Ahhhh, it’s Geek time again. One of my favorite times of the week, when I can let my inner geek out, make fun of people that are more stupid than me, and perhaps even learn something new about being less geeky. Just in case you need to be brought up to speed—and what I really mean to say is in case this is your first time watching one of the most charming and funny shows with the name Ashton Kutcher attached to it—this is a show about growing. 8 beautiful but sometimes IQ challenged young ladies are each teamed up with 8 brainy, geeky, and totally socially challenged young men and every week the teams are faced with tasks that challenge their knowledge of a world rarely experienced—that of their teammate. If that doesn’t help, watch the introduction every week where the beauties are on display in all their glory, and the geeks are likewise put into uncomfortable, geeky poses such as Ankur, who must wince every week when the opening credits run and he sees himself in an obviously posed-by-the-camera-guy squat with the NKOTB chin scratch going on.
Last week on B&tG 2, Chris and Tristan again escaped elimination much to the chagrin of the other teams. After the boys attempted to show good taste in interior decorating by designing an appealing bedroom, Joe was awarded the prize of best interior decorator and given the power to pick one couple for the face off. On the girls side, Cher was the quickest to pick up the difference between male and female cable ends, and was able to set up a computer, download a song, and rip the song to a usable CD before any of the others. She too got the power to pick another team to go to the challenge round. After Joe picked team Nixon(Tristan and Chris) and Cher picked Team Rubik’s Cube(Thais and Tyson), the teams faced off. Chris and Tristan barely squeaked by, beating Thais and Tyson with, ironically, the help of Josh, who happened to remind Chris of Ty Pennington’s name earlier in the day.
Once again Tristan and Chris are returning victoriously from the challenge round, and once again, Tristan is feeling weird because it seems like no one wants her around. Her and Cher don’t get along, but other than that, the only person it seems like no one wants around in Tristan’s partner, the young Harold Ramis looking Chris. When the team enters the room where the other teams are waiting, Danielle leaps up in joy to see Tristan return. Cher, on the other hand, seems bummed that she has still not gotten rid of them. Cher confesses to Ankur and the rest of the world that she is indeed in this for the money. She wants to win so that she no longer has to work 3 jobs. I hate to tell you Cher, but $125,000 BEFORE taxes doesn’t go very far in today’s world. It’s really not that many Wendy’s Jr. Bacon Cheeseburgers. Cher also notices that none of the guys really seem to be on this show for the money. Well, no one except for Chris, who has been playing the game since the beginning. Hmm, if only Cher and Chris had teamed up originally. Most of the guys are there for the experience, money be damned. Ankur is a great example. He admits that before he came on the show he could never dream about approaching women. His hope is that after the show, he will, and that will be his biggest prize.
Josh is in a similar situation. Even though his partner, Cher, has made it totally clear that she wants to win the money, Josh just wants to get over his fear of beautiful women…and hot tubs. He feels that there are challenges that are part of the game, but moreso “Josh challenges” that he wants to win everyday. He seems scared to take off his robe in front of everyone and actually get in the hot tub. But he does at least come outside and soak his feet in the tub while everyone else is in there. Baby steps, Josh, baby steps.
The Dating Game
Mike, our semi-anonymous host, gathers the teams the next morning to face the teams with their next challenge. Since the geeks are not all that great at dating—the understatement of the year—this week they will learn all about how to act on a date. For the beauties, their “challenge” is to give their geek a complete makeover to help him win their challenge. This week, that is more important than ever, since the winning geek will get to pick BOTH teams going to the challenge round. Mike doesn’t talk about the actual challenge for the guys though, so I must now imagine that it is something along the lines of picking up women in public, in front of the cameras, much to our delight.
All of the teams head to the store to the delight of all of the ladies. **Stereotype alert!!!** It seems that women love to shop! Love it. All of the ladies have mile-wide smiles as they enter the store. The geeks, however, all admit that they need serious help on the shopping front. None of them seem to have any fashion sense. I’ve seen priests with better fashion sense than these guys. Josh, one of the most seriously fashion challenged, can’t even find many men’s clothes that fit him. He claims to be small and petite. I think the words he’s looking for are actually short and bony. Whatever. The men’s clothes don’t fit him. So he starts trying on women’s jeans, and then he starts to question his manhood as only Woody Allen could. “They say that clothes make the man, so does this mean I’m actually a woman?” It very well might mean that.
Soon the teams arrive at the beauty salon. Each Beauty gives instructions to the stylists as to exactly what they want to see for their geek. Some will just receive haircuts and styles, while others—Ankur most notably—will have a ton of hair waxed off of their bodies. Even Ankur admits he’s a super hairy guy. Wait, that might be the understatement of the year. The stylist finally waxes Ankur’s unibrow, and most of the rest of his body. After going through all of the waxing pain, Ankur asks for one of the hairy paper strips as a souvenir. Yeah, keep that on your mantle…that’ll really keep the ladies coming back. Chris is also in on the act, since they decided to wax his chest hair off. Which I can’t understand at all…who waxes peach fuzz?
