The Bachelor 2/9 Recap: Hometown Histrionics
All right, Bachelor fans, it’s time for the traditional home town dates. Jason gets to travel the country and face the trials and tribulations of meeting four families and have the illusions he’s created around the still-standing ladies shattered. Will there be guns? Religious nuts? Over-protective families? Awkward questions from elderly relatives? Only time will tell, my dears, but banking on the history of this show, we’re in for a real treat.
It’s silly to recap a recap segment, but I’m going to do it anyway.
We start out with Jason in Seattle and packing his bags to leave town. Ty is there too, but the kid is more media savvy that I’ve previously given him credit—he wisely hides under the bed covers while Jason gets ready to go. Ty clearly has good instincts. We also get a nice little run-down, which I’m sure was in no way provoked by the production team, of what Jason thinks of each girl. Jillian started out fun and is beautiful, smart, and passionate about her career, but she pulled away a little on the last date. Molly gives him butterflies and he was really glad she jumped at the chance to stay over with him on their first date; he worries that he can’t get deep enough with her. [Insert your own Walk of Shame Girl joke here.] He thinks Naomi is amazing, gorgeous, beautiful…blah blah blah…she also is marriage minded and does charity work. He worries that if she’s married to him, he’ll hold her back. Finally, he admits he prejudged Melissa but, after their first one-on-one date, he’s been completely blown away and taken with how much of connection they have. His only concern is that it may be too perfect with Melissa and wonders what flaws she may have. Jason is, however, certain that one of these “girls” is his wife. Well, at least he got away from calling them “you guys.”
Jason first heads to Canada to meet Jillian’s family. He wonders if she’s into him as much as he’s into her. I think Jason sounds like a girl. So they meet up, she runs to him, he picks her up, and they do the hug & twirl. They meet on a lake, go to a winery that’s in the bottom of a volcano (apparently run by a Bond villain?) and have a meaningful chat. Jillian tells the tale of her mother’s fifteen-year-long depression and how she grew to be strong during that time. Her parents were on and off during that time and her dad ended up staying with her mother for Jillian. Her mother has since recovered, and Jillian feels really lucky for that. She wine-drunk-teary tells Jason how incredible her parents are. Jason is glad she told her story and feels even closer to her now.
So they sober up and head to meet the parents. Jillian’s mother, father, cousin and the cousin’s boyfriend greet them. Jillian’s dad drapes Jason in a Canadian flag and they all have a fun meeting. Jillian extols the virtues of her hotdog theory of men; both her dad and Jason are mustard guys, after all. They have a nice dinner and Jillian’s mom busts out a poem to toast to Jillian. Some people tear up, but I note the imperfect rhyme scheme and wonder why people write poetry at all. I’m a prose girl, myself.
After dinner, Jason and Jillian’s mother have a chat outside; she tells him how her husband stuck with her through her emotional difficulty and that kind of support is important. Back inside, Jason hears from Jillian’s dad about how special Jillian is and Jillian tells her mother she can really see herself with Jason. Then they’re all in the living room and Jillian’s grandmother turns up. Jillian is thrilled to see her grandmother, and she, in the tradition of Bachelor grandmothers, kind of hits on Jason. She brings Jason a pair of Canadian flag boxers—red with the white maple leaf all over them. Jason loves the grandmother and thinks she’s the most hilarious of them all, which is no mean feat, given how fun Jillian and her dad are.
The day ends and Jason departs; Jillian is all too aware that she could get her heart crushed by Jason. Jason, similarly, is conflicted—Jillian is so real, he says, how could he let that go? He says the bar is set high for the next home town dates and can’t imagine that they’ll be better than this one. That sounds ominous, doesn’t it?
All that was missing was the tea.
Jason next head to Michigan to meet Molly’s family. They do the hug & twirl too, but on a golf course. Molly says that having her parents’ approval is very important to her; she only brought one guy home ever and they didn’t like him. Jason is reticent to play golf because he’s not dressed for it, as he’s wearing jeans. Okay, my opinion of Jason shot way up at that point. Yeah, I know he’s a former golf pro, but some people are lax with the dress code. Jeans on the golf course is akin to spitting in food at a buffet line to me. I take my golf etiquette very seriously, people! Luckily, she has an outfit for him to change into—trousers and a proper collared shirt. They futz around on a course, but it’s clearly a set-up because no one has a glove on. And, by the by, Jason, I herby challenge you to a one-handed putting competition! I’m killer in that arena, if nowhere else.
