It's been a tumultuous week inside the Big Brother microcosm punctuated by catfights, jealousy, bikini days, idle gossip, broken promises and a couple of medical emergencies. Our hamsters even got to read some meager news from the outside world, surely a big step for a show that managed to hide even 9/11 from the house guests. I'm not sure what gave Big Brother the idea that who's leading whom in the presidential primaries was news of such gargantuan proportions that it just had to shared with this cast of dim bulbs. Maybe they just hoped that for once talk would get away from sex, bodily functions and juvenile gossip for twenty whole minutes.
Tonight another couple gets kicked to the curb, reducing by two the number of hamsters in the house thereby making me very happy. I wish the process could be speeded up somehow. Maybe if they stopped feeding them...
Grumblings from the underbelly
In the usual ominous black and white flashbacks we find out nothing that we haven't heard before, but commentary from James reveals that he feels quite assured that Alex and Amanda are on their way out the door, exactly according to his plan. Alex mutters “revenge, revenge” to himself while proclaiming that he won't campaign against his boy Matty. His boy Matty, on the other hand, just can't see himself taking it all lying down. He will do everything to stay in the house. Meanwhile, Amanda, recovered from her ordeal, was told to eat five meals a day and the house is suddenly very attentive to her dietary needs. Such is life in the Big Brother house. One week you get cursed out by a pack of hyenas, the next week you're being solicitously cared for and hugged at every turn by the same pack of hyenas, who will also vote your ass out at the first opportunity.
I can't believe they made me come back!
Matt campaigns for his safety with Adam who promises him his vote. Watching Matt working out in the backyard with a bikini clad Natalie, whose boobs are threatening to spill out of her top, Allison realizes that they're a very strong team, who might be tough to beat. She muses that this may be the only chance to get them out of the house. Finally, she takes her epiphany upstairs to the HoH room, where all the proponents of the genial Operation Condor listen to her while she tells them that Matt and Natalie have been eating well, working out and are a big threat, whereas Alex and Amanda, who have been on slop all week, are much weaker. Adam declares that he will vote to keep Matt and Natalie anyway because he wants “Operation Condor to succeed”. I guess there's something to be said for small men and their small plans. However, Allison's idea is being tossed around a bit and James expresses some flexibility saying that he can be persuaded to suspend his grand operation for a week. Allison feels she can get Ryan and Josh and Sharon to fall in line.
Kiss me like Spiderman, Matty!
Matt and Natalie agree to keep up the fight. Natalie campaigns with Josh and Sharon, promising them the moon and the stars and it seems that Josh is persuaded. Ryan thinks Alex and Amanda are gunning for them, however Allison is worried that they might not be able to beat Matt and Natalie in the endgame. If you're still with me, thank you.
Tell me what I want to hear
Finally we hear from Julie who informs us that tonight's vote is live. She wants to know whether Amanda feels a change in the house since she returned. Amanda chirps sweetly that things have been “like a big group hug” in the house and everyone is just super sweet. Aww! Sheila is asked about her relationship with Allison and she admits that she may have jumped the gun there but has reconnected with Allison since. James is commended for his quick, calm help during Amanda's emergency. More questions follow about the cup deprivation, the lack of hot water and the slop diet.
James and Chelsia sittin' in a tree
Because not enough stuff has been going on in the Big Brother house that is safe for public consumption, we get a canned segment about James and Chelsia and how they're different yet alike. James has no job and travels the world on his bicycle - among other non-PG13 things he does that are not mentioned by Julie but which are easily found through a quick Google search. As we find out though the world according to Big Brother is limited to the USA. James pedaled from LA to Seattle, Seattle to New York, New York to Florida. Small world! His friend, Brian, shows up to say that James is pretty much nuts. Chelsia, on the other hand, was an ice skater, she was in the choir, the science club and a youth task force. Her friend, Jenny, thinks that Chelsia and James could get along well because James is free spirited, while Brian thinks that James is very open and honest. We find out that if Chelsia won she'd donate money to Make A Wish Foundation and she'd bike with James around the world, albeit on a motorbike. Aww! True love will find a way. A highway. Cue the violins.
