Thoughts and Comments in General #3 **Spoilers** Bachelorette 4

[luvlady345]

Originally Posted by Just Sayin

I think Deanna more than just "looks happy". She is not putting on a "happy smile"... she is glowing. She has this smile on her face that she cannot wipe off or hide. That is not putting on a happy face, that is being genuinely happy with where she is in life.

Again, she had an easy way out, and his name was Jesse. She would have sent Jason home long ago if she weren't genuinely feeling "it" for him.

I guess everyone sees things differently, I just don't see the glowing and can not wipe the smile off your face.......

[Google]

 

[GaBB7fan]

Originally Posted by Grahamgroupie

You know what, you might be right. Although, I think he helped her get to that by opting to leave. I once told a man that was coming on just a wee bit too strong to "F off" because I wasn't able to say that at an early age when I was being abused. Poor guy wasn't meaning no harm, but it sure did make me feel better.

I just think that the issue isn't with Graham or men like him and Brad, it is something within herself that she needs to discover and either resolve or embrace, because until then, she will continue to sabotauge relationships she has as a means to validate something she believes is true.

Let me preface this response by saying, I AM NOT a psychologist, I did NOT stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night, I did, however, take several college courses during my 6 years of college.

There is a thing called "transference" which is the redirection of one's feelings onto another person who hits a trigger point. I believe that Graham was a much nicer person that HWSNBN. However, the trigger points, though healed, are usually part of a built-in boundary. When they are hit, we react. It can come from childhood or even through adult relationships which have traumatic experiences tied to them. When Graham got close to one of those points, using the same tactics as her previous experiences, she reacted more hostile than she normally would. ie...Graham doesn't give her a kiss, she hits a 7.4 on the richter scale. Jesse doesn't kiss her and he knows/she knows he understands the drill. She gives him a rose and nothing comes of it because he verbally opens up to her with a bunch of hogwash. If Graham had explained why, in an even tone, she would have been okay. It's when he goes on the defensive, shuts down and becomes angry that we see her explode. Not because of Graham but because of the emotional trigger point he just stepped on.

Okay...I'm done with Graham...well for a bit anyway!

[talldede]

Originally Posted by goldie2

I heard she LOOKED HAPPY for three months while she waited for the FRC to air with Brad and NO onE thought different...

seems to me if she is involved with a tv show...involving ultimately choosing somone she better look happy...if even just on the outside...

Why do you want DeAnna to fail?

I hope for the best for most of these reality tv show participants, so I'm confused why some seem to thrive on the failure. Is it the format of the show you dislike so intently?

[drparoo]

Originally Posted by Grahamgroupie

Nothing about Graham says he's an introvert. You can look at the pictures with the others after the MTA -- Amanda, Noelle and all of that group. Introverts don't behave like that, sorry.

I'm an introvert. I can still get together with my friends and have a great time (and there are pictures to prove it ) Being an introvert just means that it tires me out and I need to get recharged by my quiet time alone. Extroverts don't have as much need to have time alone, they get energy from being around people. I just don't think you can define a part of someone's personality from a picture of one evening as you can watching them interact with people over the course of a show. Even then, you only get a snippet. JMO from an INTJ.

[Grahamgroupie]

Originally Posted by Shannonm93

But you're not De and it seems clear to me in the previews I've seen for the MTA and what I've heard about it from people that were there (as much as they can say anyways) that both De & Graham have moved on. And like I've said several times before, I'm sorry, but I don't believe she was in love with Graham. I think she may have thought it was love, but at that age and with very little experience of actually being in love it is difficult to differentiate between actual love and infatuation which is what I believe she felt for him.

I guess is we're to believe that, then she wasn't in love with Brad either. Can't have it both ways.

[Calypso]

Originally Posted by GaBB7fan

Let me preface this response by saying, I AM NOT a psychologist, I did NOT stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night, I did, however, take several college courses during my 6 years of college.

There is a thing called "transference" which is the redirection of one's feelings onto another person who hits a trigger point. I believe that Graham was a much nicer person that HWSNBN. However, the trigger points, though healed, are usually part of a built-in boundary. When they are hit, we react. It can come from childhood or even through adult relationships which have traumatic experiences tied to them. When Graham got close to one of those points, using the same tactics as her previous experiences, she reacted more hostile than she normally would. ie...Graham doesn't give her a kiss, she hits a 7.4 on the richter scale. Jesse doesn't kiss her and he knows/she knows he understands the drill. She gives him a rose and nothing comes of it because he verbally opens up to her with a bunch of hogwash. If Graham had explained why, in an even tone, she would have been okay. It's when he goes on the defensive, shuts down and becomes angry that we see her explode. Not because of Graham but because of the emotional trigger point he just stepped on.

