Here we go again with another episode of Beauty and the Geek! I’ve been trying to reconcile my inner geek and my inner cool-guy-writer-for-a reality-TV-website personas for several weeks now, but for some reason I can’t. I guess the problem is that the more I think about it, the more I realize that TV is my geeky side showing. I mean, the fact that I enjoy figuring out the optimal connections between my satellite receiver, my HDTV, and my surround sound stereo system, while also reveling in the high tech delivery of over 500 channels of television, and then writing about the shows I enjoy on a website that can be dialed up in households the world over is inherently geeky. And I’m OK with that.
Anyway, enough about my joy of geekiness, it’s time to recap the Vegas episode of Beauty and the Geek 2. Last week, Chris and Tristan were finally expelled from the house by Cher and Josh. Well, actually, Wes was the one who was judged to be the best speed dater and won the right to choose both teams for the elimination round, but Cher and Josh were the ones that were able to answer more questions than Chris and Tristan, thus removing them from the mansion. Oh yeah, and the geeks got makeovers, and a lot of body hair was removed. **insert painful scene of Ankur having his chest hair ripped out**
It’s Not You, It’s Me
As Cher and Josh head upstairs after sending Chris and Tristan home, Josh grins ear to ear expecting a hero’s welcome, and lots of cheers and yelling for their triumph. Unfortunately for him, his teammate is the female version of Chris…Cher is in the game for the wrong reasons. No one cheers or even expresses any happiness when they walk in the room. Josh is fully dejected, and says as much to Cher in the privacy of their room. She astutely points out that it’s not him that they don’t like, it is her. Cher has finally bought a clue.
The next day, Mike, our no-name host, gathers the teams in the library to give them their new study materials. This week the geeks are going to learn how to plan a good party. Most of them don’t look very excited at having to throw a party, and I know exactly how they are feeling. I, too, hate planning parties, because something always happens and my parties usually turn out lame. Hopefully my beauty can help me overcome that, though. Mike continues on and tells the girls that in their challenge, they are going to have to work with numbers, but not in a way they would expect. The producers are sending this crew to a place where big parties and big numbers collide. That’s right, they’re going to Vegas baby!!! Everyone is excited, and the girls are really freaking out—screaming, yelling, jumping up and down. I guess I would be too if I were getting a paid, VIP trip to Vegas with a bunch of new friends. Yeah, *mutters* I’d be screaming like a little girl who just got a brand new Barbie dream house, too. Karl is “Super duper excited” since he finally has one new outfit to wear. Why do I get the feeling Karl is going to become like Homer Simpson and wear the same outfit everyday? The bus is waiting outside for the teams, so they only have a little time to pack their most righteous outfits and get a move on.
Getting There is Half The Fun
The beauties and geeks are heading to Vegas to party and play at the Planet Hollywood Resort & Casino (There’s your plug, guys. Email my free room offer to firstname.lastname@example.org , ok?). The bus they are riding is also Planet Hollywood themed, and is truly a first class ride. On the ride to Vegas, Joe teaches all of the girls how to play Texas Hold ‘Em, and really gets his time in with the ladies. Joe is really showing his cool side to these beauties, but I get the feeling they mostly consider him “just a friend.” Sorry Joe, I know how it feels. However, his partner, Brittany, is really picking up a lot of poker knowledge from him. She seems to be the one that at least gets the rules and the gameplay. The rest of the geeks study their party planning materials, until the bus finally arrives in Las Vegas.
Doin’ The Geek Grind
Once inside the casino, do you think the once-geeks-now-playa’s study? Hell no! Everyone starts gambling, drinking, and dancing the night away! Why everyone is playing the slots is beyond me, though. I mean, really, why not just flush your money down the toilet? Same satisfaction of pulling the lever, but at least the casino isn’t getting your money. Actually, I wouldn’t put it past most casinos to have some kind of money trap on the drains in the toilets. Yeah, gross. The crew does some shots, and they all get their groove on and take over the dance floor. Josh is all excited because Cher and Sarah make him the meat in their Josh sandwich. He knows that what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, but he wants the whole world to know what happened to him there. Joe is also having a hell of a good time. He really likes the music the band is cranking out, and, since he is a part of a network television reality show, has the stones to ask if he can sit in for the band’s drummer. He gets up there and shows off his chops on the drum kit. From what I can see, he really can play, and the crowd eats it up.
