Is DeAnna leading 3 guys on?

[SweetElvira]

Thanks jr956678 for your thoughts. It's great to get the male perspective on this!
I definitely think that Jason is mature enough to handle what would come after the final rose ceremony. The difference between him and Graham is that despite the fact that he (Jason) observed the DeAnna-Graham chemistry, not once did he ever tell her he didn't want to be her 'sloppy seconds'. He made the most of all of his 1-1 time and kept the focus on their relationship (DeAnna-Jason).

Jason wasn't willing to give up. He was acutely aware of Dee's connection with Graham, but he was intent on getting past that with her. Thanks to Graham's petulance, he succeeded.

I think that if we take Deanna's behavior and statements into consideration throughout this process--letting guys go that she could not see a future with or did not have the chemistry with, even when she did not have to let them go (Fred)--then it would be hard to reconcile her picking someone who she saw no future with just as a default F1. IMO, either her actions and statments were just lip service before, and she doesn't care about leading people on now that her "favorite" is gone, or she is being true to herself and sees potential with the other guys that was not there with Graham. I truely believe that she would let others go (one of the J's) if she didn't think there was something there--even if it meant sending more than one home--despite the "process" of the show.

As Dee knows more than anyone, there is the precedent of choosing no one.

She had four separate relationships going, at various stages. Now that the most frustrating of those is over, she can move on and focus on the remaining three, with more promising potential partners. It's not like she's starting over from scratch with three guys she never met or paid attention to before. I would think that among all her various emotions that night, one was a huge sense of relief.

[lolababy]

I think DeAnna has really hurt Jeremy in this whole process. After what she had gone through with Brad, you would THINK, she would have given him some indication that he might not be FR1.

I am so angry at the depth she is letting Jeremy go, just so she can have a show.

Disgusting.

[natashapierre]

I agree to an extent with you. I think people's main problem with Brad was the fact that he didn't even find someone worth pursuing a realtionship with. No one was upset that there wasn't a proposal, but to not find anyone you're interested in enough to try dating?

Except that it wouldn't just be dating. It would be long-distance dating, which would require either her moving to be with him (he couldn't move, given what he does for a living) or lots and lots and lots of very expensive weekend airline tickets.

That's a much bigger commitment than just "dating," and it's hard for me to believe that this didn't play into the decision. There's no way that the show could end and you simply propose a 'let's hang out and see movies till we figure out what's going on with us' relationship, because the two people lived several states apart. One way or another, going on with things met a major commitment of money and possibly total uprooting of the woman even to pursue the relationship at all. I'd say you should feel something fairly substantial to ask a person for that kind of commitment.

[BuckeyeAddict]

Great topic! This subject has been bugging me.

I can’t tell you how tired I am of hearing DeAhna whine about what happened with Brad. How do we know that what he told her he didn’t mean or think he meant at the time? Maybe he was planning on choosing her, and when it came down to it, he realized he didn’t really feel it? Maybe he came out of his Fleiss-induced hypnosis the day of the FRC. People have changed their minds close to (or even on) their wedding day. It happens! Other Bachelor/Bachelorette contestants have also been misled. How about Meredith telling Matt she’d be honored to get a ring from him? Or Byron toasting “To Christmases in Texas” with Tanya? As others have said, it’s how the show is structured, and it sucks for the people who get picked to stick around because there are a certain number of people who have to be there. Sometimes the Bachelor/Bachelorette really doesn’t know which person they want. Sometimes they do, and somebody else has to be the filler.

DeAhna did what she had to do. My only complaint is that she seems to think she was being kinder than Brad was. I don’t think she was. Not to mention that if I didn’t know who the F2 were, I would not have a clue after the HTDs. I thought she acted like each guy was her #1 guy when she was with him and his family. Unless she was more reserved with them at times we didn’t see, I could see how they would be blindsided if they hadn’t gotten a rose.

[SweetElvira]

I can’t tell you how tired I am of hearing DeAhna whine about what happened with Brad.

I am 100% convinced that she has been instructed by TPTB to mention his name at every conceivable opportunity. I am even 100% convinced that where she failed to do so, TPTB made her do a reshoot.

[azadee13]

I Totally Agree With You Lolababy, It's Okay Though, It's Her Loss And Some Other Wonderful Womans Gain

[anders332]

Great topic! This subject has been bugging me.

I can’t tell you how tired I am of hearing DeAhna whine about what happened with Brad. How do we know that what he told her he didn’t mean or think he meant at the time? Maybe he was planning on choosing her, and when it came down to it, he realized he didn’t really feel it? Maybe he came out of his Fleiss-induced hypnosis the day of the FRC. People have changed their minds close to (or even on) their wedding day. It happens! Other Bachelor/Bachelorette contestants have also been misled. How about Meredith telling Matt she’d be honored to get a ring from him? Or Byron toasting “To Christmases in Texas” with Tanya? As others have said, it’s how the show is structured, and it sucks for the people who get picked to stick around because there are a certain number of people who have to be there. Sometimes the Bachelor/Bachelorette really doesn’t know which person they want. Sometimes they do, and somebody else has to be the filler.

