Jason - Bachelorette 4

[BTW]

He is a sweatheart I wonder if he is like that with all the ladies, or just De. How could she not help but melt being around him.

[Google]

 

[BTW]

I get so excited thinking of him, can't even spell "sweetheart".

[_dreamer23_]

Originally Posted by DestinyFan

Good evening, my fellow Deanna & Jason fans. I made my first video of our couple today. If you wanna go check it out, my user name on Youtube is DeJayFanatic and it will be there in my vids..the newest one...enjoy

aww that was such a cute video!

If you want, can you check out my video that I made??
Just search "DeAnna and Jason Ever Ever After" and it should be the first video with the username XxX3Kris10X3xX! If you want to. Thanks!

[fireflyer]

I am having a lot of concerns that somebody as sincere and caring as Jason is going to end up getting burned by Deanna. Maybe not burned as in "dumped, eventually", but burned as in she gets too demanding with him, or doesn't reciprocated the lovingness, or takes him for granted, or generally just harps at him perpetually to always get her way. I don't think he deserves to be permanently bound to something like that. I hope I am misreading her. But she seems so self-involved and looking out for herself... how can she be a satisfactory match for a loving single dad?

[Estella]

Originally Posted by fireflyer

I am having a lot of concerns that somebody as sincere and caring as Jason is going to end up getting burned by Deanna. Maybe not burned as in "dumped, eventually", but burned as in she gets too demanding with him, or doesn't reciprocated the lovingness, or takes him for granted, or generally just harps at him perpetually to always get her way. I don't think he deserves to be permanently bound to something like that. I hope I am misreading her. But she seems so self-involved and looking out for herself... how can she be a satisfactory match for a loving single dad?

I respectfully disagree, especially with the bolded part. DeAnna said that Jason was the first guy to ever ask her about her mother. She said she shared more with him than with anyone else before. When she got home from the 2-on-1 date, she said she wouldn't have wanted to be there with anyone else. He is able to comfort her, to make her feel good... she is able to trust him which is HUGE for DeAnna!! I think what she feels with Jason (that she can trust him and lean on him and doesn't have to be strong) is something completely new for her, so there's no way she'd take that for granted!!
Now I don't know if Jason is F1 or not, but I hope so and I think they would make a great little family (with Ty)

[natashapierre]

Originally Posted by Estella

I respectfully disagree, especially with the bolded part. DeAnna said that Jason was the first guy to ever ask her about her mother. She said she shared more with him than with anyone else before. When she got home from the 2-on-1 date, she said she wouldn't have wanted to be there with anyone else. He is able to comfort her, to make her feel good... she is able to trust him which is HUGE for DeAnna!! I think what she feels with Jason (that she can trust him and lean on him and doesn't have to be strong) is something completely new for her, so there's no way she'd take that for granted!!

...and I respectfully disagree with your conclusion here. Unfortunately, the things that we have never felt before -- like having somebody who seems trustworthy and a "soft place to fall," as Dr. Phil would say -- we often have never felt before because we have some issues that drive those things off and don't attract them. In DeAnna's case, I would hazard a guess that she had such a difficult childhood that she armored herself intensely against hurt and weakness, and a lot of this armor she still hasn't dropped and probably isn't even yet aware of. Out in the real world, having that armor on often means you tend to pick people who make you nervous rather than feel safe, I've noticed. (I have a lot in common with DeAnna in these ways, I'm guessing.)

And, in the end, that often means that even though we consciously think those things are great when we accidentally meet up with them -- as with Jason and DeAnna -- we actually sort of unconsciously distrust them and even fight against them when we settle into a day-to-day relationship with that person. Those unconscious drives are a lot more powerful than our rational belief that something is great, lots of times.

Just meeting a great person doesn't heal us enough to end up in a great long-lasting relationship with that great person, unfortunately. To do that, you really have to be aware of your issues and work on *making* the relationship a healer for you. Otherwise, you're liable to unconsciously sabotage it or just feel uncomfortable -- nice just isn't what you're used to -- and walk away, thinking that this isn't big love.

If she can overcome all this kind of stuff, then I think she and Jason could hvae a good future. But who knows if she can? I see good intentions in Deanna, but I don't see a whole lot of self-awareness in her, really, in the little we're able to observe.

[Estella]

Originally Posted by natashapierre

...and I respectfully disagree with your conclusion here. Unfortunately, the things that we have never felt before -- like having somebody who seems trustworthy and a "soft place to fall," as Dr. Phil would say -- we often have never felt before because we have some issues that drive those things off and don't attract them. In DeAnna's case, I would hazard a guess that she had such a difficult childhood that she armored herself intensely against hurt and weakness, and a lot of this armor she still hasn't dropped and probably isn't even yet aware of. Out in the real world, having that armor on often means you tend to pick people who make you nervous rather than feel safe, I've noticed. (I have a lot in common with DeAnna in these ways, I'm guessing.)

And, in the end, that often means that even though we consciously think those things are great when we accidentally meet up with them -- as with Jason and DeAnna -- we actually sort of unconsciously distrust them and even fight against them when we settle into a day-to-day relationship with that person. Those unconscious drives are a lot more powerful than our rational belief that something is great, lots of times.

