. Now, she’s had to see Eric turn away from her for comfort to Maggie, who Ivette was trash talking to Eric a bare week ago. The more Eric and Maggie stick to each other like glue (not eating cake - could they be more petty?), the more Ivette realizes that her devotion to Cappy was one-sided.

    Rather than trying to secure Maggie’s place in the house, Eric actually worsened it by using his limited time to become more vocal in his suspicions about his own alliance members; namely, April and Jennifer. He and Maggie even took the time to get Ivette alone in the weight room and browbeat her for accepting a good night kiss from James. It was a simple kiss, which are a dime a dozen in the Big Brother house where everyone and their grandmother is touchy-feely. But Eric and Maggie stood around Ivette, arms crossed in hostile body language, and grilled her on the kiss. Eric explained in his best Leader Lecturing the Idiot Follower manner that knowing how James had betrayed Cappy *dramatic chord* his skin would have been crawling at his James’ touch. Ivette tried assuring them it meant nothing, but Maggie continued to berate her. Ivette got defensive, showing a little spine for a change, and Maggie said they could understand if it was in the spirit of “keeping your enemies closer.” Then, she asked Ivette to promise she would put James up if she wins HOH next week. Ah, the strongarm tactics had a purpose!

    It all comes down to getting that elusive HOH. The Sovereign Six are friendly now, but know that a win from the other side could splinter them as easily as they shattered the Cappy Cult. As the clock neared midnight, Howie and Janelle were running laps in the backyard and swapping power cheers about winning HOH. April and Jenny listened in for a while, then (obviously uncomfortable about cheering their enemies) headed off to bed. As soon as they were gone, Howie gloated about their chances for winning on Thursday:

    “You just keep smokin’, April. When I step over the finish line, I’ll hand you my inhaler.”

    Feed watchers look back and lament, “Another day’s useless energy spent.” hepcat@fansofrealitytv.com
    You've gotta hustle if you want to earn a dollar. - Boston Rob

  2. #2
    Helplessly Hoping AsIs's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by hepcat
    As soon as they were gone, Howie gloated about their chances for winning on Thursday:

    “You just keep smokin’, April. When I step over the finish line, I’ll hand you my inhaler.”
    Love your recap hepcat, maybe even more than I love Howie!
    "How do you know the chosen ones? No greater love hath a man than he lay down his life for his friend. Not for millions, not for glory, not for fame... for one person. In the dark. Where no one will ever know or see." - Sebastion, Babylon 5

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    TAR fan girl in green's Avatar
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    Another great summation! Thanks!!!

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    YOUUUUUUUUUKKK! GingerLVNV's Avatar
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    ****Pretty soon, the tired cliches emerge: Kaysar will “have to meet his Maker;” “you should judge people by the company they keep,” etc., signalling that we have landed firmly in Why Eric and Maggie are Morally Superior territory. Let’s just say they can stay in that mode for marathon stretches. Eventually, they slide into maudlin reminiscing, as if Eric will be in front of a firing squad on Thursday instead of just being a failure at a cheesy reality show. The thought of Eric leaving fires them up once again, and we’re back to resentful anger. The circle is complete.****


    LOL!

    This is spot on and I'm SO tired of watching it. I swear he must keep a tired cliche book under his pillow or something.
    They serenaded the newest champs in this city of champs, and taunted Kobe Bryant and his Lakers, who drowned in a green-and-white wave for 48 minutes.

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    FORT Regular snapcat's Avatar
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    Excellent recap, once again --- thanks!

    My initial impression of Eric was a good one and I tried to hang on to that despite watching the feeds and reading the recaps. But he is a snake on a power trip.

    Wouldn't it be great if Michael were there to meet him when he comes ouot of the BB house tonight?

    Thanks again for the recaps! I've been waiting all year for us to come together once again to discuss our hampsters!

  6. #6
    Skye's BootyGuard Dogg's Avatar
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    good read, thanks




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    daydream believer oneTVslave's Avatar
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    *hugs heppy* Aw hep, thanks do much for continuing to dish the real dirt. I relish your recaps.
    Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.
    - Albert Einstein

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    Salton Sea Dreamin' Sun84's Avatar
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    Love the updates of character impressions!!! Thanks for the great recap!
    I knew everything at 18, and know nothing at 38.
    I'm happier knowing nothing.

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    Gator Chompin' Ancient City's Avatar
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    Terrific analysis, Hepcat! Just one question - is Beau such a blip on the Big Brother radar screen that he only merits a casual reference in Ivette's paragraph. Wait - that was a stupid question. Of course he's a non-entity!
    Down where the old Gators play. . .

  10. #10
    Evil Slash Crazy Miss Filangi's Avatar
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    Pretty soon, the tired cliches emerge: Kaysar will “have to meet his Maker;” “you should judge people by the company they keep,” etc., signalling that we have landed firmly in Why Eric and Maggie are Morally Superior territory. Let’s just say they can stay in that mode for marathon stretches.
    Awesome job. Your hard work does not go unnoticed.
    If you go through a lot of hammers each month, I don't think it necessarily means you're a hard worker.
    It may just mean that you have a lot to learn about proper hammer maintenance.


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