Well said, JR! If you're neither a therapist nor a writer, you may have missed your calling(s). It's such a pleasure to read such words of wisdom. Thank you!Originally Posted by jr956678;3075540;
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Loved your post. Shortened it to just the part I am responding to.
The fact is Jason saw and acknowledged the connection between D and Graham, and that Graham was held to a different standard than the other guys as far as putting themselves out there. Jason now also knows that just the fact that D cut Graham loose means she has decided to pursue the relationship potential with the three remaining guys, of which he is one.
In watching this show after the fact, I think Jason will see that D did have a strong connection with Graham, as he knew, but also see that D decided their connection was not deep enough or was felt to be one sided, and said no more. "When you leave, it ends here". Did she care, absolutely. But she also knew as much as she had hoped, Graham wasn't the one. Apparently Graham felt this may be the case, why else would have his farewell note all ready written.
D and Jason started a relationship weeks ago, which seems to be very comfortable. They are friends, talk easily as a normal relationship would, and are very cuddley with each other. I think with both their past painful baggage now realized, they are both ready to let down their armor and see if their relationship can go to the next level. They both want to love again.
ETA: So in answer to the question, is she leading 3 men on, I don't think so. She is exploring who she has the best connection with. Even though Graham was the front runner, he is no more. When D knew it wasn't going to work out with G, she cut him loose. This also shows how important it was to continue exploring her connection with all the guys, as the one she "thought" was the one, turned out not to be. She has three possible fits left to continue exploring.
Thanks to all who have appreciated my post. And I am neither a therapist nor a writer - just a father (my son is Dee's age) and a husband (and I WOULD like to think I'm a good husband - I work at it and I think my wife of 26 years would say I have some measure of success).
But see the thing is - I know where Dee is. In my life I have had MORE than my share of "Grahams" (only I'm straight so they were Ellen, Lisa, Elaine, Gretchen, Mary - I'll quit before I lose all credibility). I picked women who were all wrong for me - following my heart (well since I'm a guy maybe it was some other part of my anatomy) and all I got out of it was a broken heart, cheated on, totally unfulfilled, and divorced.
Like I finally did, I HOPE what Dee has just done is to come to that realization and blended in a bit of brain. Chose first what will make you happy (my key criteria ended up being someone capable of love and the hope that love would extend to me, and someone who could be my best friend) and from that abbreviated list, look for chemistry.
At the beginning of this journey, Dee has said that she found someone who was not "her type" - to which I say "Dee - it's about time". I hope she is truly happy with the outcome - I know I am with mine.
[QUOTE=ProudKsGrandma;3075981;] "When you leave, it ends here".
That statement was bizarre. It was delivered like a challenge, change your mind or else! IMO, that statement confirms he asked to leave in that, if this were her decision alone, why make that statement? I thought it was very poignant that he gave her a letter, just like the song writing, Graham is more comfortable expressing himself through writing, which in stressful situations I too have found myself to be a better communicator with pen and paper. And the comment about the note being just for her - not for some show - was very telling.
[QUOTE=procheervet;3076025;]I guess I just felt D's statement of "When you leave, it ends here", was meant to say, we are done. Regardless of how this quest turns out in the end, I'm not calling you to get back together. We do not work, its over.
I also am glad Graham put his thoughts down on paper. The fact that he had the note already written, showed me he felt he might be the next one gone.
IF Brad knew he wasn't goint to pick any of the girls; he was just going thru the motions for the show; all the while saying things like: "You don't have to worry" and "I have very deep feelings for you" then yes.... he was leading them on. De has said he point blank told her she was F1 before the FRC and then didnt pick anyone- that was misleading.
Do I think De is??? NO.
I think she had feelings for Graham- she has feelings for those that are left. ANYtime you break up and start dating someone else- they are following in the one who just left's footsteps. In this case- De saw that Graham wasnt for her and let him go (haven't seen any Proof to tell me otherwise).
I think this is an unrealistic journey and show. By the statistics, we see that it doesn't work. I hope it does in this case and I will believe until the end!!!
I think the boldest and clearest statement she made last night was that Graham was the one she wanted to take to the end...whether or not she 'thought' he was 'the one' she was falling in love with.
IMO, no she isn't leading them on. If she kept Graham after he said that, then yes that would be leading someone on. But she made the right decision and knew that Graham wanted to leave so she let him go. Now she can be with the 3 guys that she knows love her and that's what she needs. Not a unsociable guy like Graham who can't express his feelings and have to write it down on paper. JMO.
Thanks jr956678 for your thoughts. It's great to get the male perspective on this!
I definitely think that Jason is mature enough to handle what would come after the final rose ceremony. The difference between him and Graham is that despite the fact that he (Jason) observed the DeAnna-Graham chemistry, not once did he ever tell her he didn't want to be her 'sloppy seconds'. He made the most of all of his 1-1 time and kept the focus on their relationship (DeAnna-Jason).
I think that if we take Deanna's behavior and statements into consideration throughout this process--letting guys go that she could not see a future with or did not have the chemistry with, even when she did not have to let them go (Fred)--then it would be hard to reconcile her picking someone who she saw no future with just as a default F1. IMO, either her actions and statments were just lip service before, and she doesn't care about leading people on now that her "favorite" is gone, or she is being true to herself and sees potential with the other guys that was not there with Graham. I truely believe that she would let others go (one of the J's) if she didn't think there was something there--even if it meant sending more than one home--despite the "process" of the show.
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