Beauty & The Geek 3 Recap (2/7) – Geek Acres Is The Place For Me!!
Welcome, fellow geeks and geekophiles, to the penultimate episode of Beauty & The Geek season 3! Usually when there are 3 of something, like movies and their sequels, the order of quality goes first, third, and then second. For example, the first “Back to the Future” was the best because it was the original, and then “Back to the Future III” was the second best because it pretty much went back to the original formula. “Back to the Future II” was the worst of the trilogy, simply because it was too confusing. I mean, come on, what was really happening to old Biff once he returned from the past? And why couldn’t they just jump back 30 minutes before Old Biff took the time machine and make sure he wasn’t able to take it? The guy used a cane, for goodness sakes! He couldn’t have been moving that fast. Yes, I know there are a lot of times where this formula doesn’t work…”The Empire Strikes Back” was clearly the superior movie of the original Star Wars trilogy, and “Alien” and “Aliens” are really a photo finish…oh heck, maybe my theory only works for the “Back to the Future” movies. My point is, this season of Beauty & The Geek stinks. It doesn’t even compare to the first two as far as moments that make you smile and feel warm inside. They’ve already lost the most endearing couple, Nadia and Mario, and all that is left are girls that really don’t seem to be getting anything out of the experience, and geeks who have been stranded in geekdom by their partners petty snobbery. Seriously, none of the remaining “beauties” are there for their partners…it’s all about the $$$$$ now. Can we just give the money to Cecille right now so she can go and blow it on fake boobs and an eternal supply of hair bleach and then fade into reality hell already? No? We have to continue to be subjected to her stupidity? Damn.
And then there were three. Three teams left, that is. Shortly after defeating Nadia and Mario, Jennylee and Niels headed back upstairs to visit with their other two adversaries. Here’s your final three, people. All of the geeks are, in my book, cool and deserving. Their partners, however, not so much. First you have Cecille, who likely wouldn’t touch any of these geeks until they’ve earned at least $1 million dollars. In this case, she’s simply using Nate to get her hands on half of $250,000 (she probably can’t even figure out how much that is). Then there’s Megan, who likely decided to work for Playboy in hopes of getting her hooks into Hef and convincing him to leave her some part of his fortune if he ever kicks the bucket. Of course, Megan and Cecille have become best buddies over the course of the show.
Finally, we have Jennylee, who could care less about her partner, and only wants to stick around so she can be around Nate some more. At least she is trying to improve a geek’s life. It’s Nate who isn’t taking the opportunity to get with a beauty. When she got back to her Nate, Jennylee was as giddy as a school girl, even though she fully admits that their relationship is “weird”. Nate lacks confidence, period. How he can NOT have confidence with the way Jennylee has been coming onto him, I can’t understand. Yet, he has made at least a small move on her, even though no one would believe him. The rumors have been flying around the mansion, though. Nobody thought that Nate had the confidence to kiss Jennylee, but they were wrong. Scooter admitted that he thought their relationship hadn’t gone to third base yet…third base being open mouth kissing to a geek like Scooter. Anyway, the whole thing is very high school…I take that back, it’s very junior high. Someone’s writing a Babysitter’s Club novel about it.
The Garbage Won’t Date Trash
While Nate and Jennylee are rounding Scooter’s third base (I guess a homerun has something to do with boobies), Scooter and Niels are in Cecille’s room talking to her about, well, Cecille and her attitudes. Did you read everything I wrote about above about Cecille and money? No? Well, let me say it again…she’s a gold digging whore. I hope I can say that on a PG-13 site. She admits that she will only date the top 5% of money earners in the country who will pay all her bills for her, and she won’t hang out with trash. Hey Cecille…YOU ARE TRASH!! You’re a bleach blond asshat with nothing to offer other than a mediocre body and a horse face. I’ve seen ladies pushing shopping carts down an alley picking up dead rats and adding them to their collection that are more attractive and have more to offer than you. Whew…I just had to get that off of my chest. Cecille even had the nerve to tell Niels to talk to her when she’s living in a million dollar mansion and he’s still paying $1,500 a month rent in his fraternity. I guess Cecille thinks her future in porn assures her that mansion. Although it probably won’t be her mansion…it’ll belong to the producer who’ll throw her out the second he comes down off of his cocaine and alcohol bender and realizes what an ugly gold digger she is. Cecille can’t understand that Scooter and Niels don’t need money to make them happy, and thankfully Niels tells her how disgusting she really is. Cecille’s reply?? Call me when you’re rich. Now that’s a classy broad!
