Another episode of Beauty and the Geek already? It seems like just yesterday that John and Natalie were kicked off the island without a fighting chance. We are down to the final four and I’m really excited
for this season to endto see which team will get the axe tonight. I’m crossing my fingers for Sam and Nicole, but I have a feeling they are going to win the whole thing. Ashton Kutcher, I blame you for this ridiculous and unfair “twist”. My guess is that you and Sam may have worked the child actor circuit together. Who is coming on next season? Dustin Diamond? That kid who played DJ on Rosanne? Thanks but no thanks, Mr. Kutcher. Okay okay, my ranting is over. Let’s get geeky with it!
Gimme Some Flair
One good thing to come out of the ridiculous “no quiz” eviction last week is that there isn’t a stupid opening scene of the non-eliminated team surprising all of the other contestants! Woo hoo! The show begins with all of the teams unpacking and discussing how happy they are to be home. Everyone gathers in the study and Mike reminds them that they are in the final 4 and they have a 1 in 4 chance of winning the grand prize money. This week’s study materials for the beauties will be based on zoology and a bunch of other “-ologies”. Jasmine comments that she hates bugs. I’m not a fan of
Sambugs either, Jazz. This week’s study materials for the geeks will be based on mixology. The geeks will learn to make alcoholic drinks and serve them with flair. This show has certainly found the way to my heart… alcohol! The geeks are going to learn to mix and serve drinks by juggling and flipping bottles. William has seen the movie Cocktail, so he knows what’s going on. He thinks he just might be the next Tom Cruise. Hmm. If Tom Cruise was a tall, skinny geek who wept on his way to a comic book convention, then yes that’s feasible. Sam is super jealous that he can’t play bartender because he thinks he was made for it.
The geeks enter a room where they are greeted by a professional flair bartender tossing some bottles around. They all look impressed. He gives them all a plastic practice bottle to throw around. He teaches them to set the bottle on their hand and do some quick tricks. William does decently well at first and he brags that he has pretty good hand-eye coordination. The professional flair bartender then instructs the geeks to work the customer. They need to watch the customer and give the customer a little wink. They continue practicing.
Back at the mansion, the beauties discuss what their challenge may be. Jen thinks it will have to do with bugs. Jasmine says she won’t do anything with bugs. Shay has been bitten by a spider so she hopes there aren’t any spiders or mice. I just have to tell you now, if there are mice involved in this challenge, I will have my eyes closed the entire time. Don’t get me started on my fear of mice! Anyway, while the girls are discussing all the creepy crawly things they may encounter, Sam is in his bedroom studying. Me like study. Me think good when me read. Jasmine and Shay decide to study a bit, but their concentration is broken by *gasp* some sort of insect buzzing around! Jasmine squeals and Shay tells her that it will be alright, it was just a bumble bee. Jasmine doesn’t think it was a bee because it was green. Shay then informs her that she thinks it was a grasshopper. The insect comes near them and they both scream and run away. The cameraman (who for you Big Brother fans, I think just might be Skippy), gives us a close up of some odd looking insect that is neither a bee nor a grasshopper. I guess you don’t have to know what it is to be afraid of it!
The Happy Couple
Inside, William, Nicole, and Dave are studying. Jen tells them that she thinks she is screwed and William makes a sarcastic remark about Jen’s confidence making them a fantastic team. He then rolls his eyes. Nicole calls him out instantly and tells him he isn’t helping to improve his partnership by making snide remarks. He says he wasn’t insulting Jen, but if he wanted to insult her, he could do it in a snap. William and Jen are like a car crash. It’s a terrible, terrible sight, but you just can’t stop watching. Nicole is hoping that sending John and Natalie home instead of William and Jen isn’t a decision she will regret.
