...And the Ass in Asshat
Howdy and hello! Welcome to season 2 of Beauty and the Geek! I’m sure you are all wondering if this season will be as unexpectedly pleasing as Richard vs. Chuck in the first round. That’s right, we don’t know for sure if there will be a rivalry like that ever again. But Ashton Kutcher wasn’t about to prevent us from getting our fill of Richard and his neurotically wacky, self-confidant self promotion. That’s why they gave us the casting special. Personally, I could hardly watch, simply because it seems like Richard, after gaining the uneasy spotlight as king of the geek dorks, has cultivated a greater air of ridiculous showmanship, and I just couldn’t take it. I have the gene that makes me feel embarrassed for others when I see them acting like attention whores for the camera.
New Beauties, New Geeks, New Neuroses!
Ahh, stereotypes! The great thing about them is that they make it easy to classify people for reality tv shows. The geeks are all truly that…geeks! One is a Rubik’s Cube champion solver, another gets so nervous around women, he pulls out the ole “social trogolodyte” excuse. Who uses the word ‘troglodyte’ you might ask? Yep, geeks like me! A couple of the geeks, though, really look like they could, with a little help, easily escape the geek stereotype and someday aspire to be ladies men.
The beauties are typical just like last season too. One rates her IQ as a “C”. Somewhere in the 3.5 range. Another can’t spell Wednesday, and another likes books with lots of pictures.
These 8 geeks and 8 beauties will be split into teams of two, and are expected to teach each other what they know….the geeks teaching their brain smarts, the beauties teaching their cool, social knowledge. From the obligatory introductory snapshot, it looks like this season will be full of beauty, geekery, and most of all, personal growth.
Just like last season, the geeks are introduced to the house everyone will be staying in, and sequestered in a room separate from the beauties. They are impressed with their surroundings. They are told that the reason they are there is because of their brilliant minds. They are about to embark on a journey with a partner…a female partner that, compared to them, is not so brilliant. They do possess knowledge in other areas, though…social areas. In the end, the team that learns the most from each other will walk away with $250,000.
The women are all out back, waiting for the guys to come introduce themselves individually, and then each woman will pick their geek. Brandon, an assistant neurobiologist who is also interested in chess goes first. He nervously goes out by the pool, introduces himself to the beauties, and goes inside by the stairs to wait for his beauty. Tristan, the blonde shopping goddess, comes in and introduces herself and they go upstairs to choose a room. She is already showing her cheerleader ways when they pick the room with the aquarium and she squares up with her hands over her head and let’s out a loud “Wooo!” Next, Ankur, an MIT graduate with almost too much self-confidence for a geek, does his intro. Do you own a duct tape bowtie? You might be a geek too. His bowtie catches the eye of Jennipher, since she believes that if he can make that, he might be able to make her a cool belt too. You mean you want to have an accessory to match that tie? Now Tyson heads out. He is a Rubik’s Cube champion, and can solve the cube blindfolded. Now that’s a skill for the real world! He demonstrates by having one beauty mix up the cube for him. He takes a second to remember the layout, puts it behind his back, and with some freaky, “Rain Man” kinda power, he solves the puzzle!! Amazing. The beauty Thais is clearly intrigued by his attention to detail, and they head upstairs to pick a room. Christopher comes out next, wearing a T-shirt that says “I put the stud in study”. I like the shirt. But I like all of those types of puns. I’m a geek…did I mention that? He also likes to make homemade greeting cards, and he reads one for the ladies. It is for the occasion of your girlfriend cheating on you. It says “I hope you’re happy” with a smiley face on the front. Inside, it says “because you ruined my life, you bitch!” Honestly, I don’t know what to think. He goes inside to sweat like Nixon at the Kennedy debate to wait for Amanda. The neurotic mess Josh heads out next. He walks through the curtain, sees the ladies and immediately walks back inside. He is having an anxiety attack at the mere thought of being on display in front of women. He eventually comes back out and gives his Woody Allen-like introduction. Cher feels like she could really help him gain confidence, comes in to take him upstairs. Karl comes out and grins and “Uhhhs” like Beavis and Butthead, but eventually tells the remaining ladies that he is a scientist and really likes playing Dungeons and Dragons with his buddies. Danielle chooses him, because he kinda looks like Napolean Dynamite, and you know, that’s cool to look like a celebrity. Next is Joe. He has pretty big hair, and kinda looks like a young Harold Ramis or Zach Braff with a crazy 70’s wig on. He is a speed chess champion and a graduate student. Brittany and Sarah play Rock, Scissors, Paper for the last 2 guys, and Brittany wins, although Sarah really thought that rock crushes paper. The beauty stereotype is fulfilled! Brittanny and Joe head upstairs, and the last guy, Wes, comes out and introduces himself to Sarah. She feels he is the least geeky of the geeks, and they will do well together.
