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Thread: The Bachelorette 6/21 Recap: Thinning out the Pack in Iceland

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    The Bachelorette 6/21 Recap: Thinning out the Pack in Iceland

    As we rejoin our band of bachelors, they are on a plane to Iceland. They collectively stick to this script during their departure from the plane, all saying they have come to Iceland to find love. There are shots of glaciers, coast lines, sports, and, of course, mentions of a volcano erupting for the first time in 200 years. Yep, it was this particular cheesefest that led to the shutdown of European airspace for days. I’m blaming Fleiss for that as well.

    What’s Icelandic for “cringe worthy”?

    Chris Harrison meets up with the remaining guys in a town square to give them the game plan for the Iceland-based round of dates. There will be three dates total: one individual date, one two-on-one date, and one group date. Each date will have a rose in play and, aside from the group date, if the guy doesn’t get the rose, he’s on the next plane back to the States. A sense of dread of the two-on-one date settles over the gang. The nervous giggling (I’ve never seen a group of dudes do nervous giggling so much) only intensifies when Harrison informs them the individual date recipient will be chosen via poetry contest. The guys have one hour to write a love poem to Ali and bonus points for using Icelandic words.

    The guys scramble to learn some of the local language by asking passers-by and local shop employees for help and they all do pretty well, except Justin can’t get anyone to stop for him. Perhaps the people of Iceland have excellent asshat detection skills. The stakes are high for this challenge, as everyone wants more alone time with Ali. Frank thinks his writing skills give him an edge, but since those skills have him living in his parents’ basement, I’m not so sure. Soon enough, the hour is up and Ali runs in (probably just trying to keep warm—it looks very, very cold), sits on a bench, and listens to the poetic stylings of suitors. She says it is a very manly thing for these guys to have to stand up in front of her and the other guys and recite poetry. She’s kind of obsessed with defining “manly” it seems, doesn’t it?

    The poetry is exactly what you’d expect—some funny, some serious, all cheesy. Kasey stood out for being unintelligible to the point of subtitles with question marks. The rarely-seen Chris N. tried to go it without a note card and completely forgot what he was saying; his presentation got so bad the other guys felt sorry for him. Kirk decided to move close to Ali to recite his poem about their trip and then Frank stole that same move. Ali liked Kirk’s and Frank’s poems the best—because of the move in, no less—and Kirk wins the individual date. Kasey is disappointed he won’t get to show her the tattoo yet and Frank is once again jealous.

    The most mundane secret ever revealed.

    For their date, Kirk and Ali spend the day goofing around Reykjavík. They share oh-so-cute moments in a local sweater shop and end up leaving wearing matching sweaters. They feed the geese and ducks at a pond and get in touch with their inner child. At lunch, Ali finds out that Kirk has never dated someone for longer than a year and this causes her some concern. She presses him on it, but he dodges the question. Uh-oh! Maybe he’s secretly a spy and has to move from town to town often. Maybe he’s been in and out of jail. Maybe he’s a straight-up womanizer. Ali must get to the bottom of this!

    They must have done something between lunch and dinner, but the next time we see Kirk and Ali they’re having dinner and Kirk spills the beans on why he hasn’t been in a long term relationship. Back in college, he was a big-time runner and super-healthy. He moved into an old house near campus and was probably boozing it up with frat boys, as he has that kind of look. Anyway, he suddenly started losing massive amounts of weight, his hair was falling out, and finally there was some paralysis. He saw a ton of doctors and it was finally when his mother discovered the house he’d been living with was actually condemned and full of asbestos and mold that his alternative medicine doctor could get him on a treatment path. Thus his relationship track record was marred by being deathly ill. Not to make light of being very sick—that is serious—but this has to be THE weakest secret ever on the Bachelor/ette. Ali is touched by his goal of wanting to always be a better person so she kisses him and gives him the rose. They suck face some more and the camera fades into the candles.

    Meanwhile back at the hotel, the guys had a day of sitting around drinking. A date card arrives and reveals Roberto, Chris L., Chris N., Craig, Ty and Frank are going on the group date. Those guys are relieved they aren’t relegated to the two-on-one date. Kasey, however, looks like he’s going to puke and Justin smirks with delight at the prospect of taking Kasey out. A little while later, Frank starts bugging Kasey about the tattoo reveal. Kasey can’t wait too long or it will seem weird, he thinks. Dude, we’re already into the weird territory; we were there on about the second “guard and protect your heart” bit. Paragon of emotional stability Frank even thinks Kasey is losing it. I know he is when he states with all sincerity, “I’m Kasey Kahl. I’m a dreamer. I’m a believer. I love to love, I love to give, I love to share.” He loves to come off as whack-a-doo as well, it seems.

    Shilling for the Iceland Tourism Board.