The Big Reveal
Once all of the shopping, haircutting, and painful waxing is done, it is time for all of the ladies to view their handiwork. They all wait for each geek to show off their new, stylish selves to them. First Mike introduces Karl. The ladies scream as Karl makes a couple of Austin Powers “Grrs” and claws and paws like a tiger. He has lost the glasses, and Danielle had the stylist really un-grunge his hair. He looks pretty darn good. Next, Ankur makes his grand entrance. He backs into the room, and spins around to reveal that he now has 2 eyebrows, almost no chest hair, and a really great formal yet casual outfit. Joe is next, and he comes in with a giant smile on his face. His clothes look retro yet hip, his hair is a lot shorter and without his glasses he almost looks like Jason Biggs of “American Pie” fame. Chris walks in next, looking cockier than ever. Really, Chris looks mostly the same, save for some new duds. I guess having a woman fawn over you and tell you what to wear means you should be even more of a dick. Next up is the always under confident Josh. He walks in with a loud “Grrrreetings!” and is met with smiles and screams from the peanut gallery. He has lost about 10 lbs of hair off of his head, nixed the sideburns, and looks awesome in his geeky yet hip duds. He is finally starting to gain some confidence. Finally, it’s Wes’ turn. Wait…who the hell is Wes? Have we heard one word from him since the first episode? Oh yeah, Wes…the guy who writes on walls with blood. Seriously, Wes, out of all the geeks, is the one with the least need for help. Cher reveals that she has always thought Wes was the best looking of the guys since the beginning, as have the rest of the ladies. Wes looks fine…no more glasses, much shorter hair, and some non-nerdy clothes.
The Rest of the Challenge
After a night of studying how to act on a date and getting some much needed rest, the teams are brought out to a restaurant/bar somewhere near the mansion. Today the geeks will get a chance to show off their new look and test their book knowledge on dating by participating in Speed Dating. There are 3 other women who will meet each geek for 5 minutes, and then rate them on their skills. First, some tips from their partners. Josh is told not to make with the wild hand mannerisms, and Ankur is instructed to not eat the snacks, as it will make his breath stink.
Soon, the 3 ladies climb the stairs to start the first shift of speed dates. Downstairs, the beauties get to watch all of the geeks on individual monitors for each geek. Man, if I knew I was being watched like that on any date, I know I’d be cracking under the pressure. First up for the geeks are Josh, Ankur, and Wes. They all do pretty well, with Wes really standing out as the most comfortable. Ankur brings up his robot background with one dater, and she is put off since she is a-scared of robots and fears they will take over the world, like in the movies. Josh’s nervousness trumps everything, and Cher winces everytime his geekiness shows. But they all make it through without too much pain.
Next, Chris, Karl, and Joe get a shot. Danielle is very scared for Karl, since he isn’t always a man of many words. Karl delivers on her fears, and just doesn’t have much to say. Chris, on the other hand, felt confident going into the dates since he thinks he’s got game when it comes to picking up women. If his skills are good, man, I oughta be a huge player. He sucks! Plus he forgets that the cameras are on him and that Tristan can see and hear everything he is saying. One dater asks him if he likes his Beauty, and he admits to her that he doesn’t. He digs his grave a lot deeper by telling the girl that he is happy to get to talk to a smart woman for once. Oh no you didn’t! Tristan is snapping mad sitting downstairs, and starts to spit fire in Chris’ general direction.
After the final round of speed dates, the teams once again gather to find out the winner. Mike assures the geeks that they all did really well, and that the competition was really, really, really close. Really. The second place finisher is the geek who has never been on a date…Ankur! And in first place, the least dorky of the geeks, the geek with the most game, Wes. Wes and Sarah get to pick both teams for this weeks showdown!
A Showdown, But Not One That Sends Someone Home
Back at the mansion, it’s time for Tristan to chew Chris up and spit him out. He hasn’t even apologized for saying what he did during the speed dates. When she confronts him, he finally apologizes, but tells Tristan he was merely trying to flatter the girl he was with. She’s not buying it, and gives him hell for flattering someone by putting someone else down. Yeah, Chris…you asshat. Chris does make a good point, however, when he asks Tristan why she is on the show. He was picked because he is socially awkward, and he isn’t insulted when he realizes that. She was picked because she’s beautiful yet “academically un-inclined.”—the politically correct way of calling someone dumb, I guess. Tristan is really going now, and starts to do the one thing that Chris can’t handle—cry.
