Welcome back for another week of
tortureexcitement! That’s right, it’s Tuesday night, which can only mean one thing! It’s $3.50 sub day at my local Subway! Wait. I mean… Beauty and the Geek is on! You want the goods? You are in the right place! Just keep your hands off of my sub!
Last week’s 2 hour premiere had some entertaining auditions; including some gems that made you wonder how people can survive on the whole 5 brain cells in their heads. We were introduced to this season’s cast of airheads and dweebs. We also found out who the teams for this season will be. At the very end of the episode, this season’s twist was revealed. Well, sort of. We found out that this season, for the first time in Beauty and the Geek history, there will be a female geek and a male beauty. Who are they? Read on to find out!
Hi. I’m Earth. Have We Met?
The episode begins by introducing the “surprise” 10th team, Sam and Nicole. The beauties and geeks shyly and politely wave hello to the new additions. One of the geeks wets his pants. Kidding. That would have been pretty funny though.
A big Star Trek welcome to: Nicole, Graduate student at Tufts University, studying Musicology
A big “two tickets to the gun show” welcome to: Sam, 26, Party Promoter (Psst. Rumor has it that he’s also an actor. He apparently used to be on the show, “Grade Under Fire”)
Nicole makes the observation that she is the only female geek in the house. Hello Captain Obvious! She also notes that as long as she is in the house, she will be the ugliest girl there. I beg to differ, my polyester-clad friend. During her stay, she hopes to learn how to be girlier and flirtier and get some “game”. Jesse comments that if any of the geeks were hoping to hook up with a beauty, their chances are down the tubes due to the new man meat in the house. In a moment that makes absolutely no sense to me, Sam tells us that he would tell the geeks, “Just do it, ya know, do it. Stop being a geek. Be cool, ya know?” Hi Sam. I’m Earth. Have we met? We find out that Sam will compete with the beauties in their challenges, and Nicole will compete with the geeks in their challenges. Sam continues with, “I will be doing the girls a favor by hookin’ up with them because it will boost their confidence, you know, I think they need it.” Wow, can someone say GIANT TOOL?
Mike announces that it’s time to pick out rooms! The contestants make a mad dash throughout the house, hoping to score the best room. Hollie and Josh choose a room with a round green bed. John and Natalie have a brown bed with white stripes, and Katie and Luke choose the red room. Katie hopes Josh won’t mind her stubbly legs. He is speechless. Sam and Nicole are stuck with a room that has bunk beds. He asks her if she is a top or a bottom. *insert sexual innuendo here* Dave and Jasmine have a room with a baby poo green bed. Jasmine asks Dave if he loves her as a partner, to which he replies that she was last on his list. Ouch. He tells her he doesn’t think she is a bad person, she just doesn’t communicate in the same way that he does. Wait, you mean she doesn’t dress up like fantasy characters and act out role playing games with her other adult friends? Her bad.
After everyone gets settled in, they decide to have a pool party. Sam rambles on some more about how he thinks he is good looking and how he likes to make an entrance. He flexes and kisses his muscles. I’m not joking. Natalie, Miss Hooters Girl, feels like the 18 original people are in a group against the 2 newbies. Katie calls Sam a meathead.
The next morning, Tony and Amanda decide to dress alike. Amanda has on short black shorts, a gray vest, and a bowtie. Tony ties it for her. Aww. He says he is lucky to have Amanda as his partner. Tony is ridiculously adorable. Sam informs us that it takes him hours to get ready. He has to wash his face, spray his cologne, use body lotion, cut any out of place hairs, put in his hair product, and do his sit ups. You never know when a girl is going to come lift your shirt up, which happens a lot! Another gem of a quote from Sam.
So You Think You Can Rap?
Mike gathers everyone to explain the general rules for challenges. Each week, the groups will be given two sets of study materials. The winning team each week will be immune from elimination and will also get to pick one team to send to the elimination room. In the elimination room, the two teams facing elimination will be asked questions based on the study materials they were given for that particular week. The losing team will leave the house immediately.
This week’s challenge is for the beauties to debate about politics/current issues and for the geeks to write and perform their own autobiographical rap songs. Mike speaks to them in his best rap voice, using phrases like “mad funky lyrics”, “word”, “Snoop D O Double G”, and “peace”. Man oh man; this show just keeps getting better!
