Ah, the fourth season of Beauty and the Geek is upon us. Will the geeks be super geeky? Will the beauties actually be beauties? Will Cecille be back to haunt us? These questions were running through my head all day today. By all day, I really mean five minutes before the show. On with the goods!
If I Only Had a Brain
The show begins with a short trip down memory lane. We get some flashbacks of makeovers and shenanigans from the past three seasons while the narrator and host (Mike Richards) reminds us of how emotional and life changing this show can be. We know, we know.
The first hour of tonight’s two hour episode focuses on the audition process. Beauty and the Geek toured America to find the hottest beauties and the geekiest geeks. Our tour guides? None other than last season’s lovebirds, Nate and Jennylee.
First stop: Boston. We meet a geek named Dave who participates in “LARK”ing, or Live Action Role Playing. He explains that it’s a lot like Dungeons and Dragons but it’s in real life. Somehow I knew that Dungeons and Dragons would be brought up in the first five minutes of the show.
Some other Boston hopefuls:
- A geek who recites the names of the presidents starting with the most recent and ending with George Washington
- A blonde beauty who tells us all about her fake boobs and how it is better to be blonde
- A geek who makes dolls out of important figures in corporate America
- A beauty who doesn’t know what “memo” is short for
- A beauty who keeps a scale in front of her refrigerator to remind her of what she should be eating
Meanwhile, Mike holds auditions in Washington D.C. D.C. gives us more than a few air headed beauties.
Some D.C. hopefuls:
- A geek with a 10,000 comic book collection
- A beauty who thinks Big Bird is the Democratic Party symbol
- A beauty who is an expert at “being pretty” and didn’t realize you could close a tanning bed
- A geek who builds his own computers
- A beauty who thinks geeks are beauties on the inside (awww)
Nate and Jennylee’s next stop: Raleigh, North Carolina
- A geek who founded a fake fraternity named Psi Phi (how clever)
- A table tennis playing geek wearing an orange construction cone hat who refers to himself as “Crazy C”
- A beauty, who when asked what she likes in a guy, responds “money”
- A beauty who says her IQ is “slightly over not too dumb”
- A beauty who says shoes are the favorite part of her body
- A geek dressed as a ninja
Mike’s next stop: Chicago, Illinois. Joe and Carl from Season Two show up with their suave new outfits and haircuts. They hope there are hot girls on the show. Hmm… hot girls on Beauty and the Geek? There’s a concept!
- A beauty who thinks Lance Armstrong was the first to land on the moon
- A geek who says he hasn’t ever been kissed
- A beauty who thinks there are 52 stripes and 8 stars on the U.S. flag
Nate and Jennylee’s next stop: Little Rock, Arkansas
The lackluster turnout includes:
- A cocktail waitress who says her mouth gets her into trouble
- A geek wearing socks with sandals who took apart an old Nintendo to make a computer
- A beauty (I use the term loosely) who says she has a “3.0 B Average” IQ
Mike heads to Los Angeles, California. Season 2’s Tyler appears with his Rubik’s Cube.
You know the drill:
- A geek who brings a pile of Smurfs with him and does many Smurf impressions
- A beauty who doesn’t know where the Gettysburg Address was given
- A geek who has never had a date. He’s actually pretty cute.
- A total airhead who tells people she can speak French but can’t
- A virgin geek who has never had a girlfriend
Nate and Jennylee continue on to Las Vegas.
- A beauty with the most annoying laugh I’ve ever heard who thinks her IQ is 7. She may be right.
- A beauty who meets men at a male strip club
- A beauty who doesn’t know who wrote Beethoven’s Fifth because she doesn’t read books
Hi, I’m Like, So Like, Glad To Meet You
Will the audition torture ever end? Finally, 45 minutes into the premiere, the chosen beauties and geeks are revealed.
The Season Four contestants are…
Luke, 23, Robotics Engineering major at Ohio State University
Dave, 28, Fire Department Administrator. He’s also the LARPer (see above)
Josh, 21, Medical Engineering major at UC Berkely. Also the Rubberband Club President. My pick for hottie in disguise.
Will, 23, Software Engineer
Joshua, 26, Astrophysicist who doesn’t have a sexual history. My pick for most geeky.
William, 25, Server. Owns thousands of comic books.
Tony, 26, Biomedical Engineer major at Johns Hopkins University
John, 22, Graduate student at MIT
Jesse, 26, Software Engineer
Hollie, 26, Theme Park Performer (Professional Betty Boop) She seems like she is the sweetest and most down to earth.