Gettin’ to Know You…
Inside, the house is all abuzz with the new partnerships introducing themselves to each other and everyone getting to meet everyone that is there. Tyson has brought 5 Rubik’s Cubes with him “just in case.” Better to have it and not need it than need it and not have it, I guess. The geeks use their manly muscles to help the ladies get their luggage collections up the stairs to the bedrooms. Then, the chess playing starts up, and the ladies try to act interested. They really aren’t, until someone brings up the idea of hitting the hot tub. Tyson, Josh, and Joe stay out of the tub party, but for very different reasons. Tyson simply stays out, but hangs out tub side. Josh feels like he needs to take baby steps toward the hot tub, and wishes they had a kiddie pool out there so he could try that and graduate to the hot tub later. Joe feels he is the most muscularly cut guy there, and doesn’t want to intimidate the others with his fine physique. “A couple weeks” worth of lifting weights doesn’t make a body builder, Joe.
Later in the house, Ankur is being assaulted by the Beauty Anti-Hair squad who want to pluck his eyebrows to eliminate his unibrow. Ankur wants nothing to do with it…he feels that he shouldn’t have to comply with the norm of having two eyebrows or other hair in weird places. Is this foreshadowing? I see an eyebrow wax in a couple of geeks’ futures.
Eventually, bedtime rolls around. Most of these geeks are sharing a bed/bedroom with a woman for the first time ever. Josh is so nervous at the thought of a beautiful woman right across the room from him that he decides to go sleep in the closet. I’m thinking that’s a completely different show altogether. When Cher comes back from the shower, she is hurt to find out that she makes Josh that nervous.
The Morning After
The next morning, everyone is thinking the same thing…”What the hell did I get myself into?” The geeks can’t believe they have all of these beautiful women around them getting ready for the day. The beauties can’t believe there are all of these nerdy, geeky guys walking around in their underwear, or worse yet, with their shirts off. It’s like a live view into Lamda Lamda Lamda from “Revenge of the Nerds.” At the breakfast table, the conversation quickly turns to “What would you do if…” and Brandon asks what the ladies would do if they were approached by the likes of the geeks in everyday life. It all boils down to confidence. Women love it, and geeks lack it. But really, Tristan points out that everyone here is nervous. The geeks need to realize that they can’t feel like and show the feeling that they are being judged all the time. That is rule number one.
After breakfast, all eight couples meet up with the host—Have they even said this guys name?—and find out that their first challenge starts now. Each team will take turns answering questions. Upon their turn, each couple must decide which partner will answer the question before they hear the question. Answer wrong, and you are out. The last team standing will get to switch players on any two teams, including their own. Thais is immediately concerned, because she feels her and Tyson are the team to beat.
Amanda and Chris go first, and Chris decides that he should answer for them. He is able to identify Danielle Steele from a list of her novels and a picture of her. Jennipher and Ankur go next, and Jennipher cannot recall the name John Kerry when shown a picture and told he lost the last presidential election. Common knowledge. They are out. Danielle and Karl are next, and Danielle can’t name two Major League Baseball teams in California. Her answer? The Red Sox. Boston is East coast, Danielle. Next, Brandon answers for him and Tristan. He is able to recall that Jennifer Aniston has never been engaged to Ben Affleck. Thais and Tyson go next, and he luckily read one of Thais’ magazines earlier that day, and knows that Gwyneth Paltrow named her first born child Apple. Next, Josh and Cher are up. Josh fields the question, and mismatches Ralph Lauren for Yves St. Laurent in a “fill in the blank” question. Now Wes and Sarah get to answer. Wes is unable to identify Kelly Clarkson as the first “American Idol” winner. Even I knew that, and I don’t even watch AI. Joe and Brittany are the final couple in the first round. Brittany has to identify a type of screwdriver. She didn’t even know there were different types of screwdrivers, and answers with “handheld screwdriver.” No, it was a phillips head…the most basic of tools.
Round 2 is Thais and Tyson, Brandon and Tristan, and Amanda and Chris. Chris takes the reins, and pisses just about everyone including his teammate off by insisting he answer the questions. He is able to name Ted Danson’s character on Cheers as Sam Malone. He finally realizes that he has just put his team in the spotlight, and they will likely be the first team on the block. Tyson answers for his team, and he cannot identify Gwen Stefani as the lead singer of No Doubt. So it is up to Brandon. If he can identify the father of Brittany Spears’ baby, there will be another round. If not, Chris and Amanda get the power. He is unable to pull the name “Kevin Federline” out of the air, and simply answers with his name, Brandon Blankenship. Chris and Amanda win the power to split couples up.
King of the Castle
Chris (oh yeah, and Amanda) calls everyone into a room and begins interrogating and snobbily judging people based on where they went to school. Josh calls it by saying “pack your bags, Chris is taking us all on a power trip.” Chris and Amanda leave to go discuss their decision. Chris is clearly playing the game from the get go, instead of realizing that this is a growing experience, not a power trip. After discussing their best move for awhile, the couple heads down to face the other couples. Chris makes the announcement that the first couple they have decided to change is… Amanda steps in to say “us.” Yep, I imagine these two had a falling out over making any changes at all, and Amanda wanted out of this freaky, game players team.
Unfortunately, Ashton Kutcher is going to keep us waiting until next week to find out the other team that will change. Yes, this is the end of the premiere episode of “Beauty and the Geek 2.” Be sure to tune in next week for geeks singing and dancing!
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