The teams get their study materials and Natalie didn’t realize she would have to know so much! Dave and Jasmine discuss his rap. He says he works in astronomy so he could do something about stars. Jasmine suggests he use the line, “The stars are shiny.” He decides to treat the rap as if it were another L.A.R.P., or Live Action Role Playing game. The geeks spend some time mixing up the rhythm and the rhymes, while the beauties try to help them out. Tony admits to not knowing who 50 Cent is (or as Tony calls him, 50 Cents) and says that Amanda clued him in to 50 Cents and G Unit. Tony said G Unit. It was adorable. Am I the only one that loves Tony? Amanda is worried that Tony won’t practice in front of her. She keeps trying to bring him out of his shell, but she’s having a hard time.
The teams head to a nightclub where the competition will be held. Mike welcomes everyone to the first ever Beauty and the Geek Rap Attack. The judges for the contest will be Three 6 Mafia. For those of you not “down” with today’s music, they are a semi-popular rap group. The winner of the competition will be crowned MC Geeky. Nicole is a little bit afraid of Three 6 Mafia. Me too, Nicole.
First up, Nicole. She dances around in a pink, fuzzy, cow-printed hat rapping about money. Sam acts as her backup dancer. Three 6 Mafia wants her to turn around so they can see her booty. Reluctantly, she does. Next on the stage is Joshua, wearing a bandana, sunglasses, and baggy jeans. An excerpt from Joshua’s rap: “This is JD the geek. It’s the honeys I seek. You paired me with a beauty. A caramel cutie.” Shay is his backup vocalist, yelling “what” every so often.
Dave raps about LARPing while Jasmine dances around on stage beside him in a miniskirt. Will is next, with his backup dancer Rebecca. Will’s rap: “From a very young age, I was mighty strange. Every time I turn around, I’m turning the page. Now here I am on Beauty and the Geek with a lady so fine it just makes me freak. But they’re way out of my league, but let me tell you- in the meantime I’m certainly enjoying the view.”
Jesse is on next and he forgets some of the words to his rap. Luke and Josh also forgot the words. Tony and Amanda take the stage and Tony forgets most of his words. Amanda is disappointed that she couldn’t break down his shyness barrier. It’s John’s turn and he is wearing sweatpants, a white tank top, and a bandana. He is also juggling, grabbing his crotch, and saying the F word while Natalie dances in the background. I believe I haven’t seen anything so funny in quite some time.
Three 6 Mafia pick John and Will as the top two. They ultimately decide that the title of MC Geeky goes to… Will! Will and Rebecca are safe from elimination this week. Sam is disappointed that Nicole didn’t win.
Drug Dealers Are People, Too
It’s now time for the beauties’ challenge. They are going to hold a debate against each other. A random draw will choose who will be arguing for issues and against issues. Our judges for today are: Susan Estridge, a lawyer and television commentator and Jack Burkman, a conservative political consultant.
The first debate: Should the federal minimum wage be raised?
For – Jasmine Against – Rebecca
Jasmine argues that she used to make minimum wage and it didn’t even pay her bills when she lived with her parents.
Rebecca’s response: “I disagree, we don’t need the people to have poor money. The way that they are now should be the way that they should be. We should definitely not hire them.”
Jasmine says that Rebecca made no sense. Really?
The second debate: Should marijuana be decriminalized?
For – Erin Against – Amanda
Erin tells us that 30 million Americans have smoked marijuana and haven’t died or anything, so it should definitely be legalized.
Amanda argues that by legalizing marijuana, drug dealers would no longer have an income. I’m glad she’s looking out for those drug dealers. Thanks sweetie.
The third debate: Should the U.S. drill for oil in ANWR?
For – Holly Against – Natalie
Holly starts out strong by informing the audience that ANWR stands for the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge. She says that hippies think we can run cars on Canola oil.
Natalie says that we shouldn’t be drilling because we don’t know how much oil there is, it gives jobs (huh?), and there’s very low gas because everything is estimated. What?
The fourth debate: Should G8 nations forgive third world debt?
For – Katie Against – Jen
Katie feels that the more powerful countries should definitely help out third world countries if they are in a lot of debt.
Jen stands silent for a looooong time. They never show us her answer, if she even answered.
The fifth and final debate: Should the drinking age be lowered to 18?
For – Sam Against – Shay
Sam says that he has partied with a lot of 18-21 year olds, and they are at the same mental level. He thinks that if 18 year olds could party, the clubs would be really cool. (Nicole comments that Sam was posing and modeling while he was speaking)
Shay argues that when the drinking age was lowered to 18, the death rate rose.
