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Thread: Is DeAnna leading 3 guys on?

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    Is DeAnna leading 3 guys on?

    I'm intrigued by the moral dilemmas people face on these shows. I was one of the few that really believed Brad did the right thing by choosing neither of the final two girls. But most seem to disagree feeling he was leading DeAnna on. But now DeAnna is faced with a similar dilemma. She just said goodbye to "the one guy she was falling in love with" (maybe not an exact quote but close). The remaining 3 are all second, third and fourth fiddle and therefore she's facing quite a dilemma of her own. If she chooses one guy, he will have been lead to believe he was her first choice, which we know now is not the case. He will have been lead on in every aspect of the term. Yet if she chooses none, she'll have to take back all of her judgments against Brad, which is going to be very hard for her. I tend to believe the latter is the right choice, though. I'm curious what say you.

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    Duke Blue Devil Tickety's Avatar
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    Re: Is DeAnna leading 3 guys on?

    I think when DeAnna uses the term "leading someone on", she means keeping them around when she doesn't feel either ENOUGH for them for it to continue into a relationship (Fred, maybe Robert), or she doesn't feel anything at all (Richard).

    In this case I believe she feels a lot for all three guys - Jesse, Jeremy and Jason - enough to explore as a relationship. So she's not really leading anyone on because in this case she has to date all three to find out which one is the one. She's invested in them as much as they are in her. Fred and Richard were more into her than she, them. So if she did keep them on longer than she did, it would have been leading on.

    Wow, I hope that made sense.
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    FORT Fanaddict TazoChai's Avatar
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    Re: Is DeAnna leading 3 guys on?

    Quote Originally Posted by Tickety;3075245;
    I think when DeAnna uses the term "leading someone on", she means keeping them around when she doesn't feel either ENOUGH for them for it to continue into a relationship (Fred, maybe Robert), or she doesn't feel anything at all (Richard).

    In this case I believe she feels a lot for all three guys - Jesse, Jeremy and Jason - enough to explore as a relationship. So she's not really leading anyone on because in this case she has to date all three to find out which one is the one. She's invested in them as much as they are in her. Fred and Richard were more into her than she, them. So if she did keep them on longer than she did, it would have been leading on.

    Wow, I hope that made sense.
    Tickety, it did make sense. I completely understand and agree with what you said.

    The only thing I'd like to add is, she also doesn't have to fall in love with anyone on this show. It is a theme that is unrealistic. She can pursue a relationship but doesn't necessarily have to fall in love. She seems aware of this option.

    Calminian, I see what you are saying and you make a lot of good points. I see this scenario as an all-around difficult one. With the final four, she developed feelings for each of the guys. She may have said that she was "falling in love" with Graham but who knows if she really truly was or not. It would have been interesting if the DeAnna/Bachelorette Tells All (BTA) would have been after last night's episode. During the BTA she did say something like "I just thought Graham was hott." It was a telling statement of how she now reflects back on the situation.

    Also, she is in a very unconventional situation where she is pursuing a relationship with 25 (now 3) guys. Along the way, she has developed feelings for each of them...and the feelings get stronger as the guys are dwindled down. It would be difficult to compartmentalize each relationship separately but situationally she's forced to.

    I think it would be foolish for her to cast all three relationships aside because she thought she was falling in love with Graham "first." There are multiple reasons why that could have happened (first 1-on-1, first impression rose, etc.).

    One last thing... She won't have to take back her judgments about Brad because during their last night together Brad said something like "he couldn't wait for the FRC so he could tell her what he has been wanting to tell her." He said other things that I can't directly quote/remember but it was implied that she was going to get picked. If DeAnna knows that she won't pick anyone, she's not going to lead the guy on nights before the FRC. She also might utilize the option to pursue a relationship off the show and see where it goes. Brad didn't even offer that.

    I will be interested to see how she handles herself and what she communicates during the F2's last chance date... that'll be the time when she will have the opportunity to really lead someone on. So far, she has been very open, honest and clear...something Brad was not.
    Last edited by TazoChai; 06-24-2008 at 07:35 AM.
    Let's all dog on Jason... it's so hot right now.

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    Re: Is DeAnna leading 3 guys on?

    Seems to me people make a lot of excuses for DeAnna that few are willing to make for Brad.