    The next day, Ali heads out with her six group date guys—who, to show how much they are interchangeable, are all dressed exactly alike—to explore the Icelandic countryside. It is a pretty landscape, but think I’d rather be inside than on the small horses Ali and the guys ride. (In the tag at the end, you see how seriously small Craig’s horse was—his feet were barely 2 feet off the ground while riding it.) Ty takes the lead in getting Ali saddled up because he’s the only one who has a clue about horses. Chris L. is as spastic as I am on a horse—it goes the wrong way, his saddle comes lose, he can’t keep in line. They ride the horses to a hole in the ground that is the small opening to a large cave. Chris L. looks to redeem himself for bad horsemanship by sliding down the rope first into the cave. (Well, first after the camera man, naturally.) Ali slides down next, so he’s got about a minute of alone time with her before the other guys get into the cave.

    Ali is really digging the way Ty has taken care of her on the horse ride/cave exploration and sees that Chris L. is in the running for caretaker as well. Frank is peevish because he hasn’t gotten any alone time with Ali and seems lost in the crowd. The group finally makes it through to the other side of the cave where they sip hot beverages and contemplate how the hell they’re going to get back to the hotel.

    Before heading to the hotel, they stop at a gorgeously lit place called the Blue Lagoon. It has a hot water lake steaming and beckoning to be swum in, so Ali unzips her snowsuit to reveal a tiny bikini. All the guys’ eyes pop out of their head like a cartoon character seeing a hot girl and she slyly tells them there are suits for them waiting. This means the guys have to strip down to put the suits on, which involves towels and black boxes covering up the naughty bits. They all get into the warm water and have a champagne toast.

    Ty and Ali slip off to a remote part of the lake and cling to each other like they’re desperate for life. She asks what his favorite part of the trip has been so far and, right out of the script, he says being with her right then. Ali then has some alone time with Chris L.; she likes him but wonders if it’s a romantic connection. She asks him about prior relationships and he says he used to change for the girl but he’s not doing that now and is being completely himself. This leads to more making out in the pool.

    Frank has been overcome with jealousy at the sight of this and gets some time with Ali. She comments that he disappears in the crowd on group dates and wonders where he goes. She says she always has to reach out to him on the group dates. Frank realizes he needs to step up his game and apologizes. The group reconvenes in the lake and it is clear as day Ali is silly drunk. She manages to coherently give Ty the rose for being such a big help to her during the day.

    While all the group date fun was underway, there was a bit of a standoff in the hotel between Justin and Kasey. Ever the schemer, Justin set off to get his cast off and a boot on so as to have something to trump Kasey’s tattoo. The cast removal apparently was “One small step for Justin and one giant leap for Rated R.” Whatever the hell that means. When he returns he finds Kirk advising Kasey to just act like Justin isn’t even there during the date. Justin takes umbrage to this and declares Kasey will be going home.

    Bonus points if you can pronounce Eyjafjallajökull.

    The next day brings the dreaded two-on-one date. Before the guys depart, Frank again grills Kasey about how and when he’s going to reveal that crazy tattoo which probably doesn’t help Kasey’s frame of mind. Justin is happy about the tattoo because it’s so stupid. That may be the only thing I agree with him about all season.

    Justin and Kasey meet Ali at an airport where she’s standing in front of a helicopter. She hugs Kasey first but then can’t stop talking about Justin’s lack of a cast. They take off in the helicopter and get crazily close to the erupting volcano and then even land on it for a little while. Kasey says a bunch more stuff about being the real deal and Justin wants to push Kasey over the edge of with doubt and psych him out then hoist Ali over his head like a winning wrestling belt. But wait, he’s an entertainment wrestler—do they really psych people out? Isn’t it all scripted, much like this show?

    They leave the volcano in the helicopter and then land on a glacier where there is another cave. This time it’s a posh ice cave with carved ice furniture, wine and candles. Justin and Ali sit on the ice couch (complete with fur throw) and he smooth talks her but says little of substance. Kasey sits outside the cave drinking something from a Thermos and Ali later joins him. Ali interviews that all Kasey had to do is be normal and not mushy-gushy. Fat chance there, as he pulls off his gloves, rolls up his sleeve and shows her the tattoo of the shield guarding a heart. He never wants to forget who he is and he’ll never change. All he wants to do is guard and protect his wife’s heart and hopes she’ll do the same for him. Ali gets it—this guy is not putting on an act, he is really genuine with all this “guard and protect” jabber. Her aces non-committal response to this display is, “Thank you for being you.”

    The trio trudge back to the helicopter—Ali in front, Kasey behind her and Justin in the back. Right outside the helicopter, Ali thanks Justin for empathizing and thanks Kasey for being so strong and hands the rose to Justin. It makes you think she told them who was getting the rose before getting on the helicopter. And maybe was pissed that she couldn’t no-rose them both. Justin and Ali take off in the helicopter leaving Kasey behind alone. He’s probably still there. Justin sits smugly in his seat while Ali looks tired and doesn’t feel like celebrating anything.