Sam refutes that when those deaths occurred, it was because the victims were driving from states where the drinking age was 21 to states where it was only 18. He believes that it should be 18 in every state so people can drink at their houses and not have to drive.
The judges decide without argument that the winner is Sam. He does a little dance and Nicole joins him on stage and does a little dance herself. Sam and Nicole are now immune from elimination and have the power to choose a team for the elimination room.
Did You Know There Are Only 13 States?
The beauties and geeks spend the day studying, just in case they are the ones sent to the elimination room. Nicole, Sam, Will, and Rebecca discuss who they think should be put up for elimination. Jasmine and Natalie decide that they want to try to eavesdrop, so they go to a nearby window. Will thinks that John is a strong contender. Sam thinks the decision should be made from a competition standpoint and not based on who they like or don’t like. Will walks into the house and catches the naughty beauties spying out the window. He gets upset and moves the conversation elsewhere.
Elimination time has arrived! The teams file down the stairs. Jasmine has a ridiculous gold tiara on her head. Dave has one of his LARPer outfits on. I am so over the LARPing. Sam and Nicole choose to send John and Natalie to the elimination room because of how competitive they are. John and Rebecca send Amanda and Tony because they feel that Tony is too passive. In the elimination room, the beauties will be asked questions about American government, current events, and politics. The geeks will have to answers questions about hip hop.
Amanda and Tony head back to the bedroom to study. Tony tells Amanda that it’s really hard for him to open up to people. He begins to cry. He tells her that he’s let her down. She gets a little teary eyed herself, telling him that he didn’t let her down. Tony tells us that he is doing this for Amanda. Everything he does, he does for her. Natalie and John study in their bedroom and nervously await the dreaded elimination room.
Finally, the moment we’ve all been waiting for! It’s time for the elimination room! Each team will be given a series of questions. The team with the most correct answers wins and stays in the mansion. The losing team will have to leave immediately. The beauties go first and the geeks watch from the viewing room. They tell each other good luck.
The first question goes to Natalie. Question: How many stars were on the official U.S. flag in January 1984? Natalie’s Answer: 13 The Real Answer: DUH
The next question goes to Amanda. Question: Name 3 men or women who have served as U.S. President in the past 40 years. None of them can be named Bush. Amanda’s Answer: Bill Clinton, John F. Kennedy, Ronald Reagan WRONG! John F. Kennedy was not in the past 40 years
Back to Natalie. Question: Which of these is the opening phrase of the Preamble to the U.S. Constitution? A. We the people B. When in the course of human events C. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times Natalie’s Answer: We the people DING DING DING!
Score 1-0 Natalie and John in the lead
Amanda’s question: When referring to international oil production, what does the acronym OPEC stand for? Amanda’s Answer: Oil Production Economic Countries Real Answer: Organization for Petroleum Exporting Countries
At the end of the beauty round, the score is 1-0 with Natalie in the lead. On to the geeks!
John’s question: As of this exact moment, how many times has hip hop superstar 50 (or Fitty as Mike said) Cent been shot? John’s Answer: Nine times Correct!
Score 2-0 John and Natalie in the lead
Tony’s question: When asked his opinion of Eminem in a February 17, 2006 Washington Post interview, which hip hop artist said, “I’m glad there’s another white guy out there having success because it’s all been on my shoulders for so long.” Tony’s Answer: NAS Wrong! Real Answer: Vanilla Ice
Final Score 2-0. John and Natalie stay in the house! Amanda and Tony say goodbye and leave the mansion. Aww Tony!! I’m going to miss that bowtie. His bowtie rocks! Amanda hoped to prove that there was more to her than the way she looks and she learned that a lot of people view her as a smart person. Tony says he will remember Amanda for helping him to come out of his shell and helping him to believe in himself. Amanda tells Tony that there isn’t a person in the world who wouldn’t benefit from knowing him. They share a good cry and a hug. Let’s look on the bright side folks. At least Amanda still has her $8,000 rack.
In the previews for next week: As the geeks are in the grocery store, Mike tells us that “The geeks try to learn the way to a beauty’s heart.” The beauties have to learn about a geek’s organs. Whoa… there’s a kissing scene already! Woo hoo! It looks to be a blonde beauty, but I can’t tell who. Tune in next week to see which geek gets some lovin’!