June 30, 2005 -- "Being Bobby Brown" Tonight at 10 on Bravo *
J¯UST when you thought real ity TV couldn't get any lower than it already has, along comes the truly upsetting "Being Bobby Brown," featuring the bad boy Brown and his wife, Whitney Houston.
Yes, the man who is credited with popularizing New Jack Swing, cutting-edge R&B and spousal assault now has his own reality show.
On the upside, "Being Bobby Brown" is at least real reality. It begins with Brown getting out of jail and, scarily, that's as upscale as it gets.
Up until now, we (or I at any rate) thought of Whitney as the last classy dame; a gorgeous woman with a gigantic talent who tragically got involved with drugs.
If this show is any indication, Whitney and Bobby are dedicated to living the high life (no pun intended) while acting like low lifes.
Right off, we find Bobby in a limo explaining that even though he'd just gotten out of jail, he was put back in for lack of child support payments to his ex and two kids from that relationship. He stops by to see those kids in Boston, and when he leaves, his little son is in tears.
From there, he's off to Atlanta to meet up with his wife, the impossibly beautiful Whitney, whom he hasn't seen in 33 days. Prison is like that — you just don't get to see your superstar wife all that often.
The reunited couple and entourage go to a restaurant, which opens up specifically for them. While they are eating, Whitney brings up that always-popular dinner conversation: The importance of pulling bugs out of your rectum.
Then Bobby tells one of his dinner guests, "Don't smother my food with your boogies!"
If this doesn't cause high-speed remote-control disconnect, then wait until next week to hear Bobby discuss how he pulled something other than a bug out of his wife's rectum. Yes. And then he demonstrates which fingers he used.
To this brilliant conversation, Whitney enthusiastically responds, "That's love! That's love! That's black love!"
Whitney also comes across as unreasonably rude to her fans. For example, the camera crew follows the couple to Paradise Island, where they are besieged by fans.
Whitney goes into a pool and water slide area, which has been closed off just for them. When fans find them there, she has a hissy fit, fuming, "Damn! Damn! I just want to be a real person!"
Really? Then why in the hell do you have a camera crew following you around? Why break out dancing in the lobby? I don't know for sure, but I can only guess this isn't the way to stay incognito.
While the show feeds into some nasty, black stereotypes, it also creates new and uglier images that aren't pretty.
The Brown family is not a great example of what you're supposed to end up like if you are handed all the talent, beauty, riches and fame in the world. It's enough to make you embrace poverty.