Old Geek-donald Had A Farm
The next morning, Mike gathers the remaining teams to tell them about their next set of challenges. The separate challenges are over, and now the teams will be competing together as a pair. Their study materials all deal with how to do things on a farm or a ranch, and the teams will be heading to a local farm/ranch to compete in their next tasks. Once they arrive, they will find envelopes that list three tasks that the couples must each complete as a team, and whichever team finishes all three tasks first is guaranteed a place in the final. In each teams bedroom, the producers have set out ranch clothes for everyone to wear.
As the teams ready themselves, Niels tells us that the team to beat is going to be Scooter and Megan, since Scooter has spent time on a ranch in Montana. However, all the other girls claim to have been on a farm before and know how to do farm work. Jennylee, however, is the only beauty that’s dressing the part. She’s wearing jeans and a t-shirt, while Megan and Cecille have both decided it’s more important to look cute than wear functional clothes. Please God, let Cecille get trail rash up and down both her legs. They are wearing shorts, bikini tops with bandanas tied around their boobs, and the cuter, less comfortable cowboy boots.
At this time, Cecille informs the viewers that she has never lived on a farm before, although she feels right at home with animals. It is her dream to someday have an animal rescue farm where animals that have been abused can come and run around on a big prairie after they’ve been washed. Cecille won’t do the washing, though, just to be clear on that. I imagine that the dog that Cecille and Megan abused last week by putting tight bracelets around its neck would be included in the animals she would rescue. Or perhaps she’s just making these plans so the animals she tortures in the future won’t weigh on her conscience as much. Geez, she is just one huge contradiction.
Giddayup and Go!
The beauties and geeks traveled by RV to the countryside ranch where they would compete. This challenge is all about teamwork, and really, the team that works the best together will win and be in the finals. As soon as the RV stopped at their destination, the race was on, and all three teams ran over to a wagon that held each teams’ three clues. First, each team must proceed to the hay barn and carry 5 bales of hay to a designated area. Next, each team must proceed to the main stable and milk a cow until they have 1 cup of milk. Finally, they must proceed to the corral where there are 6 sheep, each with three different colored tags around their necks. The team that gets all their tags off of the sheep and hangs them on the wire first wins the challenge.
The teams hit the hay barn hard and fast, but no one seemed to realize just how heavy a bale of hay really is. The geeks try carrying the bales on their own, but soon realize they must work with their teammates in order to get the five bales of hay down the hill. Nate and Cecille work with their bales quickly, finish first, and head to the main barn to start milking cows. Scooter and Megan finish shortly after, followed by Niels and Jennylee. In the milk barn, Cecille had a real problem milking the cow, even though I thought she had a lot of experience milking people out of their money. Megan and Scooter catch up, and Megan has just the right touch on the cow’s udder, and she’s really getting a lot of milk with each tug. That is, until the cow farts right in her face causing her to gag and cough. In third place, Jennylee isn’t even getting a drop of milk, even though she’s tugging on the cow’s udder like she’s seen in cartoons before. Yes, she was doing it completely wrong, and Niels had to take over. Soon after, Megan and Scooter have enough milk to mark this task completed, and they headed over to the sheep corral. Megan really threw herself into the task of chasing down the sheep, cornering it and tackling it as if it had dollar bills on its back instead of wool. Scooter grabbed the tag and hung it on the wire to sustain their lead. Soon, Nate and Cecille showed up and then Niels and Jennylee. Luckily for them, Megan and Scooter had worn the sheep down already. Unluckily for them, Scooter and Megan almost had all of their tags when the other teams arrived. After grabbing a couple of more tags, Scooter and Megan were done with all of their tasks, and were guaranteed a place in the finals. Megan paid the price for wearing non-functional clothes, though. She had huge scabs on her knees from getting down and dirty in the corral.