After a while, they head out to meet her parents and some other folks who may be there. Molly says she’s ready to fall in love and get married…at the ripe old age of 24. Where the hell is the barf bag on this ride, I ask myself. Jason, Molly and her parents sit around in the living room and chat about golf for a bit then her mother goes all Mad Hatter on us. She gives Molly a crown, Jason a big Indian headdress, the dad a beer hat, and she dons a big, fake, floppy hat. Molly’s sister shows up and the look of mortification on the sister’s face is epic.
They sit around in the Ministry of Silly Hats for a while until Molly’s mother pulls Jason away to draw a picture of Molly in the art room. Seriously, they have an art/craft room. Jason is clearly no artist, unless Molly really does look like the Joker to him. Meanwhile, Molly has a talk with her dad; he says Jason is a good kid and makes Molly promise that, if she gets chucked, she won’t cry in the limo on the way out. Clearly the dad has seen this show before. Jason and Molly’s mother come back in and he shows off his sorry-ass picture. He tells her that he added the long hair to the picture, otherwise she’d look like a boy. Molly accepts his bad-drawing explanation and says that the picture is worthy of refrigerator-art status. And then the day ends; Jason says he’s not going to see Molly for a while and he’s got a tough decision to make. Yeah, we know that already. It’s in the script every time.
This is what it sounds like when doves cry.
Jason heads next to California to see the fun, gorgeous, exciting, and adventurous (I think they got him that thesaurus Iguanachocolate was talking about) Naomi. She greets him with mimosas in a Thermos and they talk about how they freaked out at the last rose ceremony. She says she thinks Ty is an added bonus for the wonder that Jason is, but Jason still worries if she’s really ready to settle down. Naomi is similarly worried, though it’s about her weird family—she thinks Jason may freak out around them.
Well, a freak out would be in order, in my opinion. Jason meets Naomi’s mother, father (they’re divorced), sister, brother, half-sister, and a little niece and nephew. First the mom busts out a bunch of hula-hoops and makes everyone give it a go. Jason and the dad are as hopeless at hula-hooping as I am, and they make right fools of themselves. But that’s not the end of the insanity! Naomi’s mother then tells the story of the dead dove. According to Naomi’s mother, this dove went all Kamikaze on her windshield a few days ago; she kept the bird of peace in a paper bag in the refrigerator, just waiting for Jason and Naomi to visit and have a proper burial. The little nephew brings the dove out to the back yard and they have a burial and Jason attempts to say a eulogy. The fact that he doesn’t just walk away is a testament to his fame-whore-iness, if you ask me. But they get through the burial and head back into the house. Naomi swears she knew nothing of the dead bird, but who really knows?
In the house, Naomi’s dad and Jason have a chat about Jesus. Now, I’ve since learned that Jason is Jewish, so this had to be rather uncomfortable for him and kind of disrespectful of the dad. Then Naomi’s mother gets a hold of Jason and starts talking about reincarnation, past lives, and indigo people. She lost me—and Jason, from the looks of it—but the long and short of it is that she thinks Jason spent one lifetime as a mother. Naomi reflects with her dad that maybe she and Jason should have had the religion talk by now. But she’s sure she’d marry him because he’s also into charity work and adoption. Soon enough—but probably not too soon for Jason—the date is over. He thinks the family has a lot of love but is really out there. He liked seeing Naomi with the little kids, and he bids his farewell to her, but not before sucking face for a bit. After he’s gone, she says she’s falling in love with him and could marry him. I think that’s in the script too.
The wisest parents ever.