DeAhna did what she had to do. My only complaint is that she seems to think she was being kinder than Brad was. I don’t think she was. Not to mention that if I didn’t know who the F2 were, I would not have a clue after the HTDs. I thought she acted like each guy was her #1 guy when she was with him and his family. Unless she was more reserved with them at times we didn’t see, I could see how they would be blindsided if they hadn’t gotten a rose.

this is firmly my opinion only, but when Brad came to her room for the LCD he was absolutely over the moon with her. Something happened, something was said during that date that put a thought in his mind - possibly the following:

"As happy as I've been the last 6 weeks, I want this for the rest of my life"

For her there was no gray area, it was either marry me or let me go.....

Brad started pulling away from Jenni even before the Fantasy Dates, so he knew it was going to be Deanna he would be choosing (something he did state publicly)

[BluIsDixie]

As a guy I think that Jason (who certainly seems like the chosen one) will have no problems dealing with the Graham situation. For a couple of reasons:

1 - What we have seen, I believe, of the story between Graham and Dee has been edited for drama - TPTB have intentionally wanted us to believe that Graham was the love story and they have done a pretty good job of emphasizing that love story to the detriment of any other love story. Reality is probably not nearly so dramatic.

2 - Jason already knows there was a connection with Graham and Dee and has said so - no big news there for him. At some time he WILL see what has aired but it won't be anything like a revalation to him.

3 - In spite of the drama in last night's show with Graham's exit, there was plenty of other stories, just not as dramatic:

It's hard to imagine how a HTD could have gone any better than Jason's. Not only the connection but the conversations - how many couples will ever get to see their "How many kids do YOU want?" discussion on national TV. And - how many couples find such instant accord in that conversation? I felt I was a voyeur looking at something I shouldn't be seeing.

As Dee will probably have to move to Seattle to continue a relationship with Jason, can you imagine a better family to be with when you're away from your own? I love his mother - I can see where many of his qualities come from - and I want to adopt his father for myself!

And last and more important - Jason is not naive; he has lived through good times and bad times (becoming a father, getting divorced). He went on this show because of Dee - thought she'd be compatible. He has healed from his pain (at least as much as you can ever heal - there are always scars) and is ready to love again (and got that advice from his family too). He has a rare ability to understand Dee and how she feels and thinks - he actually WORKS at doing this. He would never be one to not know how to respond to the inevitible conversation:

He: "What's wrong?"
She: "NOTHING!"

He seems mature enough to understand what Dee has gone through. Love is not all heart - part of it's also brain and without that combination you will not find love. Learning in life that people you may be attracted to are not good for you and you need to grow up and start seeking relationships with people who CAN BE good for you is one of life's difficult lessons. I think Jason gets this - and I think he can and will be there for Dee as she heals from this painful but necessary life lesson.

This is not so simple a situation as "she loved someone else and I'm sloppy seconds" - this is part of being a life partner for some one you love and if Jason understands what has happened he will not be bothered in the slightest by it. If he doesn't get it, then he really isn't right for Dee after all.

Welcome to the FORT Jr. Great, well thought out post!

[LMariel]

ETA: So in answer to the question, is she leading 3 men on, I don't think so. She is exploring who she has the best connection with. Even though Graham was the front runner, he is no more. When D knew it wasn't going to work out with G, she cut him loose. This also shows how important it was to continue exploring her connection with all the guys, as the one she "thought" was the one, turned out not to be. She has three possible fits left to continue exploring.

I agree. In order to find out whether she has a strong connection with any of the remaining three (if she indeed does), she has to continue doing what she's doing. Graham was just part of the whole process and an interesting part at that because in her mind he seemed to best represent the type she envisioned herself to be with, yet he also seemed to cause her the most heartache and confusion at every turn. For me, him being eliminated was inevitable and necessary in order for her to get down to making a sound decision for herself.

It actually makes sense to keep the three J's around because each guy has a different outlook on life and a different purpose for being there and very different lifestyles to offer DeAnna. Each is looking to fill a void and each is at a different stage in his life. To me, Jesse represents dating; Jeremy represents marriage; and Jason represents home and family. I guess it all depends on what stage DeAnna herself is at. Tough decision for her, but she's got a good variety to choose from.

[nd4reality]

Great topic! This subject has been bugging me.

I can’t tell you how tired I am of hearing DeAhna whine about what happened with Brad. How do we know that what he told her he didn’t mean or think he meant at the time? Maybe he was planning on choosing her, and when it came down to it, he realized he didn’t really feel it? Maybe he came out of his Fleiss-induced hypnosis the day of the FRC. People have changed their minds close to (or even on) their wedding day. It happens! Other Bachelor/Bachelorette contestants have also been misled. How about Meredith telling Matt she’d be honored to get a ring from him? Or Byron toasting “To Christmases in Texas” with Tanya? As others have said, it’s how the show is structured, and it sucks for the people who get picked to stick around because there are a certain number of people who have to be there. Sometimes the Bachelor/Bachelorette really doesn’t know which person they want. Sometimes they do, and somebody else has to be the filler.

DeAhna did what she had to do. My only complaint is that she seems to think she was being kinder than Brad was. I don’t think she was. Not to mention that if I didn’t know who the F2 were, I would not have a clue after the HTDs. I thought she acted like each guy was her #1 guy when she was with him and his family. Unless she was more reserved with them at times we didn’t see, I could see how they would be blindsided if they hadn’t gotten a rose.

Its the nature of the show. It delights in "leading" people on. DeAnna (last season) was no exception. She was just like any other non-F1 in the history of the show.

IMO - its her immaturity / ego that made such a big deal of the fact.

Anders .... it was probably her mini-rant on the LCD about the toilet seat etc. that gave Brad the impetus to run in the opposite direction LOL !