As the night wears on, Wes and Cher are really grinding it out on the dance floor. Cher has always liked Wes, and she really wants to get to know him better. Josh is kinda jealous, but not really, since he doesn’t seem to like her in that way. At some point, the new couple leaves the rest of the group and heads back to Cher’s room for some dancin’ in the sheets.
You Might Lose The Shirt Off Your Back
The next day it is time for the beauties’ challenge. The teams gather in the high roller poker room at Planet Hollywood, and Mike, nameless host turned card dealer, informs the ladies that today they are going to be playing strip poker. Of course all of the geeks are excited, since the thought of seeing a naked lady is probably more than enough to satisfy most of them for the rest of their lives. Sarah is freaking out since she is in Vegas, and just happened to not wear a bra today. Her fear and the geeks’ excitement is short lived, however, as Mike informs the guys that the girls will not be gambling with their own clothes, but with the geeks’ clothes. Ohhh, exciting! Um, not.
So game on! The girls all ante up a piece of their partners’ clothing, and Mike starts dealing cards. Brittany is pretty excited and confident, since she really learned a lot from her partner Joe’s tutelage. She pulls an ace-three on the first hand and has a pair of aces in the flop. She has 3 of a kind, and since the other beauties don’t fully understand the game, she is able to win a lot of clothes in the very first hand. But soon Cher figures out how to use one of her greatest assets—lying and manipulation--by bluffing her way through the game. She figures if she just shows confidence in her cards, everyone will fold, and it is working for her. Soon several of the geeks are shirtless, and Karl asks if there is a zoo nearby…because there are all these pythons out (flexes non-existent muscles). Next, Jennipher bets Ankur’s pants, and the game really takes a turn for the funnier, because he is wearing tighty whitey’s, and he is no Marky Mark. The whole room has a huge laugh as Ankur strips down and shows off his “ass-ets” Cher continues to bluff her way to victory and eventually it is down to Cher and Brittany. The two play heads up hold ‘em, and eventually the 5 community cards on the table are 2 kings, 2 10’s and a queen. Cher has nothing in her hand, but decides to stick with her strategy of bluffing for the win. Because, you know, that’s what good poker players do. The whole time. Brittany stays in the game, and soon both ladies are all-in. Cher finally shows some doubt in her strategy, since she has squat in her hand. She shows her jack-8, and prays that Brittany can’t beat it. Unfortunately for her, Brittany has a king and a queen in her hand, and she wins it all with a full house.
Brittany is very proud of herself since she learned the game and the intricacies so quickly. Joe is also very happy for Brittany, since he taught her and she is his partner. So, Joe and Brittany are immune from going to the elimination round, and they get to pick a team for possible elimination.
Party People In The House
Now it is time for the geeks’ challenge. They have been given materials on how to plan a great party, and now they must get as many women as possible to come up to a party in their rooms. They are all given a bunch of invitations and set loose inside the Planet Hollywood. Josh is going from person to person with his Woody Allen demeanor and basically just asking as many people as he can. Ankur is taking a similar approach, but is mostly asking older women(read: senior citizens) and even couples. He figures, hey, they’re women at least, even if they bring their significant others. Joe, who is immune from elimination because of his partner, is trying to help another team secure the win. He is working as Wes’ “wing man”, having Wes approach ladies, and then Joe swoops in to help close the deal. Karl is in total Butthead mode. He is also approaching a lot of people to tell them about the “awesome” party they are having in his room tonight.
Soon the parties start. Karl and Danielle think that people will probably show up late for the party, because that’s what people do in Vegas. However, their room is absolutely dead for party hour. Joe and Brittany are also sitting by themselves, even though they have a great spread of things that Brittany can’t pronounce. Joe recites some statistics for Brittany regarding response to flyers. Yeah, way to liven it up, Joe. For some reason, they don’t even show us Wes and Sarah’s party. Must not have been hopping either. Ankur and Jennipher are having quite the shindig, though, and so are Cher and Josh. Ankur is being a very good host and greeting everyone at the door. Jennipher is just glad that he isn’t farting and burping. I imagine their guests feel the same way. And the camera man. Cher and Josh’s party really seems to be happening. Josh is a social butterfly as the host, and drinks are flowing. Josh almost even gets a phone number from one of the ladies that attends his party, since she is also a big Woody Allen fan. But she shoots him down gently by telling him if it’s meant to be, they’ll meet again in LA.