Just meeting a great person doesn't heal us enough to end up in a great long-lasting relationship with that great person, unfortunately. To do that, you really have to be aware of your issues and work on *making* the relationship a healer for you. Otherwise, you're liable to unconsciously sabotage it or just feel uncomfortable -- nice just isn't what you're used to -- and walk away, thinking that this isn't big love.

If she can overcome all this kind of stuff, then I think she and Jason could hvae a good future. But who knows if she can? I see good intentions in Deanna, but I don't see a whole lot of self-awareness in her, really, in the little we're able to observe.

I didn't say DeAnna would instantly say that the way Jason makes her feel is the greatest thing in the world. All I said was that I think since it's something NEW to her, I can't see her taking it for granted.

[natashapierre]

Originally Posted by Estella

I didn't say DeAnna would instantly say that the way Jason makes her feel is the greatest thing in the world. All I said was that I think since it's something NEW to her, I can't see her taking it for granted.

Yeah, I didn't put my thought very clearly. That's exactly what I think she *will* do.... Not right at first, but once they're actually off the show and into a relationship, I think his kind of love may quickly fade into a 'no big deal' "just something I take for granted" for her, because it doesn't feel like the anxiety and slipperiness that I am betting she identifies as love, deep down inside. ...

I take part of that from what I saw as almost *increased* intensity in her feelings for Brad after he dumped her and proved himself to be *extremely* elusive, followed quickly by her being madly intrigued by Graham, who also has that shying-away thing going on, to some extent. And also by her so determinedly getting rid of guys who seem to really really like her (yes, in the name of he-likes-me-more-than-I-like-him, but in fact, without giving his liking much of a chance), while keeping Jesse who, to my eyes, doesn't seem to be interested in her, like, at all!

To me, she gives a lot of signs of being a person who may very quickly take warmth like Jason's for granted, in the sense of finding it more ho-hum than she believes deep inside that anxiety-producing, tension-inducing, big love to be.

We'll see. Or not, I guess. Since we never really do find out what actually goes wrong in the Bach relationships -- and shouldn't, of course, since once they're off the show their lives are their own business.

[Secret]

Originally Posted by natashapierre

Yeah, I didn't put my thought very clearly. That's exactly what I think she *will* do.... Not right at first, but once they're actually off the show and into a relationship, I think his kind of love may quickly fade into a 'no big deal' "just something I take for granted" for her, because it doesn't feel like the anxiety and slipperiness that I am betting she identifies as love, deep down inside. ...

I take part of that from what I saw as almost *increased* intensity in her feelings for Brad after he dumped her and proved himself to be *extremely* elusive, followed quickly by her being madly intrigued by Graham, who also has that shying-away thing going on, to some extent. And also by her so determinedly getting rid of guys who seem to really really like her (yes, in the name of he-likes-me-more-than-I-like-him, but in fact, without giving his liking much of a chance), while keeping Jesse who, to my eyes, doesn't seem to be interested in her, like, at all!

To me, she gives a lot of signs of being a person who may very quickly take warmth like Jason's for granted, in the sense of finding it more ho-hum than she believes deep inside that anxiety-producing, tension-inducing, big love to be.

We'll see. Or not, I guess. Since we never really do find out what actually goes wrong in the Bach relationships -- and shouldn't, of course, since once they're off the show their lives are their own business.

As much as it pains me to admit, because I am trying to hang onto my idealized "twu wuv" outcome with both hands, you have some very interesting thoughts about Deanna's emotional approach to relationships. I read that you're speculating based on your own experiences, but based on how she has talked about love so far, you may be on to something.

I DO think, going into this show she equated love with the statement bolded above. I remain hopeful that she finds herself surprised with a deeper, more comfortable, sustaining love that is far different from the tense, pulse-racing, on edge "love" she thought she was having with someone else... oh, let's say Graham.

Realistically though, in any long term relationship, it can be very easy to take the other person for granted, to get too comfortable or not be completely "in love" every day, even if the start of the relationship was full of sparks, intensity and chemistry. That's why marriage is actually work and not always as effortless as you might hope.

I hope that Deanna is ready for making a relationship work, post-show, regardless of who she chooses. It isn't going to work unless they're both willing to work at it.

[Estella]

Originally Posted by Secret

Realistically though, in any long term relationship, it can be very easy to take the other person for granted, to get too comfortable or not be completely "in love" every day, even if the start of the relationship was full of sparks, intensity and chemistry. That's why marriage is actually work and not always as effortless as you might hope.

I hope that Deanna is ready for making a relationship work, post-show, regardless of who she chooses. It isn't going to work unless they're both willing to work at it.

All this is true for every couple though. It doesn't matter who DeAnna choses and it doesn't matter if they meet on a reality show or in real life. The sparks from the beginning of the relationship won't always stay the same. You can get too comfortable. You have to work for a relationship every single day. This isn't only true for Jason, it's true for all of the guys. BUT with Jason, I can actually see him working on a relationship just as much as DeAnna, and from what I know about her, she'll do anything to make a relationship work.