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Thread: Ed - Bachelorette 5

  1. #6121
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    Re: Ed - Bachelorette 5

    Quote Originally Posted by omagirl;3651245;
    I think to compare Ed to Jeffrey Dahmer, a murderer is reflective of what we need to get away from. It is uncalled for, unecessary and very mean spirited. Rumors and a rag like US weekly does not the truth make. Give them some space.

    I dont know Ed , jillian or the two girls but I know that it is important to share an opinion with civilty and keep away from uncalled meaness.
    Omagirl - you missed my point.

    I was not comparing Ed to Jeffrey Dahmer. I merely pointed out that being good looking and charming doesn't absolve a person from any sort of wrong doing.

    Also, I doubt that the Lindsey and Bethany consider their story RUMORS. They have concrete proof in emails and texts from Ed, and they are date stamped.

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    Re: Ed - Bachelorette 5

    Leaving the tv show aspect out of it...say you were on a business trip for two months in a different city, you met a guy also on a business trip to the same city, you meet up, date each other, the guy goes back to his hometown for two weeks while you remain there, he proposes to you a few weeks later, then once you return home, you start hearing rumors of what he may have been doing with other girls when he was gone for those two weeks, start hearing of text messages he made during the time you were with him, hear rumors of what he may have been doing a short time after proposing to you. What would you think? Would you stay with the guy without question or would you start questioning everything about him? Are you going to believe that he really loves you? Heck of a way to start an engagement if you ask me. Why would you even want to stay with this guy?

  3. #6123
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    Re: Ed - Bachelorette 5

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Bloomers
    Agree with all of this; however, there is a predominant tendency to just blame Ed in all of this. Although his actions are indeed deplorable, he is not the only one who is at fault here.
    Unfortunately, if we are honest, Lindsey and Bethany allowed themselves to become victims. When Ed decided to go on a dating show where he would be one suitor of 25-30 for 1 woman for whatever reason he gave, Lindsey should have intuitively understood that he wasn't as in love with her as he should be.
    When he spoke of a spin-off where he would be the man with 25 women pursuing him, as much as it hurt Lindsey, at that point she should have told herself that Ed was not in love with her regardless of what he said. His actions were speaking louder than his words.

    I am appalled that Bethany allowed Ed to speak to her in the manner that he did. That is simply unconscionable and
    unacceptable. As a well-educated woman of the next generation, I would say to her to never allow a man to speak to her in such a disrespectful manner as is she were a woman of ill repute. I would insist on better, and if he refused, I would walk off. If he didn't comply, then that one wasn't worth it.
    (BTW, just as added aside, one thing that I have read over and over in women's magazines is that when men are surveyed, they reply that the one trait they admire the most in women is confidence. Therefore, I would add that single women should have a healthy dose of self-respect.)



    Quote Originally Posted by northernviewer;3651220;
    sorry Bloomer but I don't get how we can put "blame" on a victim - that just making excuses for Ed IMO. First of all, they did it unknowingly, they fell for a smooth talker and user and believed what he said - are they just as desparate and needy as Jillian... probably but in no way should they be blamed for what Ed did. He carries this on his shoulders, and his shoulders alone - there are just no excuses for men who prey on the weak, whether it be physically or mentally. It's about control, and that's what Ed did, control them with lies.

    IA with BLOOMERS. It takes two.

    There are just some things that are not adding up, after reading the US story it left me with more holes and questions.

    also, one again we did not get to see the whole pictue through the US story. We did not get to see the WHOLE text/emails, we did did not get to see the WHOLE conversation. We only got to see the LINES they wanted us to see.

    I will say I do not think Bethany knew everything that was going on and what Ed what doing to her. When she did find out, she got her things from Ed's place and dropped him like a hot potato - Good for her!

    HOWEVER, my opinion of Lindsey is completely different and I was trying to give her the benifit of doubt - until I ready the US story because:
    What are your thought on this?

    This is why I do not think what Lindsey is stating is completely true. This is why I think her and Ed were friends with benifits.
    Lindsey and Ed are old time college friends, right? What 7-8 years, right? - if anyone would know Ed and how he was and how he acted and treated women - SHE WOULD....nothing would probably change my mind on that. She of all people would know Ed best - Lindsey would have and has seen him in action if that be the case. If he was soooo terrible and treated women sooo bad - this is where I was trying to give her the benifit of doubt - I really do not think even she herself (Linsey) would have started dating him if he was that bad.