Amanda, 25, Model and Aspiring Playboy Model
Jasmine, 22, Babysitter
Katie, 25, Retail Store Manager and Sorority Girl who is proud of her boob job
Erin, 22, Beautician
Jennifer, 26, Waitress and Cigar Model
Natalie, 22, Waitress and Promotional Model for Hooters
Rebecca, 24, Massage Therapy Student and Cocktail Waitress
Shay, 26, Bartender and Beauty Pageant Queen
The geeks enter the mansion first, followed by the beauties. Mike explains that the purpose of the show is to grow and become a more complete person. He says the team that manages the biggest change together will receive $250,000. The beauties and geeks go into separate rooms. The geeks and beauties take turns going one by one into the other group’s room where they will showcase their talents. Will volunteers to go first for the geeks. He sings for the girls. Holly goes first for the ladies. She does her Betty Boop impression. Dave walks into the beauties’ room and performs a monologue. He gets into a fake sword fight with Jasmine. Amanda goes to the geeks’ room and tells them that her dream in life is to become a Playboy Centerfold. We find out her boobs cost her $8000. Yikes. Josh visits the girls and tells them about his rubberband club. He shoots a cup off of a beauty’s head with a rubberband. Jen tells the geeks she can bench press 135. John juggles for the beauties. Rebecca gives Luke a massage. William tells the girls about his days in the circus. Natalie ties a cherry stem with her tongue. Joshua calls his mother and puts her on speaker phone. She tells the girls that he is honest. Shay tells the geeks she likes to shop. Luke shows the beauties his robot. That sounded dirty, but definitely wasn’t. Katie’s talent is finding Waldo in “Where’s Waldo?” books. Jesse tells the girls he is a software engineer. Erin tells the geeks she works at a salon. Tony teaches the girls how to tie a bow tie. Jasmine performs a cheer.
Before the team picking begins, there is going to be a Beauty and the Geek sleepover party. Everyone mingles, and they toast to the good times ahead. Dave says if geeks could be any inanimate object, they would all 100% pick Duct Tape. He explains that Duct Tape is like “The Force”. Shay and Joshua mingle.
It’s hot tub time at the sleepover party! The beauties are in their bikinis and the geeks are in their trunks. We get some private interviews from the ladies telling us how disgustingly hairy Josh and Joshua are. They chat and drink for a little while and it’s finally time for bed. They pick their cabanas. Joshua gets invited into bed with Shay, Amanda, and Katie. The other 3 cabanas, much to the other geeks’ dismay, are same sex only.
Beauties and Geeks Unite!
The next morning, Mike announces that everyone will be competing in the first challenge of the season. The girls will undergo an intellectual skills analysis. The guys will participate in a social skills analysis. The winner will affect the course of the entire game. Dr. Debbie Magids asks the geeks to draw their ideal woman, greet a mannequin as if it were a Grandmother, greet a mannequin as if it were a girlfriend, and look at inkblots. Dr. Barton Goldsmith asks the beauties to name as many countries in alphabetical order as they can, figure out word pictures, solve a math problem, and read a paragraph containing hard vocabulary words.
Shay and Joshua received the lowest scores on the test. They won the challenge because they have the most to gain from the experiment. Their prize is that they get to choose their own partners, as well as everyone else’s. *cue shocked faces and dramatic music*
The beauties and geeks plead their cases with Shay and Joshua as to who they would like to be paired with. Amanda would love to be with Tony, Erin wants to be with Jesse, Luke wants to be with Hollie, William doesn’t want to be with Jennifer, Dave would love to be with Katie, Jasmine wants Jesse, and Hollie wants Luke. Shay and Joshua announce their picks.
Joshua and Shay
Tony and Amanda
Dave and Jasmine
Jesse and Erin
John and Natalie
William and Jen
Will and Rebecca
Josh and Hollie
Luke and Katie
After the teams are picked, Mike tells everyone that there is one more thing they should know. He informs them that for the first time in the history of Beauty and the Geek, one beauty will be a man and one geek will be a woman! The front door opens and the 10th couple walks up the stairs. We don’t get any names, but they turn around to reveal their faces. The girl geek is wearing a red sweater, glasses, and socks with clogs. Her hair is pulled into half a ponytail. The hunk has dark hair and a chiseled chin. He is wearing a sleeveless, half unbuttoned shirt.
It looks like we will have to wait until next week to find out about this season’s twist! I didn’t see this one coming! *cough*yeahright*cough*