ABC has released a video previewing the upcoming episode of the Bachelorette on Monday, July 13th. According to the video, Jill and Kiptyn try out a ropes course…and that’s about it. Seriously. The entire video shows Jillian pooping her pants with fear while standing on the top of a really tall tree trunk, and Kiptyn encouraging her to stand up on it. Where’s the promise of love, sex and intrigue? Where’s the heavily advertised erectile dysfunction scenario? Is the Bachelorette totally out of drama? Now that Wes is gone, are we in for two weeks of hugs, some mild tongue kissing, some bad grammar and a fake proposal? Say it isn’t so!
Kiptyn - one of the final three guys
Phew – another preview video just released from ABC promises a tiny bit more intrigue than Jillian and Kiptyn on a ropes course. Jill and her final three guys have overnight dates in Hawaii, but what was once blatantly advertised as one of the Bachelors having penis issues, has now turned into Jillian not feeling romance with one of the guys. That is false advertising if I’ve ever seen it. Can we call BS on that? Here’s how the conversation probably went in the Bachelorette editing room:
Editor 1: So this Hawaii episode is totally boring. How are we going to make it more interesting?
Editor 2: Jillian and Kiptyn could go on a ropes course. Wouldn’t that be a blast!? I’m going to go make a preview video out of it.
Editor 1: No dude, not interesting. Let’s see… Jill and Reid didn’t have much chemistry this time around. We could advertise that?
Editor 2: Oh oh oh! I got it! Instead of advertising that Reid and Jill don’t have chemistry, let’s say he can’t get it up! Erectile dysfunction has never been done on this show!
Editor 1: Ohhh that’s tempting, but I’m afraid Reid could sue us for slander or something.
Editor 2: We won’t actually use the words “erectile dysfunction”. We’ll just say that a guy has “certain problems” in the bedroom. Let’s do it!
Editor 1: I like it! OK I’m in! Unlike Reid… (snicker, snicker)
Anyway, both videos are below in case you’re interested in checking out some previews for Monday night’s action. With Wes gone, I know we’ve all lost just a smidge of interest in this show, so here’s a few things I’m really hoping will happen on Monday’s episode to spice things up a bit:
1. Jillian packs the wrong suitcase to Hawaii and ends up wearing belted flannel on the beach.
2. Ed leaves the show again, after being offered a job as a stand-in for Jeffrey Dean Morgan on Grey’s Anatomy.
3. The ABC interns decide to play a prank on Reid, placing a piece of raw meat on his pillow. He freaks out and is so upset about the incident that he can’t get it up when on his overnight date with Jill.
4. Kiptyn dies of boredom after watching video of himself on a ropes course.
5. Chris Harrison forgets to say his one line, “Jillian, this is the final rose tonight.” Without hearing it, Jill gets confused: “Wait, how many do I have left? Crap!” and accidentally hands out three roses to the three guys, thereby prolonging this awesome season by another week.
6. Ed takes Jill to a karaoke bar in Maui, wearing a tank top, officially fulfilling her two worst nightmares.
7. Wes pops up on a sailboat in Kauai, and attempts to serenade Jill and Reid while on their date…but a big wave comes, he loses his balance and falls overboard, yelling, “Save me! Don’t let me die! My career is just taking off! Some say loooove, it don’t come eaaaasy! Ahhhh!” And we never hear from poor Wes again.
Although the erectile dysfunction story line might be a total bust, this show still kicks major ass. The finale promises the return of an old Bachelor, so they still might have some drama left in them. Yes, in the end, we doubt love will conquer all, but it’s not really why we watch this show anyway, is it?