    Least shocking rose ceremony ever!

    At the cocktail party of Iceland round, the guys wait for Ali and conclude Kasey’s tattoo did him in; she asked him to dial down the crazy and he just amped it up. Justin gloats some more and Ali arrives. She says she feels bad for Kasey but knows it was the right thing for him. As she pauses, Frank leaps off the couch to grab her for alone time. He’s being proactive and has learned his lesson.

    Frank lets Ali vent about making her choice between Justin and Kasey, especially knowing the guys don’t like Justin. Frank steers the conversation to himself, pointing out that he made an early move to get time with her and he realized he was not being himself on the group date. She was smart to point that out and she says she missed him and then they swap some spit. Frank looks at her with an either insane or lusty look; she says she misses that look but I once dated a guy who gave that look and it ended very badly, so I get the heebies even writing about it.

    Ali then has a bit of time with Craig, who is fighting a bad case of the nerves because he hasn’t had a lot of time with Ali. They sit on a couch and he rolls up his sleeve to show the “tattoo” he drew on his arm as a joke. They both laugh and Ali is glad he can make her laugh and feel good. Chris N. gets some time with Ali; she just wants to get some basic information out of him. First she asks for something about himself that might surprise her. He responds that an ex-girlfriend used to say he was “so funny.” Then crickets. So she asks what his guilty pleasure might be; after a few moments he says he likes Mexican food. Ali clearly is about to give up on the guy. This all takes place on a couch up on the second floor and the guys below at the party can watch the interaction. The start in on the body language analysis and conclude she’ll be the kind of friend to Chris N. that will meet once a year for brunch to catch up. Hey, I know a couple of Mexican restaurants that serve brunch—let me calendar that for them on the 20th of Never.

    Chris L. interrupts the non-exchange of information between Ali and Chris N. His priority is to open up with her and be casual. Again he emphasizes the importance of family but says he doesn’t have to stay in Cape Cod—he’d collect garbage in San Francisco if he had to. But he does want her to meet his awesome and amazing father back on the Cape. The final alone time is with Roberto where she gushes over how hot he is, he passes that off with “I’m not that hot” and she giggles like a 12 year old girl.

    Mercifully Chris Harrison arrives so I know this is going to be over soon. He pulls Ali into a back room where he plays shrink and asks her about her feelings. In response to a question about Kasey, Ali thinks he fell in love with the idea of falling in love and not with her. She wasn’t feeling a connection so it wouldn’t be right to keep him around. She professes she has a lot of faith that the guy for her is there, but Harrison sees the doubt in her eyes and says she seems afraid to fall in love. Ali cops to being cautious and admits she fears she won’t be loved back. Harrison says she has to let it go and trust her gut.

    Finally it is time to hand out the roses, which go to Frank, Chris L., Roberto, and Craig. There was a look of faux deliberation before the last rose was handed out but really, if Mexican food is your guilty pleasure, you really don’t know how to be guilty.

    Chris N. is sent packing; he says he is at a loss for words, which really seemed to be his problem all along. He needed more time to come out of his shell and has now experienced the worst pain anyone could ever want to experience. I dunno, maybe talk to Kirk about all that paralysis and stuff.

    Back in the house, Ali toasts to the adventure and reveals the next destination: Istanbul (not Constantinople).

  2. #2
    FORT Regular Ana82's Avatar
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    Re: The Bachelorette 6/21 Recap: Thinning out the Pack in Iceland



    oh man I needed that


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    FORT Fogey I'msotired's Avatar
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    Re: The Bachelorette 6/21 Recap: Thinning out the Pack in Iceland

    , PhoneGrrl! Bestest line:

    Frank thinks his writing skills give him an edge, but since those skills have him living in his parents’ basement, I’m not so sure.
    Thanks!
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    Premium Member canuckinchile's Avatar
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    Re: The Bachelorette 6/21 Recap: Thinning out the Pack in Iceland

    Thanks PG! I missed the episode and I'm sure your re-cap is more entertaining.

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    Re: The Bachelorette 6/21 Recap: Thinning out the Pack in Iceland

    wonderful job, PG. Loved this part:
    The guys scramble to learn some of the local language by asking passers-by and local shop employees for help and they all do pretty well, except Justin can’t get anyone to stop for him. Perhaps the people of Iceland have excellent asshat detection skills.
    Help fight cystic fibrosis or just learn more about it at the cystic fibrosis foundation website, www.cff.org and help give my little guy a better future.

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    Re: The Bachelorette 6/21 Recap: Thinning out the Pack in Iceland

    OMG - that was even funnier than the show. Thanks for that.

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    FORT Regular Ana82's Avatar
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    Re: The Bachelorette 6/21 Recap: Thinning out the Pack in Iceland

    Quote Originally Posted by Hinkleberrie;3950659;
    OMG - that was even funnier than the show. Thanks for that.
    Yay someone else laughs a lot on here like me

    yippee!


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