There’s nothing like settling in for a late night of hamster-watching, and this night is special. Yes, after months of staring at television’s vast wasteland of edited sitcoms, cop dramas and short reality shows (what’s ten weeks? Bah!), it’s exciting to be facing down the Big Brother live feed addiction again. Instead of that annoying high-pitched whine the feeds have been blaring all week, the sound of the fish tank bubbles instantly conjours images of late nights spent huddled over my bowl of M&M’s, blearily listening to the drunken babble of tired, bored hamsters. Will they annoy us or enchant us? Will we be shouting at our computer screens and changing our eating habits? Maybe this year’s crop will discuss literature and fine art instead of bodily fluids and functions. Yeah, I don’t believe it either.
Meet the Hamsters, After Hours
We’ve had a few short hours of feeds, and people are still in that get-to-know-ya phase. But the hamsters have known each other for longer than you might think. Sarah counts down where she has been sleeping each night, and we find she’s on her fourth night in the house. What’s that you say? You watched the television show, and Julie Chen announced they had never met until that very moment? Maybe that was true at the time that segment was filmed, four days ago. As the feeds show, these youngins have progressed to the whisper-about-each-other stage. Excellent, my pretties. They are only a few whispers away from the backstab stage.
Not much happened in the few hours the feeds were on this evening (except many, many fart jokes topped with episodes of flatulence), so here’s a quick impression of the hamsters. Sure, I’m probably way off-base, but this way I get to look back at the end of the summer and snort water through my nose.
Ashlea is already proving to be annoying. Maybe it’s the way she glibly gushes to Jennifer how she was into the hottie Eric until she found out he’s Jewish, not Italian. Never mind that he’s married, a much more valid reason to keep her claws away from the buff firefighter. Kaysar can breathe easy, since he is too “dark” for her, and has too much facial hair. A few of Ashlea’s informal surfboard buddies are already grumbling that they shouldn’t be held to a promise made before they got to know each other.
It shows how young the cast is that 30-year-old April is already exuding a mother vibe in the group. The hamsters who are taking a closer look at April find her to be sincere, honest, and one smart cookie. Think Karen from BB5 without the sneaky-snakiness. It can’t hurt that she’s a dead ringer for Lisa Kudrow, either.
Beau is already emerging as a game-talker. You know, the kind who likes to find a corner and whisper. This is my favorite kind of hamster, because even when they think no one can hear them, the camera catches it all. And it’s not like the other houseguests don’t know what’s going on in those intense little conversations he’s holding on his bed.
Eric is sleepy, and crabby about the time difference. But hey, maybe he’s a morning person.
Howie is a bit of a goof. My dumb jock antenna sprang to attention when he discussed philosophy with Kaysar in the bathroom, coming up with such deep-sounding truths as, “Hate is the closest thing to love.” Kaysar looked bemused and wanted to know where that bit of “wisdom” came from. “The movies,” replied Howie. When Kaysar laughed, Howie tried to play it off as a joke, but when he said it, he was dead serious. Hmm.
Who would have pegged Ivette for being a non-stop talker? Not me, but she talks often and fast. Woe to the transcriber trying to keep up with her, and unfortunately, she’s in the thick of the plotting, so she’ll be in a few important conversations. She has already proved her BB savvy by buddying up successfully with the current HOH - in fact, she and Rachel discovered the spycam together, and agreed to keep it a secret. She’s sitting pretty, for the moment.
It was weird to find James engaged in a fairly deep conversation about homosexuality with Beau and Ashlea. Mostly, he wanted Beau to tell him which minority groups gay folks sit around and make fun of over brunch. I couldn’t tell if he was trying to be obnoxious or was just clueless. Beau and Ashlea took his questions at face value, and answered as best they could.
Big Brother wouldn’t be complete without a buxom blonde, and Janelle is coming across with a “don’t hate me because I’m beautiful” vibe to her fellow hamsters. How else to explain the catty whispered conversations about peroxide and hair extensions? Sarah told Beau that she has already caught Janelle in a lie, and she doesn’t trust her. For her part, Janelle showed the strength of her character by playing checkers with flirty Michael and getting sloppy drunk.
Despite being portrayed as some hot-to-trot floozy by the television version of the show, Jennifer was subdued and nearly unrecognizable in a cowboy hat and loose t-shirt. She sat on the floor in group conversations, and was positively mellow.
Kaysar was a bit of a daredevil, talking openly with Michael about Michael’s ex-girlfriend and giving a general analysis of Michael’s lovelife that would raise eyebrows, if overheard. They were not working very hard at hiding their relationship. The rest of the houseguests talked about Kaysar frequently, but Kaysar himself kept a low profile most of the evening, although he made sure to secure Howie’s vote after laughing at his movie wisdom.
Maggie mentioned many times that she is trained to wake up at 5:00 A.M., and went to bed at the first opportunity. Earlier, she shushed some of the other hamsters for being too risque. At least she didn’t burst into song or anything.
I was disappointed with Michael, who seemed to spend the night flirting with Janelle in the most cheesy manner possible. I don’t know about you, but I was never won over by a drunken attempt to sound British, and neither was Janelle. At least he provided entertainment for the sober hamsters, like when he asked if the light would come on in the morning when he was done sleeping. How could a world traveler (as he claims to be) be unclear on that whole sun rising thing?
This week’s HOH, Rachel, spent the evening trying not to hang out in her cool digs. She was quiet overall, but kept her feelers out.
Beau found a soulmate in Sarah, who was up for a few rounds of rapid-fire-whisper game talk. Sarah is struggling with her weak promise to Ashlea, because she just doesn’tlike Ashlea very much. But of course, she phrased it as Ashlea not wanting to be in the game as much as Kaysar. She wants to let her twist in the wind, but she’s also very concerned with keeping promises and not looking shady. No one promised it was an easy ride to the million, Sarah.
That’s a few snap judgments based on barely any observation time, so take it how you will. Tomorrow, the houseguests predicted a challenge of some sort, either the veto challenge or a luxury challenge. Don’t hold your breath, though; the footage isn’t due until Tuesday, so I’m betting the crew doesn’t try to cram too much into the day.
Make your own snap judgments in the live feed discussion forum. firstname.lastname@example.org