Behind the Edit **SPOILERS**

[procheervet]

Originally Posted by BachfanNY

Especially after their candid conversation at the race track, it sounded like Graham wanted De to be exclusive to him. Which at this stage is ridiculous.

And I think his comment about being a "follow-up guy" was kind of out of line because she had not kissed anyone, not Sean, and not Jeremy, though she could have.

But Graham doesn't know that. It's not as if they are sitting in a green room watching this unfold real time, he only knows what the other guys are saying and is probably assuming it is a possibility that Deanna is kissing other men when they are out of view having private time

[Google]

 

[BachNoFoolMe]

Originally Posted by procheervet

I disagree, I think Graham is being portrayed as a one woman man looking for a one man woman and had he met Deanna at the corner grocery store, we would be seeing a once in a lifetime romance.

Deanna gave Graham many opportunities to run with it. It's wasn't like she held back with him. He missed those obvious clues bigtime as with his lack of looking at her in the eye in important conversation moments, etc. Whether this is from lack of dating experience or he simply couldn't take the competition who knows. That's why I question what he felt for her was really that strong because one would think a person would fight for it! Unfortunately, if he was really into her, he now realizes how he missed out by not sticking it out to the end. Like I've voiced.....he snoozed...he loozed.

[procheervet]

Originally Posted by KareyR2

I think Grayham could be a wonderful person as a buddy, friend, but I don't see anything different in a chance for a relationship with DeAnna whether they met in real life, or during this "process". Grayham has some real issues that he needs to address, not the least of which is that he can not sustain a relationship past 5 months, or can even barely make eye contact. And he doesn't seem to have a clue what he wants. Gray, until he deals with those issues, will never be husband material, or really not even boyfriend material. I don't want someone like him near any woman's heart, until he has dealt with whatever is not allowing him to move to the next step with a woman....which his past lacking of romantic history would suggest. The guy might be a great buddy, but he is not a woman's romantic ideal of a boyfriend or husband at this point, a one night stand, or fling, notwithstanding. Hopefully Gray is realizing he needs to do some work, and needs some help, and will do that. I would love to see him happy...he just doesn't seem like a happy man to me. JMO. Thanks
Karey

Karey - you and I have agreed many times in the past and I really respect you, so this is hard for me to say, but I think you are way off base here. We are seeing what Fleiss wants us to see of this man and since he was probably initially D's F1 until he leaves F4 we are getting a very mixed edit. To attempt to psychoanalyze someone based upon a biased edit seems incredibly unfair. Lack of eye contact could also a mean a man who is a bit shy around women. Lack of a long term relationship has been explained by his friends as due to his commitment first to this sport and now to his charity. I have two sons who play sports seriously and trust me, there is no time for a serious relationship when you are in the gym every morning, at practice every day, and then have games your life is consumed by your sport and you miss out on many, many things. Few women will accept that kind of relationship. I am very surprised to hear you so adamantly assume the worst of someone that, in reality, we do not know. He has been described in very positive ways by people who actually got to know him and from all appearances is a real stand up guy. Just because you do not adapt well to speed dating a woman who is being pursued by numerous other guys does not mean you have "issues". To be honest, I see him as being much more real and true to himself than the men who act like it is not a problem that she is "involved" with other men.

[KareyR2]

Originally Posted by pajamasam

specialized , this is a good point. I think the producers are trying to emphasize in both situations how completely different DeAnna is compared to Brad. They are trying to beat us over the head with how decisive she is. I dont know if they chose Fred and Robert on purpose for the 2 on 1 but I'm inclined to think so. They surely suggested that she could get rid of both at once. Remember the ABC medianet description (that was quoted earlier): ABC Medianet

It's like they are hitting us over the head with it. I get it ABC, I get it. She's the polar opposite of Brad. She's not going to lead anyone on. (Right. It's impossible.) They seem to be committed to editing her in this way. I think they just want to continue to get their digs in about Brad. Their anger has apparently not subsided.

PJSam...This seems spot on to me. The contrast with the way that B.ad and DeAnna are treating their rejections is remarkable, and how they took people's feelings into account. Some people here are attempting to get digs in about DeAnna, and I don't quite get it, as all it is showing to me, is what polar opposites they are. There was no similarity to me in the way that Fred was gently let go at F8, as opposed to the way that DeAnna was the last one standing on the podium at F1 and still managed to get tossed unceremoniously into the limo, and for people trying to make comparisons, and conspiracy theories...I am not buying it.

There is such a difference in the way this was handled, and needless to say DeAnna was further led on with "Saturday's gonna be a good day!", further proof of her feeling she was F1 status, since her Father was flown in from his interrupted European vacation, and there is no other woman left standing on the podium after her. She was confused, and quite rightfully so. I was confused. I got the impression Mon night, that quite honestly in retrospect that DeDe would have much preferred to have been let go on her 2on1 after Jade, as opposed to the way it happened, and the heartbreak that could have been avoided and lessened.