    I think Brad was holding on to some people he saw the most potential with and waiting -- as you have to -- to see how strongly things developed. But that at the end, he just didn't find the feelings strong enough on his side -- or saw his doubts as too substantial -- tp justify moving somebody to Austin to pursue a relationship.

    I don't think he did anything wrong, and I don't think she's doing anything particularly wrong either, in the sense of who she's keeping and letting go. ... But I do think it was wrong for her to all but chew Graham's head off because he isn't the kind of person she wants to be with. Hey, lots of people wer'e attracted to end up being wrong for us, and it's not anybody's fault. Don't dump further on the person you're dumping.

    If DeAnna doesn't develop equally strong feelings for one of the other guys by the end, and still picks him to go forward with. Well, then I think she will be leading him on, at the FRC and post-show. But we haven't seen that happen yet, so I'm withholding judgment on the leading on thing.

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    Re: Is DeAnna leading 3 guys on?

    Caliminian you summed up DeAnna's predicament nicely. One has to wonder how the men will react to seeing the footage of her and Graham. The poor chap will know he was not the first pick or where her heart is. Jason was all too aware of the chemistry between D and G, and I am certain he of all of them would have the most questions for DeAnna... Someone mentioned already the unfairness of DeAnna's reaction to Graham not being able to open up. Normally one would be disappointed not angry. It's almost like she is saying to him "Why can't you be the fantasy I have concocted? How dare you ruin my dream?" Which if course it was. When DeAnna started to second guess her decision to let G go, she wanted so badly to make oil and water mix and fooling herself in the process. More flags went up for me at that moment. Yes, he may have feelings for her, but the relationship would have continued to have been one of her pulling hen's teeth, no matter how he may have felt about her.
    Her feelings for Graham with what they were ought to have spelled the end of the show as I see it, however I don't have the whole picture. Yet I can't get my head around what the chosen one will think ...
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    Re: Is DeAnna leading 3 guys on?

    Quote Originally Posted by natashapierre;3075396;
    Seems to me people make a lot of excuses for DeAnna that few are willing to make for Brad.

    I think Brad was holding on to some people he saw the most potential with and waiting -- as you have to -- to see how strongly things developed. But that at the end, he just didn't find the feelings strong enough on his side -- or saw his doubts as too substantial -- tp justify moving somebody to Austin to pursue a relationship.

    I don't think he did anything wrong, and I don't think she's doing anything particularly wrong either, in the sense of who she's keeping and letting go. ...

    But I do think it was wrong for her to all but chew Graham's head off because he isn't the kind of person she wants to be with. Hey, lots of people wer'e attracted to end up being wrong for us, and it's not anybody's fault. Don't dump further on the person you're dumping.

    If DeAnna doesn't develop equally strong feelings for one of the other guys by the end, and still picks him to go forward with. Well, then I think she will be leading him on, at the FRC and post-show. But we haven't seen that happen yet, so I'm withholding judgment on the leading on thing.
    I agree to an extent with you. I think people's main problem with Brad was the fact that he didn't even find someone worth pursuing a realtionship with. No one was upset that there wasn't a proposal, but to not find anyone you're interested in enough to try dating? I think that's what set people off. Plus the fact that DeAnna's father was flown in (whether or not at the request of Brad) and the fact that Brad told DeAnna after her LCD that "tomorrow would be a good day." However, if Brad wasn't feeling it with anyone, I'm glad he didn't pick anyone just to pick someone. So, I don't fault him completely.

    But actually, DeAnna said that she wanted Graham to be the one in the end, but he couldn't open himself up to her. From all accounts, he's exactly the kind of guy she's always dated, but even she said that she was tired of dating guys who didn't know what they wanted, so she had tolet him go before she got hurt in the long run.

    DeAnna and Graham's chemistry could almost be described as Andy and Bevin's chemistry. True, it might be hard to take in while watching it, but at the same time, if you're a secure and confident person and are secure and confident in your relationship, then while it might suck at the time, you can look past it and move on.
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    Re: Is DeAnna leading 3 guys on?

    Quote Originally Posted by Tickety;3075245;
    I think when DeAnna uses the term "leading someone on", she means keeping them around when she doesn't feel either ENOUGH for them for it to continue into a relationship (Fred, maybe Robert), or she doesn't feel anything at all (Richard).