A Hose Down
After the challenge, everyone was pretty hot and sweaty, especially the geeks, and the editors took the opportunity to try and make the geeks as hunky as possible. Scooter and Niels both took their shirts off and grabbed the hose to cool themselves off. Jennylee was laughing, calling it “softcore porn,” and the other beauties got a kick out of it as well as Niels bent over in front of Scooter and let him hose off his back to cool him down. Scooter soon had the tables turned on him as cheesy “porno jazz” played in the background. It was all pretty funny, if you’re into that kind of thing.
Gather ‘Round The Chuckwagon
After the challenge, the teams retired to their own private chuckwagon dinner at the farm. Ribs, burgers and chicken accompanied by cold beers were waiting for them under a tree in the yard. Scooter and Megan toasted their victory, and they all talked about the days events. Scooter’s favorite part of the challenge was when they entered the sheep corral and Megan suddenly became a completely different person. Her eyes were on the prize and she was determined to win, even if it meant getting down and dirty and taking each sheep down by herself. For the most part, the chit chat was lighthearted, but then Scooter asked the ominous question “What has been the hardest part for you all?” Cecille, seeing another opportunity to talk about her favorite subject—her—took the lead in the serious discussion. To her, the hardest part has been that nobody accepts her because nobody likes pretty people. What galaxy are you from again, Cecille? For some reason, she feels like because she’s pretty nobody respects her. Actually, it might be because of the things you said earlier, little Miss Golddigger. Niels talks straight to her, and tells her that it’s because she’s smart, but doesn’t present herself that way. It never feels “real” when he’s talking to her, and since she doesn’t feel like she ever needs to improve herself, nobody can really respect her. I know I don’t.
Elsewhere, Nate and Jennylee are enjoying what is now their last night together. One of them is going home after tonight’s challenge. It’s like a Greek tragedy in Nate’s eyes…two (ahem) lovers battling each other to stay in the game. Nate is really concerned that Jennylee will go back to her world of modeling and suddenly he won’t look so good anymore. I don’t think that’s going to be the case, though. She seems really smitten with him, even though he’s hesitant to even touch her and always asks if he can kiss her before he actually does. Maybe that’s what’s endearing about him, who knows?
A Final Roundup
Back at the mansion, the teams in that night’s challenge are studying hard, while Scooter and Megan are chilling in the hot tub. At the study table, Nate coached Jennylee on her study materials, perhaps trying to say that he’d rather she go to the finals instead of him and his money grubbing partner. Man, that would be a sweet move, Nate. In the hot tub, Scooter and Megan simply reviewed the luck that they’ve had during their stay at the mansion. They really worked hard in the final challenge, and that hard work kept them out of the challenge room again. Would you believe that they did not go to the elimination room once during this season? Has that happened before?
Later, the teams all headed down to the kitchen to grab some lunch. On the butcher block, there was a note instructing them to grab a snack and head into the library for a surprise. Waiting for them in the library was a single monitor, and everyone was dreading what they would see. Suddenly, old clips of each individuals’ private video diaries started playing, and everyone in the room started blushing. Some of each players’ better moments played for everyone to revisit. Like Niels talking about cognitive radio to Jennylee when they first met, and Cecille saying her best attribute is her pouty lip, because it gets her whatever she wants. Ah, memories of what you used to be…unless you’re Cecille, who hasn’t changed herself one bit, and is proud of that fact.