Wes now has the power to choose both teams for tonight’s showdown. He and Sarah ruminate in their room over who to choose. It’s going to be a seriously hard choice for the monkey tracker(with lasers!), since he doesn’t want to send Tristan and Chris again, seeing as they’ve already won twice. He also doesn’t want to send Josh and Cher, since when they had the chance to choose, they didn’t pick Wes and Sarah. Since these are the only two teams they discuss, my guess is these are the exact two teams that are going to face off.
Down on the stairs, Mike asks for Wes’ decision. He explains that his choice is based on the teams who he thinks are on the show strictly to win the money, not for the growth experience. His first choice is Tristan and Chris. Tristan is already crying, and simply yells out “You have got to be kidding me!” Wes’ second choice is Josh and Cher. These two teams, already with some bad blood between them, will face off later that night. The geeks will be tested on dating. The beauties will have a pop quiz on anything they have learned up to this point.
Cry Me A River
Tristan seems like she has been crying almost the entire time she has been on the show. Coupled with Chris’s sweating, this team could end the drought in the Sahara desert. After the stair ceremony, she heads right into the bathroom and slams the door to cry some more. Danielle and Jen squeeze into the tiny room to try to console her, but it’s not really helping. Chris isn’t even thinking about the challenge, since he still feels bad about calling Tristan dumb. He wants to console Tristan, but he just doesn’t know how. Wait…isn’t one of his skills making homemade greeting cards? Wouldn’t this be the perfect moment for a poorly made card? Chris joins everyone in the kitchen already sweating up a storm. Not because of the challenge, but because he is going to apologize to his partner. He gives her one of his famous homemade card that says “I’m sorry I’m a social idiot and said some hurtful things…” on the front, and on the inside it says “…Now let’s go kick some butt!” and has a picture of a foot kicking a butt. Awww!
Third Times A Charm
The teams meet up in the foyer, as Mike welcomes them to the challenge. The ladies are going first, and as he leaves, Chris assures Tristan that she’ll do great, and they will go 3 for 3 in challenges. Tristan chooses her first question, and is asked what the IRS stands for as related to the US government. She has no idea that it is Internal Revenue Service. Next, Cher is asked what USB stands for as far as computers are concerned. I’m thinking it stand for place to plug in computer stuff. She answers correctly with Universal Serial Bus. Tristan is next asked to name 3 of the first 5 presidents of the United States. She picks George Washington, John Adams, and Thomas Jefferson, and is correct. Can anyone name the other 2? Next Cher is asked to name 1 current US Supreme Court Justice. She names the second freshest Justice, John Roberts. Another politics question for Tristan—Name the two houses of the US Congress. She answers correctly with The Senate and The House of Representatives. For Cher’s final question, she is asked for the 4 letter word used to describe the small pictures on a computer desktop that link to software, etc. She looks rattled, but she is able to correctly answer icon.
Next, the geeks are up. Tristan looks as if she has already given up as she leaves the room. Chris goes first, and his question is “What is the last name of a famous 18th century Italian adventurer that is used to describe a man that seduces women.” I would have had to read the study materials to get this one, because I thought it was Don Juan, but isn’t he Spanish? Chris answers “lothario”, but is incorrect. The correct answer is Cassanova. Josh’s first question is to name 3 of the 4 taboo subjects to discuss on a first date. He answers correctly with politics, religion, and ex-boyfriends/girlfriends. Chris now must answer correctly to stay in the game. His question is “What date is Valentine’s Day?” He doesn’t know right off the bat, and is torn between the 14th and the 16th. He rationalizes that St. Patrick’s Day is March 16th(he has obviously never made any funny St. Patty’s day cards), so he answers February 14th. He is correct. (I’m glad I know that, or my fiancé would kill me!) Josh can now win the match with a correct answer. According to the study materials, if a first date is going well, when should you arrange the next date? He thinks about it out loud, and answers correctly by saying “during the first date.” Josh is overwhelmed that he got it right and that he and Cher have beaten Chris and Tristan. Finally, Chris and Tristan are heading home! Unfortunately, they are gone right when Chris is starting to figure out what this show is all about. Chris realizes that he came into the game a little too intense, and he needs to just relax and have fun. Tristan is overwhelmed by the entire experience. She came in expecting to be with a bunch of snobby girls and geeky guys, but ended up loving everyone in the house.
So there you have it! The house is finally rid of Chris and Tristan can go home and hopefully let her eyes recover from all the crying she has done. Josh is finally getting some confidence, and Cher is one step closer to winning, like, $85,000.
Be sure to tune in next week when the beauties and the geeks head to Las Vegas for a little strip poker, and Cher and Wes grind it out on the dance floor!
Already a stylish geek! firstname.lastname@example.org