Julie joins them on video in the HoH room and she immediately wants to know why they promised Matt and Natalie that they won't be put up on the block. James maintains that he made the promise before he became HoH, and after that he was just set on separating Alex and Matt, who are in a strong alliance. He also blindsided Matt and Natalie, so that they wouldn't have a chance to strategize behind James' back. Chelsia has no regrets but sees that other house guest might have trouble trusting them after this episode. Asked about his opinion regarding his house mates, James says that these are shallow, materialistic people who would squander their winnings on shiny objects and have no care for self-discovery. Light some incense! Ohmm! He would use the money to have some fun in LA before going back on the road again. Chelsia feels a connection with James because she's the kind of materialistic girly girl who can still have a beer with the guys. There were no questions about the kind of beer she'd have.
I now pronounce man and wife.
Truth and honesty will get you evicted
Bringing it back to the Living Room, Julie gives a chance to all the nominees to plead for their lives. Amanda wishes to stay because she just wants to and also wishes to stay for Alex who she feels has not made any mistakes. Surprise, surprise Alex does not want to go either and because he's true and real, has stayed true and real, and all that, and he hopes they'll keep him around to continue to be true and real. Truly?
Natalie feels incredibly blessed to be in the house with such awesome people and praised CBS for “picking such a great cast”. The irony of that statement will probably be lost on most of the innocent viewing public, as it should be. Some things, I tell you, will burn your retina. I would like to take this moment to thank Big Brother for editing the show so prodigiously. Natalie reiterates that she doesn't want to go back to the Beaver State while Alex just prattles about how lucky he is and how he doesn't want to go, or something.
At this point we finally move to the live voting. Each couple will be sent into the Diary Room to vote, where they must agree on their vote or be voted out. Adam and Sheila evict Amanda and Alex; Josh and Sharon vote to evict Alex and Amanda and Ryan and Allison vote to evict Alex and Amanda. Thus by unanimous vote, Amanda and Alex get really lucky and are sent home and far away from a house full of idiots. Some extended weeping and hugging ensue but finally the two walk out the door to meet Julie. Everyone in the house is left weeping and I even hear stuff like “we gotta do this for Amanda”. Gah! These people are giving me a headache. Again.
Julie talks to Alex first who says that he didn't campaign and being “true and real” was not appreciated in the Big Brother house and it would not have helped in any case. Duh! Hasn't pretty boy seen the show before? Amanda campaigned vigorously but she also thought that Alex's decision not to go back on his word by campaigning might help them. In the end, she learned the painful lesson that a person's word means nothing in the house. Double duh. The goodbye messages range from Allison's self-centered “you hurt my feelings” to Matt vowing to revenge his fallen comrade.
”Nothing is worse than active ignorance”
The action moves to the backyard where the scene is set for the new HoH competition entitled Words of Love. The couples, minus James and Chelsia, are lined up behind podiums equipped with buzzers. Julie will ask questions about the quotes found on the walls of the Big Brother house. They must buzz in when they feel they know the author of the quote. Anyone who buzzes in first with a correct answer will get to eliminate one of the other contestants. If someone buzzes in and is incorrect, he or she will be eliminated. The winner will earn HoH for his or her team. The competition starts off with the girls then it will be the boys' turn. The last man and woman standing will face off for the win. Sheila gets the first three correctly and eliminates Allison, Sheila and Natalie, winning the round. Ryan buzzes in but he's wrong and is out. Josh buzzes in to answer “love is a battlefield” as being by neither Goethe, Wilde, Shakespeare or Dostoevsky. He eliminates Matt then gets the next question correctly as well and eliminates Adam. Thus there is no need for a face-off and Josh and Sharon win HoH for the second time.
Julie promises that during next week's live eviction, the evicted couple will get a big surprise that supposedly nobody will see coming and “a new chapter will begin”. Eh. Five bucks says they both get to stay and the couples will be broken up. Call me crazy.
The next show is on Sunday, but why mess up your sure to be wonderful weekend? Try a fresh, crispy and completely organic recap by our own AsheleyPSU instead. It's better for you!
Goethe or Shakespeare? PM me.