Beauty & The Geek 3 Recap (1/30) – And They Call It Puppy Love
Greetings, fellow “Geek” lovers. No, I do not personally love geeks—I’m the geek in my relationship--I was referring to the show. Whatever. It’s time again to find out what’s up with this seasons vacuous beauties and their dorkified counterparts.
The Final Bore—Errr, Four
So Jennylee and Niels triumphantly returned to the mansion’s upstairs viewing room, much to Cecille’s chagrin (which she prounounces “Charmin”). The entire crew has certainly shrunk since the first day. The remaining couples finally realized that they have lost half of the people already…they are the final four teams! Scooter summed it up militarily—having lost half of your soldiers is a pretty high number. Nate is happy, though, so now he can slowly work his “magic” on Jennylee. To Nate, putting the moves on a woman takes time…about as much time as it takes the Almighty Sarlaac to digest its prey (That’s over 1,000 years to all you non Star Wars-y folks). Jennylee seemed to understand, though. She knows Nate’s a shy guy, and she can accept that he still only gives her goodnight hugs instead of kisses, even though she’s throwing herself at him.
Is it just me, or are these final four teams kind of boring? Other than Nadia and Mario, who really seem to both be having the true “Geek” experience and are enriching each other’s lives, these teams are really snore-worthy. Megan is dumber than a rock, and although she is coupled with a pretty cool guy in Scooter, she just bores me to tears with her single brain cell. Cecille is just a conniving bitch, and no one—not even her partner—trusts her. Having to watch her week after week is just not that interesting to a geek like me. Niels and Jennylee are sort of interesting to watch, if only because they bicker. But even that doesn’t make for the heartwarming TV I have come to expect when watching Beauty & The Geek. Hopefully my favorite team of Mario and Nadia can pull some heartstrings soon.
Who Let The Dogs Out?
The morning after the elimination room, Mike the host—yes, his name is Mike, I confirmed it…for some reason, I watched the credits, and it says it right there—“Hosted By: Mike Richards”—gathered the teams in the living room to tell them about their next challenges. He acknowledged that there were only 4 teams remaining, and quickly moved on to the task at hand. As with every reality television show, the time for a twist has arrived, so Mike let all the teams know what was coming. Today, the teams are all going to have an extra member added to their teams. Nadia, who is sweet but clueless, didn’t understand, and said so with a loud “Wait…What??” Really, she’s scared that perhaps former contestants will be coming back for…wait for it…REVENGE! As twists go, it’s not that interesting, though, and when they introduced the new teammates, they brought in 4 dogs. Yep, all four teams will get a dog for their next challenges. Mario and Nadia picked the Golden Retriever, Nate and Cecille got a Chihuahua, Scooter and Megan chose the Dachshund, and Niels and Jennylee got stuck with the ugly English Bulldog. What challenge could include a dog you ask? Well, for the guys they are going to go out in a dog park to meet women and get as many phone numbers as they can. For the girls, they will have to learn to use tools in order to build a doghouse for their new teammate.
What’s Jenny’s Number Again?
The geeks all headed out to a local dog park to participate in their challenge, where they are supposed to approach women and get as many phone numbers as possible. Whoever has the most numbers at the end of the day wins the challenge. Each geeks’ partner will be watching on wireless monitors nearby. Now, correct me if I’m wrong, but something will seem awry at this park where 4 guys will be running around with dogs and camera crews following them. I know I’d think something was weird. Anyway, the geeks all tried hard to get phone numbers. Like Scooter—he always said he preferred older women, and he meant it. Every woman he talked to looked like she had one foot in the grave. One of the old cronies even looked like she might beat him with her cane. Scooter even approached older women who were obviously with their significant others. Niels was trying hard, too, but he wasn’t willing to use any of the advice Jennylee had given him. Instead, Niels used his own strategy for endearing himself to women. He would walk up to a woman and ask her if there was a Starbucks nearby. When the woman pointed out the obviousness that there is a Starbucks on every other block, Niels would pounce with his “gotcha” line and say “Great! You’re my new tour guide!” It didn’t work…not even on the 50 year old cougar who was prowling the park for younger men. Mario seemed like the only geek that was having success, and he had an ingenious approach. He would talk to girls and tell them he was new to the area, then he would ask for their phone numbers, telling them that it would really help his self esteem if they would give it to him. One girl even gave him her sister’s phone number. It was pure geek genius!! Taking a page from the Cecille handbook, Nate saw Mario’s success and decided to hone in on the same group of girls that he had seen Mario with. Yeah, he’ll do anything to secure a win for his conniving teammate. I’m surprised all of the same girls were so willing to give out their phone numbers to another complete stranger. They must be desperate. In the end, it was a showdown between Nate and Mario, and both were working hard to get extra phone numbers. As time ran out, both geeks approached a group of girls and desperately solicited their phone numbers. Mike called time and gathered the teams to tell them the results. With 7 phone numbers, Nate was the winner.