Okay...I'm done with Graham...well for a bit anyway!

Awesome! You hit the nail right on the head.

[goldie2]

Originally Posted by Shannonm93

But you're not De and it seems clear to me in the previews I've seen for the MTA and what I've heard about it from people that were there (as much as they can say anyways) that both De & Graham have moved on. And like I've said several times before, I'm sorry, but I don't believe she was in love with Graham. I think she may have thought it was love, but at that age and with very little experience of actually being in love it is difficult to differentiate between actual love and infatuation which is what I believe she felt for him.

I know we are in two different teams here and I am fine with that and do not mean to argue i t at all....

If it is better for all the Graham fans to just go by the waste side here and not question some issues we see..fine..

I can understand that this does not go into the theory of her choosing Jason and the happily ever after for them and all...
Most think that even if she chooses Jason...which I have a different take on that theory...that it is already NOT a happily ever after anyway...

[Auntie Lyn]

Originally Posted by luvlady345

OK, seriously I doubt this, you know I can look happy at any given time even when my world is up side down, heck she even looked happy when Brad broke her heart......I don't think it will be any different trying to carry out her own fairy tale......

Very good point. After my Graham died, I had to return to work in just under 3 weeks time, none of my clients had any idea of what I had just gone through. Did it mean that I was over it? Absolutely not! Did I become adept at hiding my feelings, you betcha. DeAnna admits that when her mom died she had to suck it up more or less and be the strong one. So do I think that she can and does hide her feelings?? Yes definitely. Is she doing it now? Only she can say.

[ilovemick]

Part of Grahams interview:

I think she and I suffered from a severe case of mis-communications. I don't question that her feelings were very strong for me and I also shared some very strong feelings for her. Where we were in the process may have been different because obviously as much as she wanted me to open up and say that I was falling in love or I was ready for marriage - I never heard those things directed at me in an individual settings, as far as being ready, I'm sure she is. I hope that she finds someone that she can be there with, but in regards to she and I we were definitely more on the same level than she knows

This is the paragraph and statement I do not understand. What does he mean by the statement I have bolded? I know ya'll are getting tired of us Graham fans, but just bear with us just a bit longer.

[Larel]

Originally Posted by Phyllie

My Graham goggles tell me that he and DeAnna had a mutual attraction and friendship that he was willing and wanting to pursue. A lot of his interview was double speak.

Then, when she met his parents he realized that the important thing wasn't his connection with DeAnna, but that she WOULD NOT leave the Bachelorette without a future husband in the bank despite her continued obsession with Brad.

In order to "avenge" what Brad did to her, which she was practically holding Graham responsible for she is determined to find success. She isn't willing to fall head first into love but is looking for security, a family, and someone to coddle and support her. Graham thinks that Jason could be that guy for her, and he was standing in the way.

The question is, will DeAnna let Jason be that guy? I think that's what the people that have seen the Jason love have been saying all along but I didn't get it because she doesn't seem to have any chemistry with him. Maybe she doesn't need that as much as she needs what Jason does represent. Graham doesn't really stand between Jason and DeAnna so much as Brad does, in the sense that she has to let that go, that loss, that rejection, that rollercoaster ride, in order to embrace the quieter ride that is Jason.

I guess for the first time, I can see that it COULD happen, if the thrill seeking Deanna steps aside for the side of her that seeks comfort and security.I can't see how she'd be there by the FRC, but maybe by the ATFR. If she isn't there, then I think she'll choose Jesse, or she and Jason will break up.

Wow I thought we were past all this stuff!!

Anyway I totally disagree with this post & unfourtunately do not believe Graham stepped aside so she could find what she needed with Jason or that she is settling for comfort over thrills!
Please if we learn she in love with the guy she picked which I believe she is & that guy is Jason then she has hit the freakin jackpot & Jason is nobody's second choice & certainly is not that to Dee!

We need to move past this Graham dilemma because he has spoke & told the world they were not a good fit & that they did NOT love each other so let's just take him at his word & move on!

I do not believe we are hearing Graham say what he was told to say or that he is double speaking, they were not meant to be end of story!!