  4. #6124
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    Re: Ed - Bachelorette 5

    Quote Originally Posted by Cailg;3651234;
    Good points! People are quick to wonder where the ex girlfriends' self respect is, but I'm wondering where the heck Jillian's is.
    ITA. They were played and are now calling him out for his behavior. Jillian is defending him on national TV.

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    Re: Ed - Bachelorette 5

    Quote Originally Posted by xseannax;3651261;
    I really don't think comparing Ed to Jeffrey Dahmer is intended as the way you are thinking it was (BTW side note, Dahmer killed men and boys not women). I think that people are just trying to say that sometimes it is hard to judge someone based on looks and them "seeming like a nice guy." It is easy to use infamous cases that most have heard of. Ted Bundy is a perfect example--he was in a relationship with an "intelligent" woman while he was an active serial killer. Along with that, Ann Rule, one of the most notable true crime writers, knew Bundy personally and it was very enlightening to her analysis of him as the man she knew vs. the man who was the serial killer. It is just a study of human behavior and in no way saying that what Ed did equates to what they did.
    I was confusing Ted Bundy with Jeffrey Dahmer! Thanks for the clarification, I appreciate it

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    Re: Ed - Bachelorette 5

    Quote Originally Posted by MiniDiva;3651243;
    Excellent logic sweetpea! ITA especially with bolded.

    I read the US Weekly article and could not miss the shock value for which it was intended. I agree that it raises alot of questions because it is not the full story and it is only that of Bethany and Lindsay's. What they had to say was disgusting and vulgar - they even mention va-GG's for heaven sake! OK, we get that the girlies are upset and feel wronged, but what are they thinking by calling negative attention to themselves without taking themselves down in the process? They admittedly were willing and consenting sexual partners with somone they say they knew had multiple partners - they made their own choice to see and sleep with Ed despite the signals they say were there. He obviously was not into them and they need to take ownership of their own actions period.

    The article begs the questions:
    --Does Lindsay really believe she is the jilted bride and is setting the stage for a breach of promise of marriage? Where is the engagement ring? There isn't one!
    --Does Bethany think by leaving jewelry in Ed's apartment she is laying claim to him, staking out her territory. Pleassssee! That is is the oldest girl trick in the book! Didn't work!

    Someone stated they would like to know what Mrs. Harris has to say about all this, well it is more like what does Mrs. Steffen and Mrs. Johnson have to say about their daughter's conduct and their desperation to "get even" by selling their story and revealing their own sexual history and behavior in a gossip magazine?! They tried to sell Ed out, but they sold themselves out in the process. Nobody wins! JMO.
    Re the bolded ~ the oldest trick in the book?? You're kidding me right? I cannot tell you how many times I have left my earrings (still do) because I overslept, was in a rush to get out in the morning, or simply forgot all about them. Who knew that a women should be held accountable for such an every day occurence. To state it was a tactic to stake out her territory ~ makes her sound like a dog peeing on the bushes.
    This is freaking CRAzy ~ I'm 0 for 20!

  7. #6127
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    Re: Ed - Bachelorette 5

    Quote Originally Posted by JustHereInOhio;3651268;
    ....This is why I do not think what Lindsey is stating is completely true. This is why I think her and Ed were friends with benifits.
    Lindsey and Ed are old time college friends, right? What 7-8 years, right? - if anyone would know Ed and how he was and how he acted and treated women - SHE WOULD....nothing would probably change my mind on that. She of all people would know Ed best - Lindsey would have and has seen him in action if that be the case. If he was soooo terrible and treated women sooo bad - this is where I was trying to give her the benifit of doubt - I really do not think even she herself (Linsey) would have started dating him if he was that bad.
    Many women suffer from the "UNTIL HE MET ME" FANTASY (or in her case, until we became romantically involved). It's an overdone plot theme in romance novels, James Bond movies, romantic comedies, etc. "Sure, he played the field ... but only until we met!" CUE MUSIC.

    As for Jillian, the words of love and marriage he spoke to her I am sure were spoken even less sincerely, more glibly.