It’s already time for the beauties’ challenge, and they discover their challenge is going to be in a cave. Shay thinks maybe she will see some elephants or horses or possibly have to ride an ostrich. Yes, Shay. Elephants and horses and puppies and kitties and magical rainbows make for wonderful TV. The creatures that the beauties will have to know about are: Madagascar hissing cockroaches, giant African millipedes, corn snakes, African bouncing toads, Hercules beetle grubs, pink toed tarantulas, and the emperor scorpion. Ick. Sam thinks the beetle grubs look like giant boogers. Jasmine and Shay start freaking out when they see the spiders. Phew. No mice. Eyes open. Each beauty will have 10 minutes to put 7 “creepy crawlies” in the terrarium labeled with its proper Latin name. At the end of 10 minutes, the beauty with the most correct matches will win. To transfer the nasty creatures, the beauties will have to use their bare hands. The girls freak out but Sam just stands there like a statue. The challenge starts and Sam dives right in and grabs a slug. Jazz is freaking out and won’t touch anything. Honestly, I have to give these people some credit. I definitely wouldn’t want to be touching these nasty things. Jasmine finally picks up a toad and walks it to her terrarium, looking as if she might pee herself at any second. At the end of the challenge, Sam and Shay have all 7 creatures in cages, Jasmine has 2, and Jen got most of them. I’m not exactly sure how many. Although Sam and Shay transferred all of the creatures, the challenge is about how many they matched correctly. On with the results! Jasmine matched none correctly, Shay matched 1 correctly, Jen matched 1 correctly, and Sam matched 5 correctly. Sam wins. I’m sick of typing that. Of course Sam has no problems dealing with disgusting critters, he is one himself! Shay is tired of Sam winning. I hear that.
Back at the mansion, the geeks are practicing their flair bartending. The beauties arrive home and the geeks find out that Sam has won again. Dave asks Jazz how she’s doing because he notices she looks upset. He says he is proud of her for at least trying because he knows how scared of bugs and things she is. He wants to cheer her up, so he decides to make brownies with her. He tells her not to worry because they have another shot to win with his competition. He says the brownies turned out a little oily, but it doesn’t matter because he cheered up his Jazzy Jazz. Awww. We need to make up a cute little name for these 2. Dazz? Jave? Davemine? Oh that reminds me, I have a good name for the team of Sam and Nicole. Nictool. Tee hee.
Jen offers to give Nicole a fun necklace to wear for the bartending competition. Nicole thinks she should be offering things to her own partner. William thinks his outfit is fine as is. Jen asks him if he has any button down or cutoff shirts. William tells her he doesn’t have any cutoffs and asks if she’s seen his arms. It’s kind of hard for her to see toothpicks, Wimpy Willie. She whines that she is trying to pull him back into the team and he keeps pushing her away.
Cranberry Juice Gone Wild!
The day of the geeks’ competition has arrived! Shay fixes Joshua’s hair and puts some tanning lotion on him. Ahh! Mini-Sam! Josh says he thinks of Shay as a mother figure, but everyone else says they act like an old married couple. He practices some of his bartending and Shay claps and tells him it was cool. William thinks he is a sure bet to win this competition. Apparently he thinks that watching the movie Cocktail instantly makes him a professional bartender. If that’s the case, I think I’ll pop in the movie Showgirls because I’m looking for a new career. Anywhooo. He practices in the backyard and keeps dropping his glasses. Jasmine tells Dave he looks good and that his bartending has a lot of flair. William comes into the room and shows off for Dave and Sam. Dave says he is starting to regret keeping William and Jen because William rubs people the wrong way. Shay realizes that Josh has to win the bartending competition or they are definitely going to be sent to the elimination room.
Everyone files into a bar area and Mike explains the rules. Each geek has to mix drinks for the beauties. They will be judged on how well they followed the drink recipe and how much flair they show while mixing the drink. Josh is up first. He makes Pina Coladas. He flips a bottle of rum around a few times and everyone cheers. He spins his shaker around and spills a bunch of rum out of it. He grabs the bottle of cream and flips it around. Most of it spills all over the floor and everyone laughs. He tosses in some ice and a few straws. The drink ends up being about as big as a shot, but he was fun to watch. Sam comments that Josh can make his drink any day of the week. Nicole is next. She is going to make a cosmo. She sings a little bit and spins everything around her head. That’s pretty much her only move. William takes his place behind the bar and is going to start off with a fuzzy navel. He flips the vodka around and drops it a few times. He almost threw the cranberry juice bottle on his customers. His routine was pretty funny. Dave is the last bartender to perform and he is going to make a sex on the beach drink. He flips his liquor bottle around. He grabs the orange juice, spins it around, and comments that a day without orange juice is like a day without sunshine. He is so corny, I love it. He grabs the cranberry juice, tosses it into the air, and spills a bunch all over his white dress shirt. Jasmine thinks he was super cool. The judge (that professional flair bartender guy) thinks that everyone did a great job. He thinks both Dave and William did a great job. The winner of the flair bartending competition is Dave! As fellow Fort writer roseskid would say… BOOYAH!!! Go Davey!
