The Bachelor 11/20 Show Discussion - After The Final Rose **spoilers**

[muslady]

Brad didnt want either woman, but still continued to dish out compliments especially to Deanna. He has some issues to be dealt with before he engages in any kind of relationship.

This is the bottom line and the only thing after that he could say was I'm sorry. He chose to go the nice route rather than say: I'm not sure I can deal with your love of dance over me, or listen to your voice the rest of my life, or you're a little too abrasive for me, and I don't want to be one upped the rest of my life. Anyway you put it is rejection, which is horrible all the way around. I'm sorry for all of them. I wish them all the best. I thought he was a just bachelor and to me that says integrity. Good luck all of you!

[LuvThisStuf!]

What a season! I agree with most here that Brad needs some help with his absolute FEAR of commitment. I think he was physically attracted to Jenni, but actually fell in love with Deanna -- he just couldn't handle it. He thought he should be feeling butterflies and rainbows (previous poster phrased it much better), but what he felt instead was downright frightening for him. My 2 cents:
--Jenni should be the next bachelorette
--Chris can hold his own! We should see more of him during the season.
--Let's have more bachelorette shows (Have the men engage in competition. If they worked to get the woman's attention it might mean more to them.
--If you must have another Bachelor, get Maksim from Dancing With the Stars! Ha! He's hot, but I doubt that he's ready to settle down though.
--Better yet, have Jenni and Deanna as dual Bachelorettes! Didn't they do that at the start of Byron's season? But this time, let both women go til the end. We need something out of the box!

[Guilty Pleasure]

I am so curious what Brad thinks LOVE actually is?

I suspect he thinks it's the feeling one gets when one is being complimented and catered to.

I had a boyfriend like that. Sometimes he treated me like I was his butler. I was supposed to anticipate his needs, and never ask for anything for myself. A real-life butler once explained to an actor who was learning how to play one, "When a butler is in the room, the room is even emptier."

It wasn't always a butler, though. Sometimes he wanted me to be a maid or a hooker. Regardless, it tended to be some sort of paid position, not a relationship of equals.

[mynameisnotjo]

I think there are a number of us here who have been through a relationship with a "Brad" and we get it. Anyone who hasn't known someone like him may just not be able to see what's so obvious to us. DeAnna probably feels like she is crazy -- I know I did -- Brad basically gaslighted her, without even the self-awareness to know he was doing it.

[pedslp]

Oh lordy, you must know my ex then.

I think there's a special place in hell for guys like that! Or a warm spot on a psychiatric couch.

ha ha ... well, my vote is for the couch ... my ex is a good person, but just uber-messed-up emotionally! It took me a while to get over him, because he isn't a bad person ... but in retrospect I know I absolutely dodged a bullet, just as Jenni and Deanna (and you!) did!

[mynameisnotjo]

Yes..I totally agree that he is sociopathic. He doesn't get it as seen by his telling DeDe how much he thinks of her every day. That is just too weird. Jenni is first class..and DeAnna needs to step it up.

I don't think he's a sociopath. I do think he has a personality disorder.

[SoccerMommy]

No Wally, I also think he did the right thing. He told both of them he didn't feel in his heart he saw any future with either. He was true to his heart whether people like it or not. All three of these people will go on with their lives having recovered from whatever perceived trauma they incurred.

That's just it though. It seemed pretty obvious tonight that he didn't follow his heart... he had feelings and shut down for whatever reason. I believe he's a decent guy and I believe that he thought he was following his heart, but the guy has issues.

DeAnna fell in love. You don't recover from that, especially with no closure, in 2.8 seconds. She's in love; she's not a doormat. I think it took more strength to admit those feelings tonight than it would have been to throw a grin on her face and pretend she felt nothing.

[Kirsten1526]

dreamitup - there are plenty of men like Brad here in Dallas, just hang out at Uptown!

HELL YEAH!!! Aint that the truth. It's SOO hard to find an honest, decent, single guy here. I wonder where they've all gone to.

[TwoTempi]

Fiance just got home... I'm having him watch the ATFR.

He just said from the previews, "Christ Almighty! I didn't see your ex walk through the door"

[Bloomers]

OHMYGOSH! I am so MAD! Why did I watch this tonight!????? WHY? I could have gottena good night's sleep. Now I am just nauseous. My daughter, who liked him up until tonight, is now calling him a jerk. Agh! What a freaking pig! I had respected his honesty up until now. He's trying to be the nice guy who is not actually nice. I hate that. I don't take issue that he didn't choose - I take issue with the fact that he LED these women to confess feelings etc. knowing he didn't have them in return. Maybe they were led to believe they MUST say these things...? I dunno.... I understand it - he just didn't have "it" with either, but then why keep talking about how much he cares? Duh...

That is a really big question in my mind as well. He "cares". As DeAnna said, "What does that mean?" I care about all of you as people.
I think he was trying to make her feel better and ease his conscience at the same time, but women see through that sentiment for exactly what it is.
When she finally pinned him down, he really didn't CARE ENOUGH. (Period)