The geeks take leave of their parties…or non-parties as the case may be…to head downstairs and find out the victor in the challenge. Mike tells them they have the totals, and the loser, with 0 guests at his party, is Karl. He’s happy to pull up the rear. The winner, with 14 women at his party, is Josh. He is totally surprised, since he believed he had a better shot at winning a million dollars in Vegas over winning this challenge. He asks Mike if he is sure he is the winner over and over. Josh finally accepts his victory and heads upstairs to tell Cher. He asks her who she thought won the party challenge, and of course she thinks her hot geek Wes was the winner. No, Josh tells her, he won!!! They jump up and down to celebrate their immunity.
Back To Reality…TV
After their stint in Vegas, all of the teams are back at the mansion and getting ready to find out who will be up for elimination. Josh is happy that he is the one who really has the choice for once, but he is wary of his partner’s feelings for Wes. Josh wants to send Wes and Sarah to the elimination room, but he knows that Cher and Wes might have a burgeoning romance. He asks her for her opinion, but instead of telling Josh her feelings, Cher just poutily says she will go along with whatever he chooses.
Downstairs, Mike gathers the teams to find out who is going to the elimination room. First, Brittany and Joe get to choose one of the three possible teams for the challenge. Brittany chooses Ankur and Jennipher. Next, Josh has his chance to possibly eliminate Wes from everybody’s radar. However, for some weird reason, he picks Karl and Danielle. You gotta question these decisions. Neither of these teams has won one single challenge!! And Wes doesn’t need any help to be a cool guy, and Sarah’s is no dummy either. Anyway, the two selected teams will face off in the elimination room.
Ankur and Jennipher—with Ankur dressed to the nines in a stylish old school pink tuxedo jacket—and Karl and Danielle meet Mike in the elimination chamber for tonight’s challenge. As always, the ladies will go first, and the geeks head to the library to watch the girls answer their questions. First, Jen is asked how many cards there are in a standard deck of cards. She answers correctly with 52. Next, Danielle is asked to identify and name the winning hand out of 4 poker hands. She incorrectly calls 2 pair a full house, and can’t identify the flush that was the correct answer. Jen again answers correctly when she is able to tell Mike that there are 13 ranks in each suit in a deck of cards. Danielle’s next question is “what 2 numbers can an ace represent in Blackjack?” She misses probably the easiest question of the night by saying it can be a 2 or a king. What the hell? Weren’t you just in Vegas playing Blackjack? Time to work on the info retention skills honey. Jen’s final question is to identify the fraction representing the best odds. She picks 1/3, but the correct answer is 2/5. Now Danielle has a chance to at least get her team on the board. She is asked what the highest number on a standard roulette wheel is. She answers way incorrectly with 99, when the answer is 36. The score is 2-0 in favor of Jennipher and Ankur.
Next it is the guys chance to compete. They will answer questions on party planning. Ankur goes first, and is asked what RSVP means in French. He responds correctly, but I don’t speak French, so I am not going to write out the phrase. It means to respond, please. Karl must answer correctly to stay in the game. His question: “This term refers to an all night dance event where DJs and others play electronic dance music.” He isn’t sure, but he guesses “A Rave”, and is right! Ankur can now eliminate Karl and Danielle by answering correctly. He is asked how many alcoholic drinks he can expect each guest to drink in the first 2 hours of a party? He answers incorrectly with 4 drinks per guest. The correct answer is 2 drinks in the first 2 hours. Again, Karl is on the verge of elimination. He is shown a picture of P. Diddy, and asked what his real name is. Karl is clutch again, and answers with Sean Combs. Ok, so Ankur must answer correctly to claim the win for his team. His question: What is the term used when a host pays for all the drinks at a party? Oh come on! If you miss this Ankur, you have obviously never been to a good wedding. He must have been to one of those good weddings, because he knows that it is called and open bar—my favorite!
Karl and Danielle are eliminated from the show. The two couples hug goodbye, and Mike tells Ankur and Jennipher how bittersweet this must be, since they were such good friends.
Karl tells us how much he has changed since he came on the show. He thinks he will be able to more easily approach women now, but he will still be the same old Karl who likes to play Dungeons and Dragons with his friends, although he will probably try to move the games to a Wednesday night instead of a Friday or Saturday. Danielle believes there shouldn’t even be a word like “geek” in the English language. She thinks that people are just individuals, and we should leave it at that. They hug goodbye, and leave the mansion.
There it is. There are only 4 couples remaining in the mansion, and Butthead has left the building. I am really looking forward to next week, when the girls will be asking the geeks out on dates, and the geeks get to do a lingerie photo shoot with each of their beauties. Did someone say lingerie?
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