William, that cocky little worm, shakes his head in disgust. He thinks he would have won if he wouldn’t have dropped his bottle so much. He thinks Dave won the competition based on personality, not on skill. After the competition, Shay tells Josh (to his super tan face) that they need to be happy about whatever the outcome is. He thinks he’s a better person and he’s made Shay into a better person. He doesn’t think he could have gotten as far as he did with any other partner. Shay gets a little emotional and says that Josh has really changed her. They have an imaginary toast to how far they’ve come and how far they may go. Aww. I’m totally feeling the love this episode.
Lindsay Lohan Loves To Drink
Jen and William study for the elimination challenge and he tells her that he doesn’t ever see himself hanging out with her in the future. She agrees. She says if she sees him on the street and he’s down on the ground with people kicking him, she would stop them. How thoughtful. Also, what a strange scenario to think up at that moment.
In case you have the intelligence level of ol’ Sammy boy and can’t figure it out, let me just tell you that since there are only 4 teams, the 2 teams who didn’t win challenges automatically get sent to the elimination room. The geeks will have questions on mixology and the beauties will have questions on zoology.
What was the name of the Tennessee teacher convicted of teaching evolution in 1925? Charles Darwin, John Scopes, or Mary Kay Letourneau
Jen’s answer: John Scopes
William/Jen 1 – Joshua/Shay 0
Which of the following is a reptile at the Los Angeles Zoo? A collapsible frink, a shingleback skink, or an American mink
Shay’s answer: Shingleback skink
William/Jen 1 – Joshua/Shay 1
Which animals are known for being horny, cold blooded, and covered in scales? Reptiles, mammals, or birds
Jen’s answer: Reptiles
William/Jen 2 – Joshua/Shay 1
What is the primary body part that an invertebrate lacks?
Shay’s answer: Backbone
William/Jen 2 – Joshua/Shay 2
At the end of the beauties’ questions, the score is tied. It’s time for the geeks to step up to the plate. Wow, Josh’s face is still real tan.
What is the term for a drink someone consumes immediately after a straight shot of liquor to get a different taste?
William’s answer: A chaser
William/Jen 3 – Joshua/Shay 2
Which of these is not a drinking game included in your study material? Hi Low, Beer Blow, Low Blow
Joshua’s answer: The first one (Hi Low)
Wrong. The answer is Low Blow.
William/Jen 3 – Joshua/Shay 2
If Lindsay Lohan has 1 standard pony shot of tequila, how many ounces of tequila were in that 1 pony shot according to your material?
(Yeah right, like Lindsay Lohan is only going to have 1 tiny pony shot!)
William’s answer: 1 ounce
Final Score: William Jen 4 – Joshua/Shay 2
Joshua and Shay are eliminated. Shay is glad that she made a friend like Josh. Josh feels like he is more ready for the real world than he was before. He thinks it’s important to be able to branch out. Shay says that Joshua taught her to be patient. Joshua says that Shay told him that she is going to track him down and take him clothes shopping and find him a salon. Shay thinks Joshua is a great person. Joshua thinks he will be able to approach beautiful women with more confidence because he knows there is more to them than just the outside. Shay gets a little emotional and tells Josh that she is so used to waking up and being around him. She says she is going to find him and hang out with him. He wants her to hear him sing some real karaoke. She laughs. They hug. He calls her Shalandra and she smacks him and says to call her Shay. They laugh. There goes another great couple! I wish them the best of luck!
Well, it seems we are down to the final 3. William/Jen, Dave/Jasmine, Sam/Nicole. I think if any team but Dave and Jasmine wins, this show will be completely defeating the purpose of what it’s about. On the next episode, the teams get tied together. Dave gets his chance to make his move with Nicole. Bow chicka wow wow. Oh no! I realized I didn’t make my weekly Dave wisecrack. So, could you imagine Dave asking Nicole out on a date? Dave: “Hey, uh Nicole, do you want to come over this weekend and maybe watch me LARP and massage my mom?” You know I had to!
If you secretly love to LARP, send me a PM.