    In this case I believe she feels a lot for all three guys - Jesse, Jeremy and Jason - enough to explore as a relationship. So she's not really leading anyone on because in this case she has to date all three to find out which one is the one. She's invested in them as much as they are in her. Fred and Richard were more into her than she, them. So if she did keep them on longer than she did, it would have been leading on.

    Wow, I hope that made sense.
    I think it made sense. A lot of sense, actually. My concern is how she's handled this elimination. She's announced to the world that this is the guy she was in love with—crazy in love apparently. And he hasn't really said he didn't have feelings for her. This is a huge amount of baggage that the unsuspecting F1 (I think F1 means the final choice?) is going to have no clue about at the time of his choosing. Wow, what if he proposes? I would think she would at least be obligated to turn down the proposal.

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    Total Gleek BuckeyeGal007's Avatar
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    Re: Is DeAnna leading 3 guys on?

    Quote Originally Posted by Calminian;3075496;
    I think it made sense. A lot of sense, actually. My concern is how she's handled this elimination. She's announced to the world that this is the guy she was in love with—crazy in love apparently. And he hasn't really said he didn't have feelings for her. This is a huge amount of baggage that the unsuspecting F1 (I think F1 means the final choice?) is going to have no clue about at the time of his choosing. Wow, what if he proposes? I would think she would at least be obligated to turn down the proposal.
    Actually, DeAnna said she thought she was falling in love with him. There's a big difference b/w thinking you're falling in love and actually falling in love.

    I think if Jason is the F1, as I suspect many believe he is, I think he could handle it. The guys know what she's going through, and a lot of them, Jason especially, could see the chemistry she had with Graham. I don't think any of them would be naive to that fact...in fact, most of them probably thought that he'd be her final choice and were probably shocked when he didn't recieve a rose.
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    Re: Is DeAnna leading 3 guys on?

    Quote Originally Posted by TazoChai;3075336;
    One last thing... She won't have to take back her judgments about Brad because during their last night together Brad said something like "he couldn't wait for the FRC so he could tell her what he has been wanting to tell her." He said other things that I can't directly quote/remember but it was implied that she was going to get picked. If DeAnna knows that she won't pick anyone, she's not going to lead the guy on nights before the FRC. She also might utilize the option to pursue a relationship off the show and see where it goes. Brad didn't even offer that.
    DeAnna and many others seem to believe that Brad knew for certain he wasn't going to pick her when he said those things. I highly doubt this. He seem tormented by the processes, and seemed to really be keeping himself open to both girls. Sometimes when you're with someone you think there may be something there, but when you're away you realize you don't miss them like you should. I bet that's what happened.

    I also found it interesting that on Kimmel she seemed to say that she now understood what Brad was going through and had nothing against him.

    Quote Originally Posted by TazoChai;3075336;
    I will be interested to see how she handles herself and what she communicates during the F2's last chance date... that'll be the time when she will have the opportunity to really lead someone on. So far, she has been very open, honest and clear...something Brad was not.
    This whole leading on thing is confusing to me. If Brad was honest with DeAnna on their final date, but changed his mind when away from her, then I don't see how DeAnna is doing anything different.

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    Re: Is DeAnna leading 3 guys on?

    Quote Originally Posted by Parasolpink;3075432;
    Caliminian you summed up DeAnna's predicament nicely. One has to wonder how the men will react to seeing the footage of her and Graham. The poor chap will know he was not the first pick or where her heart is. Jason was all too aware of the chemistry between D and G, and I am certain he of all of them would have the most questions for DeAnna... Someone mentioned already the unfairness of DeAnna's reaction to Graham not being able to open up. Normally one would be disappointed not angry. It's almost like she is saying to him "Why can't you be the fantasy I have concocted? How dare you ruin my dream?" Which if course it was. When DeAnna started to second guess her decision to let G go, she wanted so badly to make oil and water mix and fooling herself in the process. More flags went up for me at that moment. Yes, he may have feelings for her, but the relationship would have continued to have been one of her pulling hen's teeth, no matter how he may have felt about her.
    Her feelings for Graham with what they were ought to have spelled the end of the show as I see it, however I don't have the whole picture. Yet I can't get my head around what the chosen one will think ...
    Yep, I agree with all of this. I feel bad for the F1, especially if it's Jason. A woman this emotionally confused is the last thing he needs at this point in his life.

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