    He was playing out a game in front of cameras. STORYBOARDED out since the Dawn of the Series:
    Episode 1: you meet in a crowded room; sparks fly
    Episode 2-3-4: you grab Precious Moments away from the crowd; you share first kisses; you date/have exciting adventures
    Episode 5: you think it could be leading somewhere really special
    Episode 6 (/7 this year): you meet the family
    Episode 8/9: you spend the night together; love is in the air ("can't stop thinking about you")
    Episode 10 = you meet family/propose marriage.

    All compressed into 6-8 weeks, isolated from family and routine, upside down travel and filming schedules, with Jabbering Producers meddling, meddling, meddling with their questions and constant discussion of love, and competition, and marriage.

    In THIS respect -- by treating the whole thing as a J-O-K-E -- Ed is the only one with his head screwed on straight!

    The people who WATCH this show year after year thinking that this schedule produces a couple actually planning to marry are more "fooled" than Lindsey and Bethany were combined!

    Can't resist adding a link to favorite article, that should be in a Sticky Thread entitled 'PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING' TV WATCH; Blurring Reality With Soap Suds - The New York Times
    Last edited by jlccaz; 08-09-2009 at 12:32 PM.

  8. #6128
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    Re: Ed - Bachelorette 5

    I am still baffled at those who think the girls did something wrong. OK, charge them with bad judgement. But that compared to what Ed did is in 2 totally different categories to me.
    If Ed had sexual relations with anyone after proposing to Jillian, I do not know how anyone could not find fault in that!
    Saving one dog does not change the world, but it does change the world of that one dog.

  9. #6129
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    Re: Ed - Bachelorette 5

    Quote Originally Posted by Bloomers;3651216;
    Agree with all of this; however, there is a predominant tendency to just blame Ed in all of this. Although his actions are indeed deplorable, he is not the only one who is at fault here.
    Unfortunately, if we are honest, Lindsey and Bethany allowed themselves to become victims.
    When Ed decided to go on a dating show where he would be one suitor of 25-30 for 1 woman for whatever reason he gave, Lindsey should have intuitively understood that he wasn't as in love with her as he should be.
    When he spoke of a spin-off where he would be the man with 25 women pursuing him, as much as it hurt Lindsey, at that point she should have told herself that Ed was not in love with her regardless of what he said. His actions were speaking louder than his words.

    I am appalled that Bethany allowed Ed to speak to her in the manner that he did. That is simply unconscionable and
    unacceptable. As a well-educated woman of the next generation, I would say to her to never allow a man to speak to her in such a disrespectful manner as is she were a woman of ill repute. I would insist on better, and if he refused, I would walk off. If he didn't comply, then that one wasn't worth it.
    (BTW, just as added aside, one thing that I have read over and over in women's magazines is that when men are surveyed, they reply that the one trait they admire the most in women is confidence. Therefore, I would add that single women should have a healthy dose of self-respect.)
    Bloomers I agree with you. If I feel some of the blame should be shared by these girls, it doesn't mean I am saying Ed is 100% blameless. It takes two to tango, and as you said, there seem to be enough warning flags there that should have alerted these girls that Ed wasn't as into them as they make it seem, particularly Lindsey. So, if we were to consider that she believed theirs was a 'serious relationship' and Ed looked at it more as a 'booty call' in spite of what he may have said (or, let's be honest, what she may have internalized with regards to being engaged and having children), then when he was asked if he had a girlfriend...to him, no he didn't. Sad, yes, but true. I shared a story similar many many pages ago. I am by no means a stupid woman, and when this happened to me I dumped the guy pronto. I did not drive him to the airport so he could date some woman on a reality tv program and then keep me on the side for when he wanted me.

    I'm just saying these girls are not complete victims. I think many agree on that here.

  10. #6130
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    Re: Ed - Bachelorette 5

    Quote Originally Posted by Bloomers;3650550;
    I realize what he did is socially incorrect and morally unkind; however, surely you are not suggesting that it was illegal?

    I have a daughter the age of Jillian and Ed. When my generation came along, we didn't sleep with everybody walking around - men have always been loose, but women were much more discriminating. However, we dated all kinds of people until we settled down with the one person who was the one. In some ways I am having a terrible time with condemning this man for doing something that was not only entirely acceptable 25 years ago, but was encouraged as well. We were told to "play the field" until you find the right one.
    Regarding the bolded---you use the word "until"---I assume that means once you got engaged you were supposed to stop? Or perhaps once you realized you had serious feelings for "the one"?
    "Reality is merely an illusion, although a very persistent one." - Einstein

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