The Final Elimination
Finally, finally, finally! We’ve finally made it to the elimination round. It’s been a long road this episode, but it’s finally here. And then Niels spoils it by saying he thinks they are going to go to, like, 5 tiebreakers. I sure hope not. Tonight, both the beauties and the geeks will be answering questions about farming and life on a ranch.
As always, the ladies are up first, and Cecille picks first. Her question is: “What animal results from the breeding of a male donkey and a female horse?” She gets it right…it’s a mule. Jennylee’s first question is a pictorial question, and asks her to identify a part of a saddle. She gets it right…it was the stirrup. Cecille’s second question wants to know what the letters “USDA” stand for on a package of meat. She again answers correctly with “United States Department of Agriculture.” Now it’s up to Jennylee to match her opponent. Her question “Mutton is a type of meat derived from which animal?” her body language says she doesn’t know, and Scooter and Megan both think she probably doesn’t know the answer. She sheepishly says “A sheep,” and gets it right! The score is tied 2-2.
Next, it’s the geeks’ turn. Nate picks first and his question is how many seconds must a bull rider remain on the bull to get a score? He answers correctly…it’s 8 seconds. Niels first question is: “The cantle and gullet are parts of what essential cowboy accessory?” He thinks on it, and guesses a saddle. He guessed right. Nate’s second question asks him to name the country superstar who is married to country singer Tim McGraw. He also guesses…and guesses correctly with the answer Faith Hill. It’s all up to Niels to make his tiebreaker prediction come true. His question: “The Chisholm Trail, one of the most famous cattle trails in U.S. history, began in Texas and ended in what state?” This is a tough question, and Niels is not sure of his answer. He throws out a guess…California. Mike tells him that he is incorrect. The correct answer is Kansas. Nate and Cecille will be in the finals agains Scooter and Megan. How exciting. Not.
Ok, I know I’m not the only one thinking this because there is a thread in the Beauty & The Geek forum about this very topic, but these questions are not of equal difficulty, and it seems like there might even be two questions on each card…an easy question and a really difficult and obscure question. In my head I can see the producers using this method to weed out the teams they don’t want to go any further in the game. The only thing that makes me second guess this is this: how on earth would they want Cecille to be in the final? If anything, she’s making people turn this show off, and that can’t be good for ratings. Anyway, that’s just my opinion…I could be wrong.
Niels and Jennylee are out of the game, and Cecille is gloating already. She takes a second to say something about taking a blond to the ranch, but not out of the game…I don’t know, it just came across as glib and snobby gibberish. Jennylee heard her and said “I feel sick!” I know how you feel, Jennylee…I’m about to barf on my keyboard. There is no way in hell that Cecille deserves this chance at the prize. Even her partner, Nate, can’t look her in the eye and celebrate their victory. He, too, looks ill, since Jennylee will no longer be around. It seemed like he finally realized what a wicked harpy Cecille really is. As Jennylee and Niels started to leave the room, Niels gave Nate a big hug, but Jennylee just told Cecille flat out that what she said was really inappropriate. Cecille tried to apologize, but it fell on deaf ears. Jennylee gave her beau, Nate a big hug and told her how stupid Cecille is. He hugged her back, and just said “Don’t worry about her” over and over.
Although they are out of the game, both Niels and Jennylee feel like they have grown a lot during their time in the mansion. Niels has a newfound confidence in talking to women, and he thinks he’ll be able to approach the pretty girl in the grocery store and ask her to cook the spaghetti he has in his hand with him. Jennylee is just glad to have had the experience, and to have met a guy like Nate, even though she doesn’t know what will happen after the show. In a truly romantic moment, Nate interrupts her final interview just to see her one last time, and apologize for the way his partner acted earlier when they were saying goodbye. The camera fades to black as the couple hugged and kissed.
Be sure to tune in next week for the final episode of Beauty & The Geek!!
Join the “I Hate Cecille” club! Email: firstname.lastname@example.org !!!