Contrast that with Fred...DeAnna had never even kissed Fred, nor shown a desire to kiss him....no leading on there at all...just respect for him and his feelings. Fred knows that there are still 7 other guys, who quite obviously are still in contention....and it was early in the process for him, and DeAnna was clear in her "not wanting to give him false hope, or lead him on, as she was lead on, and how wonderful he was, but she did not see forever!" I agree...it couldn't have been more different than the way that B.ad handled DeAnna's rejection, and ABC is still managing to get the digs in at B.ad every chance they get. Hmmmmm....wonder why. Thanks
Karey

[Lifeisgood2]

I just don't feel that Graham is that into DeAnna. If he was this situation wouldn't matter. It would be worth it to stick with the process. Many bachelors/bachelorettes of the past have not liked the process but they stuck with it b/c of the feelings they were developing. The ones that come to mind are Ryan, Mary, Ian, and Tessa.

[BachNoFoolMe]

Originally Posted by Spoil Me

There is no doubt that Graham is having a difficult time dealing with the situation he is in, but when I think back to Ryan and how hard it was for him watching Trista make connections/ take other guys out etc...he stuck with it because he was falling in love with her & was willing to deal with it because of what he believed was between them.

He was willing to put himself out there for her, in spite of the difficulties he had with the "situation".

Ian is another one who was extremely uncomfortable with the situation, but stuck with it because of his feelings for Meredith.

IMO, if Graham really and truly felt something brewing between he and Deanna, he would have made more of an effort to focus on just her and the connection the two of them have, instead of the connections she may have with the other guys.

There is NO doubt that they are in a tough situation, but life is fall of tough situations - some are worth fighting for and working through and some aren't . Obviously his feelings for Deanna are not strong enough to make him want to stick with it and see what happens...

Graham seems unwilling to take the risk that is needed in opening up and truly finding out if Deanna is the one for him - not that there is anything wrong with that, but in this situation, that is what is needed. He isn't in the same place in his life that she is

ITA! This reminds me of what Paul said in his final thoughts...."to find true love you have to risk it all. I don't think there is a greater reward than finding love...but with that reward comes great risk with getting hurt with it."

[procheervet]

Or, as has been posted early on by someone who knows him, he could genuinely have left due to a family emergency. Only time will tell what the answer to that is, no matter how much we guess.

[shellys]

Originally Posted by procheervet

Then please explain why so many people are so over the top about Deanna choosing Jason, a man who, for her to be with him, requires more sacrifice on Deanna's part than any other man on the show?

I have a completely different perspective of Jason and Dee possibly choosing him.

1) He has shown he wants to be married and committed to one woman before...unfortunately his wife didn't want to stay married for whatever reason. He wants that again....commitment is not an issue with him. He WANTS to share his life with someone again.

2) He's a great father and has said his child is the most important thing in his life. Wow... what better way for Dee to know what kind of man he is and what kind of father he will be to their future children, by seeing how committed he is to Ty.

The "sacrifice" Dee would make with Jason are logistical and involve Ty. They can work through that.

With Graham, the issues seem to be inherent in his personality, ability to communicate, and emotional maturity. Not to mention the red flags about him being able to commit to a long term relationship, and is in truly in a place where he's ready for marriage. If he does bail on this process (under the guise of personal issues or whatever) it simply confirms he's either not that interested, or if he is, he's not willing to commit himself and work hard at making a relationhip succeed when things don't go well and there are hurdles to overcome.

The bottom line is the difference with Jason is the issues are known factors, and Dee can make an informed decision as to whether or not she wants to take those on.

With Graham...it's question marks, unknowns, red flags, and what appear to be possible commitment issues and personality traits.

The unknown is many times a far greater risk.

Just my opinion.

[Lifeisgood2]

Originally Posted by procheervet

Or, as has been posted early on by someone who knows him, he could genuinely have left due to a family emergency. Only time will tell what the answer to that is, no matter how much we guess.

I think it was more for personal reasons and not a family emergency but you are right time will tell.

I also just wanted to add that I don't think anyone is saying that Graham isn't a good guy I know I'm not I actually think he seems like a wonderful person he just isn't ready for a serious relationship that could lead to marriage.

[simplechef]

I wonder if anyone has considered that Graham didn't come back because he realized he and Deanna are miles apart in communication. She's a very strong person and maybe Graham realized she not the girl for HIM (and self aware enough that he's not the right guy for her). I don't think we can assume that Graham is running from her or not mature enough to have a long term relationship. Maybe he didn't like the way she acted toward him... Maybe he just wasn't all that interested. He's admittedly a shy guy. The eye contact issues can be related to that. I personally plan to cut Graham a little slack!