Finally, Jason heads to Dallas to meet up with the unfortunately-toothed Melissa. Am I the only one who wants to slap braces on those choppers? She’d be really cute if she too that step. Jason and Melissa—unlike Naomi—also do the hug & twirl. He’s excited to meet her family, but she has some news. Ya see, Melissa’s parents aren’t so keen on being on television; they don’t like the “publicness” of the whole thing. Perhaps they are pretty smart folks. She doesn’t want her family’s reluctance to appear on national television to be a turn-off; she apparently doesn’t mind having the craziest eyebrows in the land, however. How did I miss those before? Good lord, woman…put the tweezers down! Melissa does bring a gift for Ty, though, in an effort to win Jason’s affection. It’s a little box to put his baby teeth in and his loot from the Tooth Fairy. I smell a producer set up, big time. In lieu of her family, Melissa decides to take Jason to meet two couples she’s friends with and have dinner. One of the couples has kids and the kids get along with Jason and Melissa well. They then have an interesting dinner outside on the patio.
Jason learns that Melissa doesn’t bring guys around to meet her friends; her past boyfriends have been asses, and would rather stay in Dallas and hang out with their friends than meet hers. The guys of the couples talk with Jason over pool; Jason is amazed that Melissa is still single, given how beautiful and fun she is. If I hadn’t heard that recently, it’d have probably just passed me by, but Jason, here’s the deal: lots of guys out there are complete tools. Just be glad you’re on a dating show and have been vetted by every internet wacko from here to the other side of the globe. Jason then talks to the girlfriends of Melissa and finds out that they’ve never met her parents. Well, one has, a long while ago, but only at a pool party. He thinks that’s weird, as do I. The evening at the friends’ house draws to a close and Melissa takes Jason back to her place for some wine. He then finds out that her parents didn’t even come to see her perform as a Dallas Cowboy cheerleader. He tries to elicit some knowledge about her parents—how is she like her mom and her dad?—but gets nothing more than her mom is motherly and her dad has a sense of fun. It couldn’t be more generic. Nevertheless, the wine induces some kissing and Melissa professes she’s 110% in love with Jason as he takes his leave.
The end of love for one of you lasses.
Thank the gods, it is finally time for the rose ceremony. But before we can get to that, Jason and Chris have a fire-side (okay, candle-side) chat about the home town visits. Jillian really opened up to him and he had fun with her family. Molly’s family showed a conservative side (her dad) and a fun side (her mom), and they don’t care what people think about them. Naomi’s family is a bit crazy and the home town date was “unique”; he has concerns that she’s not really ready to settle down. Melissa’s home town date disappointed because Jason didn’t get to meet the parents. Jason concludes by saying that he thought the decision would be easier by now, but it’s not. Again, I’m pretty sure that’s in the script. He goes on to say that he needs to make the best decision for him and for the ladies involved.
At a near-by hotel ballroom, the rose ceremony commences. Chris reminds everyone that there are only three roses and one girl will be going home. Jason says that he’s had one of the best weeks of his life—well, flying around on someone else’s dime can’t be all bad, can it?—and he’s had fun meeting family and friends. He now knows where Jillian comes from, that Naomi has a fun family, and Molly’s family is unbelievable. Gah! The foreshadowing is overwhelming! His roses go to Molly, Jillian, and Melissa. While he gives the rose to Jillian, he makes crazy eye-contact with Naomi, and that should have been a clue she was getting the boot. He then walks Naomi out and they pause a moment at the foot of the stairs from the ballroom they were just in. He explains that he thinks they’re in different places in their life; she’s got an amazing family and she’s going to go on to conquer the world. Naomi is all “whatevs” about that—she says that if he said he felt a deeper connection with the other girls, she’d be okay with that, but he’s completely misunderstood where she is in her life. She leaves and, in the limo out, says that she really is looking to settle down, have a place to call home, and have all the traditional stuff. She doesn’t know where to go from this point and may just be better off on her own.
Back at the ballroom, Jason toasts to the remaining three women and promises a fun adventure in New Zealand. Check back next week when Iguanachocolate has the scoop on all the hobbit-friendly fun. Maybe we’ll finally see what spurs that clip of crying of Jason crying over balcony. It still makes me laugh!
Re: The Bachelor 2/9 Recap: Hometown Histrionics
great job, Phonegrrrl!
I just hope someone is there to wipe the snot away... yuck.
Maybe we’ll finally see what spurs that clip of crying of Jason crying over balcony. It still makes me laugh!