Who’ll Be In The Doghouse?
The next morning it was time for the beauties’ challenge. The geeks had all worked with their beauties the night before, showing them how to use the tools. Scooter was confident in Megan, even going so far as to call her smart. What mansion has this guy been living in, and how did he get an alternate universe Megan in there without any of the cameras seeing it? Anyway, Mike gathered the girls in a set design studio where it was apparently hotter than the surface of Mercury, and the beauties were all sweating their task hard. The all took their places in front of doghouse kits without any instructions, and were told to begin building their doghouses. They had one hour to build the house and decorate it. Cecille, who was the only beauty that wasn’t sweating the outcome of this challenge, was the most carpentry challenged. She didn’t really care, though, and ended up putting her house together with double sided tape. She didn’t even put the roof on and instead used a lightweight piece of material to cover the house, giving it a convertible quality. The other girls were all working hard to win this challenge. Nadia was making mistakes left and right…not using the right nails, forgetting to glue the wood together, that sort of thing. Jennylee and Megan were really the most adept with their tools and house design. Jennylee got her house together for the most part, and painted it to kind of look like Snoopy’s doghouse from the Peanuts comics. Megan also had her doghouse built…including a few shingles on the roof, and she decorated her house with an eclectic look…pink exterior walls, black roof, and flowers near the door. After Mike told everyone to put their hammers down, the judge analyzed each house for structural integrity and design. Even with Jennylee’s sturdy building and classic decoration, Megan built the best doghouse according to the judge, and her and Scooter are safe from the elimination room. And since there are only 4 teams left and two of those have immunity, it will be Niels and Jennylee facing off against Mario and Nadia in the elimination chamber this week.
Now that Nate has to face Jennylee’s possible departure again, he has decided that he is going to work a little faster than his usual pace and actually make a move on his crush. She has been giving him blatant signals the entire time they have been in the mansion, and it’s about time he did something about it. I mean, really, if a beautiful girl is constantly hugging you for more than 5 minutes at a time, rubbing your back, and gazing deeply into your eyes, it means she wants you to kiss her! It only took me 2 days to see the signs when my now wife was making the googly eyes at me…Nate’s had at least two weeks. So, after another marathon hugging and slow dancing to no music session for Nate and Jennylee, the geek finally got past his shyness and disbelief that a girl like Jennylee could fall for a guy like him, and laid one on her. And whaddya know…she returned the liplock and did so happily, if not giddily. Now, if she doesn’t return from elimination, at least Nate will have something to remember her by.
Win And Your IN!
It’s finally time to find out who the final three couples will be…who will join Nate and Cecille and Scooter and Megan?? Will it be the always bickering Niels and Jennylee? Or will the sweet couple who always encourages each other—Mario and Nadia—pull out an elimination room win? The two couples meet Mike in the chamber and, as always, the ladies go head to head first. Jennylee picks a number, and her first question is a visual one. She is asked to identify a circular saw from a picture with 4 different saws in it. She chose correctly, and was off to a good start. In Nadia’s first question, Mike asks what type of tool have the styles of claw, ballpeen, and sledge. Without hesitation, Nadia answers correctly with “Hammers.” Jennylee was next asked what the only house in the fairy tale “The Three Little Pigs” that wasn’t blown down made out of? She again answers correctly, saying it was made out of brick. Jennylee has answered every question she has fielded in elimination rounds correctly. Nadia must answer correctly to keep pace with her counterpart. Mike asks her what the initials “GC” stand for in the construction industry. Again, without hesitation, Nadia answers correctly by saying “General Contractor.” It’s tied 2-2 and headed into the geek round.
Niels gets to pick first, and his question is “What military like term refers to a friend that goes out with you and helps you to meet women?” Duh! It’s a wingman, and Niels got it right. Mario’s first question asks him what the formal term for a restaurant’s wine steward is. This question is right up his alley, and he gets it right…the term is sommelier. Niels’ second question is to state the medical term for stale or foul breath. Of course a geek is going to know a medical term, and Niels doesn’t disappoint…it’s halitosis. Now, all the pressure is on Mario…he must answer correctly to send the game to a tie breaker. He’s not nervous…other than constantly having to mop his brow with a Kleenex. His question: What is the term that refers to your date duplicating your body language, or adopting your speaking rhythm? Mario answers “Mimicing,” but that is incorrect. The correct answer is another “M” word…mirroring. Mario and Nadia are eliminated.
It’s a shame. Mario and Nadia were my favorite team, and really seemed to be the only team that was working together and for the benefit of each other. A teary eyed Nadia was really proud of the progress her teammate Mario had made over the course of their stay at the mansion, and is certain they will remain friends outside of the game. Mario, who was intimidated by his partner at first, now feels like Nadia is like a cousin or sister to him, and will always be his friend.
Be sure to tune in next week when the remaining three couples will be down on the farm, and Megan gets farted on by a cow. I can’t wait.
Doing my best to stay out of the doghouse: email@example.com